Chapter 46 The Bitter Summer: She Finally Had a Choice
A week later, on Saturday morning, Grandpa Shen was finally able to be discharged from the hospital.
"I felt like my bones were going to break after lying in the hospital for so long, but I can finally go home."
While packing his things in the ward, Grandma Shen heard him say this and laughed, "Then you should take good care of yourself and try to be healthier in the future so you don't have to go to the hospital again."
"Hey, you old woman, I already told you this was really an accident. I've always been taking care of my health."
"I know, I know," Grandma Shen glanced at him speechlessly and replied perfunctorily.
“Hey you…”
...
Shen Qingli helped tidy up, and when she heard her grandparents joking around, and saw that her grandfather was speaking with a strong voice, the weight that had been hanging over her heart finally lifted.
"Xiao Li, come out with Grandma for a moment."
Just as Shen Qingli was finishing packing, Grandma Shen suddenly pulled her outside.
"Grandma, wait... there's something I forgot to put in my bag."
"No rush, look how energetic your grandpa is, let him handle it."
-
"What's wrong? What's all the mystery about that you have to tell us?" She asked, completely bewildered, standing in the hospital corridor.
Looking at her grandmother, the old woman, her back hunched, hesitated, her wrinkled face showing great uncertainty. She glanced at Shen Qingli's expression and cautiously asked, "Qingli, your grandfather's health has improved considerably. Today, after we were discharged from the hospital, we went back to our hometown. So... are you planning to stay in Suzhou or go back to Nanshi?"
Although she hadn't told her grandmother about this, Grandma Shen was well aware that if it weren't for Grandpa Shen's situation, her granddaughter wouldn't have been willing to stay in Suzhou for so long.
Shen Qingli hadn't expected her grandmother to ask her so directly. Her expression faltered for a moment, and she pursed her lips before saying, "I'm not sure either, but if you and Grandpa want me to stay in Suzhou, I will..."
She was actually quite conflicted inside, so she was also afraid of her grandparents asking, because if they said they hoped she would stay in Suzhou, she really wouldn't know what to do.
Even though Shen Qingli knew very well that as long as she was ruthless, no one could stop her, she couldn't just ignore her grandparents. But this time, before she could finish speaking, she was suddenly interrupted by her grandmother, "Qingli, is your job very tiring?"
The topic changed abruptly, and she instinctively exclaimed "Ah!" Her eyes met her grandmother's worried expression, and she quickly shook her head, saying, "No, actually it's fine."
"So, are you happy with your job?"
"It's great, my colleagues at the company take good care of me." Although she didn't know why her grandmother was suddenly so concerned about her work, she answered truthfully.
"Really..." But these reassuring answers didn't bring Grandma Shen a trace of joy. Looking at the weariness on her granddaughter's face, her heartache was palpable. "But...Grandma always feels you're unhappy..."
"It's probably because I'm too tired from work, don't overthink it." Hearing this, Shen Qingli smiled a little guiltily at Grandma Shen, trying her best to give her a reassuring smile.
But Grandma Shen knew that her unhappiness wasn't just because of work. On the nights when Grandpa Shen had just undergone surgery and needed to stay up all night, she would lie on the bed next to him and, in her drowsy state, open her eyes to see Grandma Shen sitting alone by the bedside, without saying a word.
Shen Qingli didn't play on her phone, nor did she show any extra expression on her face. She just sat there quietly, doing nothing.
Grandma Shen knew her too well. This was a child she had watched grow up since she was a child. She knew perfectly well whether her every move was a sign of happiness or sadness.
It's just not like when she was a child. She's grown up, and she won't tell the old folks about her sad things anymore, or perhaps she just doesn't want to tell them anymore.
Thinking of this, Grandma Shen's eyes inexplicably stung. Ever since Shen Qingli returned to Suzhou, she had never seen her truly happy.
“I saw your parents call you out yesterday. Did they say something to you?”
"Yes, they told me to stay in Suzhou." Her expression turned cold as she mentioned this.
It was almost always those commanding tones, which she was already used to. But this time they were more cunning; while asking her to stay in Suzhou, they mentioned Grandpa Shen and Grandma Shen.
Since that year, the couple knew exactly what Shen Qingli's biggest weakness was, so they could pinpoint it perfectly every time.
“Your grandparents are getting old, so you should stay by their side and be there for them. That’s what you should do. As a girl, you shouldn’t be so wild and always want to run away.”
"Yes, listen to your father. In a few years, find a good family to marry into, have a child, and settle down. That's more important than anything else."
"..."
During last night's conversation, Shen Qingli did not answer them. She had long been completely disappointed in her parents and did not want to waste any more words on them.
At that moment, she also thought that her grandmother had come to persuade her to stay in Suzhou.
But the expected persuasion did not come. Meeting her grandmother's hesitant gaze, the next second, her grandmother suddenly grabbed her hand and put something in her palm.
The object felt a little rough to the touch. Confused, she looked down and realized that what she was holding was a notebook.
She was startled, not understanding what her grandmother was doing, "Grandma..."
“Xiaoli, this is the money Grandma has saved over the years. Take it. Your grandpa is almost fully recovered. From now on, you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. Don’t listen to your parents, and don’t worry about Grandpa and Grandma. Grandpa and Grandma don’t want to be a burden to you.”
The old woman held her hand tightly, her voice growing softer and softer as she spoke, "My dear, Grandma really regrets it. If I had known that forcing you to change your college application would make you so unhappy, Grandma really wouldn't have done it. Back then, Grandpa and Grandma truly thought it was for your own good, but all these years, you refuse to come back to Suzhou. Even when you do come back, you leave immediately after a few days. This old woman knows you resent us..."
As she spoke, Grandma Shen lowered her head, and tears quietly appeared on her aged face. Shen Qingli did not expect her grandmother to say such a thing, but hearing her choked words, she felt very bad. However, she could not accept her grandmother's money. In the past, she had already troubled them too much.
"Grandma... I don't resent you and Grandpa. Don't think so much. I can't take this money. I'm working now and I have my own money." As she spoke, she tried to put the bankbook back into her grandmother's hand.
Seeing this, Grandma Shen refused. She shook her head desperately. Faced with Shen Qingli's understanding nature, her heart broke completely. "Qingli, I've heard everything from your sister. She said that you've been working to pay for your tuition in Nanshi all these years. You refused to take your parents' money. She told me you're having a hard time. She also told me that you're afraid to even go to the movies now... Grandma is so sorry. Back then, Grandma and your parents forced you to..."
As soon as she finished speaking, the old woman lowered her head, and hot tears fell onto Shen Qingli's hand. Hearing these words, Shen Qingli's nose suddenly stung, and she couldn't speak. She could only keep shaking her head.
When she talks about those days, she can hardly remember anymore. Time is the best medicine to heal wounds, but the grievances from many years ago are still brought up again, which seems to make people very sad and heartbroken.
She had already accepted reality, but she never imagined that her grandmother would still remember her dream from back then.
"Little Pear, go do what you want to do. Grandma just wants you to be happy."
Her grandmother's earnest voice reached her ears, tinged with a soft sob.
In fact, from the very beginning, only those who love her care about her tears and sadness.
...
A few hours later, Shen Qingli's parents drove to pick them up from the hospital. Sitting in the car, watching it drive in that familiar direction, Shen Qingli lowered her head further and further as they arrived at the village entrance, barely daring to look up.
After settling her grandparents in, she didn't dare linger and immediately got into Shen Qingyun's car and left.
If Suzhou is the source of her painful memories, then this former home is the place she least dares to face.
-
Back in her rented room in the city, as she got off the bus, Shen Qingyun saw that her eyes were red and that she hadn't said a word since getting on the bus. She opened her mouth and called out to her, "Ali."
"What's wrong, sis?"
She opened the passenger door and stepped out with one foot when she was suddenly called back. She paused, forced herself to stay awake, and turned to look at her.
“Grandma and I share the same sentiment; we both support you in pursuing your dreams again. Now that you're all grown up, and your sister is grown up too, no one can stop you from doing what you want to do.”
Shen Qingyun sat in the driver's seat. She watched her sister's stubbornness without exposing her, and instead put on a gentle demeanor as always, but the words she spoke were more serious and firm than ever before.
She smiled encouragingly at Shen Qingli. Shen Qingyun had never told her sister that she also felt guilty about what happened back then. If she had been a little older then, perhaps she could have protected her sister's dream.
But Shen Qingli never blamed her. Back then, they never had any other choice.
They were like little birds trapped beside Shen's father and mother, their wings clipped, deprived of their freedom.
Five years ago, Shen Qingli was utterly disappointed with everything in Su City because she was forced to give up her dreams, but she almost forgot that she was never alone.
Hearing this, her eyes welled up with tears, and she smiled gratefully at her sister, "Thank you, sister."
-
Back on the sofa in her rented room, she took out the savings book her grandmother had given her from her pocket. Looking at the faded and worn case, she felt a complex mix of emotions.
The study materials for Nanjing University's postgraduate entrance exam were lying on the table in front of her. If her grandfather hadn't been sick and hospitalized, she had indeed considered taking the exam, but no one knew about it.
She couldn't control her own life in the past, but now she can finally make her own choices.
But... so much time has passed, and she's unsure if she should take the gamble again. Her so-called talent has long since vanished without her realizing it. Faced with a job that offers decent income and promising prospects, a very real problem arises before her.
She had thought that she should just settle down, stop gambling, and stop doing other things.
If she chooses that unpopular major, it's like starting all over again. If she fails the postgraduate entrance exam, she'll have wasted a lot of time.
Even if she succeeds, after graduating with a master's degree in two years, she might not be able to find a good job in this field. She might spend her time on this and be left behind by many of her peers.
But... after saying so many "ifs" and "possibilities," Shen Qingli felt that she would be even more unwilling to give up just like that.
This was a dream she had since she was eighteen. She admitted to her impulsiveness and irrationality, but she couldn't just forget it.
Various conflicting thoughts tore at her mind. Shen Qingli sighed, annoyed. She shook her head and looked at the somewhat messy living room and bedroom, deciding to do a thorough cleaning first. At least by keeping busy, she could put this trouble behind her for the time being.
So, without further ado, she began tidying up the living room. But before she could start, she inappropriately remembered something Lin Xiaqing had said before.
Escaping may be shameful, but it can be useful.
Thinking of this, she smiled unconsciously, but as she smiled, she remembered something, and the smile on her lips suddenly froze.
She lowered her eyes and finally had to admit that no matter how much she tried to avoid Lin Xiaqing now, this person had indeed left too many memories in her youth, and those indelible memories were all habits.
-
She started cleaning and unknowingly threw away a lot of things she didn't need. After cleaning, she felt that the house had become much larger.
Looking at her suitcase, which she had unintentionally stuffed with quite a few things, Shen Qingli put her hands on her hips and suddenly felt like laughing.
In fact, she had already given herself the answer she wanted; she was just still hesitating and struggling with it.
Although she was still hesitant, her actions seemed to be much more honest. Thinking of this, she laughed at herself for being hypocritical and squatted down to start organizing the clothes in her suitcase.
She flipped to the bottom and felt a chill on the back of her hand, as if she had touched something silver. She took out the item and found it was a silver necklace.
Looking at the necklace in her palm, Shen Qingli was momentarily stunned.
She discarded most of the things related to Lin Xiaqing, but kept this necklace.
This was bought by Xia Lin for her and Xia Qing, so she didn't want to throw it away.
Five years ago, on the day she left Suzhou, she put this necklace in the innermost layer of her suitcase, and the necklace began to accompany her to every place she went.
Her compromise for that aspiration seemed like a dream; she had long anticipated that it would end that way, and Lin Xiaqing's appearance did not change anything.
On the first day of university, she walked into the campus of Nanjing University and finally arrived at the place she had always dreamed of. But as she stepped into the dormitory building and looked at every unfamiliar face around her, she suddenly felt that everything about Lin Xiaqing might just be a dream. Perhaps he had never been in her world, because nothing had changed.
And whenever she sees this necklace, she seems to finally be able to distinguish between dreams and reality. Even the worst memories need something to prove that they at least existed.
She used to think he had never changed anything about her, but now, looking back...
Without Lin Xiaqing, she might not have had the courage to rebel. It was he and Xia Lin who taught her to face her dreams. It was he who told her not to be afraid or run away. It was also he who promised her to go to Nanjing University with her and that he would continue to be her classmate.
Memories of the past flooded back; all the promises made, broken promises, and secrets shared—good and bad—were probably all etched in her memory.
And things she never dared to think about in the past, she can finally make her own decisions.
It turned out that he had changed himself quietly over the years, and tonight, a breeze blew in through the slightly ajar window in the living room, bringing back memories of that summer.
His gentle yet solemn voice came through the passage of time as he said that we should give ourselves the opportunity to choose.
She finally had a choice.
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Author's Note: 1. Escaping, though shameful, can be useful. (From a proverb)
2. Time heals all wounds (from the internet).
A side note: This chapter broke my heart. Qingli, never lose the courage to pursue your dreams TT
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