My name is Lou Xiao'e.
My father's name is Lou Ergou, but no one calls him that anymore after he became wealthy. I only occasionally hear my mother use that name when she's angry. Normally, everyone calls him Lou Bancheng.
My father was very good to me, and my family never lacked food or clothing growing up.
He wasn't as harsh on other girls either. At home, he supported me no matter what I wanted to do.
My mother, on the other hand, often taught me things very strictly.
To put it bluntly, it's about the grudges and conflicts between wealthy families.
She said this is very useful, and she can use it when she marries into a good family in the future.
Since I have nothing else to do, I'll learn it too.
I was quite talented from a young age, and my father often lamented that if I had been a boy, I would surely have been able to inherit his great cause.
However, I'm not very interested in what's called a career.
Perhaps because I read so many storybooks since I was a child, I often dream about my future.
Days passed, and I grew up, but our family's life became increasingly difficult. It wasn't that our assets had shrunk; in my father's words, with our wealth, we could easily afford ten spendthrift sons. My eldest brother even went abroad to squander money because of that statement. But my father remained steadfast.
The real problem is that this country seems to be starting to become hostile towards people like us.
At first, things were alright. After all, our family was a well-known patriotic businessman before liberation, and we had the status we deserved after liberation. But later, things started to get increasingly wrong. The steel rolling mill went from being a joint venture to my father gradually becoming uninvolved. In the end, even after donating most of the family's assets, it still didn't give me peace of mind.
My father told me that he needed me to marry an ordinary man.
This news wasn't a bolt from the blue for me; in fact, I didn't care at all.
Because I knew that this would happen sooner or later.
To be honest, I consider myself a smart person, so I don't think running a family is too difficult for me.
The night before my wedding, my father called me to his study. He told me that in this era, I shouldn't stand out; a woman's virtue lies in her lack of talent, and I shouldn't flaunt my intelligence. I should stay at home and be a good wife and mother.
I agreed because I've always believed that love isn't something that happens when one person sees you for the first time. It requires two people to nurture it. I've met Xu Damao; although he's glib and smooth-talking, at least there was a light in his eyes when he looked at me. Although I later learned that he had that same light in his eyes when he looked at any woman who was even slightly beautiful.
Life after marriage was disappointing. Xu Damao was alright, and I tried to manage the household well. I played the role of a pampered young lady at home, occasionally being playful and affectionate, and he would sometimes bring home little surprises. However, this only lasted for two short months before he cheated on me.
Yes, he cheated on me. We had only been married for two months when he came back from a trip to the countryside, and I could smell a woman's fragrance on him.
This made me feel very bad, and I tried to convince myself that he had only gotten it by accident.
After tossing and turning for a long time, I finally asked Kui Datou to investigate.
When the survey results came, I didn't dare to look at them. I just stared at that piece of paper for a long, long time.
I understand and I don't understand.
What I understand is that he might really have cheated on me; Kui Datou's expression wasn't good when he arrived.
What I don't understand is why, at home, I serve him diligently and provide him with everything he needs, so why does he still act this way? Is it really as my father said, that love is just a joke?
Not only did my father say this to me, but my mother did too.
I asked my mother why she married my father.
She told me that it was because her father could provide her with a good life, and she could also help her father in a good way, that's all.
Love and such are not important.
I didn't believe in love; I longed for it. So, I agreed to my father's request and married into this family, hoping to fill it with love. But now, that love is mixed with the scent of another woman.
I was heartbroken for three whole days, but then I was completely recovered. I felt that even if he cheated on me now, I could still win him back. Years later, when I think back to myself now, I will silently slap myself. Some people are just like dogs that can't change their nature.
No matter what efforts I made, he assumed I didn't know about his affairs outside, and he acted recklessly without the slightest remorse.
As the days went by, my life became visibly harder.
This hardship was not caused by tightening clothing and food, but by mental torment.
He started blaming me, blaming me for not being able to have children, blaming me for not being able to cook, blaming me for everything. In short, every time we got together, it was an argument. I'm tired, I'm really tired.
Until that year, a little guy named Wang Shouren came to the courtyard.
That little guy came from the countryside. To be honest, I didn't have any particular feelings for him, except that I thought he was quite good-looking and pleasing to the eye. The reason I remember that year so clearly is because that was the year I received Xu Damao's infertility report, and I had already given up hope. I'll just leave it to fate; I'll just live my life as it comes.
Later, Wang Shouren's father, who lived next door, passed away.
I looked at that little guy, who had completely lost his only family member in the world, and was running a high fever. I thought I'd go check on him that night to see if anything was wrong. Who knew that my visit would lead to tragedy?
He was dead. When I went in to check on him, he was already lifeless.
I was terrified, so I ran out immediately. I didn't know what to do.
My mind raced, trying to figure out what to do. Xu Damao wasn't there. If I went to find the old man now, I wouldn't be able to explain why I was at the Wang family's house so late at night. I thought I'd go and call him the next morning. I tossed and turned all night, all sorts of thoughts swirling in my head, until dawn before I finally drifted off to sleep.
However, the rooster crowing next door woke me up completely.
I immediately got up, thinking of going to check on Wang Shouren next door, but as soon as I opened the door, I saw Wang Shouren open his own door and come out of his room.
I froze, staring straight at him. I didn't open the door, but I saw him walk out through the window. When he returned, I saw him clearly, and a strange thought inexplicably arose in my mind: this wasn't Wang Shouren.
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