Chapter 37
The winter of my junior year was exceptionally cold.
The damp chill of the south seemed to seep into your bones. Sang Sui dragged her suitcase and boarded the train back to Rongcheng.
Over the course of her three years of university, she seemed to have grown accustomed to this constant movement between the two places, and her mindset had become much more settled. She was no longer like she was at the beginning, carrying with her a secret, unrealistic expectation with each trip.
After getting off the train, I transferred to a bus to go home.
The carriage was filled with the damp scent of umbrellas and the warm breath emanating from people, and the windows were covered with a thick layer of condensation.
She found a seat by the window, put on her headphones as usual, and randomly played his songs released after his debut.
His voice is richer and more mellow than when he was a teenager, and his technique has become more and more refined.
The bus swayed and rattled along the familiar streets. Outside the window, the rain-soaked streetscape rushed by, pedestrians wrapped tightly in their coats, hurrying along.
At a red light intersection, the bus slowly came to a stop.
Sang Sui's gaze unconsciously drifted out the window, sweeping across the street corner.
A tall figure wearing a long black down jacket, a baseball cap, and a mask was looking down at her phone. The lines of her profile were somewhat blurred by the misty rain and the condensation on the car window.
Her heart felt as if it had been gently and quickly plucked by something, emitting a barely audible tremor.
They look so alike.
That figure, that slightly bowed head...
But she quickly chuckled self-deprecatingly, shook her head, and looked away, refocusing her gaze on the blurry car window. How could that be?
He should be on a glamorous stage or in a recording studio right now. How could he be on an ordinary winter street in Fuzhou?
It was just another illusion born of longing. She was already used to these occasional "brain malfunctions."
His singing continued in my headphones, seemingly so close, yet separated by insurmountable mountains and rivers.
We've arrived at our destination.
She got off the bus with her luggage, and a cold wind instantly enveloped her.
Sang Sui continued to live in the same place.
There is a 24-hour convenience store downstairs in my apartment building. Three years have passed, and the store is still there, but the people at the cashier are no longer familiar.
The bright lights in the gloomy winter evening resembled a small, warm island. She thought about buying some yogurt to take with her.
Pushing open the glass door of the convenience store, a warm atmosphere and the aroma of food waft out.
She went straight to the refrigerator and started selecting items.
Just as she picked up a bottle of her usual yogurt and straightened up to pay, she caught a glimpse of a figure walking towards the door from the direction of the cashier.
Time seemed to stretch out infinitely at that moment, and then suddenly freeze.
The person was still wearing a baseball cap and a mask, only revealing a pair of deep eyes.
He was holding the things he had just bought, and he was tilting his head slightly, seemingly whispering something to a burly man in a black suit next to him.
We brushed past each other.
She was so close that she could almost smell his crisp scent, mixed with a faint cosmetic fragrance. It was completely different from the pure lime scent she remembered, yet it carried a strange sense of familiarity.
It's him, it really is him.
Liang Fengshen.
Sang Sui's breathing stopped completely at that moment, and all the blood in her body seemed to rush to her brain, making her dizzy.
She stood frozen in place, clutching the cold yogurt bottle tightly in her hand, as if grasping at her last straw.
He seemed to notice the intensely focused, even trembling, gaze beside him. He paused slightly, turned his head in confusion, and glanced at her.
Those eyes, still clear, seemed to be veiled by a layer of detachment and scrutiny belonging to the adult world that she couldn't understand.
His gaze lingered on her face for less than a second, without any emotional fluctuation, as if he were merely confirming the presence of an insignificant stranger. Then, without pausing, he withdrew his gaze, pushed open the door, and stepped into the biting cold wind outside with the man in black.
The whole process took only two or three seconds.
Sang Sui remained in that stiff posture, but her gaze involuntarily followed his back as he strode towards a low-key black sedan parked by the roadside.
Just then, the man in black who was with Liang Fengshen, who seemed to be his bodyguard, noticed her prolonged stare. He turned around abruptly, his eyes sharp as a hawk's, filled with undisguised vigilance and warning, and glared at her fiercely.
That look was like looking at an annoying "sasaeng fan" trying to pry into a celebrity's privacy.
In an instant, all the shock, the excitement of reunion, and the lingering affection were shattered by that cold, wary gaze.
Sang Sui suddenly snapped back to reality, overwhelmed by a huge, absurd sense of loss.
She watched him bend down and get into the car, the door slamming shut, separating the two worlds.
She stood there, the warm light of the convenience store shining on her, but she couldn't feel any warmth at all.
She watched as the black sedan silently glided into traffic and quickly disappeared around the street corner, as if it had never existed.
After a long while, she smiled softly, almost silently.
The laughter was filled with self-mockery and an indescribable desolation.
She lowered her head to hide her instantly reddened eyes, turned around, pushed open the heavy glass door of the convenience store, and stepped into the howling cold wind outside.
The icy air felt like knives scraping against my face.
Tears, finally, rolled down uncontrollably in large drops, quickly turning icy cold in the wind.
In the end, she and he passed each other by, like strangers.
Liang Fengshen had actually forgotten about her.
He had completely forgotten her after only three or four years of no contact.
Has it really been that long? But a thousand days is indeed enough to forget someone.
Liang Fengshen was the male protagonist of her youth, while she was just a passerby in his story.
Forgetting someone insignificant can actually take less than two or three years.
In the first year after graduating from university, life trajectories are like dandelions scattered by the wind, each drifting to different soils.
But the camaraderie among the "Rongcheng F18" team is like the roots of Rongcheng, quietly connected underground, always sprouting at certain times.
The gathering was scheduled for a newly opened creative restaurant in Fuzhou.
When Sang arrived, the private room was already bustling with activity.
Chu Xiran, dressed in a sharp suit and skirt, had been working her way up in an investment bank in Shanghai for a year. Her brows showed a mix of competence and barely perceptible fatigue as she shared her tearful history of being "tortured" by her boss.
He Lili is a Chinese language teacher at a middle school in her hometown, but she still did not attend this gathering.
After repeating a year of high school, Qiao Chunchao was admitted to a good university in a neighboring province to study design. He dressed more and more fashionably and was complaining about the various bizarre demands of his clients.
Zhang Da and Luo Kewei remained inseparable, thriving at the sports academy and clamoring to start their own club.
Cheng Xiao is a key player on his university team in Beijing. During the video call, despite the noisy background, he laughed heartily.
Song Shiyue was recommended for postgraduate studies at his own university. He had become increasingly composed and listened quietly to everyone's laughter and conversation.
As for Zhao Yanqi, she signed a contract with a high school to become a physical education teacher. Surprisingly, she was the first among this group to get engaged. It was to her senior from the same university, and they decided to get engaged right after graduation.
The atmosphere was lively, as if we had returned to high school. Only the conversation carried the weight of practical matters like internships, postgraduate entrance exams, jobs, and housing prices, and that person's name was no longer mentioned. Everyone tacitly understood, and no one brought up Liang Fengshen.
He is already a shining star in another world, separated from the mundane world.
During the meal, someone suddenly mentioned, "Hey, do you guys remember Lin Shuning from our senior year of high school? She used to be really good at folk dance."
The topic was suddenly steered to this point.
"I remember, I remember! My goddess!"
"She seems to have published a book!"
"Really? What book?"
Zhao Yanqi took out her phone and checked it to confirm, "It's true! She wrote a youth romance novel called 'To the One I Once Looked Up To.' She even held a book signing event at our city bookstore a few days ago, and it seems to be quite popular. I never thought that my literary dream, which I couldn't realize in high school, would be fulfilled by Lin Shuning."
Lin Shuning, the girl who once danced an elegant folk dance at the cultural festival, as pure and beautiful as a little swan.
Sang Sui remembered that she had also secretly liked Liang Fengshen, but her liking for him was a bit braver than hers.
Even after the party ended, the news about Lin Shuning publishing a book left a mark on Sang Sui's heart.
She walked into a bookstore as if possessed, and on the display stand of the youth literature section, she saw the simply bound book, "To the You I Once Looked Up To".
The cover is a light blue color, with a picture of a girl standing under a banyan tree, watching the boy's departing figure.
She bought a book.
When she got home, she made herself a cup of tea and opened a book under the lamp.
The writing is delicate and gentle, carrying the sensitivity and poetry unique to a young girl. The book does not name names, but between the lines, the descriptions of a cool and outstanding young man, the heartbeats, inferiority complexes, efforts, and admiration caused by him, are all things that Sang Sui can understand.
It was a kind of unrequited love so similar to hers, yet completely different. Lin Shuning's affection was more passionate and unrestrained, but it still didn't have a happy ending.
She opened her phone and searched for videos of Lin Shuning's autograph session. In the videos, Lin Shuning wore a simple long dress, smiled gently, and answered readers' questions.
When a reader cautiously asked whether the "perfect boy" in the book actually existed, and how she felt now, Lin Shuning held the microphone, smiled slightly, and looked clear and calm.
Lin Shu-ning said, "He was a very, very important part of my youth. To be honest, it's hard to completely forget him."
She paused, her voice soft yet firm, "But I am very grateful to him. Not because of his response, but because of his existence, like a distant, bright star, illuminating my path forward. In order to get a little closer to him, even if it's just to look a little more compatible, I studied hard, practiced dancing hard, and tried to become better. It is he who has made me who I am today, the person I like the most."
The viewers in the video expressed their understanding and applause.
Sang Sui turned off the video, leaving only the warm glow of the desk lamp and the faint scent of ink from the book pages in the room.
She remained silent for a long time.
Hearing Lin Shuning's words, she inexplicably thought of herself.
Because of Liang Fengshen, she mustered up the courage to participate in English speech competitions, studied hard to catch up with him in terms of grades, and even tried to offer him clumsy comfort when he was down.
Those efforts may have initially stemmed from that humble affection, but undeniably, those processes truly shaped her into the person she is today—a more independent and resilient Sang Sui who got into a good university and chose her own path.
Her unrequited love was a hopeless one-woman show, filled with bitterness and heartache.
But in this long silent drama, she didn't seem to have gained nothing. The boy who had amazed her throughout her youth was like a blinding light, making her unable to open her eyes and shedding countless tears, yet he also, by some twist of fate, forced her to stumble and stagger towards the light, and walk her own path.
Unforgettable are the marks etched by youth.
But I thank him for making me a better version of myself.
This may be the most dignified and precious fruit that this grand unrequited love can ultimately bear.
Sang Sui gently closed the book. Outside the window, the familiar night view of Fuzhou unfolded, with countless lights twinkling in the homes, each telling its own story.
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