Chapter 1298 Li Sixu's Autobiography (Part 2) (Full Text Completed)
He looked at my face and asked, "Why do you and I look so much like each other?"
I replied, "You look more like your father."
His mother had just died, and he had spent nearly three days in the bathroom, watching how his mother's body had become swollen and wrinkled.
Most children would have been frightened silly, but there was no trace of fear on this child's face.
It is said that when people are extremely frightened, their emotions become calm. This is a self-protection mode that appears in the brain to prevent themselves from collapsing or even dying.
"I heard them say that I am an illegitimate child and my mother is a mistress. Is this true?" he asked again.
I was stunned for a moment, then answered his question: "Do you know what a illegitimate child is?"
"It means you don't deserve to be liked, you shouldn't exist in this world, you don't deserve to live, you will be laughed at and insulted, you are worse than garbage."
His expression remained calm as he said these words, as if he had long been accustomed to everything he said.
I said to him, "But you have already appeared. Now that you have appeared, you must live well and trample under your feet those who belittle and laugh at you. Then you will be liked by many people."
I looked at him and nodded, and for some reason I developed a fondness for this child, probably because of the father-son relationship.
I brought Lu Tingchuan back to the Li family and handed him over to my father. My father just looked at him coldly and let the nanny take him away.
…
I can't show any concern for this child. Once others find out, all my efforts will be wasted.
So I knew that I didn't care when Lu Tingchuan was bullied by the nanny.
I knew he was so hungry that he was rummaging through the trash can looking for food, but I ignored him.
I knew he had a stomachache and was sick, but I didn't care.
It was not until my father intervened and took Lu Tingchuan away that I went to see Lu Tingchuan.
…
Such a good-looking child has now become like a skinny monkey.
I said to him, "Maybe it's because you're an illegitimate child that you're not taken seriously. You share the same father and the blood of the Li family, but everyone's looking up to Li Jingshen. And your mother, it was Li Jingshen's father who cheated on your mother and caused her to have a child out of wedlock, but everyone scolded her for being undisciplined and becoming someone else's mistress. Now, she committed suicide because of him."
I saw the glint of hatred in his eyes, and I told him, "Do you want to make a name for yourself? Do you want to avenge your mother? If so, you must become stronger. In front of your grandfather, you must surpass Li Jingshen and be better than him in every way. Those who bully you will come because you are weak. Only by becoming stronger can you gain respect."
"I see."
I gave him a seed of hatred. It's his business what he wants to do. Hatred can indeed drive a person to make rapid progress.
Wasn’t I the same back then?
…
When I was a child, I stood behind Li Siyan. Now, I stand in front of his grave. I went to see Li Siyan. He was with his wife.
"Who made you betray me?" I opened my mouth, I was bewildered, dazzled by the wind, and my ears were covered by the sound of rain. I didn't even know what to say.
…
Sometimes I miss Li Siyan a lot. I have been competing with him for so many years, and I couldn't get used to his sudden departure. Without a competitor, I became distracted and had no energy to do anything. I could hardly tell whether it was 365 days in a year or 365 times a day.
The camellia trees in Qiule Manor are now suitable for enjoying the cool breeze, and there are swings hanging on the treetops.
I sat on it and swayed, recalling the scenes of my childhood. Although they were so blurry that I couldn’t remember them clearly, I still knew that they were the happiest time of my life.
At that time, our family had not yet killed each other.
If only I could go back to that time.
What's good about being powerful? I don't want to become strong. All I want is the most ordinary family, a family of four, four bowls and four pairs of chopsticks, eating together, doing housework together, and playing together.
…
My father has offended too many people in his life. Even if I don't do anything, there are people who want to kill his grandson.
When Li Jingshen was nine years old, Li Huaian died because of Li Jingshen.
He died too early, I wasn't ready. The timing was wrong, Gu Sui wasn't strong enough yet to discover the truth, but later, when the child she was with got into trouble and found to have a wrong blood type, she would understand.
Everything went according to my plan, even better than I expected.
People's hearts may really change. After Li Siyan and Lu Weiwei died, I was not interested in anything for a long time.
I couldn't help but focus my attention on Lu Tingchuan. I wanted to look at him and be nice to him.
Under my influence, Lu Tingchuan developed a deeper hatred for Li Jingshen. Like me, he wanted to destroy everything, but he wanted to avenge his mother, while I did it for myself.
An unfortunate childhood requires a lifetime to heal. This is the path I arranged for Li Jingshen, and it is also the path I have walked. I have walked it, so I know how difficult and painful it is. But I never thought that Tingchuan would become like this.
Our unfortunate childhood was most influenced by the environment. If it weren’t for our father’s distorted educational philosophy at the beginning, we wouldn’t have become like this.
As long as the Li family is gone, I will be free.
…
Gu Sui finally realized that the child beside her was not her biological child. After learning that Li Huaian was the one and that he died protecting Li Jingshen, she fainted from crying several times.
It's ridiculous that she complains about the unfairness of fate. She only realizes that fate is unfair now, but I knew it was unfair when I was six years old.
…
The fratricide that I imagined did not happen. On the contrary, Gu Sui was quite nice to Li Jingshen and did not blame him for Li Huaian's death.
Perhaps it was because her father was soft-hearted towards her since she was a child, so she did not experience too many distorted educational models, or maybe it was because she left the Li family too early and had someone who loved her, so she did not become as heartless as us.
She was kind-hearted, and her misfortune had been cured.
God always favors her, my younger sister, time and time again.
My mother named her Gu Sui, but Li Siyan and I just said "whatever"
In the end, they decided on Gu Sui. Just like her name, she lived the life she wanted. In the entire Li family, she was the one who lived the best life and was not affected by hatred. The key was that she had someone who loved her.
…
I remember that I also had someone who loved me back then, Lu Weiwei.
When I think of her inadvertently, I also imagine, if she had not died, and I was with her openly back then, what would the situation be like now?
It probably won't be a good ending.
After all, if the Li family could drive her away once, they can drive her away a second time. Perhaps she would end up like Jiang Yun.
…
Under his father's cultivation, Li Jingshen grew up quickly, from a puppy to a wolf. He knew that his father's death was closely related to me.
At that time, he had already gone to Rongcheng. Once he took over Rongcheng, when he came back, it would be time for him to take revenge on me.
Time flies. Sixteen years have passed since Li Siyan's death.
Li Jingshen also got married. In six years, he became the richest man in Rongcheng, and his fame spread to J City and Haicheng.
During the time when Li Jingshen was away, Lu Tingchuan and I became closer.
Lu Tingchuan said, I am the best person to him in this world, I wish his father was like me.
What would he do if I told him that I was his father and that I had been using and deceiving him all these years?
He must be eager to kill me, right?
Over the years, his hatred has been directed at Li Jingshen, and he wants to avenge his mother.
Hatred drives him to grow, and it has become part of his life. Once I tell him the truth, that everything he believes in is false and that the people he believes in have been deceiving him, his life will stagnate.
I can never tell him the truth in my life.
…
Lu Tingchuan had no one to talk to in the Li family. I was the one who took him to school when he was young, and I also attended several parent-teacher conferences. In secret, I taught him everything I knew, little by little.
He would only reveal his true feelings in front of me. He said he missed his mother. Every year, on his mother's memorial day and New Year's Eve, I would take him to his mother's grave.
The smile on his face looked exactly like Lu Weiwei's. He was forcing himself to smile even though he clearly couldn't.
He said he was living a good life.
He said he was having a great time and asked her not to worry about him.
He also said that he met a very good person, that is me.
He calls me second uncle and says that I am especially good to him. I am the relative he cares about most in the world and the only relative he has now.
…
The living hope that the dead can bless the living below from heaven.
I also prayed in my heart, hoping that Lu Weiwei could bless her son Lu Tingchuan, and wish him peace and success in everything.
…
Li Jingshen's personality is most like his grandfather's, probably because he has been raised by his grandfather, so his living habits, temperament, and behavior style are surprisingly similar.
We should call him old man now, after all, he is eighty years old. It is said that evil can last for a thousand years, and this is absolutely true when it comes to him.
He is eighty years old and still in good spirits.
It’s okay, the longer you live, the more you see.
This is just the beginning. I once made a wish that I would make my father regret everything he had done, that his wishes would be dashed time and time again, and that he would regret it for the rest of his life.
Just like Li Jingshen, whom he had always kept by his side and cultivated, in the end he still followed his old path and was trapped by love.
When Li Jingshen was 28 years old, his beloved died, and for a long time he became neither human nor ghost.
Under the old man's supervision, it took him a year to recover. He blamed Lu Tingchuan for the woman's death and began to take crazy revenge on Lu Tingchuan.
…
Li Jingshen was raised by the old man and knew a lot of things.
For example, his father's death was related to me. For another example, his grandfather who raised him and watched all this coldly was the instigator. In order to have a qualified heir, he even supported the killing of brothers.
He secretly condoned the killing of Li Siyan and me, and now he is watching Li Jingshen and Lu Tingchuan killing each other.
In such an environment, what is normal? Or what becomes normal?
Perhaps Li Jingshen hates the entire Li family even more than I do, because it was the Li family that made him unable to love, made him heartless, hurt the person he loved the most, and even lost him.
Li Jingshen's methods are countless times more powerful than his father Li Siyan's. He is cruel and ruthless enough. I didn't expect that I would die at his hands, and I didn't expect that I would die because of protecting Lu Tingchuan.
The gunshot was deafening, and I protected Lu Tingchuan under me.
The burning heat in my chest stung my eyes red. I looked at Lu Tingchuan's face and seemed to see Lu Weiwei.
"Don't cry...just smile...it will pass with a smile." This is Lu Weiwei's motto.
When I spoke, my chest was pulled, my vision was blurred, and everything I saw was double. I tried to open my eyes wide and shrink my pupils, and finally saw a smile on Lu Tingchuan's face.
"You look a lot like your mother..." After a person dies, hearing must disappear.
I am not dead yet, I can still hear Lu Tingchuan calling me "Second Uncle", I hope he can call me Dad.
He told me not to sleep and to hold on, and he would take me to the hospital immediately.
I heard his anxious voice on the phone.
I don't regret dying like this, at least I died to protect my son.
I can't keep anything in my life, but at least I saved his life at the last moment.
Those past events kept flashing before my eyes like a kaleidoscope. I started to hallucinate and heard many people calling my name, including Li Siyan, Lu Weiwei, and the voice I was almost forgetting, which was my mother's.
Gu Wanqiu. I will always remember that name and that little bear. Now they are sealed in a safe, and her voice is also sealed.
She said, Mom will always love you, love will continue, even if I leave, this love will continue.
…
The living cannot compare to the dead.
…
I once thought about the scene of my death, which would be that I would get the Li family and then destroy it, dying quickly and painfully.
But now I have nothing, but I don’t regret it, I even feel relieved, I have long been tired of such a life.
When did he get tired of it? Was it after Li Siyan's death, or after Lu Weiwei's death?
Amidst a flurry of noise, I was sent to the hospital. I was going to die... I knew my own body better than anyone else. I had already heard the doctor declare that I was beyond saving.
Who is happy about this?
Who will feel sad for me?
It doesn't matter anymore. After I die, no one will remember me.
I opened my eyes, wanting to take one last look at my father.
The eighty-four-year-old man now has snow-white hair, a bent back, and is much shorter.
My father once said that as long as I am stronger than him, I can control my own life. In fact, I have been stronger than him for a long time.
…
In my impression, my father, who was always proud and strong, would only show weakness in front of my mother. On the day Li Siyan died, he just stiffened his back and never had red eyes.
But today, he saw his red eyes.
I tried to open my mouth to say something, even if I couldn't, at least smile. I wanted to mock him one last time after I died, but I was in so much pain that I had no strength left.
…
Just smile and it will pass, and maybe I won’t feel so much pain.
My elderly father patted my shoulder and said, "Si Xu, I know everything. I know you are blaming me, I know what you have done... I know that Tingchuan is your son."
Yes, how could I possibly lie to him? He is my father, he is stronger than me, he saw everything, but he didn't say anything.
…
I still hate him.
I closed my eyes, and it seemed as if a breeze blew, bringing my father's words to my ears.
"I'm sorry, Si Xu. Maybe I've really been wrong in my life."
My face was cold, my throat was choked, and I couldn't breathe for a moment. It's really painful when a person is about to die.
Was it painful for Li Siyan when he was hit by a car? Was it painful for Lu Weiwei when she slit her wrists while soaking in water and committing suicide, just like the pain I'm in now? How did she have the energy to laugh before she died?
It has been a long time since I shed tears. I didn't cry when they died, but now my eyes are wet when my father says "I'm sorry".
Perhaps, from the beginning to the end, all I wanted was your apology.
If you had said sorry earlier, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes.
Unfortunately, it's all too late.
When I die, I want to see my mother, my brother Li Siyan, and Lu Weiwei, the person I loved, again. Unfortunately, a sinful person like me will go to hell after death.
"Thinking continues."
"Ah Xu."
"younger brother."
"It's okay. I'll protect you. I'll always be there to protect you. You can love someone, or find someone who loves you, and live the life you want. Don't you want to be a musician? Go for it boldly. Leave this to me from now on. You have your own life, and I'll be there to hold it up even if the sky falls."
Perhaps, when he said he wanted to inherit the Li family, it was not because he agreed with his father's point of view, nor was it because he wanted to. He was just protecting me, just like when I was a child, always standing in front of me to shield me from the wind and rain.
…
I seem to hear many "dead people" calling me. I have done many evil things in my life and will fall into the Avici Hell after death. The people I love will not allow me to go to heaven. I cannot cross the cycle of reincarnation. I am not worthy of love for eternity. I repent in the Avici Hell and pray for the people I killed, hoping that they will not meet evil people in their next life and will be happy with the love of their life.
I pulled the corners of my lips and smiled foolishly. My laughter faded, my breathing and heartbeat also weakened. I took my last breath, and I vaguely saw my brother when he was young. He was holding the kite string and running forward hard against the cool wind. He looked back as he ran, and the sound came from a distance.
"Brother, look, the kite is flying."
——The kite flies really high.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
