Chapter 78
"If there's someone, check WeChat."
I was daydreaming when suddenly my mother sent me a confusing message.
"What?" I didn't react. I remembered the WeChat accounts of some boys my mother had recommended to me before. I thought they were blind dates, so I subconsciously asked, "Who?"
"I saw this on Douyin on my phone. What others say is right. You can't just focus on one thing."
I was stunned when I heard my mother's words and didn't react.
After a long while, I suddenly realized something, and my defenses were instantly broken. Tears started to flow down my face, and I sat in the office crying like an idiot.
I finally understood.
Why is it that in recent months, even though it's almost the end of the year, my mother hasn't urged me to find a partner? So that's why.
"Military Advisor, I really want to thank you. How did my mother see the comments I made to others, and the comments that others advised me not to hang myself on a tree?"
I took screenshots of the chat history between my mother and me and sent them to the military advisor.
At this moment, I suddenly wanted to find someone who didn’t know me but knew what I was going through and talk to him/her.
The military advisor was a little skeptical, "Is this your mother?"
After getting my affirmative answer, the military advisor laughed, "Hahaha, social death scene."
I cried and texted him, "I'm so sad. When I saw my mom's words, I burst into tears while sitting in the office. I suddenly felt so ashamed and hated myself so much."
Military Advisor: "It's okay."
"You know what? This month, I lost 10 pounds, 10 pounds! I used to lose weight every day, but I didn't lose even a pound."
The military advisor consoled him, saying, "Being thinner is a good thing."
I cried and replied, "I feel so sad right now. I was wondering why my mom suddenly stopped pushing me. During holidays, she asked me to practice the guzheng more so that I could play a piece for them during the New Year. When I went out for dinner with my classmates, she didn't care what time I came home. I finally understand why my dad kept asking me to learn to cook recently. His reasoning was that I couldn't cook, so how would I do it alone in the future? I'm so sad, really. I suddenly feel it's not worth it."
I wiped my tears with tissue after tissue. I kept crying and felt very sad, but I didn’t know why I was crying.
Military Advisor: "Find someone well and actively ask your family to introduce you to someone so that your parents won't worry about you."
"I think so, really. I really didn't like him at first. But I don't know why I started to like him later. Later, I really planned to like someone else, but every time I met someone, my morals kept me in a polite response. In fact, I also know that the boy who said he wanted to meet up and then disappeared the day before disappeared because I kept talking to him about that person. I just didn't want to admit it before. Later, the person who played King of Glory with me kept talking about him, and as a result, others started talking about the girls around him."
I really feel so unlucky. Why do I get so drunk?
The military advisor believed what I said, but he didn't understand why I was so excited.
He asked me, “Is that person really worth it?”
"I don't think it's worth it, but I just like it. What can I do?"
I even secretly blocked that boy on WeChat many times and deleted all the previous chat records.
But……
I am always smart when I shouldn’t be smart, and smart when I shouldn’t be smart.
I had no way to recover deleted records before, but after meeting him, I miraculously found a way to recover deleted records on WeChat.
“Improve yourself and become better. When you become a better person, you will become a better person.”
Military Advisor always advises me like this, and I listened to him and signed myself up for various classes. I also picked up the novels that had been discontinued. I am very busy every day, but when I am busy, I still think of him.
"Why did he give me so many illusions before? Before we met, I really let it go. I controlled myself and didn't reply to his messages. I really didn't want to contact him again. I really didn't miss him anymore. But just because of one meeting, my emotions came back."
"Why did he hook me just when I was about to give up?"
The tears kept flowing down, I couldn't control them at all.
"I feel so ridiculous. Nothing happened. We just chatted for a while and met once, that's all. Why did I get so carried away? I can't figure it out. I really can't figure it out."
"Then make yourself better and surprise him. You are the one he can't have."
"I really want to believe this, but I can't believe it at all. If someone doesn't like you, then no matter how outstanding you become, it won't matter to them. Just like for me, as long as they're not the one I like, no matter how outstanding they are, I won't care and will just turn a blind eye."
"Aren't there still many people who regret it?"
"So-called regret isn't regretting missing out on a good person, but regretting not meeting someone better. By the time you want to go back and make do, the person you considered a fallback is no longer there. They don't regret missing out on what they wanted, but regret not seizing what they could have, so in the end, everything ends in nothing."
The more I talked with the military advisor, the more painful I felt. I felt that it was not that I didn't understand, but that I knew human nature too well, so I was in pain. In fact, I already knew all the answers and couldn't deceive myself at all, so I was in pain.
The young lady told me that it doesn’t matter whether he likes her or not. If she were my age, she would pursue him relentlessly.
But I can't do it. A person's love is useless. When I think about that person for a long time but don't contact him, and he won't contact me when I don't contact him, I understand that his world doesn't need me. It's me who desperately squeezes in, not only disturbing others but also embarrassing myself.
I've never regretted any of my previous bold actions, nor have I ever felt that they were shameless. I truly believe that boldly pursuing what you like and daring to speak out for what you want is a form of courage.
You can't leave any regrets for yourself, so you have to be bold.
But I regret it today, regretting that I was too serious about it.
I should have understood long ago that there is no need to fight for a person or thing that does not belong to me. Not fighting is letting myself go. It is me who always has a lucky mentality.
Tonight, as expected, I couldn't sleep again.
I flipped through my WeChat chat history, starting with the one on October 3rd and continuing all the way to January 21st. I also found the chat history with my pen pal, which was the one I had deleted with Qingteng.
I watched it bit by bit, crying as I watched, and regretting as I cried.
I wonder if I had had a relationship when I was in school, or if I had already had some emotional experience before meeting him, would I not have fallen for him so easily?
It's really embarrassing.
My military advisor and best friend really can't comfort me at all, because they are also single, so they can't understand why I like it at all.
I really want to find the young lady and cry with her, but I know she is also very sad now. She has finally given up that boy and is trying hard to find a new love. I can't go to her and remind her of that boy.
I also wanted to find those military advisors from the past, but they had no idea that I had met the boy. They all thought that I had cut off contact in October.
I didn't dare to look for my pen pal because it was already late at night and she must be asleep.
I thought about it and finally realized that no matter who they are, I have no way to find them.
Why am I always so considerate when I shouldn't be, and so mad when I should be? If I could think less about others, wouldn't I be less afraid of bothering them now?
I'm such a good person, why doesn't he like me?
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