Chapter 49 Bitter Summer: Someone stands in the desolate gloom.
In the winter of 2020, as the four seasons quietly passed, Shen Qingli began the first real choice in her life amidst tedious studying and practice problems.
The following spring, after completing the second round of interviews, the list of graduate students admitted to the Film Studies program at Tainan University was released. Only then could she finally breathe a sigh of relief and lie peacefully in her rented room, waiting for her admission letter.
She lay in bed, staring at the rusty ceiling and the list on her phone, momentarily lost in thought.
Throughout the year, she lived a very busy life, shuttling between the library and her rented apartment, studying relentlessly and afraid of wasting even a little time or missing out on learning anything.
Now that everything has settled down, she finds herself with a strange amount of free time. She only shared the good news with her grandparents and Shen Qingyun. She doesn't plan to tell her parents about her postgraduate entrance exam results herself, knowing they wouldn't approve regardless of her success.
Since the winter of 2019, when she quit her job as a reporter and left Suzhou without a word to return and take the postgraduate entrance exam, her parents were furious. Although Shen Qingyun repeatedly told her not to worry and that she would take care of her parents, Shen Qingli knew very well that they would not let the matter rest easily. The couple, just like before, were waiting for her to give in and compromise, but unfortunately, she wouldn't this time.
However, she was still grateful for their indifference and neglect, because at least they did not interfere with her studies during that year.
While texting with Shen Qingyun, Shen Qingli was also very happy for her on the other end of the phone, and kept saying that she wanted to come to Nanjing to celebrate with her. Shen Qingli couldn't stand her exaggeration and quickly refused.
Shen Qingyun: Oh, then I'll come during my vacation, since summer vacation is coming soon anyway.
On the other side, Shen Qingyun sat in the school office, looking at the calendar in front of her. She was calculating the time while sending a message to Shen Qingli.
Shen Qingyun: By the way, Grandma pickled a lot of vegetables back in our hometown for the holidays recently. She said that since you've been away for so long, you must really want to eat them, so she's been asking me to send them to you.
Pear: Great! I used to be able to eat this every year during Chinese New Year. It's a bit of a pity that I didn't go back this year.
Shen Qingyun: Okay, I'll send it to you in the next few days. Just use the same address you gave me before.
Pear: Hmm.
The two sisters chatted for a few more minutes until Shen Qingyun had to go to class, at which point they stopped talking.
Shen Qingli then put down her phone. She looked up at the somewhat dim and dark room, stood up, and opened the living room curtains. As a large amount of sunlight streamed into the room, she couldn't help but squint.
She sat down on the sofa nearby. Usually, she would have already gone to the library by this time. Now, with nothing to do, she was a little unsure what to do.
Looking at her empty home, she had no friends in Nanshi. She had long lost contact with her former college classmates and roommates. In this city, it seemed that no one had much to do with her.
But it is precisely this place that allows her to live freely and without worries.
Because no one knows her, she can be herself without any worries and easily start a new life.
She was finally getting closer to her eighteen-year-old dream, even though it seemed like there were few people she could share this good news with. But she still felt very satisfied and happy. However, at that moment, there was always a bit of inappropriate bitterness in her heart. It seemed that the memory of this dream could never escape one person.
Perhaps that's just how strange people are; they always think of someone they shouldn't think of when they're happiest.
Thinking back to how Lin Xiaqing was a part in the initial construction of that dream, she couldn't help but sigh at how quickly life changes, and how she had long since lost the person with whom she could share good news.
Shen Qingli had never known this.
Sixteen-year-old Xia Qing would be happy and encouraging for her to find her dreams and hobbies, and eighteen-year-old Lin Xia Qing would feel the same way.
He always believed in her, but in those unknown places, in a summer rain, he carried a bitter memory, which he would chew on for the rest of his life, and no one would ever know it again.
...
Swallowing the bitterness in her heart, Shen Qingli raised her head. She looked at the dazzling light source hanging in the deep blue sky. It was exactly noon in Beijing, but it was the early morning in London.
Someone stood in the desolate gloom, looking up at the sky above with her.
-
The next morning, Shen Qingli was resting in her bedroom when she unexpectedly received a message from Chen Nan.
Having not been in contact for a long time, she was somewhat surprised when she saw the message. After regaining her senses, she looked at the time on her phone and realized that Nanshi this year seemed to be Chen Nan's last stop on his business trip.
She told Shen Qingli on her phone that she had just arrived in Nanshi and asked if she had time to get together.
Recalling Chen Nan's heartfelt help to her in Suzhou, Shen Qingli agreed without hesitation.
They arranged to have lunch together. After confirming the location and time, she hurriedly got up and started getting ready.
Arriving at the restaurant entrance at the agreed time, Shen Qingli spotted Chen Nan standing at the door from a short distance away.
She wore a warm white long dress, and her loose hair was gently blown by the wind.
Shen Qingli shouted loudly, "Senior!"
Upon hearing this, Chen Nan turned her head, a gentle smile appearing on her beautiful face. "Qingli, it's been a long time."
Shen Qingli walked closer to her and said with a smile, "Long time no see, senior. Come on, I have to treat you to dinner today. I come to this restaurant often, the food is very good, you must try it."
"OK."
She pulled Chen Nan into the restaurant, and the two sat down and ordered a lot of dishes. While waiting for the food to be served, they chatted about their lives over the past year.
"Senior, you look so thin. Are you working very hard?"
"It's alright, but having to travel around so much is inevitably a bit tiring." Chen Nan took a sip of water and told her about the various places he had visited over the past year.
Shen Qingli listened attentively as Chen Nan recounted his adventures and experiences over the past year, only interrupting their conversation when the waiter brought out the food.
Looking at the local specialty dishes in front of her, she called out to Chen Nan, "Senior, try this, it's especially delicious."
"Okay." Chen Nan nodded upon hearing this, picked up her chopsticks and took a bite. As she put the food in her mouth, she asked, "By the way, we were just talking about my own things. What about you? How did your postgraduate entrance exam go?"
"It's going very smoothly. Now all that's left is to get the acceptance letter, and then I just have to wait for the start of the semester." Speaking of this, a smile appeared on her lips. Looking at Chen Nan in front of her, she also thanked her, "Speaking of which, I really have to thank you, senior. I interned at the film crew you introduced me to, and I really learned a lot."
“I heard it from my friend too. She said you’re incredibly hardworking.” She smiled, picked up a glass full of drinks, and held it up to Shen Qingli. “Congratulations to you too, Qingli. You’re one step closer to what you want to do.”
Seeing this, Shen Qingli also picked up her glass, and the two gently clinked glasses. She smiled and said, "Thank you, senior. I was worried about not finding someone in Nanjing to celebrate with me. It's so great that you came."
"Looks like I've come at the right time. But I'll be staying in Nanshi for a long time. If you need any help, feel free to ask me. We can even have a meal together."
“Okay.” She nodded happily in agreement when she heard Chen Nan’s words. “It just so happens that it’s cherry blossom season in Nanshi right now. Senior, when you have time, I’ll take you to see the cherry blossoms in Nanshi. They’re especially beautiful.”
After saying that, Chen Nan paused in his chopsticks-holding motion, then agreed, "Okay... I'd also like to see the cherry blossoms in Nanshi."
-
After finishing their meal, they strolled around the nearby shopping mall for a while. Passing by a movie theater, they saw movie promotion signs outside. Shen Qingli patted Chen Nan's arm and said enthusiastically, "Senior, how about I treat you to a movie?"
"Now? I remember you didn't used to watch movies?"
“That was in the past, now you can watch it.” She waved her hand and explained. In the past, she was always upset about her college application choices, but now she no longer needed to be sad about her past self. Moreover… the movie in front of her was the one she helped out on last year, and she really wanted to go in and see the finished product in which she had participated.
She thought it to herself and said it to Chen Nan. Hearing her say it, Chen Nan stopped refusing and nodded in agreement.
The movie is a little over an hour long and tells an art-house coming-of-age story. The story is good, but the ending is not so good.
After the movie ended, Shen Qingli and Chen Nan walked out of the cinema, both of them clearly still immersed in the story they had just heard.
On their way back, they talked about the movie. The male and female protagonists in the story never confessed their feelings for each other. All their feelings were buried deep in the past, fading with time, and no one would ever know that they had ever liked each other.
Many people online felt it was a pity, thinking that even if everything was irreversible, she should still confess her feelings once. Chen Nan scrolled through the comments on her phone, asking Shen Qingli for her thoughts.
"Since we've already missed our chance, is it still necessary for the other person to know about those feelings?"
Shen Qingli lowered her head and spoke to herself, staring at the tips of her shoes as she walked. Her words seemed like a question, but they were actually more like a statement.
Is it still necessary? She had asked herself this question countless times, but the answer was always the same.
Many people say that love shouldn't end so vaguely, but in reality, too many relationships appear and disappear too quietly.
What's the point of confessing a crush that's already been missed? It seems pointless except to add to the other person's troubles.
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Author's note: The next chapter will truly mark the end.
And so I kept writing...TvT
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