Chapter 23 Memories: A Pair of Eyes That Always Followed Her
"When Lian'er was still young, she was taken to the beach by people from the palace... and never came back."
“In the years that followed, even though we knew the hope was slim, we never gave up the search, thinking that if we could only find our daughter’s remains, that would be good enough… until two years ago, when we were almost in despair, we saw you.”
“You were unconscious on the beach, on the verge of death. On your face, we saw the shadow of Lian’er from before. Rao’er and I couldn’t bear it, so we took you home.”
“We replaced every single servant in the manor just to keep this secret. We all felt that perhaps you were God’s compensation to us…”
“We selfishly wanted to keep you. Taking advantage of your amnesia, we arbitrarily performed your coming-of-age ceremony and made you appear in public. Everyone thought that you were our daughter… Bai Lian.”
"I'm sorry, we kept the truth hidden. We were afraid of your reaction if you found out, and we didn't want to lose another daughter..."
"These are the clothes you were wearing when we first met you. In our hearts, you are not a substitute for anyone. You are just a good daughter who deserves our love and care."
Bai Lian dismissed everyone and remained in Qinglian Pavilion, unable to stand up for a long time.
All those words were like a spell cast over her mind, lingering and preventing her from thinking about anything else.
She silently removed her robes and put on the white dress in her hands.
The soft satin outlined every inch of her curves, fitting her perfectly and proclaiming its ownership.
She stood in front of the bronze mirror for a long time.
The girl in the mirror had long, disheveled hair, which was lifted and scattered by the gentle breeze that drifted into the room.
Her dark eyes were misty with tears, and her slightly parted lips, though faded in color, were still moist.
The face before me was still so familiar; the touch of her fingers was still so familiar.
But she turned out to be a strange woman who had taken the title of White Lotus.
Tears of sorrow welled in her eyes, but the pain in her heart was nothing compared to the splitting headache she was experiencing.
She finally couldn't bear it any longer and collapsed to the ground.
Memories flooded her mind like a tidal wave, leaving her no room to resist. Without the slightest hesitation, they instantly took over her mind and body, filling her entire being…
Happy, precious, hateful, sad, relieved.
Those flavors of the past gradually spread out and gathered, allowing her to slowly savor those tastes of her past.
Bai Lian closed her eyes, feeling many fragmented memories flash through her mind, scattered and fragmented, yet she could never quite make them out clearly.
Then, new memories would come fluttering in... and so on, over and over again, until a broken jigsaw puzzle gradually began to take shape.
I recall that there seemed to be a time when two people loved me with all their hearts and called me "Lian'er".
Distant memories suddenly came rushing back.
I recall the unforgettable life-and-death separations of my childhood.
I remember myself in my youth, abandoning everything to endure hardship and bide my time.
I remember that night, draped in silver light, I plunged into the vast sea... myself.
Many corners of her memory remain blurry; she still cannot recall the past smoothly.
It seems that many people have appeared in her life, but they are like broken puzzle pieces, scattered in various corners of her mind.
Along with her past self, she felt a sense of unease, a sense of familiarity mixed with apprehension.
At this moment, a pair of gentle, jade-like eyes that had been watching and following her the entire time became even clearer.
It seems to be etched into my life, and I can never forget it.
Who is he...?
She slowly stood up, leaning against the wall. The girl in the bronze mirror seemed utterly unfamiliar even to herself.
Reflecting on the past and cherishing fleeting time easily leads to sorrow.
Before she even begins to sing, she restrains herself; she tries to laugh but then frowns—this is the most heartbreaking sight.
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"Your Highness, the Crown Princess...she..."
"What? Still refusing to eat? What did Physician Wang say?"
"The Imperial Physician Wang said that Her Majesty is not seriously ill. She is just feeling depressed and has difficulty eating. He can treat her with some medicinal food."
“I see…” Galorin put down the book in her hand and stood up. “Don’t you think she’s been acting strangely ever since she came back from her parents’ home?”
“My lord, the Empress seems so unhappy. The problem always lies with you, doesn’t it?” Xiao Liuzi replied cheerfully, shaking his head beside Jia Luolin.
Upon hearing this, Galorin merely raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then tell me, what kind of problem has arisen?"
Xiao Liuzi stopped in front of Jia Luolin, arms crossed, and said with a serious expression, "Alas, the marriage is not harmonious, otherwise how could the Crown Princess run back to her parents' home after only a few days? She must be too wronged, alas." As he spoke, he shook his head sadly, his eyes glancing at Jia Luolin's lower body, and said with a sly smile, "Your Highness~ you... didn't realize you were such a handsome man, what a pity, what a pity."
Galo Lin was so enraged by Han Lüliu that she nearly punched him, gritting her teeth and shouting, "Han Lüliu! If you utter another word of nonsense, I'll make you a real eunuch right now! Don't think that just because I allow you to pretend to be a eunuch by my side, you can act with impunity!!"
"Your Highness~" Xiao Liuzi looked up, his eyes already brimming with tears, and launched into a tirade: "Do you know how miserable and resentful it is for me to be a eunuch by your side? I have to speak in a high-pitched voice every day! I can only go to the outhouse when no one is around! In the sweltering summer, I have to wear a high collar to cover my neck! That makes me covered in heat rash!" He wiped away a tear and continued to pace back and forth beside Jialuolin, complaining: "I also have to keep an eye on those damned eunuchs all the time! And most importantly! I can't even get close to women!"
Han Lüliu almost knelt down, saying, "You know, I'm a royal guard, and for your sake, I've been utterly ruined! Tell me, how bitter and tired I am! But to protect you, I endured all my sorrow! But if I lose your understanding and compassion! How can I bear it! Life..."
"Stop! That's enough!" Galorin sighed, rubbing her forehead. "If I remember correctly, you were the one who said you wanted to experience the life of a eunuch. Who asked you to dress up as a eunuch? You just got more and more into it!"
Galo Lin paused, then continued thoughtfully, "I think you're doing this so it'll be easier for you to enter and leave the harem, huh? Little Willow!"
Realizing she had been exposed, Han Luliu immediately shut her mouth.
"Speaking of which, how's the investigation you asked me to do going? Be careful not to give others a handle to use against you," Galorin said thoughtfully.
"Don't worry about that. I used to wear armor and keep a low profile. Now, not many people in the harem can remember what Han Luliu looks like. I have successfully infiltrated the enemy's ranks, and the truth will soon be revealed!"
"Yes, if you don't handle this properly, I'll make you wear heavy armor and stand guard for me every day." Galorin raised her hand and put the scroll into the bookshelf, casually throwing out a remark.
"Grandpa! No! Please don't! You know I've always loved wearing soft fabrics since I was little. If it weren't for my dead old man lying to me and telling me it was to strengthen my body and making me practice martial arts, I would definitely be a civil official now! Those armors I used to wear, let alone being heavy, made my whole body uncomfortable!" Han Luliu said, shaking her body and hugging her arms, as if recalling those days of fighting on the battlefield.
"Hey, just pretend to be a eunuch, don't pretend to be a woman, or I'll definitely replace you without any brotherly affection!" Galo Lin was still not used to Han Luliu's behavior.
Han Luliu stepped forward and supported Jialuolin's shoulder, puffing out his chest and striking a pose that seemed to say, "Look how manly I am!" He said calmly, "You don't need to worry about me. Once I've taken care of things, I'll go back and get married!"
"Alright, that's enough. Just be careful." Galo Lin was afraid that if he said any more, Han Luliu would keep him nagging, so he quickly turned around and left the study.
"Hey! Don't forget to go and coax her, women need to be coaxed!"
"If you want to die, shout it out louder!!" Galorin left Han Luliu with a clenched fist on his back.
"You idiot, isn't it good that you care about his happy family!"
Han Lüliu resumed her usual arrogant demeanor, muttering angrily to herself. But as soon as the words left her mouth, she realized her mistake and quickly shut up, shaking her head in anguish, clutching her forehead. "It's all over! This eunuch is getting more and more used to it, Father! Your unfilial son is truly despicable!"
In the garden of the East Palace, Bai Lian was sitting on a stone bench, lost in thought. Cui Zhu, standing beside her, dared not utter a word and could only watch anxiously.
She was involved in part of what happened and had a vague idea of what had happened, but the young lady was still everyone's beloved young lady, and that would never change. But now, how could she comfort her...?
"Miss, it's already afternoon. Are you hungry? How about I prepare some dessert for you? How about some flower cake? And some apricot soup with it, it's always been your favorite..."
"Cuizhu, you can go down now. Let me be alone for a while. I'll call you if I need anything."
Bai Lian interrupted Cui Zhu's speech, and watching Cui Zhu retreat dejectedly, she felt a pang of pity.
She only returned to the palace this morning, and she avoids Galo Lin whenever possible; she truly doesn't know how to treat him...
After thinking about it all night, she finally managed to sort out some of the memories that were slowly returning. Even she found herself ridiculous. She had almost died but hadn't, and now she had two sets of memories from two different eras, which were really quite chaotic.
Bai Lian opened her palm and looked at the tangled and winding lines on her hand. How could she have come to this era?
Bai Lian furrowed her brows, feeling a burning sensation between her eyebrows, as if something was about to burst forth.
She stroked the floral decoration on her forehead. Since regaining her memory, she noticed that the bud-shaped red mole that had faded to the point of being unrecognizable long ago was slowly becoming vibrant again, and it even seemed to be unfolding like a flower petal, showing signs of continuing to grow.
Bai Lian couldn't understand it either, so she could only cover herself with floral hairpins day and night, and dared not let Cui Zhu do her makeup anymore, and also tried her best to refuse other palace maids from dressing her up.
Bai Lian felt her head was getting more and more aching the more she thought about it, so she gave up. Every time she closed her eyes, she felt like a pair of eyes were watching her, but she just couldn't remember her relationship with that person.
It seems like a cruel joke of memory, leaving out the most important part.
Galorin had appeared before Byakuren at some point, looking at her leisurely and saying, "What? You're just standing here daydreaming instead of eating? Can air fill your stomach?"
A note from the author:
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