journal
Lin Xihui recalled the diary she had accidentally discovered when she was a child and went back to the old house to play.
They rarely returned to the old house, and that time it was just him and his mother.
That day, I took him to the amusement park; it had been planned beforehand. My sister and her best friend had made plans to go out together, but Dad was away on a business trip, so the task fell to Mom.
Mom received a phone call midway through, and it took her a long time to deal with it. So long that he had already ridden the carousel twice and it still wasn't over.
"Xi Hui, you eat your ice cream first, I'll be right there."
But he was eating so slowly, his hands were sticky and wet from the milk, and he still hadn't finished his call with his mother. Lin Xihui gulped down the milk that had already turned to water, silently finished his ice cream cone, and while rummaging through his bag for wet wipes to clean his hands, he mentally calculated what he hadn't played yet, and what he wanted to play again next time. He wasn't worried that his mother would break her promise; she would definitely find another opportunity to bring him next time, it was just a matter of time. If she couldn't wait, he could come with his uncles and aunts at other times.
I mainly want to spend more time with my mom.
Later, it seemed that they had to go back to the old house to get something, and they were in a hurry, so they didn't have time to send him back. His mother apologized to him sincerely before taking him back with her.
This was his first time returning to the old house.
His mother was on the phone having an online meeting, and he, bored, started exploring the house.
Everything was new and exciting for him. His mother just told him to be careful and didn't give him any other prohibitions except for not going near the pond and rockery in the yard.
So Lin Xihui started playing a "treasure hunt" with himself, exploring the house. Sometimes he was a traveler trekking through the desert, and sometimes he was a helmsman navigating the waves... Later, when he got tired of playing, he casually sat down against a bed.
Even while sitting, he couldn't stay still. His fingers kept tracing the intricate patterns, following the lines. Unexpectedly, he actually discovered something—a hidden cabinet, very low, a place most people wouldn't notice.
Pulling it open revealed only a small drawer containing a yellowed notebook. Lin Xihui felt she shouldn't look at it casually and should hand it directly to her mother later.
But his overwhelming curiosity made him itchy and his body uncontrollably flipped open the notebook. On the title page were several large, flamboyant characters—"Jiang Qingchen".
He recognized the name; it came from his aunt, whom he had never met, only seeing her serene smile in photographs during annual memorial services. His calligraphy teacher had said in the first lesson, "The handwriting reflects the person," and Lin Xihui carefully examined the signature, feeling that this aunt had completely overturned his impression of her, rendering his previous assumptions utterly unfounded. He involuntarily continued flipping through the pages:
"February 10th, sunny. The weather is still cool. It's like spring hasn't even arrived yet, so annoying. All those people do at the meeting is keep arguing and arguing, it's even more annoying."
"March 15th, sunny. The peach blossoms are extremely beautiful. I want my aunt to pick them and make flower cakes. I'm hungry."
"March 16th, rain. The flowers were knocked down, so annoying! Give me back my flower cake! Who gave the permission for this rain anyway?!"
Lin Xihui carefully held the old notebook, reading it with great interest and laughing non-stop. She grew to like this aunt she had never met before.
"The ninth day of the eighth lunar month, rain. The rain today is not heavy. I feel that autumn rain is mostly light and not as heavy as summer rain, which has its own charm. I received a letter from Moyun yesterday, saying that the competition schedule coincides with hers, so Xiaoyun'er probably won't be able to come back for the Mid-Autumn Festival this year. I miss her. Fortunately, Yushen is with her, so she won't be too lonely. There is definitely something between the two of them. Just wait and see. I bet there will be a result within half a year."
"Wen Yushen, who is that?" Lin Xihui couldn't help but wonder, she had never heard of such a person before. "A competition? What kind of competition?" Her aunt's diary entries were few, only appearing every few days, and mostly just a sentence or two, with more detail only when it mentioned her mother. Unable to make sense from the fragmented entries, Lin Xihui continued reading—
"The third day of the ninth lunar month, sunny. Xiaoyun and the others went home today. Luckily, it was the Double Ninth Festival, so we could still go hiking together. I watched the competition video. They danced really well. Such a beautiful dance, and they only got third place. This industry really requires some talent. I guess I'm better off just dancing casually in my spare time. Giving up back then was very farsighted (it wasn't because I wanted to be lazy, really)."
"The ninth day of the ninth lunar month, sunny, the sky is very beautiful today. When we were climbing the mountain, that kid surnamed Wen put a wildflower in Xiaoyun's hair. I saw it, you brat."
Two pages in the middle went back to those fun little anecdotes, and then I didn't write anything for a long time.
"January 20th, cloudy. I'm so busy and tired at the end of the year. Xiaoyun and the others are going to a competition again and will leave the day after tomorrow. Moyun is coming to sleep with me tonight so we can have a good chat."
"January 21st, cloudy. Good heavens, I asked Xiaoyun last night, and those two are practically glued to each other, yet they're still not together? I don't understand them."
"February 13th, rain. Little Cloud sent a letter back saying that she has a good chance of winning the jackpot this time."
"February 28th, cloudy. The two of them came back hand in hand with the trophy... I don't know whether to laugh or cry. My lovely little cabbage! We've only known each other for three years, how could... This kid really get lucky!"
"They're together!" Lin Xihui exclaimed softly, then quickly covered her mouth and peeked at her mother in the living room through the door. Seeing that her mother was still on the phone and hadn't noticed them, she ran back inside, half-closing the door to continue watching, thrilled to have caught a glimpse of the adults' past gossip.
He continued flipping through the pages, but after only a few, the rest of the notebook was blank. Undeterred, he carefully examined each page, and finally, halfway through, he found another entry. This time, the entry was much longer, though the date was missing at the beginning, and the handwriting had changed slightly, appearing more composed and restrained, less sharp and incisive. It must have been several years ago.
"I suddenly remembered this diary, and after flipping through a few pages, I found it really funny and quite interesting. It's always good to finish what you start, but I'm too lazy to continue recording, so I'll just leave a summary at the end to show that it's complete."
The post was followed by a black and white photo, which appeared to be a family portrait. However, because it hadn't been laminated, most of the color had faded, and only a few familiar features could be vaguely discerned.
"In recent years, Mo Yun has grown more and more beautiful. It's not just her eyes; her figure and appearance are just like her mother in my memory. It's a pity that there were no photos back then, only a few portraits with my father. Although we tried our best to preserve them, they have faded a lot, just like memories that are still blurry even when we try hard to recall them. They are things that cannot be kept. Otherwise, we should really let Xiao Yun'er see them and see what her mother looks like."
My father has truly aged; his white hair is now impossible to pluck out or hide, and he's become somewhat hunched over. Fortunately, in recent years, the remnants of those people in the family business have been mostly dealt with, so he no longer needs to worry about it. With me managing the company, there will be no problems, and Teacher Zheng has also been a great help.
Honestly, I've gotten used to calling him Teacher Zheng like Yun'er does; it feels awkward to call him anything else. I still remember when he proposed to me the year before last; it was hilarious—he mispronounced a sentence three or four times, his tongue was practically tied. He's not usually like this; he always seems so composed and articulate during speeches, speaking fluently and effortlessly. How can he be so nervous?
I can understand, though. I was nervous those days too, thinking he was going to propose, but I wasn't sure when, so I dressed up carefully every day. Who knew he'd pick a day when I was too busy to care about my appearance? I was furious!
However, since he praised my beauty so earnestly, I decided to forgive him this time. After I agreed, he sent a matchmaker to propose marriage, and I never expected that he had secretly prepared so many wonderful things.
Hmph, at least he put in the effort.
Xiaoyun cried the most at the wedding. I wiped her tears for a long time, and my handkerchief was soaked.
However, it seems that the marriage didn't affect things much afterward. The Zheng family's business was small, so it had already been incorporated into the family. Their family was also small; he was the only son, and with his mother, there were only two of them. So, they simply lived together in the Jiang family mansion. In any case, over the years, many members of the Jiang family had left or scattered, so there was no shortage of empty rooms.
Two families... no, now we're one family. After living together, even though there are only two more people, it feels much more lively when we eat.
People usually enjoy watching Yun'er and Yu Shen's videotapes for entertainment; they've practically won so many awards they're overwhelmed. The two of them themselves don't care at all, they're very casual about it. My father and I, however, are very attentive. We've specially set aside a room for them to display their trophies, and even had a new, high-quality cabinet made, with someone maintaining it daily. The various trophies and certificates displayed together are a pleasing sight to behold.
Teacher Zheng said I look much gentler. Could it really be because I'm pregnant? We don't care whether it's a boy or a girl; we'll love them both.
I don't know if the "sour for a boy, spicy for a girl" theory is reliable, but how do I calculate it if I like both? I'm eating myself into a pig! I even specifically asked if it could be twins, but the doctor said there's a high probability of only one in my belly. Oh no, could it be hermaphroditism? I've seen examples of that in books.
What if people look down on my child in the future? I need to prepare in advance.
What should I prepare? Maybe I should first have someone write a few articles about gender and publish them in the newspaper; reading them more will help desensitize me. I should also prepare gender-neutral items for the child, and find a doctor or something similar…
"No, maybe we should prepare all three styles. I need to discuss it thoroughly with Teacher Zheng."
Lin Xihui couldn't help but worry as well, and subconsciously nodded.
"I talked to Teacher Zheng, and he told me to stop overthinking."
I don't want to talk to him anymore. He doesn't understand anything and doesn't care about me or the child at all. I've really wasted my time on him.
That's right, without even considering it, Lin Xihui inexplicably got involved and felt sad for a long time.
He agreed again.
He added something else, and considering how thoughtful he was, I'll reluctantly forgive him this once.
"Speaking of which, I'm almost due, what's going on with Yun'er? She got engaged last year, why haven't I heard anything new?"
There were many concerns in between, and then the topic suddenly changed.
"It's a girl, not very pretty. The doctor said all newborns are like that, and it will get better over time. I hope so—March 3rd, sunny."
Finally seeing a date, Lin Xihui continued scrolling down:
"The baby is almost three months old, and Yun'er and the others are coming back too. I heard they took a plane specifically to make it back. I'll go to the airport with Teacher Zheng to pick them up tomorrow."
Oh, by the way, the baby has definitely gotten prettier. We finally decided on a name a month ago: 'Ci Qing'. It's a combination of one character from my name and the addition of 'Ci', hoping she'll grow up to be more scholarly. But it's okay if she doesn't; really, I just wish for her to be safe and happy.
There were about ten pages left, but the diary ended there. Lin Xihui heard footsteps outside and remembered what she had just seen. Her mind was in turmoil. She instinctively knew her mother couldn't see it, so she quickly put it in her small schoolbag. Just as she finished putting it away and closed the drawer, her mother pushed the door open and came in.
Lin Xihui couldn't help but tighten her grip on her schoolbag strap, revealing a sweet smile, and asked first, "Are you done with your work, Mom?"
Jiang Moyun gave him a strange look, but didn't think much of it, assuming he was just bored and felt quite guilty.
She apologized earnestly once again, "I'm sorry, Mom broke our promise. I'll bring you again next time. It's late, let me take you to get something to eat first. I've already booked that restaurant you've always liked. You can order an extra dessert today."
"Yay!" Lin Xihui's initial suspicion about seeing the similar name had been completely banished by the temptation of the dessert in front of her, and her mind was now preoccupied with deciding what to order later.
The seed of suspicion has already been planted, usually unnoticed, but easily stirred up once a trigger is encountered.
As a child, Lin Xihui didn't understand, but one ordinary day when she grew up, she suddenly realized the meaning behind the small age difference between her sister and father, and the identity of the person whose name she had never heard before.
“Wen Yu Shen”.
During lunch break, the girls at the table in front of her were chatting quietly, and Lin Xihui only vaguely heard the name.
He murmured the name to himself, feeling an inexplicable sense of familiarity. He moved his chair forward a bit, patted the girl in front of him on the shoulder, and smiled, "Hey, who are you talking about? Can you tell me?"
"I won't allow anyone to not have seen him dance! He's really amazing, whether it's his early duets or his later solos, he's absolutely stunning. Oh, let me show you, you'll understand once you see it!" The two girls were initially taken aback, but then they became incredibly enthusiastic in promoting him, shoving a magazine into his hand and pointing to one of the particularly handsome boys, saying, "Here, that's him."
This man possesses a truly unique aura; words like "refined and elegant" and "a graceful and talented person" would not be an exaggeration to describe him. The photo captures the moment he turns around and looks back—his eyes are slightly lowered, his porcelain-white skin and the beads of sweat that are about to drip are suspended on his delicate chin, and the tips of his slender white fingers can be faintly seen at the end of his flowing sleeves, adding a touch of captivating mystery.
Lin Xihui couldn't resist turning the page again. The next photo had a completely different style—a moment of mid-air captured by the camera, the clothes fluttering as if about to break through the air, every muscle brimming with burgeoning power. The outstretched fingertips and taut insteps together formed a bow poised to be released, light yet powerful.
Just moments ago, it resembled a graceful willow in spring; now, it looks like an eagle soaring in the sky. This extreme contrast creates a powerful visual impact that is truly unforgettable.
"Love at first sight." That's pretty much the impression this person gives off.
Lin Xihui admired it carefully, remaining silent for a long time.
The girl in the seat in front of me remained enthusiastic, continuing to introduce this person's impressive resume in turn.
"Can I borrow it for a day? I'll take good care of it." Lin Xihui raised her eyes and smiled, but before she could answer, her gaze returned to the magazine.
"Sure, as long as you don't break it." The girl generously pushed the magazine towards Lin Xihui.
"I'll return it to you tomorrow." Lin Xihui took the magazine and carefully put it away. "Thanks, I'll bring you milk tea tomorrow."
After returning home, Lin Xihui rummaged through the corner of the bookshelf and found the dusty diary. Following her memory, she carefully turned to the page with the photo.
I picked up the magazine and carefully compared the two.
To be honest, it's not very clear. The photo is too old; although it hasn't seen much light, it's not very legible. Even if it is the same person, several years have passed, and there will be some changes, making it difficult for someone who isn't familiar with them to recognize them.
But Lin Xihui had a gut feeling—the boy standing next to her mother in the corner of the photo was Wen Yushen.
Lin Xihui put the diary back in its place and casually sat on the edge of the bed, the open magazine still on her lap, lingering on Wen Yushen's page, lost in thought for a long time.
Then he took out his phone and typed "Wen Yushen" into the search bar.
Clicking into the relevant entry, she first saw several dance videos, followed by some information about him. Lin Xihui looked closely and actually found Jiang Moyun's name among them.
The words "early dance partner" and "fiancée" followed closely behind. There was much more information after that, but Lin Xihui didn't continue scrolling down.
My mother has always loved dancing. Whenever she has free time, she will put on some music, sometimes hum a song, and then dance a few light steps to the tune.
Anyone with eyes can see her passion.
"I'm not as good at dancing as I used to be."
Lin Xihui remembered that she often said this.
The smile on his face was never quite genuine.
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