Chapter 19
That night, Zou Ping had another nightmare.
She thought the previous dream was just a coincidence and she could sleep through the night today, but she didn't expect to be awakened by another dream after only a few hours of sleep.
She dreamed of a room - no, it was an empty space, and she couldn't tell whether it was a house or something else.
Shapeless pieces of furniture floated around, as if they had just moved and hadn't been put into place yet. Each piece was covered with a layer of grayish-white cloth, and when the wind blew, they swayed gently, as if breathing silently.
Something in the air was dripping, dripping, dripping, non-stop.
She stood there, feeling a little cold, and was about to go out when she suddenly saw a child squatting in the shadow in front of her, with his back to her, searching for something.
The child moved very quietly, muttering something under his breath as he turned the pages:
"Where's Mom..."
"Is Mom hiding in the back?"
"Didn't Mom say she would come back to pick me up..."
Zou Ping recognized Tang Junrui—a small figure in a gray-blue sweatshirt, holding a shed-hair rabbit doll. His voice was soft, yet held a chilling persistence.
"Where's Mom?"
"Where's Mom—"
He asked again and again, as if this was the only thing in the world worth confirming.
Zou Ping wanted to call him, but found that she had become a child too, with her small body huddled in the corner, motionless, like a projection trapped in another time and space.
She wanted to speak, but her voice was stuck in her throat. She could only look at him, as if looking at her past self.
She was asking that question too, but she never said it out loud.
"Where's Mom?"
The room suddenly lit up—not with lights, but with a change of scenery. The covered furniture disappeared one by one, replaced by doors. Behind each door came a different sound: someone crying, someone laughing, someone screaming.
But none of the voices belonged to her mother.
"Don't look for it anymore." She whispered in her dream, but she wasn't talking to Tang Junrui, she was talking to herself, "You won't find it."
But Tang Junrui seemed not to hear and continued to flip through the pages stubbornly, repeating, "Where's Mom..."
The scene before my eyes slowly collapsed as if dissolving. The door turned into wind, the furniture turned into dust, and Tang Junrui became smaller and smaller, until only a shadow remained.
When Zou Ping woke up from her dream, it was just dawn.
She sat up and felt a wet spot on her back. She looked out the window and saw the sky turning white in the distance, but the world had not yet fully woken up.
After a short pause, she put on her coat and walked out of the bedroom, ready to drink some water. Unexpectedly, the light in the living room was still on.
Tang Yuchuan sat at the dining table, a blueprint and several pages of projected documents spread out beside him, a pen twirling slowly between his fingers. The terminal in front of him was still displaying subtitles from a conference replay about the integration of a soon-to-be-launched new solid-state battery and energy storage technology.
He was wearing headphones, his brows slightly furrowed, his expression focused. It wasn't until Zou Ping approached that he took off one of his headphones and looked up at her.
"Why are you up so early?" he asked gently.
"I was dreaming." She walked to the kettle, poured herself a glass of water, and tried to hide her emotion with a smile, but the corners of her mouth were stiff and she couldn't pull it out.
Tang Yuchuan put down the pen in his hand and whispered, "Is it the same one from before?"
Zou Ping nodded, took a sip of water, and shook her head again, "It's different."
She paused, then continued, "Not exactly. But it doesn't matter. It's just a dream. There's nothing to dwell on."
"Yeah, you're right." Tang Yuchuan echoed, as a response, "Nightmares should be allowed to pass quickly. Thinking about it over and over again may only make you stuck in a bad mood."
"Tang Yuchuan." Zou Ping suddenly stopped and looked at Tang Yuchuan.
"Hmm?" Tang Yuchuan realized that Zou Ping seemed to have something to say, so he took off the other earphone and waited for Zou Ping to speak seriously.
"I want to help Tang Junrui find his mother." Zou Ping stood under the warm light in the living room, her tone soft but with some certainty.
Tang Yuchuan closed the computer and then pulled out a chair. For a moment, he felt that Zou Ping's idea was a bit sudden, but he also felt that it was normal to have such an idea.
Zou Ping is a sensitive and empathetic person.
He looked at her, pulled out the chair next to him and asked Zou Ping to sit down.
She sat down, still holding the cup, her knuckles slightly white.
"He said that day that he left alone because he wanted to find his mother."
"He said his mother told him that and thought she could look in that direction."
"Although I had very little interaction with this child in the studio, I always dreamed that it would be great if I could help him."
Tang Yuchuan frowned slightly, "I think...it may not be a good decision."
Zou Ping was stunned. This was the first time that Tang Yuchuan clearly expressed his opposition to one of her ideas.
"It's not because you're wrong." His tone was soft, but serious. "I understand why you want to help him. A child wants to find his mother because he misses her so much, and you've had a recurring dream about her."
"But I always feel that if a woman is determined to leave her children and her family, she must have experienced deep pain. Not everyone has the courage to do this. She must have considered her children, but she still left. This means that her situation has become so bad that she can't even take care of her children."
"It might not be difficult to find her now. But we don't know why she left, and we're not sure if she wants to be found. If she's already built a new life and walked out, wouldn't it be a disturbance to go back like this?"
Tang Yuchuan suddenly thought of his mother.
He was still young at that time and didn't quite understand the complicated tug-of-war between adults.
All he knew was that his mother was emotionally unstable every day and obsessed with making him a "perfect" child. Tuition, training, goals... everything was arranged to perfection.
His mother always said, "You can't lose." But every time he got first place in the exam or won an award, she never really smiled.
He once truly believed he wasn't good enough. He believed if he just tried harder, everything would be different, his mother would be happier. But nothing happened. She simply grew increasingly haggard, her eyes growing vacant, and occasionally even had a ferocious expression that didn't resemble her anymore.
That day, he stood at the door of his home, watching his mother sitting on the sofa in a daze, the rain pouring down outside. He suddenly thought, how wonderful it would be if she could just stand up and leave this home right now, no longer endure her father's betrayal for the sake of "home", and no longer pressure him and his children to act out a "normal life".
But she didn't leave, and he couldn't leave for her.
"Tang Yuchuan, what's wrong with you?" Zou Ping asked softly.
Tang Yuchuan said nothing, but his hand gripping the mouse moved slightly, his fingertips pausing for a moment on the edge before releasing it. The mouse slid quietly a short distance, making a barely perceptible sound on the desktop.
He didn't blink, but his knuckles tightened slightly, as if he was silently suppressing some emotion, or as if he was tripped by memories.
Zou Ping looked at him and suddenly felt that he was too quiet at this moment.
Not focus, nor exhaustion.
But - there is a hint of sadness hidden.
Zou Ping looked at him and suddenly felt guilty - she didn't mean to touch his wound, but she knew she did.
The silence was so quiet, like cold air falling from somewhere, seeping into the bones.
He was always restrained and rarely revealed his emotions, but at this moment, the silent sadness was hidden in his quietly drooped eyelashes and slightly tightened jawline.
"...Are you okay?" She lowered her voice.
Tang Yuchuan then gently shook his head, his gaze falling back on her, still gentle, "I'm fine."
But his voice was much softer, as if he was afraid of disturbing someone.
"I know you're worried about the child." Tang Yuchuan came back to his senses, his tone as gentle as ever, "It's just... maybe some people have already used all their strength to leave their original lives. If we rashly go to her, we may not be helping her."
Tang Yuchuan paused, as if he had thought of something, and continued, "Zou Ping, I think that sometimes, just because we have more abilities and resources, we can't decide other people's lives for them. Even if our intentions are good."
Zou Ping fell silent.
Tang Yuchuan didn't continue talking, but just sat there waiting for her to digest it.
The only sounds in the living room were the flowing air and the occasional sound of cars in the distance. Outside the window, the sky gradually brightened, but the morning light had not yet completely seeped in. Everything seemed to be suspended between dawn and night, floating unrealistically.
She looked down at the cup. The heat had dissipated, but her fingertips were still pressing against the cup wall, refusing to let go.
An indescribable dull pain arose in her heart - not grievance, nor frustration, but an awakening that was almost shameful.
She realized that he was right.
She had indeed always viewed the matter from the child's perspective. Because Tang Junrui had said he missed his mother, and because the little figure in her dream, squatting and looking for something, kept asking, "Where's Mom?", she felt distressed and upset, and wondered if she could do something to fill that "gap".
But she didn't know the mother at all.
I don't even know who she is, what she has been through, or what she wants.
She just knew the child, that's all.
Furthermore, she was plagued by days of nightmares and a deep sense of guilt—the child had gone missing while she was in charge, so how could she not blame herself? From that night until now, she had never truly felt at peace. The feeling of guilt weighed heavily on her, though she didn't realize it. The thought that "I owed her amends" had secretly become the starting point for her perspective on the problem.
Making amends is not about making decisions for others, or simplifying complex life into a goal and then rushing towards it with enthusiasm.
Zou Ping was silent for a long time.
She stared at the bottom of the cup for so long that her vision blurred. The air was neither hot nor cold, but it felt heavy and sticky, as if something was entangled in her thoughts and refused to dissipate.
She was about to say something, maybe "You're right," or maybe "I'll let this go."
But before she could finish her words, she heard Tang Yuchuan whisper, "If you still want to help him find his mother, I can arrange for someone to do it."
She was startled, raised her head and looked at him in disbelief.
"...Didn't you say that you felt this was inappropriate?"
Tang Yuchuan smiled, his eyes still calm: "Yes, I do think so. But..."
He paused, as if searching for the right words, "It's just that I see you haven't been in a good mood lately. I want to make you feel a little happier."
He didn't mention her nightmare again, but said calmly, "If you really want to do this, then I can have someone do it."
He paused, as if weighing whether to say the next words. Finally, he spoke.
"Actually, I'm very selfish." He raised a self-deprecating smile.
"A strange woman, and you beside me." He looked at her, his eyes neither hiding nor dodging, "Compared to that, I hope you can feel better."
Zou Ping didn't say anything.
She couldn't remember what she felt. It was like being held by a warm hand, or like standing on a heavy boundary, with emotion on one side and choice on the other.
After a long time, she nodded.
"...I'll think about it."
Tang Yuchuan nodded: "Okay."
He didn't ask how long she would think about it, nor did he say whether the result was important or not. He just sat there, not pushing her, not pulling her, just being there, like a solid line of defense.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
