Chapter 41
It was late at night, and only a dim bedside lamp was on in Su Rui's little room. The two of them lay side by side on the narrow single bed, their bodies pressed tightly together, sharing each other's body temperature and heavy breathing.
The storm during the day and the sudden decision to leave weighed like a huge rock on Su Rui's heart. In the darkness, he hugged Ling Yao's waist tightly, burying his face in his warm chest. The tears he had been holding back for so long finally burst out. At first, they flowed silently, soaking Ling Yao's clothes, but then gradually became uncontrollable, broken sobs.
"Why..." His voice was choked with sobs, and his fingers unconsciously clenched the clothes on Ling Yao's back, "Why do you want to leave... Is there something wrong with me... Please don't leave me..."
The deep-seated insecurity and fear of being abandoned completely overwhelmed him at this moment. Ling Yao was the only light in his barren world, and now this light was leaving on its own, going to a distant place that he could not reach.
Ling Yao's body stiffened for a moment, then he hugged him back even tighter, his chin resting on the top of his head, feeling the subtle trembling of the person in his arms. Su Rui's tears and questions pierced his heart like needles.
He didn't answer immediately, but silently stroked Su Rui's back. After a long time, so long that Su Rui's crying gradually weakened and turned into intermittent sobs, he finally spoke in an extremely calm tone, but with a distant and painful tone, talking about something seemingly unrelated.
"Su Rui, do you know why I feel like a place with oranges feels like home?"
Su Rui raised her tear-stained face and looked at Ling Yao's tense jawline in the dim light.
Ling Yao's gaze fell unfocused on a certain point in the void, as if he was lost in some distant and unpleasant memories.
"When I was little, my dad never came home. The house was big and empty, often just me and my mom." His voice was calm, yet a chill lingered. "My mom...she never seemed happy. She thought my dad didn't come home because I wasn't good enough, not outstanding enough, not lovable enough, and couldn't attract him to even glance at me."
"I don't know where she heard this folk remedy from, saying that if children eat too many oranges, their complexion will turn yellow, making them look like they're seriously ill. It's so pitiful." Ling Yao's mouth curled into a mocking arc, "Then, she started forcing me to eat oranges. A lot of them."
"I had acid reflux, vomited, and my stomach was burning... but she didn't care." A hint of an uncontrollable tremor finally seeped into his voice. "She just sat beside me, watching me eat, and kept telling me: 'Eat, eat more, your face will turn yellow, and your father will come back to see you, and he will feel sorry for you...'"
"So, I both hate and love oranges. That sweet yet sour taste that makes you sick if you eat too much is closely tied to the days when I was a child, when I was forced to swallow them, hoping to get a little father's attention by being 'sick,' and the days when my family of three could be together. It's both disgusting and blissful."
Su Rui had completely forgotten to cry. He stared at Ling Yao in shock, his heart numb with pain as if it were being gripped tightly by an icy hand. He couldn't imagine that beneath Ling Yao's proud and unbridled exterior, he actually had such a twisted and sad childhood.
"But..." Ling Yao's voice trailed off, a sense of deep confusion and powerlessness lingering in his voice. "Isn't that ridiculous? I hate it so much, but for some reason... the words 'orange' and 'home' have long since become synonymous in my mind. It's as if wherever there are oranges, there must be... a place where you need to pretend, to please, and to make yourself look terrible in order to get even a little attention."
He paused and took a deep breath, as if to suppress those sour memories. Then, he lowered his head and looked at Su Rui in his arms, whose eyes were red and swollen and her face was covered with tears, with a complicated look in his eyes.
"It's not that I don't want you." He finally responded to Su Rui's questioning, his voice hoarse, "I just... have to leave that 'home'. That suffocating place made of oranges. You heard what my mother said today. If I stay any longer, I might really go crazy."
"Going to Country J and being a trainee might be difficult and hard. But it's an opportunity, a chance... to rely on myself, rather than feigning illness, flattering others, or relying on her charity to survive." His eyes burned with pain, yet there was also a hint of stubbornness that refused to yield. "I need to prove something, even if it's just for myself."
He didn't abandon Su Rui, he wanted to escape from that huge, twisted cage in the name of "love". And Su Rui was the only real and warm comfort he could grasp on his way to escape.
Su Rui understood. Beneath that anger and determination lay a helpless childhood and a soul longing to be truly seen. His Ling Yao wasn't inherently arrogant and cold; he simply used layers of thorns to protect the little boy within, once forced to swallow countless oranges and yearning for a father's love.
The grievance and fear in his heart were suddenly replaced by a huge heartache. He stopped questioning and hugged Ling Yao even tighter, as if he wanted to use his body temperature to warm his cold memories.
"I'm sorry..." Su Rui whispered, for his misunderstanding just now and for everything Ling Yao had experienced.
Ling Yao didn't say anything else, simply tightening his arms around them, filling the last sliver of space between them. In this shabby yet safe little house, they were like two little animals licking each other's wounds, snuggling together to fight the coldness of the world outside the window and the impending separation.
The sour smell of oranges seemed to still linger in their memories, but at this moment, they could only hug each other tightly, absorbing the only sweetness from each other.
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