Chapter 1264: In the time of helplessness, I met someone who wanted to take care of me for the rest of my life
Chen Yan is not a fool, how could he not hear that Gu Wanqiu was comforting him.
Even though she was in such a state, she still considered the feelings of a normal person like him. Compared with her psychological endurance, his feelings were simply not worth mentioning. She was not as strong as her, nor as tolerant as her, and she could not ignore it.
Gu Wanqiu continued, "Everyone has their own destiny. Most of the time, I've been fine. It's only been a little off in the past few months. Don't worry about me. Just bear with it and it will be over. It won't be long... Actually, sometimes when the pain hits me, I want to die. But then I think it's better to live than to die. At least when I'm alive, I still have things to care about and things I can't forget..."
"What are you worried about?"
Gu Wanqiu pursed her lips and opened her eyes. Her blind eyes were still red, with only the pupils being pitch black, like two dark abysses. Although her eyes were lifeless, Chen Yan saw a hint of sadness in them.
Chen Yan's idea was very simple. If Gu Wanqiu had anything she was concerned about that had not been completed, he would try his best to help her achieve it.
But Gu Wanqiu didn't say anything. After knowing that she didn't want to talk about it, Chen Yan didn't force her. He helped her wipe the cold sweat and tears from her face, moving very carefully, for fear of hurting her accidentally.
"What disease do you have? Is there really no cure? If it doesn't work in China... why not go abroad? Just in case there's hope of survival..."
The effect of the medicine has slowly taken effect, and Gu Wanqiu began to lose consciousness. Her eyelids, which had been kept open with great difficulty, closed again. She moved her lips slightly, but the sound seemed to be blown away by the wind.
"It's useless... It's not a waste of effort... I'm already very satisfied..."
After saying this with all her strength, Gu Wanqiu completely fainted. Chen Yan just thought she was asleep.
The effect of some medicines is to make people sleepy and drowsy. Gu Wanqiu had been in pain for so long that her nerves had become fragile. After taking the medicine, the pain was gone, but once her mind relaxed, she would become tired.
Chen Yan looked at Gu Wanqiu's sleeping face, and he reached out and touched her pointed chin.
Gu Wanqiu was not good-looking. How could a terminally ill person have some looks? Her skin was either pale or sallow. Due to long-term insomnia, she had deep dark circles under her eyes, sunken eye sockets, sunken cheek bones, and a pointed chin. Not to mention her figure, which was skinny. When she took off her clothes, her ribs were obvious and there was hardly any meat on her buttocks.
But for some reason, Gu Wanqiu was still very attractive. She had a gentle personality and always faced everything with a smile. Even when she was sweating profusely from the pain, she would still smile and comfort Shen Yan, saying that it was okay.
Looking at Gu Wanqiu like this, Chen Yan felt as if a stone was pressing on his chest. He didn't know what to do. He only knew that he didn't want to watch Gu Wanqiu die.
He and Gu Wanqiu had only known each other for a few days, but he had developed such feelings for her. If they had known each other for longer, and if he had been with her until the day she died, would he really be able to face it calmly?
Chen Yan gritted his teeth. He wanted Gu Wanqiu to have a better and easier life, but he didn't know how to do it...
The saddest thing in life is probably...
When I feel helpless, I suddenly meet someone I want to take care of for the rest of my life.
You can't do anything about her. You want to be closer to her and keep her by your side, but she is getting further and further away from you.
You can only hope in vain, look at the ending that has long been predetermined, unable to let go and dare not face it.
Chen Yan stayed by Gu Wanqiu's bed for a while, picked up the teddy bear that had fallen on the ground and placed it next to her.
I heard that putting a doll next to your bed can reduce the number of nightmares. When you fall asleep, it will turn into a warrior and drive away your nightmares.
Gu Wanqiu likes to sleep with the whole bear in her arms. I wonder if she believes in this "legend"
Chen Yan slowly walked out of the room. When he returned to the room, his body was still shaking with fear. He lay on the bed, his tense nerves could not calm down for a long time. He couldn't sleep and was destined to suffer from insomnia tonight.
…
Perhaps because she couldn't see anymore, Gu Wanqiu became more and more silent. She often held the little bear in her arms, and the TV was on, always listening to the financial channel.
The people reported and introduced on the financial channels recently are basically Li Jinxing.
Li Jinxing used swift and decisive measures to successfully gain a foothold in J City and connected Haicheng and J City.
A capable person will have extremely beautiful women around him. Jiang Yun has been in the spotlight recently. She is Li Jinxing's only public girlfriend and the one most likely to become Mrs. Li.
Gu Wanqiu tilted her head slightly, listening attentively to the sound coming from the TV, and occasionally stroking the bear with her hand.
Chen Yan acted quickly and found a suitable female nurse. He briefly explained Gu Wanqiu's situation to her. When he mentioned that Gu Wanqiu was in poor health and could no longer see, he clearly saw pity on the female nurse's face. She was obviously feeling sorry for Gu Wanqiu's situation.
Although there was a nurse to help, Shen Yan still did the cooking, and the female nurse was only responsible for taking Gu Wanqiu to the bathroom and helping her wash up.
The rest, Chen Yan could do it all by himself. He would carry Gu Wanqiu up and down, chat with her, help her get medicine, feed her water... and when the sun was just right, he would carry her out to bask in the sun.
In his words, you can't stay in the room all the time. It is necessary to bask in the sun. It is good for the body and can supplement calcium.
When the sun is too strong, he will bring Gu Wanqiu back.
At lunch, there is no distinction between master and servant. Everyone gets along equally and eats together.
Shen Yan was still the one who fed the child. Although it was his first time taking care of someone, he was no worse than the professional female nurse. His meticulousness made the female nurse beside him stunned.
If Gu Wanqiu didn't mind that Chen Yan was a man, she would probably be able to do all the work like bathing and wiping the body by herself.
"Are you going to eat by yourself today?" Chen Yan prepared the food for Gu Wanqiu early in the morning and placed it in a convenient place for her.
"Well, I can do it myself."
The food was no longer hot, so Shen Yan grabbed Gu Wanqiu's hand and asked her to touch the bowl.
With yesterday's experience, Gu Wanqiu was more skilled today, but her hands were not under her control and were cold and stiff. She couldn't help but clench her hands. This small action was seen by Chen Yan.
"What's wrong with your hand?"
"It's a little stiff, but it's not a big deal." Gu Wanqiu could always describe her physical symptoms easily, such as what she said last night: she was already very satisfied with the present.
What is she truly content with? She is only 32 years old this year. For someone who lives a long life, she has only lived through a third of her life. There are still many sights she has not seen, many delicacies she has not tasted, and many things she has not experienced. Is she truly content?
To satisfy her ailing body? To satisfy the dark world?
Chen Yan stared at his hands closely. Gu Wanqiu felt that the dinner table was a little quiet and no one picked up their chopsticks. She could feel it even with her eyes closed. The nurse and Chen Yan were looking at her. She was a little nervous. She was not in a good state at the moment, but she still didn't want to show embarrassment in front of them. She still wanted to be strong and appear useful.
But her hands didn't listen to her. When she held the spoon to scoop up the soup and rice, her hands kept shaking, like a Parkinson's patient, and her movements were out of control.
She spilled the liquid all over herself before she could even finish her meal. Besides her hands, her spine also became inflexible, not to mention her feet. Her right foot, which had been injured before, had lost sensation this morning.
She originally thought that she could wait until her right foot was healed and she could walk around again.
"Gu..." The female nurse was about to speak when she was stopped by a look from Shen Yan.
The female nurse wanted to take the initiative to help Gu Wanqiu, but Gu Wanqiu was stronger than anyone else. While she could still move, she would not rely on others unless she was really unable to move. She didn't want to become a waste so soon.
So even though a lot of food fell out of the spoon, she still insisted on eating by herself, holding the bowl with all her strength and eating with big mouthfuls. Her sense of taste had gradually begun to disappear, and she could not taste whether the food was delicious or not, nor did she know what she was eating.
After the meal, the nurse took the initiative to take the dishes into the kitchen to wash. Her salary was not low and the work she did was not much, so she really didn't have the nerve to let Chen Yan do it all by himself. So Chen Yan was responsible for cooking and she went to wash the dishes.
Shen Yan had no objection to this. When the nurse went to wash the dishes, Shen Yan wiped Gu Wanqiu's hands and body, and he held her cold and stiff hand.
His hands are warm all year round, but when he holds Gu Wanqiu's hand, it feels like he is holding a piece of ice.
"Your hands are so cold."
Gu Wanqiu also felt cold: "I want to go out to bask in the sun, can you carry me out?"
"Okay." Chen Yan held Gu Wanqiu in his arms and did not forget to take the plush bear with him.
Gu Wanqiu sat in the rocking chair. Chen Yan had specially put a lot of cushions in the rocking chair so that it was not uncomfortable at all. When Gu Wanqiu sat on it, Chen Yan would stand behind her and gently push the rocking chair.
The long hair was a little messy due to the wind. Shen Yan looked around, broke off a branch, and then tied up Gu Wanqiu's hair.
Gu Wanqiu did not stop Chen Yan from approaching. After her hair was tied up, she felt refreshed. She reached out and touched her hair.
"You can also do your hair."
"Yeah, I learned it from watching videos."
"It's a pity I can't see it, but it feels very beautiful when I touch it." Gu Wanqiu smiled. In the sunlight, her smile became even warmer. She casually asked, "Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No."
"Have you ever talked about this before?"
Shen Yan said honestly: "No."
"You've never talked about it once?"
"Yeah, is this strange?" Shen Yan's family was unusual. He couldn't decide his own marriage. He was arranged to marry when he reached a certain age. Shen Yan couldn't stand it, so he left home and went out to make his own way.
If he hadn't met Gu Wanqiu, he might be washing dishes in the restaurant right now, and then be found by his family. After being ridiculed and mocked, he would be taken home and locked up, and his life would continue to be arranged by others without freedom.
Shen Yan doesn't like this kind of family. He said: "Although I have never been in a relationship, I have already started thinking of names for my future children. It's hard to think of a name for a girl, but for a boy, I would name him Shen Changnan."
"What's the point?"
"The name Changnan sounds like an English word. I don't have high expectations for my child. I just hope that he will remember and love his country, and not break the law or do anything that would let his country down."
Gu Wanqiu didn't expect that there was such a meaning. She originally thought that the name was a bit unpleasant, but after Chen Yan's explanation, the level was elevated a lot and became extremely meaningful.
"Don't you think it's funny?"
"No, this has a good meaning and seems like a good name you could come up with. But aren't you thinking too far ahead? You don't even have a girlfriend, and you're already thinking about names for your son?"
Shen Yan joked, "I've not only thought of a name for my son, I've also thought of a name for my grandson. Shen Xiuli, which means self-cultivation, knowledgeable and well-mannered, isn't it a good name?"
Gu Wanqiu was holding the teddy bear. When she heard Chen Yan mention the child, she also thought of Si Yan and the others.
Gu Wanqiu gently patted the little bear's chest, and a child's singing could be heard from inside.
At first, Shen Yan thought that this was the audio that came with the little bear, and then it was put in the back.
"Mom, no matter where you go, no matter how long we are apart, we will always miss you. You must be happy."
Shen Yan's body was a little stiff: "What is this?"
Gu Wanqiu did not hide it and told Shen Yan: "These are my two children. I have two sons and a daughter. Because of many things, I abandoned them. I am a very incompetent mother."
Shen Yan didn't know what to say for a moment. He didn't expect that Gu Wanqiu, who looked so young, was already a mother of three children.
"Chen Yan, you don't have to pity me. People like me are not worthy of being pitied. I have done many wrong things in the past. In order to make up for my mistakes, I used my life. This is the punishment I deserve. I can only see now, and then my hearing will be lost. I will become a disabled person, like today, I can't even hold a spoon steadily. I will be paralyzed and die in pain..."
"Will your hearing disappear too?" Shen Yan's voice was trembling. Gu Wanqiu couldn't see it, so she didn't know how ugly Shen Yan's face looked at this moment.
"Yeah, my sense of taste is basically gone now."
No wonder Gu Wanqiu said the soup had no taste yesterday.
Gu Wanqiu sat quietly, her head slightly tilted back, feeling the warmth of the sun, and she touched the ring around her neck.
Gu Wanqiu's hands were still cold after being in the sun for so long, so Chen Yan took out a blanket and covered Gu Wanqiu with it.
Gu Wanqiu, who was in a daze, came back to his senses: "Thank you."
"Gu Wanqiu, I don't know what kind of person you were before. I only know that you are very good now... You are very strong. It is very comfortable to be with you. I like being by your side. I don't feel sorry for you, I just feel sorry for you. Whether you were good or bad before has nothing to do with me, but now, I am the person you hired to help you. No matter what you become, I will stay by your side until you die. I will fulfill the promise between us."
Shen Yan understood that Gu Wanqiu had obviously noticed his excessive care and concern for her.
Gu Wanqiu wanted to confess her past to him and wanted Chen Yan to stay away from her, or at least stop caring about her so much.
If you care too much about someone, when that person dies, that care will turn into sadness.
Gu Wanqiu just didn't want anyone to feel sad for her after she died.
It's not worth feeling sorry for her.
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