She looked up, her raised hand caught in mid-air by me. Through her tears of despair, I leaned down and stared at her, saying each word clearly, "Huo Yuangang is a coward."
Her cheeks turned pale, and she suddenly covered her lips and took a few steps back.
Slightly surprised, I acted before my reason could guide me to support her: "What's wrong?"
She didn't answer, seemed unwell, ate little, and only vomited a few mouthfuls of clear water. I paused, raising my hand to brush her neatly styled hair that fell over her shoulders, and my heart suddenly skipped a beat.
The imperial physician confirmed that she was pregnant.
I sat in the outer hall, separated by a curtain, and slowly drank the last of my tea. I didn't react much to the imperial physician's overjoyed congratulations; I just smiled.
She lay on the bed with her back to me, facing inwards. I repeated the news to her. It wasn't really important; I just wanted this child, this life that might resemble her.
Anything related to her brings me joy.
She covered her eyes with the blanket and sobbed very, very slowly. I sat down beside her: "Xiao Qing, actually, back then, in the Qi Palace..."
Before I could finish speaking, she suddenly turned to the side and said the most resolute words in her usual gentle tone: "I will not give birth to this child."
I paused, then grasped her arms, wanting to tell her, "Xiaoqing, listen to me. Ten years ago, I saw you," I lowered my head, brushing a stray hair behind her ear, and whispered, "Ten years ago, by the lotus pond, you..."
She suddenly laughed, a flash of coldness in her eyes: "Are you trying to say that you met me back then and have been searching for me ever since?" She lowered her eyes, and when she looked up, her face was expressionless. "So, you killed my people, destroyed the Qi Kingdom, and ruined the last homeland I could rely on?"
I remained silent, unsure how to begin. How could I tell her that family and country were the two things I had least control over besides her, and that to the Great Ying Kingdom, I was merely a ruler? But how could I say it in a way that would convince her?
With a cold smile, she stared into my eyes and continued, "I will not give birth to this child."
I smiled slightly: "That's not something you can decide."
“But,” she smiled slightly, coldly, “I can decide how to make this child disappear.”
I was startled, stood up and grabbed her arms, somewhat incredulous.
I used to think that even if she hated Daying, would she soften or slowly change if she had a child? But the most despairing thing is that she didn't want the child at all.
I grabbed her wrists and quickly pinned them to either side of the bed. As expected, she soon began to struggle. I looked at her, so close that we could feel each other's hot breath as we spoke. I just looked at her and said to her, word by word, "Do you believe I can strangle you right now?"
She looked at me nonchalantly, her eyes red but her expression still feigning indifference: "I won't want this child, killing me won't change anything..."
I chuckled coldly and raised my hand to stroke her delicate, smooth cheek: "Why kill you? Killing Huo Yuangang would be the same."
His pupils contracted rapidly, as if he hadn't expected me to have this move. He had been holding back his anger for a long time, his reddened eyes gradually filling with tears, looking utterly aggrieved: "Please let Brother Huo go..."
Anger ignited the last vestiges of my reason. She was right in front of me, her beautiful eyes filled with tears, her lips red... If I could just strangle her like this, if I could strangle her, wouldn't the pain be less...?
I leaned down and stared into her eyes as if I were staring into the person I hated most in my life. I gritted my teeth and said, word by word, "What's so good about Huo Yuangang? Don't you understand yet? He doesn't want you. He doesn't care about you at all, he just wants wealth and status..." My anger made my heart clench. I hardened my heart and forced myself to continue, "A coward, someone who can't even protect the woman he likes, what's so good about this piece of trash?"
Feng Qing suddenly burst into tears. I had never seen her so heartbroken before, crying like a wounded little animal. Even if I tried to hear it clearly, I could only make out her muffled, choked sobs: "You don't know anything..."
I slowly straightened up, regaining my senses in the air filled with the fragrance of March plants. The servants on either side came to help me, but I coldly pushed them away. In the late autumn courtyard where sunlight occasionally pierced through, I slowly walked out, stepping on her soft, sobbing cries, stepping on the not-so-warm autumn breeze, wandering aimlessly in the autumn wind.
In this life, there is nothing I cannot control. For over twenty years, I have possessed beauties as lovely as jade and women of unparalleled charm, and I have also had a prosperous and peaceful empire. But at that moment, at the moment when I possessed everything, amidst the sobbing of that little girl, I couldn't understand why.
I wonder if, at some unexpected moment, I fell in love with this little thing.
That girl who's a little silly, who stares at people with her clear black and white eyes when she's startled, and who only knows how to cry when she's hurt.
I thought, how absurd, I told myself, how absurd this is.
five,
And some things just silently slip by in those times of parting.
I think it's almost time to reclaim those military powers.
Three months later, she suddenly came to the palace to find me. It was the only time she smiled at me since she entered the palace, a tentative smile.
Even though I knew she had ulterior motives, even though I knew that falling deeper would lead to another deception, even though I knew that what she was offering me was a glass of wine that would break my heart, I still forced myself to drink it slowly amidst her clear and innocent smile.
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