This is your choice
Song Shuyang knew that his complexion would be uglier than if he had eaten shit when he woke up in the morning. Afraid that Song Nian would worry, he borrowed Guo Zixiu's natural makeup cream and smeared a large amount of it on his face without any plan. Although the dark circles were still very obvious, at least his complexion was not blue.
He didn't know where Jin Zhou spent the night last night. When he went to his community, he and Song Nian were already in the car.
Song Nian sat in the back seat and said, "You sit in the passenger seat, Yangyang."
"Oh." Song Shuyang withdrew his hand from the rear door handle and opened the front door.
He was afraid that he would see the same sadness in Jin Zhou's eyes as last night, so he kept his head down looking at his phone the whole time and actually didn't read anything at all.
Song Nian hadn't noticed the strange atmosphere between the two of them yet, and was excitedly planning her itinerary for the next few days. Jin Zhou responded to her actively, but his tone didn't give any clues at all.
Song Shuyang knew in his heart that he was really not in the mood to play, but he forced a smile and accompanied Song Nian to climb the mountain. The mountain was not high and they reached the top in an hour. Song Nian insisted on taking a photo with him and Jin Zhou.
"Why are you two standing so far apart? It's not like you don't know each other," Song Nian instructed, "Yangyang, stand closer to your brother."
If they were any closer, their arms would touch. Song Shuyang could smell the familiar scent on Jin Zhou, and felt so uneasy that his scalp was numb. However, Song Nian still felt that they didn't look close enough. "Xiao Zhou, put your hand on Yangyang's shoulder. Don't be so stiff. Relax a little."
Jin Zhou whispered in a voice that only the two of them could hear, "Cooperate with Aunt Song."
Feeling his hand on his shoulder, Song Shuyang's breathing stopped, and he forced a smile while suppressing his palpitations.
Jin Zhou also curled his lips towards the camera.
"Three, two, one, Eggplant! Okay, I won't film anymore. Look how embarrassed you two are."
Song Nian complained, but he couldn't stop smiling. The more he looked at the photos, the more satisfied he became. "You two haven't taken photos in a long time. I still have a photo of you two from five years ago in my bedroom."
She handed it to Jin Zhou to look at, and Jin Zhou said, "Well, this one is pretty good." It was not known whether he was sincere or not.
The three of them had a meal at the top of the mountain, played around the area, and returned at around eight o'clock.
Song Nian still slept at Jin Zhou's house as usual. Song Shuyang actually wanted to ask him where he was going to spend the night, after all, the conditions of the hotels near the school were quite poor, but he took the words back when they were on the tip of his tongue.
We just had an argument yesterday, so it would be hypocritical to ask such a question today.
And even if Jin Zhou said he had nowhere to go, Song Shuyang couldn't provide a good place. If you can't solve this problem for the other party, then don't ask too much.
Song Shuyang slept terribly that night, having a riot of dreams, unable to tell whether he was awake or asleep. In the end, he felt so overwhelmed that he decided to stay awake, thinking of playing a game and getting scolded by his teammates to distract himself.
When he picked up his phone, he found that Jiang Ying had sent him a message at around 12:00: [Is your brother crazy again?]
Song Shuyang replied with a question mark, thinking that she should have gone to bed long ago at this late hour, but he didn't expect her to reply immediately: [What did you do to him?]
Jiang Ying: [I wanted to go back to the store to get something, but when I came in, I almost tripped over a beer bottle. Old Jin was sitting there drinking almost a whole case!]
So the fact that she's still replying to messages means... Jin Zhou is still drinking?!
Song Shuyang bit her lower lip and typed: [I told him clearly that I have no feelings for him]
He thought Jiang Ying, as Jin Zhou's friend, would definitely speak up for him, but she didn't. She just said, "That's good. Let him experience the pain of unrequited love, so that his life won't be too smooth."
What she said was like a stabbing in Song Shuyang's heart.
Jin Zhou's life has nothing to do with the word "smooth".
He spent most of his first seventeen years in pain. When he finally recovered, he rushed to do the housework. At an age when most boys would still be rebellious, he could already cook a large table of dishes on his own, feeding the picky eater Song Shuyang. He went to college, worked part-time jobs, and took on commercial performances. Upon graduation, he immediately used his savings to start a business. He then had a conflict with his partner and fled to a strange city to start over. His entire life never stopped.
Now my relationship has also suffered a setback and my ambiguous relationship has been abruptly cut off.
She has such a face, a good figure and is capable, but she falls in love with the most unlikely person and asks herself to suffer in love.
Song Shuyang's heart ached so much that he could hardly breathe, so he called Jiang Ying.
The call was quickly connected, and he spoke cautiously: "Is Jin Zhou still drinking?"
Jiang Ying's tone was exhausted. "I really can't persuade him anymore. You should try to persuade him, Yangzi."
She handed the phone to Jin Zhou, but he blocked it with the back of his hand.
The voice passed through two speakers and was slightly distorted, but the dejection in the words could still be heard. "I told you not to tell him. Playing the victim to gain sympathy is pointless."
Jiang Ying said, "You can't keep drinking like this. Your stomach isn't made of iron. Who else can I find to persuade you besides him?"
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a while, and then Jin Zhou's voice suddenly became louder, probably because he picked up the phone.
"Zi Zi." His voice was unusually hoarse.
Song Shuyang didn't know how to persuade him. As the instigator, it seemed that any comfort he gave would be inappropriate. He hesitated for a long time before speaking: "Jin Zhou, don't like me anymore. I'm not worth it."
"Your words about yourself make me feel really hateful."
"Seriously, I... I've always been terrible at relationships. You've seen what happened before. Even if we were really together, I'd want to break up within ten days or half a month. Why did we have to go to that extent?"
Jin Zhou said "hmm" obediently.
Song Shuyang pretended to be nonchalant and said, "Just pretend you've never liked me, okay? We can still get along the same way as before. When you find someone you like again, I'll help you pursue him."
Being able to reject other people's love so directly is a big step in his growth.
Jin Zhou, the first suitor to be rejected directly by Song Shuyang, simply replied, "Okay."
"Then let's put it this way. Stop drinking and go to bed early. You still have to go out with my mom tomorrow."
Jin Zhou didn't speak for a long time. Song Shuyang took the phone from his ear to his knees, turned on the speakerphone, and slowly deleted all the videos and photos related to Jin Zhou in the album.
There were so many memories between them that they could never be deleted. The more Song Shuyang deleted them, the sadder he felt. He imagined that there was another person standing next to Jin Zhou in these photos.
Before the call was hung up, Jin Zhou finally spoke: "I want to ask you one last question, Song Shuyang."
He swallowed back the sob and said, "Well, ask."
"Would you accept me if we hadn't grown up together?"
This isn't a problem at all; it's a trap.
Without the companionship of growing up together, how could Jin Zhou like him, and how could he be so dependent on Jin Zhou.
No matter what the final outcome is, there will never be anyone more special than the other in their lives.
He didn't want to drag it out and cut Jin Zhou with a blunt knife, so he just stabbed him all the way in. "Don't think too much. I rejected you just because I don't like you. It has nothing to do with anything else."
"Okay, I understand."
"Go to bed early and say thank you to Sister Ying for always bothering her."
After hanging up the phone, he wrapped himself in the quilt from head to toe, hugged his knees and cried quietly.
Jin Zhou didn't seem too sad. This was a good thing and he should be happy about it.
But when he really said it clearly, his heart felt like a piece had been gouged out, and the cold wind blew through the cracks in his bones, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't warm himself up.
He doubted that he would ever be able to have a good relationship again in his life, and would only disappoint others' sincerity. Whenever the relationship was about to change at a critical moment, he would hide away out of fear.
But what's the use of crying?
It was because he was timid and cowardly that he did not dare to take the risk of changing the relationship, so he pushed Jin Zhou away with his own hands.
Song Nian stayed in Han City for a total of four days. Jin Zhou accompanied him throughout the whole time, eating and playing, and he didn't look like he was hurt at all. Especially since the culprit who hurt him was Song Shuyang, who was traveling with him. He didn't know whether to admire Jin Zhou's self-adjustment ability or his acting skills.
Before leaving, Song Nian went for a walk around Handan University. Jin Zhou was not there, so the mother and son strolled on the path covered with fallen sycamore leaves. In a trance, Song Shuyang thought he had returned to his childhood.
Song Nian suddenly called out "Zi Zi", which frightened him so much that his phone almost flew out.
"Why are you reacting so strongly? I see Xiaozhou calling you that often, and I think it sounds nice, so I want to try calling you that too."
Song Shuyang said angrily, "Mom, can you please stop yelling like Jin Zhou?"
"Really? I saw you were quite calm when your brother called you."
She asked casually, but it caused a storm in Song Shuyang's heart, and he was afraid that his mother had noticed something.
Song Nian's imagination wasn't that big after all. She smiled and smoothed down the hair on his head. "It was just a joke to cheer you up. I've noticed you've been absent-minded these past few days. Is there something on your mind that you can't tell your mother?"
Song Shuyang and Song Nian have always been able to talk about anything since they were young, and there are almost no secrets between mother and son. He is talkative and has a strong desire to express himself. He used to report everything that happened in school to Song Nian in detail after school every day, but he didn't reveal a word about Jin Zhou. He was almost going crazy with such a big secret in his heart.
After thinking about it, he decided to reveal the part that he had to tell sooner or later.
He took a deep breath, polished the words that were about to come out of his mouth again and again, and finally polished them into the gentlest version, "Mom, can you accept that I like men?"
Song Nian stopped.
Just as Song Shuyang was about to speak again, he received a powerful slap in the face.
He covered his head, which was bruised from being knocked, and said aggrievedly, "Sexual orientation is innate. There's nothing I can do about it."
Who knew Song Nian would actually say, "You know you like boys, but you still delay girls! What do you want to do? Are you trying to turn the tables?"
Song Shuyang didn't expect that this was what she cared about, and hurriedly explained: "That was before I was sure of my sexual orientation! I admit that what I did was wrong, but I really didn't deliberately lie to her. At that time, I thought I liked women."
Knowing that Song Shuyang would not lie, Song Nian calmed down a little, folded his arms and continued walking forward.
"Are you really sure?"
"Yeah, confirmed."
Song Nian sighed, "Forget it, if you like men, then just like men. How can I force you to get married when my own marriage failed?"
Song Shuyang didn't expect his coming out process to be so smooth. "Did you just accept it like that?"
Song Nian looked at him with complicated eyes, "To be honest, Yangyang, Mom has been a little suspicious for a long time. Now that you admit it, I feel like a huge stone has been lifted off my chest."
Song Shuyang was shocked: "Is there anything about me that makes you think I'm gay?"
"When you watched melodramas with me as a kid, I felt something was wrong."
“…”
Song Shuyang felt that he had to share some of the responsibility for his becoming gay with his mother.
However, after successfully coming out, Song Shuyang felt a little relieved as he had been absent-minded for the past few days.
But Song Nian persisted, asking, "You decided so quickly, do you have a crush on a boy? Your roommate named Guo?"
Song Shuyang thought that this was all from last season, and he hugged his mother's arm and acted like a spoiled child, trying to get away with it, "No, I just woke up after seeing too many muscular men."
Song Nian's eyes were deep, "It's really not unexpected."
It's 0.
After sending Song Nian to the station, he and Jin Zhou were the only ones left in the car. It was the first time they were alone together since the phone call, and they were extremely awkward for a moment.
Song Shuyang took the initiative to say, "I left something at your house. I'll pick it up when I have time."
Jin Zhou said, "Will you never come to live at my brother's house again?"
Song Shuyang thought, that’s right, it’s just that we can’t be boyfriends, not that I can’t be your brother anymore.
"Then I'll leave it there for now. When you have time, I'll go to your house and take a video for you." Song Shuyang smiled generously at him.
Jin Zhou snorted and laughed, "Will you be my agent?"
"It's not impossible. Just wait for me to read some books on how to be a manager. Then I can package you well and get you on the list of the world's top 100 DJs."
Song Shuyang's eyes, which had been dull for several days, suddenly lit up. He didn't even realize how happy he was to continue to be entangled with Jin Zhou.
Jin Zhou chuckled, "Okay, I'll leave it to you from now on."
"Then let's sign a contract."
"How do I sign?"
Song Shuyang opened the memo on his phone and wrote on it with his finger: [I want Jin Zhou to be on the top 100 DJs - Song Shuyang]
He handed it to Jin Zhou and asked him to write his name below.
But Jin Zhou didn't move.
He returned the phone, his smile still on his face, but for no reason he looked a little cold.
"Song Shuyang, you may not have realized one thing yet. Accompanying you to do these childish things is a privilege I gave you when I liked you."
Song Shuyang's excited expression froze on his face. The hand holding the phone kept shaking, and his face instantly turned red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I'm used to it."
"Since you've rejected me, don't expect me to fulfill any responsibilities other than that of a brother in the future," Jin Zhou looked at him dimly. "This is your own choice."
He hastily deleted the memo, as flustered as a primary school student who had done something wrong. "I understand. I'll pay attention next time."
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