38. You haven't appeared yet in January.
You haven't appeared yet in January.
In February, you slept next door.
Heavy rains fell in March.
Roses bloom everywhere in April
We sat facing each other in May, as if in a dream.
June arrived just like that.
In June, the grass is in full bloom, and the air is fragrant everywhere.
July is a month of mixed emotions, with waves of wheat rippling across the grasslands, stretching to the horizon.
August is August, and I'll keep my mouth shut all month.
In August, I am the water in the bottle, and you are the cloud in the blue sky.
September and October are like two eyes, filled with the sea.
You are at sea, I am underwater.
November has not yet arrived, but through its window I can already see December.
Heavy snow fell in December
Seeing Fang Kaixuan put down his pen, Gu Qiye asked, "I didn't expect you could write poetry?"
"It was written especially for you." Fang Kaixuan nodded.
He didn't actually know the poem, but he could tell from her expression that she was joking.
"Isn't it? It sounds a lot like our story."
Fang Kaixuan smiled and said, "Who taught you to be so narcissistic?"
He smiled but didn't say anything. Now he could understand the implied meaning, unlike when they first met. Back then, he only understood the most straightforward literal meaning.
They met in February. In that time, the Earth completed one revolution around the sun, temperate zones experienced spring, summer, autumn, and winter, and tropical zones experienced rainy and dry seasons. Everyone on Earth, regardless of wealth or poverty, had an equal 365 days. But the capriciousness of fate brought them here.
You slept next door in February.
Fang Kaixuan's lips involuntarily curled up. He probably really did sleep next door that February. So who can say this isn't about them?
She was facing the living room window, outside which usually stood several tall buildings, their lights shining brightly even late at night, like giant crystal chandeliers. Now, with the lights on, the window acted like a mirror, vaguely reflecting the interior: the green leaves, the floor lamp, and herself and him.
He saw her staring intently out the window, her gaze seemingly reaching very, very far away.
"What are you looking at?"
"We are such a good-looking couple."
He knew she was joking, but he couldn't help turning to look at her. The indoor lights, the night outside the window, and the distant deep blue sky, the dazzling lights that seemed to float on the celestial canvas, and the faint shadows of the two people floating above all of this.
Two people, whose faces are completely obscured, float in the interplay of light and shadow, layer upon layer.
"Now you know where I learned my narcissism." He unconsciously leaned his face against her shoulder.
"You've even learned to act cute. Isn't that a kind of regression? You'd better be careful not to give yourself away, and don't let them find out." She gently stroked his hair, sideburns, and the slightly prickly stubble on his chin. "What if you wake up one morning and disappear like a fairy godmother?"
Gu Qiye was surprised that she brought up the issue he had been avoiding so easily.
Unlike when he first heard the phrase "the snail fairy," he now knew its meaning.
"I still need to leave by plane first. It's no different from going on a business trip." He said this with a hint of guilt. Even though the difference was huge.
She seemed quite willing to believe it, "Really?"
"It can't just disappear right before your eyes and turn into thin air. Humanity hasn't mastered the technology to travel anytime, anywhere."
Fang Kaixuan feigned disappointment: "I thought you would be like the Little Mermaid, beautifully turning into sea foam, but you just walked into the security checkpoint and became so ordinary."
He still glanced at her cautiously. He knew that before humans could strictly control their emotions and feelings using technology, a defensive reaction would occur. For example, they might deliberately act unusually indifferent.
He hoped that was all there was to her.
Over time, humans have evolved to lose many useless emotions, such as disappointment, sadness, jealousy, and regret. However, anger has been partially retained because it is often a powerful driving force for inspiration and creativity, thus preserving this emotion.
This is an efficient approach. But today, he suddenly had a wicked thought: he hoped she was also heartbroken for him.
That was probably proof that she cared about him too.
Although the time spent together was proof enough, at this moment, like every foolish person before him, he hoped the other person would express it in an almost self-destructive way. Just like people in this era who, when heartbroken, cry their hearts out, can't eat or sleep, become thin, or even go crazy. Otherwise, how would they know they once loved deeply?
This move will be seen as foolish in the future.
But at least for now, it remains proof of love.
But Fang Kaixuan seemed perfectly normal, as if their days of eating and strolling as usual could last forever. He had questions in his mind, but didn't know how to ask. He only knew that time was ticking away, and their time together was counting down.
"You can come back, and it won't be long, right?" she asked unexpectedly.
How did you know?
"Otherwise, how could you be so calm?" Her words seemed certain, yet contained an element of pleading. She was begging God. The reason she could say goodbye so calmly, of course, was because there was still tomorrow.
“You guessed right, unless…” He paused, “unless something goes wrong halfway through.”
"What problems could there be? Wasn't this already a very mature technology by then?"
"Just like airplanes have been around for over a century, yet plane crashes still happen today. Unexpected events will always exist."
His expression didn't seem like he was joking, and his logic made sense. It's probably really possible.
But surely my luck won't be that bad.
He suddenly asked, "Do you remember the story of the swift that we read yesterday?"
It was a birdwatcher's journal entry that Fang Kaixuan casually clicked on, published in late summer. The birdwatcher wrote with deep emotion that the little birds set off for the winter at the end of July each year, flew over the Red Sea in mid-August, arrived in North Africa in September, rested briefly in the Congo Basin, and continued south, reaching the South African plateau in November. In early spring, they set off again, returning to Beijing. Year after year, they go in autumn and return in spring.
"Have a safe journey for them, see you next April."
She hadn't thought of it at the time, but then a sudden inspiration struck her, and she decided to leave just like that.
He seemed to know what she was thinking and nodded: "But I won't leave without saying goodbye, you still need to see me off."
Since they met, he had never made any requests, so of course she agreed. But in truth, Fang Kaixuan didn't like it at all, nor did she have the courage to face separation. She had a principle: she never went to the airport or train station to see people off. Farewells inevitably brought sadness and tears, which she couldn't bear. On the contrary, when friends or family came to visit, she loved to pick them up from the airport or train station, no matter how bad the weather, and the wait, no matter how long, was always filled with joy.
She originally thought the best outcome would be to wake up in the morning and find he was gone, as if it were all just a dream. But that would be too selfish.
"Okay, I'll take you there." But before that, Fang Kaixuan had something on his mind. After thinking for a while, he asked, "Or would you like to come with me somewhere?"
***
Fang Kaixuan now only returns to his hometown during the Spring Festival each year, rarely coming back on weekdays. A mighty river flows through the center of the city, and a vast wetland park has been built along its banks, with lush trees on both sides and winding wooden paths in the middle. In winter, red-billed gulls from Siberia stop here, making it a popular tourist destination that attracts many visitors.
When Fang Kaixuan was a child, none of this existed. There were only sharp stones along the riverbank, stretching all the way to the clear blue water. Every summer, students would drown while swimming in the river; when Fang Kaixuan was in his third year of junior high school, a boy in his class drowned.
So her parents became even stricter, forbidding her from going into the water during the summer. But her friends would always sneak out to knock on her window in the afternoon, ride their bicycles to the riverbank, each carrying snacks and drinks, and while away the afternoon by the water. Then they would sneak home before their parents got off work, hoping their parents wouldn't notice anything unusual about their sunburnt cheeks.
Many of the happy memories Fang Kaixuan had seemed to come from such secretive means.
Fang Kaixuan didn't tell his parents about this trip home. It just so happened that they were traveling in Guizhou. Both of them are retired and have plenty of time; they enjoy taking slow trains and traveling the country, often staying for a month at a time.
Since Fang Kaixuan's divorce, his parents have been reluctant to stay in their hometown for long. In this small town, a single outing can lead to encountering three different groups of acquaintances, with limited topics of conversation, inevitably including questions about their children's lives. Fang Kaixuan's parents always feel ashamed, so they change the subject, exchange a few pleasantries, and quickly walk away.
Fang Kaixuan's marriage to Chen Zhilun was once a golden medal on her parents' chests. A son-in-law with a respectable job and a promising future crowned their daughter, who had been well-behaved since childhood.
Her quick divorce was a defeat for her.
Fang Kaixuan himself didn't feel ashamed, but his parents added shackles to themselves, feeling unable to hold their heads high, and frequently went on trips. Calling it travel was a bit of an excursion; it was more like a temporary stay.
That's good, so Fang Kaixuan won't have to explain why he suddenly came home during a holiday and with a man.
Time is tight, there's no time to explain.
Fang Kaixuan wants to go back to when he was eighteen with him.
///
The huge "how" is etched in my heart. The good news is that I'll see it soon.
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