Chapter 27
Those few moments of ambiguity are like love! But it is not love after all. Even ambiguity may just be one-sided self-righteousness.
In fact, when I thought this might be the rhythm before love comes, fate, or maybe it was him, gave me a hard blow, making me realize very clearly that "feelings can be cultivated" is a false proposition.
If enough time and love can make one person fall in love with another, then any two people in the world can become a couple.
But the fact is, the reason why love can make people go through life and death may have been decided from the very beginning.
I don’t know what’s wrong with this world. It seems that suddenly, sincerity has become stupidity and love has become a conspiracy.
No one would believe that a 28-year-old girl could truly fall in love with another person.
They are like people outside the book, laughing at the ridiculousness of Kong Yiji in the book.
They are sober yet indifferent, wantonly trampling on the sincerity of others.
"The next one will be better!"
This sentence seems to have become an excuse for everyone to comfort themselves and others, but words can be lies, but the heart cannot deceive people.
If people could really let go of things easily, there wouldn't be so many stories of infatuated men and resentful women passed down.
If a person can really let go of something easily, it doesn't mean that he is truly being easygoing, it just means that he doesn't like it enough.
The third day after we deleted all contact information with each other was also the third day I tossed and turned.
During these three days, I felt as if I had lost all my strength. Even when I was talking to others or busy with work, I couldn't help but think of him.
Every time I think about it, I feel extremely wronged, and there is no one I can talk to about this grievance. I feel pent up in my chest and fall asleep late at night every day.
More than one friend asked me, "What is it about him that you like?"
I asked myself, but couldn't think of an answer, so I tried to find the reason why I liked it.
Is it because when I first saw him, he looked so much like Lan Xichen, whom I have liked for a long time, that I thought of him as a stand-in for a character that couldn't possibly exist?
It doesn’t seem so.
Because when I saw him again later, he didn't look like the Lan Xichen I liked.
Is it because he can play piano and guitar?
It doesn't seem so. I've met other men who can play various musical instruments, but I didn't feel any attraction towards them either.
Is it because he has a nice voice?
It doesn’t seem so.
Because I have met other gentlemen with nice voices before.
So why can’t we let go and why is it so hard to let go?
I thought about it for a whole day, and maybe because I was close to mental collapse, there was even a moment when I deeply sympathized with Sister Shan and Sister Jiang.
So I posted another message at the entrance of the village, asking boys to respond.
Imagine you and a girl broke up because you couldn't talk, and she deleted all your contact information. Then, a few days later, she suddenly came back to you and said, "I don't think we're right for each other, and I've ruthlessly cut off any possibility of our relationship. But I still can't let you go. Now think about it, it seems that the reason I can't let you go is because I've never held your hand. Can you do me a favor? Let's meet once, and then let you hug me and hold your hand once, not for long, just one minute. Then I can really let go and start dating other guys." If you were in this situation, how would you react?
Not surprisingly, everything is incomprehensible.
There was even a girl passing by who commented with extreme disdain: "Are there no other men in this world?"
I was sad and heartbroken, and I understood what she meant.
But this is the first time I love someone, a love that is sincere and genuine. Although it has no result, I know that this love has only brought me endless grievances and sadness.
But if I could let go of my first crush so easily, then I would be too heartless.
I wandered aimlessly around the village entrance, reading many people's stories and couldn't help but sneer.
Look, if people could really let it go, why would there be so many crazy complaints and resentment at the village entrance?
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