Chapter 22 My Background: Who Am I Really?
Bai Lian hesitated before stepping inside, followed by Cui Zhu. The two entered this unfamiliar territory, neither daring to make too much noise.
Suddenly, a series of light footsteps approached from afar. Bai Lian, who was standing by the door, saw a blurry figure running hurriedly towards them. In a moment of panic, Bai Lian pulled Cui Zhu and hid behind a tree to the side, deciding whether to reveal themselves based on the situation.
"Miss...why does Consort Liu look like this?" The sharp-eyed Cuizhu couldn't help but blurt out, thankfully remembering to lower her voice.
Bai Lian quickly gestured for her to be quiet, indicating that she should not say anything more.
The former Consort Liu, her long hair disheveled and clothes rumpled, stumbled and ran towards them, carrying several pieces of dead wood in her arms. She stopped in front of the tree where Bai Lian and the others were hiding, squatted down, and began to pick through the dead branches on the ground.
Bai Lian found Liu Guifei's behavior incomprehensible, but could only wait and see.
Consort Liu squatted on the ground for a while, and all you could hear was her picking through the items while muttering to herself, "Strange, where is it? Yu'er, don't worry, Mother will find it for you right away."
Upon hearing her words, Bai Lian felt a chill run down her spine.
It seems that the Jade Prince has been missing for a long time, and that Consort Liu has indeed fallen ill with depression and is behaving erratically.
"Ah! Yu'er, Mother has found it for you!" Suddenly, Consort Liu held up a piece of dead wood that was slightly thicker than an ordinary tree branch and shouted loudly, "Yu'er, Yu'er, look, Mother has found your arm. Mother will call the imperial physician to set it for you right away! Mother will call the imperial physician to set it for you right away!"
After she finished speaking, one of them remained standing there, shouting, "Help! Help! Whoever heals the prince will be richly rewarded by me!"
Seeing this scene, Bai Lian was in turmoil. She truly couldn't understand why the grief of losing her son could drive Consort Liu to madness. If she loved her son so much, why did she neglect her other biological daughter? They were both her own children, so why were their attitudes so different? Bai Lian pondered this deeply, but still couldn't come to a conclusion.
"Miss...she's so scary! Let's retreat quietly." Cuizhu couldn't bear to watch Consort Liu's strange behavior any longer and, fearing something might happen, just wanted to leave as soon as possible.
Bai Lian also wanted to leave, but Consort Liu was just a tree away from them. No matter which way they went, it would alert Consort Liu, and it was hard to guarantee that Consort Liu would do something even more unexpected after discovering them.
Bai Lian was troubled when she saw Consort Liu slump to the ground, clutching a handful of tree branches, and begin to sob: "Yu'er, it's all my fault. It's all the sins I committed in the past that are now being punished on you."
As she spoke, she suddenly turned around and knelt down, clasped her hands together, and looked up at the sky, trembling as she murmured, "Heaven has eyes. I killed the eldest daughter of the Bai family back then. I am the sinner. Punish me if you must, but don't involve my son. Please, please, give me back my Yu'er. Please, God."
Upon hearing these words, Bai Lian's eyes widened in fear, her thoughts focused on only four words: the eldest daughter of the Bai family!
The eldest daughter of the Bai family—could it be someone else besides Bai Lian? What exactly is going on?!
"Tell me, who did you kill?!" Bai Lian felt a splitting headache and, unable to control herself, rushed to Consort Liu's side, so fast that Cui Zhu barely had time to stop her.
"Speak quickly! Who is the eldest daughter of the Bai family? Who did you kill?" Bai Lian grabbed Consort Liu's shoulders and shook her incessantly. Right now, all she wanted to know was the truth, even if the other party was just a madman!
Consort Liu seemed neither surprised nor frightened by the person who suddenly rushed out from behind the tree. She simply raised her head indifferently and looked at Bai Lian, asking in a flat tone, "Who are you?"
"I am Bai Lian, the daughter of Prime Minister Bai of the Bai family."
Bai Lian gave a very detailed reminder to Consort Liu, who seemed to have forgotten her. This was the only one of her kind in the entire Feng Dynasty who was the daughter of the Bai family.
"Hahahaha, you're Bai Lian? Don't lie to me. Bai Lian died long ago. Even if you look alike, how could you possibly be Bai Lian?!"
Consort Liu's words were so startling that Bai Lian staggered back several steps until she stood there completely stunned. No matter how much Cui Zhu pulled her or called her name, Bai Lian did not respond at all.
Cuizhu had never seen her young mistress like this before, and tears almost welled up in her eyes: "Miss, Miss, please don't listen to this madman's nonsense. Master and Madam only have you as their daughter..."
"Cuizhu, tell me, what did you know before you came to serve me?"
Bai Lian lowered her head, concealing all her emotions, and slowly interrupted Cui Zhu's words.
“Miss, Cuizhu was only summoned from her hometown by my sister to take care of you when you were seriously ill. Cuizhu doesn’t know anything about what happened before that… But Miss, please don’t believe these crazy rumors. You are the daughter of the Bai family, the apple of the master and mistress’s eye. Everyone knows that!”
Bai Lian silently raised her head and stared at Consort Liu in front of her. She saw that Consort Liu continued to pick at the branches on the ground as if she had not seen them, and muttered a few words from time to time, as if nothing had happened.
Yes, she knew perfectly well that she couldn't believe what a madman said, but why did she feel deep down that these words were true?
If that's really the case... then, if she's not a naive girl, then who is she?
Seeing the unprecedented look of despair on her young mistress's face, Cuizhu felt a pang of heartache. She quickly stepped forward to support Bailian, urgently calling out, "Miss, we shouldn't stay here any longer. Let's go back. Princess Shuli should be back soon; we still need to visit her." With that, she tightly supported Bailian as they walked towards the door…
-
Inside Wangyun Palace, a figure was kneeling on the ground reporting back.
Not far away, Shangguan Yun leaned lazily against the rosewood couch, toying with a jade ruyi in his hand, and casually asked, "So, the Crown Princess went to the Cold Palace?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. According to the palace maid we placed next to Liu, it seems that Liu has told everything she could."
"Damn! This madwoman! How could I have overlooked this? She's brought up what happened back then. I hope she doesn't end up getting me into trouble!" Shangguan Yun suddenly sat up, slamming the jade ruyi down heavily, her expression quite annoyed.
“Your Majesty need not worry. I think not many people would believe what a madman says, and besides…” Shangguan Yaohua, dressed in black, looked up and lowered her voice to continue, “Your Majesty instructed that she be given the medicine, and not a single dose was missed.”
"That's more like it. Keep a close eye on the Cold Palace from now on, and don't let anyone go in and talk to her." Shangguan Yun leaned back on the couch again. "By the way, how's the congratulatory gift going?"
"Someone has already been sent to the East Palace. From what I've heard, it seems that it has already been used, and Bai Lian seems to like it very much."
"Hehe, don't call her a white lotus. I don't even know who she is. However, this position as Crown Princess will only allow her to be comfortable for a few more days. It depends on how long God wants her to live."
Shangguan Yun responded with a dismissive attitude, then, seemingly casually, yet habitually, removed a gold hairpin adorned with phoenix and pearl ornaments from her hair.
She held it between her hands, gently tracing it inch by inch with her fingertips, her eyes fixed on it with a genuine tenderness she had never shown before.
"Qi'er, in a few days, your mother will take back everything that should have been yours."
Shangguan Yun gazed at the golden hairpin and whispered something from her lips.
A golden hairpin tied up a mother's longing for her son, but it could not soothe a heart filled with hatred.
-
After that, Bai Lian simply returned to the East Palace and never again had the heart to visit Shu Li.
She casually lit a bronze lamp on the table, watching the flame dance on the wick, her mind a jumble of thoughts, unable to find peace.
Everyone says that the words of a madman are not to be believed, so why have I heard such words?
Bai Lian teased the lamp wick.
The sky was clear and blue, yet the room felt dim and yellowish. The light only illuminated her eyelids, forcing her to furrow her brows, close her eyes, and fall into complete darkness.
For the first time in her life, she felt like she didn't even know who she was.
Perhaps not all of her memories from her past life were filled in later... She has completely forgotten her past.
If all of this is true, then even the people she loves most, the people for whom she is willing to give everything, have lied to her. How is she supposed to face this reality?
What kind of past lies behind all of this?
In an instant, Bai Lian suddenly looked back in fear.
The bright sun gradually lost its luster in the sky until it slowly disappeared, and Bai Lian did not move an inch in the room.
Cuizhu kept an eye on the sounds inside the room through the door, but even when she called the door during lunchtime, the young lady never got up to open it.
She was worried, but dared not speak out. She could only explain to the other servants that it was because the Crown Princess was unwell and did not want to be disturbed. She kept making excuses until evening.
Cuizhu stood alone outside Bailian's room. Even someone as carefree as her felt at this moment that this matter was far from simple.
In any case, she hoped that her mistress wouldn't be heartbroken...
At dinner time, Jialuolin returned, but Bailian was nowhere to be seen on the table. Seeing that Jialuolin's expression had changed from sunny to cloudy again, Cuizhu dared not use physical discomfort as an excuse any longer, so she hurriedly went to call her.
Bai Lian's face showed neither joy nor sorrow. She quickly finished her meal and returned to her room, where she soon met Jia Luolin, who arrived shortly afterward.
"What's wrong today? Is the food not to your liking or are you feeling unwell?" Galorin stepped forward and took her hand.
Bai Lian didn't look him in the eye, but asked slowly, "It's nothing, something happened at home. Can I go home tomorrow?"
Galo Lin hesitated for a moment, then pulled Bai Lian into his arms, tightened his embrace, and coaxed her in her ear, "You can tell me anything from now on. We're husband and wife now, aren't we?"
Bai Lian simply nodded, feeling tears welling up in her eyes, but she truly couldn't bring herself to say the reasons.
How could she tell him that she didn't even know who she was, or make him understand that the woman he married might not be a true saint...?
If she weren't Bai Lian, not Bai Lian, the beloved daughter of the Prime Minister of the Feng Dynasty, not Bai Lian, the eldest legitimate daughter of the Bai family, if she were none of anyone...
So, will he still treat her the same way he used to? Will he still promise everyone that he will be devoted to her?
Will she... ever find happiness again?
Bai Lian curled up in Jia Luolin's arms, burying her face in his chest, unable to utter a single word.
Her tears gradually soaked his shirt, and she felt his body tremble slightly, even stopping his gentle stroking.
Bai Lian dared not look up, nor was she afraid to hear his question. She pulled her hand away and hugged his body tightly, not wanting to leave any gap between them.
Before turning off the lights, she heard Galorin sigh. He gently patted her and replied in an almost indulgent tone:
"I'll prepare a carriage for you tomorrow, remember to come back early..."
Bai Lian's early return home to visit her family was truly unexpected for Bai Moyuan and Shangguan Rao'er.
Bai Ziyuan happened to be at home that day. This was the first time he had appeared in front of her since Bai Lian was betrothed and they got married.
Bai Lian read embarrassment and deep...sorrow on his face.
But she didn't understand, and didn't want to understand for the time being, because there were more pressing matters before her that required her attention.
Until Bai Lian explained her doubts to her parents,
She didn't get what she expected.
She didn't get their denial, nor did she hear them tell her that their ravings were indeed unbelievable.
She didn't receive any words of comfort from them, nor did they tell her not to be sad about her amnesia.
He didn't even receive a word of blame, not even a blame for his unfounded suspicions.
She only saw her father's unease and the sorrow in her mother's eyes.
She saw their trembling lips... as if they wanted to say something but couldn't.
At that moment, Bai Lian really wanted to run away. She regretted it so much. If she hadn't brought it up, she could have continued to be happy like this.
But she still tried to explore it, until she found out that behind it all, there really were tears.
After a moment of silence, she saw her mother turn and leave the room. Then, Bai Lian saw Shangguan Rao'er display a white dress in front of her.
That was the white dress she hadn't had time to unfold on her wedding day.
Large, intertwined lotus blossoms covered the entire garment; the collar was trimmed with delicate floral patterns, and the skirt had a high slit, exuding an eerie and alluring charm. No longer a novel sight, it seemed as if it were born to be born in this era.
Bai Lian gazed at the familiar yet unfamiliar dress before her, reached out to take it, stroked the lonely fabric, and trembled as she walked closer to her parents.
Who am I?
Her question was tinged with bitterness, and in the blink of an eye, tears streamed down her face like beads from a broken string.
Memories stir up ripples, surging with fragments of past recollections, and the past is slowly being revealed.
When the mind is clear, even sorrowful tears are veiled by dust.
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