Gift
In the small room on the second floor of the "Neon" bar, the air was like sour wine, mixed with the bitter smell of burnt cigarette butts, sticking to the skin. Li Huaizhou curled up in the corner of the single bed, his head stuffed with a ball of soaked cotton, too heavy to lift, his temples throbbing, each throbbing pain like a needle. On the floor beside the bed, a pile of green beer cans was spilled.
He stared at the yellowed water stains on the ceiling, his eyes vacant. When he'd downed a whole case of beer last night, he'd thought the cool liquid would quench the fire within him, but now all he felt was a searing pain in his stomach, a sour, rancid taste clogged his throat. The warmth of a cigarette butt still lingered on his fingertips, and he pulled out another one. He tried his lighter three times before it finally lit. Xie Mo used to snatch his cigarettes, stubbing them out in the ashtray with a frown, saying they were bad for his health. Now, no one cared. The more he smoked, the more empty he felt inside, like a piece of him had been ripped out, a cold wind blasting down inside.
He didn't know how long it took, but his eyelids became heavier and heavier, as if they were hung with lead. He leaned his head against the pillow and fell asleep in a daze. As soon as he fell into darkness, the nightmare came over him. In the dream, there was that closed door again, and he saw Xie Mo standing outside the door. The blood on his back had formed an ugly flower on his black coat. His eyes were red as if soaked in blood, and he asked in a hoarse voice, "Are you telling the truth?" He wanted to rush over to hug him, but his feet seemed to be nailed to the ground. He could only watch Xie Mo slowly retreat, and finally be swallowed by a black car. Snow was falling outside the car window, and Xie's father's cold voice rang in his ears: "You will ruin him."
"No..." Li Huaizhou opened his eyes suddenly, his chest heaving violently, the cold sweat on his forehead soaked his hair, sticking to his skin and feeling cold. It was already dawn outside the window, and the sound of a mop scraping across the floor on the first floor of the bar, mixed with the shouts of the breakfast shop in the distance, slowly brought him back to reality. He gasped, took out the cigarette box, his fingers shaking violently.
By the afternoon, the room was thick with cigarette smoke, and Li Huaizhou's throat was so hoarse he couldn't even cough. Suddenly, there was a loud bang, and the door was violently slammed open from the outside, hitting the wall with a sharp clang. The cigarette butt in his hand fell onto his pants, and he shivered from the burn.
"Li Huaizhou! Holy crap, you're still alive!" Ji Jiancheng rushed in first, followed by a loud voice, stumbling in, followed by Jiang Changnan and Shen Qitang. As soon as he entered the room, he was choked by the smell of alcohol and frowned, fanning the room with his hands. "You didn't reply to my messages, and no one answered my calls. They couldn't reach you, not even Xie Mo. The phone kept getting a busy tone—"
Before he could finish his words, Ji Jiancheng's voice suddenly stopped, as if something was blocking his throat. He stared at Li Huaizhou on the bed, his eyes widening. Li Huaizhou looked lifeless and depressed, like grass wilted by frost, without even the strength to lift his head.
"Fuck...what happened to you?" Ji Jiancheng's voice dropped an octave. All the noise he had just made disappeared, leaving only panic. "Did you have a fight? Or was there an incident at the bar? There's a smear of blood on the corner of the wall downstairs. Jiang Changnan and I were just wondering if someone was blocking you—" Jiang Changnan also hurried over and reached out to help him. When his fingertips touched Li Huaizhou's arm, he found that he was cold all over. "Huaizhou, why do you look so bad? Are you not feeling well? Talk to me."
Li Huaizhou's head hurt even more because of the quarrel between the two people. He opened his mouth, but his throat felt like it was blocked by a ball of sandpaper. He squeezed out two words with great effort: "It's okay..." His voice was very hoarse and intermittent, like a crow calling on a dead tree, and there was still a lingering smell of alcohol.
Chen Qitang stood behind him, silent. He simply pulled a bottle of mineral water from his canvas bag, unscrewed the cap, and handed it over. Ji Jiancheng quickly took it and put it to Li Huaizhou's lips: "Drink some water first. Your throat is hoarse. Drink some to moisten it." As soon as the cold bottle's mouth touched his lips, Li Huaizhou suddenly turned sideways, holding onto the edge of the bed and vomiting violently. He had eaten almost nothing yesterday, and all he vomited was yellow-green stomach acid mixed with undigested alcohol. Ji Jiancheng and Jiang Changnan took a half step back in fear. Then, their faces changed. A few dark red blood spots floated in the vomit, slowly dissolving in the stomach acid, a shocking sight.
"Holy crap! Blood!" Ji Jiancheng's voice distorted, and the mineral water bottle in his hand fell to the ground with a "bang", spilling water everywhere. "What the hell is going on?" Jiang Changnan panicked, squatting down and gently patting Li Huaizhou's back, his hands shaking: "Vomiting slowly, don't choke." Li Huaizhou was exhausted from vomiting and slumped over the edge of the bed. His chest felt stuffy and even breathing hurt. Tears choked out, mixing with the cold sweat on his forehead. He tried to speak, but could only make small gasps, like a leaking bellows.
Shen Qitang's face also darkened. Without hesitation, he took out his cell phone and dialed the emergency number. His voice was a little more urgent than usual, but he remained calm. After hanging up the phone, Shen Qitang squatted down, took out a tissue from his bag, handed it to Li Huaizhuo to wipe his mouth, and said to Ji Jiancheng: "Don't panic, help him sit up first, don't let him lie down, otherwise he will choke easily." Ji Jiancheng came to his senses, and hurriedly helped Li Huaizhuo up with Jiang Changnan, and let him lean against the head of the bed with a pillow behind his back.
The sound of an ambulance siren came from a distance, getting closer and closer, and finally stopped downstairs of the bar. Ji Jiancheng ran downstairs to pick someone up, while Jiang Changnan and Shen Qitang supported Li Huaizhuo and walked slowly downstairs. He staggered, and his stomach hurt with every step. When he arrived at the hospital, the lights in the emergency room were dazzling. After a simple examination, the doctor asked him to do a gastroscopy. After tossing and turning for most of the day, the result was acute gastric bleeding, which was caused by damage to the gastric mucosa due to alcohol stimulation and vomiting on an empty stomach. Fortunately, it was not serious and he needed to be hospitalized for infusion and observation for a few days. Ji Jiancheng and Jiang Changnan quickly raised money to pay the medical expenses, and Shen Qitang went to handle the hospitalization procedures. The three of them were busy until they sent Li Huaizhuo to the ward. They finally breathed a sigh of relief, but their faces were still panicked.
Li Huaizhou fell into a deep sleep and did not wake up until the next morning. When he opened his eyes, the sun shone through the window and fell on the white quilt, making him feel warm. The liquid in the IV dripped down, as if counting the time. The burning pain in his stomach eased a little, but he still felt empty.
"You're finally awake!" Ji Jiancheng's voice rang out immediately. He jumped up from his chair and moved to the bedside, his eyes full of surprise. "How do you feel? Does your stomach still hurt?" Li Huaizhou shook his head. His voice was still hoarse, and it was a bit difficult for him to speak: "Much better..."
"That's good, that's good." Ji Jiancheng breathed a sigh of relief, then frowned again, his tone filled with complaints and worry. "What's wrong with you? You drank so much, are you going to die? Who are you angry with? You're not like this usually. Even if the sky falls, I've never seen you ruin yourself like this."
Li Huaizhou was silent for a long time, looking at the IV stand on the ceiling. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, he just didn't know how to start. He couldn't tell Ji Jiancheng that he was with Xie Mo, and now they broke up, and he ended up drinking so much that he had a stomach bleed? He didn't want to drag his friends into this, because it was so stupid to end up like this just because of a relationship...
"I... don't want to say it." He finally spoke, his voice as light as a feather, falling into the air without any weight.
Ji Jiancheng wanted to ask more, but Chen Qitang suddenly said, "Ji Jiancheng, the doctor said he just woke up and needs to eat something light. Go to the cafeteria downstairs and buy a bowl of millet porridge." Ji Jiancheng was stunned for a moment before he reacted. He looked at Li Huazhuo's pale face, then looked at the look in Chen Qitang's eyes, and curled his lips, "Okay, I'll go buy it. You keep an eye on it here and don't let him think about it again." After that, he picked up his coat, turned around and walked out of the ward, closing the door deliberately quietly for fear of disturbing Li Huazhuo.
The ward instantly fell silent, leaving only the dripping sound of the IV tube. Shen Qitang pulled a chair and sat beside the bed. He looked at Li Huaizhou, hesitated for a moment, and then slowly said, "You..."
"We broke up." Li Huaizhou spoke before he finished speaking, with his head lowered and his fingers picking at the threads on the quilt, his fingertips trembling a little. "I was the one who suggested it. I don't think there is a possibility for us." He deliberately spoke softly, as if he was talking about someone else, but the tremor in his voice could not be hidden, and even his shoulders began to tremble slightly.
Chen Qitang looked at him, and was silent for a long time before he sighed softly: "It's okay, actually." He paused, and his voice became very soft, "Your situation is special to begin with. If you insist on holding on, you will only be more tired. It will get better slowly." Li Huaizhou nodded, without saying anything, but turned his head and looked out the window. The evergreen tree downstairs had sprouted new leaves, which were tender green and dazzled the eyes in the sunlight. He remembered the first time he met Xie Mo last summer. The sunlight at that time was as warm as it is now, but now, everything is gone.
Not long after, Ji Jiancheng returned with porridge and a serving of stir-fried vegetables. "Eat it while it's hot! The doctor said you can only eat light food now, not greasy food." He handed the bowl to Li Huaizhou and spread his chopsticks. "Drink slowly, don't burn yourself."
Li Huaizhou took the porridge and drank it in small sips. The millet porridge was warm and slid into his stomach, slightly alleviating the empty feeling. He didn't have much appetite. He drank half a bowl of porridge, ate two mouthfuls of vegetables, and put down his chopsticks. "I can't eat anymore." He said, his voice still hoarse. "How can you eat so little?" Ji Jiancheng frowned, "Your stomach is just healed, you need to eat more to recover, have two more mouthfuls."
Li Huaizhou shook his head, leaned against the head of the bed and closed his eyes: "I'm a little tired, I want to sleep a little longer." Ji Jiancheng saw that his face was indeed a little pale, so he didn't force him. He just put away the bowl and said softly, "Then go to sleep, I won't disturb you."
He slept very soundly that time, without any nightmares, except that Xie Mo appeared in the dream again - it was still New Year's Eve, holding a strawberry firework stick, smiling and saying to him, "Baby, let's go to the end of the alley to eat hot soup noodles again next year." The voice was very soft, like cotton candy, falling on the heart, causing a slight pain.
Li Huaizhou was discharged after only four days in the hospital. He didn't have much money, and the hospital bills were pooled together by Ji Jiancheng and Jiang Changnan. He didn't want to burden them any further, so on the day he was discharged, Ji Jiancheng came to pick him up. As soon as they met, he started nagging, "Don't smoke or drink anymore when you go back. Your stomach has just healed, and if you do that again, it'll really ruin it. Tell me what you want to eat, and I'll make it for you, or take you to that little, light-hearted restaurant at the corner of the alley. Their porridge is better than the one at the hospital."
Li Huaizhou was a little annoyed by his nagging, but he also felt warm in his heart. He rolled his eyes and reached out to pat Ji Jiancheng on the head: "I know, I'm not a psychopath, so how can I joke about my body?"
Ji Jiancheng touched his head and grinned, "That's not necessarily true. You were like a lunatic a few days ago, drinking yourself to death." He paused, and his voice became a little lower, with a hint of grievance, "I didn't say anything yet." Li Huaizhou looked at him, was silent for a moment, and said softly, "Thank you." Ji Jiancheng was stunned for a moment, then smiled, "Why are you being polite to us? We are all brothers."
Chen Qitang stood nearby, watching the two of them and also smiled. He walked over and tugged at Ji Jiancheng's arm, "Alright, stop nagging. Send him back quickly and let him have a good rest. School will start in a few days." "Oh, right, school will start." Ji Jiancheng slapped his head, "I almost forgot. School starts next Monday. Can you go to class in your current state? If not, take a few days off and take care of yourself first."
Li Huaizhou said nothing, merely pausing for a moment. "School starts"—those two words pierced his heart like a needle. He glanced sideways at the pillars below the hospital, his heart leaping. Behind the pillars, a dozen cigarette butts lay densely packed on the concrete floor, conspicuous. The pillars were facing the inpatient department's windows; from there, he could clearly see the ward where he'd been staying.
Had Xie Mo been here? But did he not smoke? Was he standing here, not daring to come in? Thoughts wrapped around him like vines, making his chest feel tight. He stared at the cigarette butts until Ji Jiancheng pulled him aside: "What are you looking at? Let's go."
"Nothing." Li Huaizhou retracted his gaze and followed Ji Jiancheng to the door, his steps a little weak. He didn't dare to think about it anymore, for fear that he would not be able to help but look back, what if he really had been here...
Back in Neon's little room, Ji Jiancheng gave him a few more instructions before being pulled away by Chen Qitang. Silence returned to the room. Chen Si cleaned up the room, which looked like a garbage dump. Xie Mo's white down jacket was still hanging in the closet; he had forgotten to return it to him last time. Li Huaizhou lay on his bed, his mind a mess. School was about to start in a few days. How should he face Xie Mo? Should he pretend not to know him? How was Xie Mo's back injury? Would he go to Paris with his father and never come back? Should he leave too?
As he thought about it, his eyelids started to feel heavy again. He turned over and buried his face in the pillow. He suddenly felt that this winter was so stingy. The gift it gave him was taken back in the spring.
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