Chapter 3 Diary
"April 26
"My brother gave me a diary today! I'm so happy! He said that seeing my smile makes him feel that life is so wonderful! Is that true? Everyone always says that about me! I guess I'll keep smiling like this forever."
"Anyway, thank you, brother. I will take good care of the notebook!"
"May 18
"I heard that children have to go to school when they reach a certain age. Can I go to school with my brother? If I have a brother, I can go anywhere!"
"May 23
"Mom said I can't go to the same school as my brother. No, no, no, I don't want to be separated from my brother! But nothing I did could change that. My brother said that even if Xiaorong is alone, she has to be strong and bring everyone a happy smile, just like at home."
"I feel very sad at the thought of being separated from my brother, and I can't smile anymore. I probably won't be able to keep smiling all the time."
"May 28
"I'm going to school tomorrow. My brother played with me all day, and I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Mom said that after I go to school, I can only come home once a month. I don't want to go. Why can't I be with my brother? I don't understand."
"Back in my room, I couldn't laugh anymore."
"I'm sorry, my notebook, my tears ruined you."
"June 25
"I'm sorry, Notebook, I didn't take good care of you. I secretly took you back from the teacher today. I'll hide you better this time."
"I can't believe so many days have passed. Every day feels so long. Without my brother, my teachers and classmates don't really like me because I can't do anything right and I'm always being punished by standing in the corner. When I'm being punished, I often think, 'If only someone would come to my rescue. I wish my brother were here with me.'"
"But I will still try my best to live each day strongly, because I still remember the day I arrived, the teacher told the boy who brought me here that my smile was so cute. So I've decided to keep smiling! I'm sure the teacher will like me that way!"
"It's almost been a month, and I'm so happy to think that my brother will come to pick me up and take me home!"
"July 1
"Many children have gone home. My brother didn't come, and neither did my parents. Why didn't they come to pick me up? Are they busy with something?"
"The teacher said they might come during next month's holiday."
"I miss my brother so much. I cried my notebook again today. I can't keep doing this."
"Brother, why didn't you come to pick me up?"
Yu Weiyou: "..."
After countless days and months, Li Rong finally learned the cruel truth: she had been abandoned by them, and they would never come back.
The process of gradually accepting the truth must be long and painful, Yu Weiyou suddenly recalled her bad experiences.
She seemed to have been abandoned as well, standing in front of a shop window in a mall, staring intently at the mannequins dressed in beautiful clothes.
We've gone off on a tangent.
"October 3
"Autumn is here, but I like autumn. Hehe, because... there are basketball games."
"It's a secret."
"However, I still decided to write it down."
"That day, I was passing by the basketball court when a ball flew towards me. I don't know why, but I stopped in place, as if moving even a little bit would be dangerous and I would get hit. In the end... I still got hit."
"They just watched as I got hit, and we just stared at each other like that. Then I finally came to my senses, so I covered my head and ran to get the ball, and then ran back to hand it to one of the people."
I grinned and reached out my hand. He took the ball, patted my head, and said, "You're quite cute." As if struck by lightning, a strange feeling suddenly ignited in my heart, an indescribable, sweet sensation.
"My brother used to like to stroke my head and say those gentle words to me. It felt like the candlelight of happiness had suddenly been lit again in a certain moment!"
"...How could that be? So I haven't forgotten after all, brother."
"Speaking of which, I later learned his name. His name is Shuciyin, which is a really nice name. I started to look forward to meeting him again."
"He'll be participating in the basketball tournament in the fall! Let's go cheer him on!"
"October 12
"The basketball game started today, and there were so many people watching. I could only stand far away in a corner. Everyone was calling his name. Maybe someone like me isn't worthy of openly liking him."
"October 14th
"His team won! But it doesn't seem to have anything to do with me. I shouldn't have too many expectations, right?"
"October 30
"I met him!!! When I was passing by the stadium."
"He seemed to recognize me... probably because I got hit by the ball again. I handed him the water in my hand and told him my name. Actually, I was already very content; this kind of ordinary acquaintance was nice too."
"December 7
"I'm getting to know him better lately, and I'm so happy! It's so great to be with him! They occasionally ask me to run errands or do things, but I still mess things up as usual. I'm so terrible. But to get his praise, I still try my best to do it with a smile. I'll do my best today too!"
"December 17
"I... I'm bleeding... They... It hurts so much... My body... It still feels like something is wriggling there..."
He said that if I couldn't do anything else, then I definitely could. That was his way of repaying me for liking him.
He said I was a special person, and that not many people could receive such treatment... I don't understand... Why did he say that? It hurt so much... But thankfully, there was only a little blood... It didn't keep flowing... He also said it was a secret and I shouldn't tell anyone easily... As long as I keep it a secret, I can get more rewards in the future... I'm a little confused and don't know what to do.
"I've been receiving threatening letters lately... telling me to stay away from Shuciyin... I'm so scared... What should I do? What should I do?"
"If only someone could guide me, but where can I find such a person? I have no one left to rely on. My brother... I hardly think about him anymore. He doesn't exist in my life. I can't rely on him for many things anymore. I really can't bear to think about him."
"What should I do...?"
"December 21st
"I got beaten up by those delinquent girls... but I still have to go find him, I can't cry."
"December 24
"The eldest sister went home for the holidays... I hope she didn't get beaten up by them today. Shu Ciyin seems to be ignoring me. Is it because I messed up again?"
There's still occasional bleeding... but it doesn't hurt as much anymore...
"He always told me I was a special, secret person... but what did that mean...?"
"January 6th
"The holiday is over... I don't know what tomorrow will bring... I don't want to get beaten again, but..."
"January 9
"I don't know why, but a few people have been secretly calling me 'pute'... Is that an insult? Did I do something wrong...? I always feel that an apology is so weak and ineffective when I try to say it."
"January 11th
"I met a girl who was secretly lighting candles. Is it her birthday today? She seems lonely too... I don't know why, but the resonance suddenly became very strong. I had a desire to get closer to her, to hug her, to warm her and myself... She seems to have transferred to my class at the beginning of the semester."
"January 19th
"Today in class we talked about our ideals. When it was my turn, the teacher said I was too stupid and that even if I had ideals, they wouldn't be meaningful... I was actually able to agree with that."
"I've hardly thought about my ideals. I just hope I can get through today, through this month, through this year... I'm content just to occasionally look sweetly at the person I like. Maybe I'm really silly."
"That girl said she wants to be a fashion designer and model. It sounds like something so far away... Wow, Yu Weiyou. Will she dislike me if I approach her like this? I thought I could win her over with my smile, since she's lonely too. Will she look down on me like everyone else...?"
"Looking down on me... Speaking of which, this is different... No... He's different... He praised me, right? He even said I was special... But I always felt... his gaze back then... No way..."
"Forget it, stop thinking about it. My head feels like it's about to explode. I'll stop writing here for today."
"January 28th
"I didn't expect Wei You to be so easy to get along with. I don't know why the boss seems to hate her aloofness. Having a mortal enemy is something we have in common! But she's so brave. When she was surrounded by those people, she actually stood in front of me. As a result, we ended up having a big fight."
"She doesn't talk much, but she's so kind. I need to be even nicer to her! I put some medicine on her scrapes. We'll definitely be best friends from now on!"
"We even made a promise that when we grow up, we'll leave this place together. I must work hard and make it to that day. With Weiyou by my side, I'm sure I can do it!"
"February 10
"I met Shuciyin with Weiyou... I felt a little uneasy. I made a promise with her to be good friends, but I kept such a big secret from her."
"I'm sorry... I really don't know how to tell you, or where to begin."
"To be honest, I haven't been feeling well lately. Even though I've made some friends, I'm feeling more and more exhausted every day because I often have to go see Shuciyin behind Weiyou's back. It doesn't matter if I hide it from others, but with Weiyou... I always feel guilty towards her."
"Sigh, on the surface I always encourage myself in my diary, but sometimes I find it incredibly difficult to even write a single word. I don't know how to go on living... I don't know how long this cycle of enduring each day will continue."
"I'm so tired... I just want to sleep, to sleep for a long, long time, so I won't have to face anything anymore." That's the most honest version of me, isn't it? I've wanted to give up for a long time. It's just that I met someone I like, and some really good friends, that I want to persevere a little longer. Just a little longer... I guess.
"February 28
"Today, Shuciyin asked me about Weiyou afterwards. Aside from her skillful hands and love of making dolls and clothes, I know very little about her background; at least, I've never heard her mention her past… And what about me? Who would want to bring up such a painful past… My parents, my brother, their figures are almost blurred in my memory. In the past few years, I've grown taller and bigger; do they still remember me?"
It doesn't matter anymore.
"April 26
"It's that day again."
"I wish I had never come into this world, never received this notebook, never..."
Unfortunately, this world has no "what ifs," only reality.
Will things get better in the new year?
"I told Shuciyin that it was my birthday today, and he seemed very absent-minded. He even asked Yu Weiyou what gift she gave me. I don't know why he would ask such a question. I told him that it was a notebook she had sewn herself, which was very exquisite and beautiful. He stopped moving and, after a moment of silence, tossed me a beautiful engraved fountain pen."
"I have a feeling that things won't get better in the new year."
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