Chapter 9
A few days later, the monthly exam results were posted on the last day of May.
A huge red list was posted in the most conspicuous place in the teaching building, with densely packed names and numbers.
Sang Sui stood on the periphery of the crowd, tiptoed, and with some effort, finally found his name in the upper middle position.
Ranked 136th in the grade.
In Linchuan, she always held the top spot in her grade, a source of pride for her teachers and a role model for her classmates.
But here, among a class of over a thousand students, she was just an ordinary name in the middle to upper ranks.
There are always people better than you, and mountains beyond mountains.
For the first time, Sang Sui truly understood the weight of those words. The light that had once surrounded her seemed so insignificant here.
She once considered herself to be the best among people, but now it seems that she is just an ordinary person among the masses.
After searching for his own name, Sang Sui looked for another name on the list.
Then she saw Liang Fengshen.
He ranked forty-sixth, which is enough for him to get into a very good school. In addition, he is an art student. If he keeps it up, it will be easy for him to get into a top music academy or art college in China.
After Zhao Yanqi, Qiao Chunzhao, and He Lili finished looking at their results, they all came over to congratulate Sang Sui.
"Wow, Sang Sui! You're third in your class and 136th in the year!" Zhao Yanqi's eyes lit up. "Maybe next semester when we have to choose between arts and sciences, you might just barely make it into the top science class."
"Our four-person team actually has a top student! I really hate physics, I just can't learn it no matter what I do," He Lili said. "Can physics just go to hell?"
Qiao Chunchao kept thinking about her chicken leg: "Oh, you did so well on the exam, let's celebrate! Should we go get fried chicken legs or sweet and sour pork ribs later?"
Several people surrounded Sang Sui, chattering away, but Sang Sui was actually not satisfied with his grades.
However, Sang Sui was unable to share her feelings of loss and sadness with them, since everyone had different standards for themselves and could not truly empathize with them.
So Sang Sui had no choice but to force a smile and say, "Okay, whatever you want to eat in the cafeteria later, I'll treat you."
Strangely enough, even though it's almost June, the rainy season in Fuzhou this year is terribly long, with the air filled with dampness and stuffiness.
It was clearly not raining.
But in Sang Sui's heart, a light rain was falling.
She hated the rain.
Sang Sui returned home with an indescribable sense of loss. Her mother, Tan Huiyu, was busy in the kitchen. Seeing her return, she casually asked, "Have the results come out? How did you do?"
“Grade 136,” Sang Sui replied in a low voice.
Tan Huiyu paused in wiping her hands, her brows furrowing slightly: "Over a hundred? Didn't she always get first place in Linchuan? How come she got here..." She seemed to suddenly remember something, her tone becoming somewhat hurried, "Oh right, in our building, Zhang Wenshu's daughter, I think her name is Mingying, she's also in the first year of high school, and I heard she got into the top ten in her grade."
"I don't know Zhang Wenshu, nor do I know Mingying." Sang Sui lowered her head, her voice muffled. "I don't want to compare myself to others. I'll try harder next time."
"How can we not compete?" Tan Huiyu's tone rose slightly. "This society is all about competition. There are only so many spots available for college entrance exams, and you're not as good as others..."
“Mom,” Sang Sui interrupted her, her chest tight with worry, “I also felt a sense of loss coming from Linchuan to Rongcheng, and I was very sad.”
"After you're upset, try harder. And I heard you only got a D in your English speaking test?" Tan Huiyu grumbled, "I always knew Linchuan was just a rural area, the education was so backward. I should have known better than to leave you here alone in Linchuan."
These words filled Sang Sui's ears like cotton wool, making it hard for her to breathe. For once, she broke her usual silence and retorted, her voice choked with rage, "But you still left me alone in Linchuan, didn't you? So who can you blame?"
Tan Huiyu seemed surprised that Sang Sui would talk back, and her temper flared up: "What are you saying? Your father and I came to Rongcheng to work from scratch, and life was so difficult. How could we possibly take you with us? Ask yourself if you have any conscience when you say that."
“Yes, my brother can stay in Rongcheng with you, but I can’t. Can you say it’s not favoritism, that it wasn’t intentional…” Before Sang Sui could finish speaking, Tan Huiyu slapped him hard across the left cheek.
For a moment, both of them were stunned.
Tan Huiyu regretted it as soon as she typed: "Sang Sui..."
Sang Sui turned around abruptly, opened the door, and walked straight out.
"Where are you going so late?" Tan Huiyu called out from behind.
Sang Sui did not respond.
The night wind was chilly and stung my face.
Sang wandered aimlessly in the small park downstairs. Not far away, she could faintly hear the voices of several middle-aged women chatting together. She didn't want to listen, but their words still drifted into her ears intermittently.
"So, women still need to respect themselves. Look at Zhang Wenshu, if it weren't for..."
"Shh, keep your voice down. I heard that guy had no intention of taking responsibility; he just threw some money down and left."
"It's tough on that mother and daughter. Mingying is a good student, I heard she's doing exceptionally well in her studies."
"What's the use of being good? Your background is still a stain."
Sang Sui stopped in his tracks.
Zhang Wenshu, pregnant out of wedlock, and Ming Ying, an illegitimate child—she suddenly felt suffocated and turned to leave the small park quickly.
Now she truly has nowhere to go.
Sang Sui remembered the door of the 24-hour convenience store downstairs.
The convenience store was playing a song that sounded somewhat familiar; she felt like she'd heard it somewhere before, but she couldn't quite place it.
Behind the cashier stood the same pretty girl, dressed in a clean shop uniform, head down, taking orders; her profile looked exceptionally serene under the light.
Sang Sui walked to the counter, hesitated for a moment, and asked softly, "Do you have candy?"
The girl handed the bag to another customer, glanced up at Sang Sui with a calm expression and an emotionless tone: "What kind of candy do you want?"
"I want something sweet, something that will make me feel better."
The girl took a glass jar from under the counter and pushed it in front of her. Inside were colorful fruit candies and a bunch of Alpenliebe candies: "Choose one yourself."
Sang picked out two lime-flavored candies: "How much?"
The girl glanced at Sang Sui's flushed left cheek and guessed what was going on: "It's just two candies, you can have them."
"How can I do this?" Sang Sui subconsciously touched her pocket, only to realize that she had left in a hurry and hadn't brought a single penny with her. She looked a little embarrassed. "Can I give it to you next time I come?"
"Really, you don't need to." The girl's tone was flat.
“My name is Sang Sui, from Rongcheng No. 1 Middle School. I definitely don’t owe you anything,” Sang Sui insisted.
The girl seemed too lazy to argue any further, and simply responded with a faint "Mm".
Sang Sui unwrapped the candy and put the lime-flavored hard candy in her mouth; the sweet and sour taste instantly filled the air.
She didn't want to go home yet, so she leaned against the glass window at the shop entrance, lost in thought.
During the long rainy season, outside the window is a dense drizzle and an ever-present dampness.
"There are seats available in the store, you can come in and sit down." The girl's voice came from behind.
"No need, I can stand."
"Standing outside obstructs other people's entry and exit."
"...Oh." So that's the reason.
Sang Sui had no choice but to go inside the shop and sit down at a small bar counter by the window. The shop was well-heated, which dispelled the chill.
She left in a hurry without taking anything with her, and had nothing to do for entertainment. So when the convenience store was almost empty, she asked the girl, "Aren't you in school anymore? You seem to be about my age."
"I'm still in school."
What school do you attend?
"Rongcheng No.1 Middle School".
"Oh, you go to the same school as me."
"Um."
"The songs in the store are really nice, which singer are they?"
"Lady Gaga."
“Oh.” Sang Sui had never heard of this singer’s name, and the girl didn’t seem to be inclined to start a new topic.
So they both fell silent.
Sang Sui wasn't a talkative person to begin with, but he looked around somewhat boredly, his gaze landing on the open book on the cashier's counter—"Out of Africa."
She glanced at it a couple more times, and the girl noticed. "You can take it if you want to see it."
"Thank you." Sang Sui didn't stand on ceremony and walked over to pick up the thick book.
The pages were yellowed, showing signs of having been read repeatedly.
She sat back down and, as soon as she opened the dark blue title page, a few lines of neat handwriting came into view.
The handwriting was neat and powerful, possessing a serene beauty.
"I am truly one with myself, sharing life and death, joy and sorrow. I don't want to compare myself to anyone; I will always cherish the courage that grows slowly within me. —Mingying"
Sang Sui's fingers gently traced the signature line—Ming Ying.
It was her! It was actually her.
She's sitting right here, working at the cashier in this convenience store. She's beautiful and quiet, completely different from the person the rumors are about.
Sang Sui opened the book and discovered that Ming Ying had a habit of writing down her feelings next to the text while reading.
Mingying has made annotations in many places in the book.
Sang Sui watched with great interest.
For some reason, Sang Sui suddenly developed a strong liking for Ming Ying.
Even though she first got to know Mingying through rumors and gossip, and even though she and Mingying didn't have much interaction, she always felt that Mingying had a kind of magic that made people unable to help but like her.
Mingying is a very good girl, and Sang Sui trusts his intuition.
I've read most of the book, but not much of the content. All I know is that the protagonist, Karen, is a very strong person. Although she has lost everything, she found herself in Africa.
It's a story that's definitely worth watching.
However, the time was very short, and Sang Sui didn't have time to read the whole thing, so she read Ming Ying's annotations in the book.
The anxiety and disappointment that arose from comparison suddenly became meaningless.
Sang Sui closed the book, stood up, walked to the cashier, and gently put the book back in its place.
Mingying looked up at her: "You've finished reading?"
“No,” Sang Sui shook her head, a relieved and sincere smile on her face, “but I feel much better. Thank you for the candy and the book.”
Mingying remained expressionless, only nodding slightly: "You're welcome."
Sang Sui pushed open the door of the convenience store, and the wind chimes rang crisply once again.
She took a deep breath of the crisp, cool air of the post-rain evening, looked up, and realized that the rain had stopped sometime earlier.
Sang Sui slowly walked back home. She stood outside the door, her finger hovering above the doorknob, hesitant to drop it.
The faint sound of her parents talking coming from inside the door made her stop what she was doing involuntarily.
Tan Huiyu: "She has a terrible temper. If I say a few words to her, she'll run away. I'm just worried about her grades. I really don't know who I'm doing this for."
“Sigh,” Sang Zhiyuan sighed, “I think Xiao Sui was spoiled by her grandmother in the countryside. She thinks that just because she got first place in Linchuan, she doesn’t need to work hard when she comes to Rongcheng.”
"If all else fails, how about we enroll her in a tutoring class? Didn't we agree to tutor her before?" Tan Huiyu snorted twice. "I heard that the neighbor's mistress's daughter got into the top ten in her grade! If her daughter's good, how bad can my daughter be..."
"Alright," Sang Zhiyuan said, "Why do you keep bringing up that woman?"
Tan Huiyu: "If it weren't for the arrogant attitude she had when she first moved in, who would care about her?"
After saying that, Tan Huiyu revealed a gloating expression: "I knew it! She was showing off her luxury cars and huge diamond rings; it turns out she'd hooked up with a rich man. How can mistresses in this world be so shameless..."
Before Tan Huiyu could finish speaking, Sang Zhiyuan interrupted her gruffly: "Mind your own business."
“Then let me tell you about tutoring classes!” Tan Huiyu said. “The first year of high school is almost over, so start tutoring early to catch up.”
"Let's talk about the tutoring class later," Sang Zhiyuan said, rubbing his temples. "The company's performance hasn't been good lately, and we've cut salaries again."
Tan Huiyu exploded: "Even if you take a pay cut, you can't stop tutoring! You said before that you'd hire a private tutor, but now you can't even afford the tutoring? Didn't you say you'd hire a private tutor?!"
“We only have so much money. The whole family needs to live. How can we make up for it?” Sang Zhiyuan sighed. “Why don’t we just cancel Xiao Chi’s music class?”
"How can this be?"
"Let's wait until the salary is higher before we talk about it."
Tan Huiyu was holding her breath, but she couldn't let Sang Chi suffer, since both of them were her flesh and blood. So she remained silent, turned around and went into the kitchen: "I'll go cook."
Sang Sui, standing outside the door, slowly withdrew her hand. As night deepened, the motion-activated lights in the hallway dimmed, enveloping her in darkness.
She stood at the door for a moment, then gently pushed it open, pretending to have just returned. The sound of stir-frying came from the kitchen; Sang Zhiyuan sat on the sofa watching television, the flickering light from the screen reflecting on his face.
"I'm back," Sang Sui said softly.
Tan Huiyu peeked out from the kitchen, opened her mouth as if to say something, but then remembered the slap she had given herself, and swallowed her words, only saying, "Wash your hands and eat."
The meal was eaten in a somewhat quiet manner.
Even Sang Chi, who had just returned home, noticed that something was off. He looked up and glanced at the people around him, and his eyes fell on Sang Sui's left cheek, where the red mark had not yet faded.
Sang Chi looked at Tan Huiyu again, who put a chicken leg into his bowl. He then looked at Sang Zhiyuan.
Sang Zhiyuan ate his food with a blank expression, and it was unclear whether he had seen the handprint on Sang Sui's left cheek.
He glanced suspiciously at everyone's faces, but ultimately said nothing, and lowered his head to gnaw on the chicken leg in his bowl.
After finishing her meal, Sang Sui returned to her room. She logged into the QQ group and chatted with Jiang Yaoyue for a while.
Sang Sui: I recommend you read a very good book, it's well worth reading, it's called "Walking into Africa".
Jiang Yaoyue: What kind of popular science book is this?
Sang Sui: Don't be put off by the title, it's really super good.
Jiang Yaoyue: Why did you suddenly think of recommending books to me?
Sang Sui: I suddenly met someone I really wanted to be friends with.
Jiang Yaoyue: Then go find her and tell her directly that you want to be friends with her.
Sang Sui: I will try my best.
It's said that good friends can be possessive, but the level of familiarity between Jiang Yaoyue and Sang Sui already implies that they implicitly acknowledge and affirm that the other is their forever best friend.
The two chatted for a few more minutes before officially logging off.
Sang Sui glanced at her profile card; her signature was still the one she had written two years ago when she was in Linchuan.
Only one sentence—
"One should know that in youth one's lofty ambitions once aspired to be the best among men."
She thought for a moment and changed her personal signature to: "I will always love my slow-growing courage."
The real power lies within me.
The real obstacle lies within myself.
I don't want to compare myself to anyone.
I will always cherish the courage that grows slowly.
Growing up brings too many troubles, and you have to process and regulate all your bad moods on your own.
Sang Sui's mind had completely calmed down. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and indulging in self-doubt, he should calm down and think about how to improve himself.
This way, she could keep up with Liang Fengshen's pace.
That way I can get closer to him.
Sang opened her mobile browser and laptop.
In order to get closer to Liang Fengshen, she researched the cities where top music academies and art colleges in China were located, as well as other excellent medical schools near those cities, their admission scores, and so on.
She carefully wrote a few sentences in her notebook, listing several universities she could attend.
At the age of fifteen, one believes that anything is possible and that as long as one works hard, one can overcome any obstacle.
She also believes that one day she will be able to walk side by side with Liang Fengshen.
The next day, Sang Sui got up, washed up quickly, changed into her school uniform, and walked out of the living room. She immediately saw the children's cake on the living room table. Not only the cake, but also chocolates, candies, and several bottles of orange juice were also on the table.
Sang Sui paused for two seconds, momentarily forgetting whose birthday it was.
Tan Huiyu saw Sang Sui: "Come and eat cake with me."
Sang Sui walked over and took a look. He saw the words "Happy June 1st" prominently displayed on the cake and suddenly realized that today was Children's Day.
June has truly begun.
Sang Sui glanced at it twice, said nothing, turned around and packed her backpack for a while, then went straight to the entrance to change her shoes. "I'm running out of time, I have to go to school."
Tan Huiyu: "No matter what, breakfast should be simple."
Sang Sui was bending down to tie her shoelaces in the entryway. Hearing this, she didn't even look up: "I don't like cake, and I don't like orange juice either."
Tan Huiyu called out from behind, somewhat annoyed, "Are you still angry? Do you remember that slap I gave you?"
Sang Sui ignored it, pushed open the door, and the early summer morning breeze rushed in, carrying the unique dampness of Rongcheng. She blinked, feeling a dry, soreness in her eyes.
On her way back to school, she didn't actually pass by a convenience store, but she still took a detour to go there.
She gently pushed open the glass door of the convenience store, and the wind chimes rang out with a familiar, crisp sound. Behind the counter sat not Mingying, but a young male clerk wearing black-rimmed glasses, wiping the counter with his head down.
Yes, Mingying should go to school.
Sang Sui took out all the pocket money she had and bought a lot of candy as if to vent her anger: a string of Alpenliebe candies, a few Zhizhu lollipops, a jar of fruit candies, and a bunch of chocolates. She ate some of it herself and gave the rest to Zhao Yanqi and the others.
The boy was a little surprised: "You ate so much by yourself?"
Sang Sui's tone was a little cold: "Can't I eat candy at my age?"
The boy was startled: "Eat whatever you want, I didn't mean that."
Sang Sui realized that her tone had been a bit harsh, but she was in a really bad mood and felt like she could blow up the earth at any moment.
The boy scanned the code and put it in a bag.
Sang Sui peeled open a lime-flavored fruit candy and popped it into her mouth, but it tasted a bit bitter.
What happened to not comparing yourself to others?
Everyone knows the principle, but it's really hard to put into practice.
This is a long journey of self-cultivation.
To be honest, she greatly envied Sang Chi.
Sang Sui, carrying the heavy bag of candy, was about to push open the convenience store door when a male clerk's voice suddenly came from behind her:
"Excuse me, wait a minute."
She turned around and saw the boy take a neatly folded form out from under the counter.
"This must have been left behind by one of our store's employees. Since you're also from Rongcheng No. 1 Middle School, could you help me bring it to school?"
Sang Sui took the form and unfolded it; it was a form indicating his preference for arts or sciences.
When her gaze fell on the name column, she was slightly taken aback—Ming Ying. What surprised her even more was that there was a clear checkmark in the "Liberal Arts" column.
Mingying has such good grades, yet she chose to study humanities.
She looked at the table carefully; it only listed the grade level but not the class.
"Okay, I'll find a way to give it to her."
Sang carefully folded the form in half and put it into the innermost pocket of his schoolbag.
On her way to the classroom, even though Class 7 was near the entrance of the building, she deliberately went around to Class 6 and then walked through the corridor back to Class 7.
It was just so that I could try my luck and meet Liang Fengshen.
The morning sunlight streamed through the corridor windows, casting dappled shadows on the terrazzo floor.
The door to Class 6's classroom was open, and students could be seen inside in twos and threes.
She unconsciously slowed her pace and quietly glanced at the seat by the window.
Liang Fengshen was indeed there.
He was looking down slightly, intently at the exercise book on the table. The faint morning sunlight fell on his profile, outlining his jawline.
Stray hairs fell across her forehead, partially obscuring her eyebrows and eyes, but unable to conceal her focused expression.
One glance was enough to make Sang Sui's heart skip a beat.
Just then, Cheng Xiao walked out of the back door and happened to catch Sang Sui's gaze that she couldn't take back in time.
He raised an eyebrow, revealing a knowing look.
This wasn't actually the first time he'd seen this girl lingering outside Class 6.
Sometimes during breaks, sometimes after school, her gaze would always follow Liang Fengshen's figure with such caution.
She probably thought she was hiding it well.
But true affection can't be hidden; anyone who cares can tell at a glance.
Cheng Xiao leaned against the door frame, looking at Liang Fengshen in the classroom who knew nothing about it, and couldn't help but sigh in his heart.
"I wonder how many more girls Liang Fengshen, this scourge of humanity, will ruin."
But that's probably how unrequited love is during youth.
It is one person's chaotic battle, and another person's complete unawareness.
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