Chapter 21 I wish to be a mandarin duck fairy (1) Morbidity and madness.
A small horizontal plaque hung above the moon-shaped cave entrance, inscribed with the words "Zhuang Sheng's morning dream, lost in butterflies." A gentle breeze rustled the bamboo groves on either side, creating a shimmering dream.
The black shadow in front of him emerged from the darkness. It was Lu Guanque.
He walked slowly towards her, bathed in the moonlight. The white breath he exhaled was like a gossamer, quietly wrapping around her inch by inch.
Meng Xuanli shuddered and took half a step back unconsciously.
"Hide from me?" Lu Guanque narrowed his eyes slightly.
"...No, I didn't hide." Meng Xuanli lowered his head, avoiding his gaze, and deliberately kept a distance from him.
Lu Guanque raised his eyes and cast his gaze towards Wei Yuan, who stood in the pavilion. With just one glance, the air was filled with the sound of swordplay and the scent of blood.
Meng Xuanli tugged at his sleeve and whispered, "Jiahe should be awake now. Let's go."
She didn't ask him why he came to the Pan family, and he didn't ask her why she was here with Wei Yuan. The two of them seemed to have reached a consensus, and they walked in silence, with only the rustling of the wind as the only sound.
"A-choo!" When leaving Pan's house, Meng Xuanli seemed to feel cold.
Lu Guanque took off his cloak, pulled it around her, and took her hand as they walked towards the carriage. Unspoken in their understanding, Meng Xuanli raised her eyes again, gazing at his clear and bright side.
But pure brightness always coexists with pure darkness…[1]
What is his darkness?
After returning home, Meng Xuanli washed up and lay down on the bed.
She sighed softly, thinking of Wei Yuan's words tonight - Lu Guanque pretended to be hypocritical and lied to you for so long, did you know that?
At first, she didn't believe it, but when she saw Lu Guanque, she was frightened by the sinister and vicious aura emanating from him.
Lu Guanque walked around the screen, loosened his outer robe, and called her softly, "Ali?"
Meng Xuanli was exhausted and almost fell asleep from thinking so much that he didn't hear anything at all. He turned his back to him and didn't move.
Lu Guanque quietly approached the bed and leaned over to touch her lower back. The moment Meng Xuanli screamed in surprise.
"It's me."
Lu Guanque's voice was gentle, but when it reached Meng Xuanli's heart, it felt a little weird for no reason.
She slowly turned around and watched him extinguish the candle and lie down beside her: "When did you come in? I didn't even notice."
"It's good to notice it now."
"Ah?" Meng Xuanli frowned, still in the fog.
The mysterious moonlight was blocked out by the curtains, and the lingering wind had also stopped. Meng Xuanli felt a mixture of cold and heat in his heart, an indescribable contradiction.
"You haven't said a word all night. If you have anything to ask, just ask." Lu Guanque brushed her hair behind her ear and stroked her earlobe with his fingertips, kneading it slowly in circles.
Meng Xuanli was tickled by him, biting her lip and muttering, "Someone told me today that you've been hiding something from me for a long time..."
"Is it true?"
Lu Guanque did not deny it and said "hmm".
Meng Xuanli frowned and pushed his hand away.
Lu Guanque clamped her wrist with his backhand, lowered his head, rubbed her cheek, and sprayed his hot breath on her ear: "Do you care a lot?"
The two men's black hair flowed together. Meng Xuanli's eyes were filled with mist and his heart was confused, as if he was in a swamp, sinking deeper and deeper.
Meng Xuanli said, "I listened to Wei Yuan..."
Lu Guanque held her chin, looked her up and down, and said in a low voice, "Do you really have to mention him?"
Their breaths could be heard, but she couldn't see through the sickness and madness in his eyes.
Lu Guanque's face darkened as he slowly leaned over, pressing his lips against her neck. Meng Xuanli's eyes widened, thinking he was going to bite her, and she hurriedly tried to push him away with trembling hands.
Lu Guanque kissed her collarbone lightly, then lifted her wrists above her head and held them down. With his other hand, he stroked the side of her face and rubbed her lips with his fingertips.
Meng Xuanli's eyes were watery, his cheeks were hot, and he gasped, "I didn't believe what Wei Yuan said... But tonight, you suddenly appeared, admitted to hiding it from me, and now you're scaring me like this..."
"Why exactly?"
Lu Guanque froze, loosened her wrists, and supported them on both sides: "Ali, the bells are ringing, His Majesty has passed away..."
The words were like cold rain, hitting her face.
So that's how it is.
Meng Xuanli gasped, her body trembling slightly. After a long silence, she reached out and gently stroked his cheek, saying sullenly, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was such a serious matter. I thought you..."
"What do you think I am?" His voice was very calm.
"It's nothing, I just overthink it." He lifted the quilt, and Meng Xuanli felt a chill on her upper body. "Wei Yuan said those words intentionally."
Seeing her fall into the trap, Lu Guanque felt relieved and warned her, "Stay away from him in the future."
Meng Xuanli nodded, then suddenly remembered something: "Now that His Majesty has passed away, Prince Ding is far away from the Eastern Capital, and the Crown Prince's foundation is not stable. I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you a lot in the future..."
Before he could finish, he heard Lu Guanque ask, "Are you worried about me?"
This time, Meng Xuanli didn't argue. "Of course I'm worried about you. If you exhaust yourself, what if... what if something happens to you? What will happen to me for the rest of my life?"
After these words were spoken, both of them were stunned.
Lu Guanque held her shoulders, forcing her to look up and endure his heavy kiss: "With Ah Li's words, I will definitely live a good life... Okay?"
He bit the tip of her tongue, and Lu Guanque grabbed the back of her neck. In the blink of an eye, the two of them felt dizzy and changed direction.
"Wait..." Meng Xuanli whispered, "Isn't everything okay in the palace right now?"
"Your Majesty's affairs have been prepared long ago. Now that the Crown Prince is in charge, it won't matter."
His kiss was quick and deep. Meng Xuanli leaned on him, panting heavily and clinging to his breath: "Hmm..."
The kiss lasted a long time. Her back was filled with the warmth of his palm, and her body was filled with his scorching breath. Her heart was beating like a drum, as if she had transformed into a cloud, drifting and fluttering, and it was about to rain.
Lu Guanque simply pushed aside all the bedding and continued to explore her waist: "Do you want it?"
Meng Xuanli couldn't help but squeeze his legs together. In a panic, he thought about the important matter that had just occurred and groaned, "Wait until the national mourning is over, and you'll be safe and sound..."
"Let's..."
"Think about it now."
Lu Guanque's breath was hot, and he turned his hand to her belt. Meng Xuanli quickly covered her clothes: "My period hasn't ended yet..."
He stopped suddenly and their eyes met.
There was a thin layer of sweat on Meng Xuanli's forehead, his lips were glistening with water, and his whole body looked like melted rock sugar water.
Lu Guanque's eyes lit up, and like a young man hiding from the rain under the eaves, he blushed and smiled. He held her in his arms and kissed her collarbone: "Okay."
Meng Xuanli was embarrassed: "Don't mess around, I..."
Lu Guanque paused for a moment, then kissed the snowy mountain: "I know my limits."
Meng Xuanli secretly lowered her eyes and saw that he was so pious even in kissing. What would it be like if she really did this in the future?
Just as he was thinking about it, Lu Guanque said quietly across the vast mountains and rivers, "This mountain is not a mountain, this water is not water. Is this... all mine?"
Meng Xuanli didn't understand what he meant at first, but when she saw his eyes were as red as silk, she blushed and said "hmm".
But the next moment, she regretted it.
…
After the new emperor ascended the throne, Lu Guanque was often kept in the palace for meetings, and he always returned late at night. Meng Xuanli was sleeping soundly, and in her drowsiness, she was either hugged by him or kissed by him.
The two of them interacted with each other, and in the blink of an eye, winter came.
It was snowing that day. Meng Xuanli heard that Jiahe was sick and wanted to go out to see her at Pan's house.
But just as he went out, he met Lu Guanque returning.
"Don't go out today."
Meng Xuanli wanted to refute, but Lu Guanque took his hand and hurried to the study.
He closed the door, stood with his back to the emperor, and said in a deep voice, "The two days when the Pan family held the full moon banquet coincided with the death of the late emperor. When Liangzhou learned of this, they immediately raised an army, and His Majesty sent Pan's Dalang and Silang to fight."
Meng Xuanli frowned: "I heard about this from my elder sister, is there anything wrong with it?"
Lu Guanque turned slowly and said, "But now... Pan Silang has colluded with the enemy and betrayed the country, causing many soldiers to die tragically on the battlefield."
"Your Majesty has interrogated him and escorted him back to the capital. He will be executed within the next two days. The entire Pan family will be implicated. Your eldest sister is already in prison."
"What?"
"So soon?" Meng Xuanli dropped the teacup in his hand, splashing water and porcelain shards. "No, I have to go check it out."
"You are not allowed to go." Lu Guanque blocked her way and held her hand tightly. "I rushed back from the palace today just to stop you."
"Then I'll just watch her..." Meng Xuanli shook his head, "No, she even sent a maid last night to say Jiahe was sick and asked me to go and help take a look."
"Why today..."
"It's absolutely true." Lu Guanque said with a slightly indifferent tone.
Seeing his determination, Meng Xuanli felt flustered and asked tentatively, "Then can you plead with His Majesty? She had already planned to leave the Pan family, and now this has happened, I'm afraid it will cause more trouble."
When he heard the words "planning to leave," Lu Guanque's expression darkened, even showing a hint of contempt: "Planning? Leaving? What is she going to do?"
Meng Xuanli's mind was full of Meng Xiuyu's affairs, and he was too lazy to explain too much to him: "I'll tell you when I come back."
Just as she was about to leave, Lu Guanque picked her up and pressed her against the door. He said coldly, "Talk it over before you go."
Meng Xuanli took a deep breath and said angrily, "Let me go first."
Lu Guanque realized that he had lost his composure, quietly let go of her, turned his back, and said lightly: "I don't want you to get involved in this mess."
She understood what Lu Guanque meant and pondered, "If I explain everything clearly, can you plead with His Majesty for my elder sister?"
"She has two more children." Meng Xuanli's tone was almost pleading.
Lu Guanque leaned over to pick up the broken porcelain pieces on the ground and said without comment, "Tell me about it."
Seeing a glimmer of hope, Meng Xuanli approached him and said urgently, "My brother-in-law, no, Pan Silang, betrayed me and deceived me. The entire Pan family also hates Jiahe. My sister is thinking of contacting the elders of the Pan family, maximizing the benefits of the divorce, and then taking Jiahe back to her hometown in Xuzhou."
"That's all?"
Meng Xuanli blinked: "That's all."
Lu Guanque half closed his eyes, and after a long time, he shook his head.
Meng Xuanli snorted softly and quickly stood up, but she felt dizzy from squatting for so long. Lu Guanque supported her and said cryptically, "Wait for news at home first. Going now would only cause trouble."
"Trouble?" Meng Xuanli blinked and suddenly laughed, "In your mind, am I such a troublemaker?"
Lu Guanque didn't answer. He held her arm tightly, refusing to let her go. "Ali, be obedient. Take a day off tomorrow and I'll go with you."
Meng Xuanli was wearing a light yellow short coat with a rabbit fur cloak wrapped around it. When she reached out to untie the cloak, before Lu Guanque could react, she slipped out of his arms.
"Don't bother, my lord."
The person in his arms hurried away. Lu Guanque looked at her back and for some reason, he felt like laughing. He put his cloak down and after a long moment, he held the broken porcelain pieces again.
The blood fell to the ground, hazy and strange, just like his scarlet eyes.
Meng Xuanli has reasons to forgive anyone and the ability to heal himself from anything.
Lu Guanque smashed the porcelain pieces again, and the cracking sound roared in his ears——
Meng Xuanli cannot be let go.
She must not be allowed to come into contact with outsiders.
I must hold her firmly in my hands.
In this way, she would belong completely to him.
Lu Guanque had long since lost his patience with Meng Xuanli's unacceptable kindness. Previously, it was Su He, a while ago it was Su Zixu, and now it was Meng Xiuyu.
wrong.
In the past, she had treated herself like this, looking at herself with compassionate eyes.
Even now...
Still that look...
He had a way to make her love him, but he couldn't make her truly love him. If she wanted to escape like Meng Xiuyu, what would he do?
Is he going to be left alone again?
Thinking of this, Lu Guanque burst into laughter while crying. The waves of laughter, wild, self-deprecating, and angry, completely overwhelmed his rationality.
When Uncle De entered, he was shocked to see the blood splattered on the ground. Looking up again, he saw Lu Guanque holding his forehead in dejection, and inexplicably remembered that he was also so creepy when he was rescued.
"My Lord...there's news from the south."
Lu Guanque let go, his forehead stained with blood. He wiped away the blood and asked calmly, "Who is Su Zixu?"
Uncle De approached cautiously and whispered a few words in his ear. After a long moment, Lu Guanque looked at the blood oozing from his palm and suddenly laughed, "So it was him..."
"He's seriously injured now. Send someone to keep a close eye on him and don't alert him. Maybe he can be of great help to me in the future."
Lu Guanque narrowed his eyes and ordered, "Go to the palace."
"The prince just came back and he still wants to go?" Uncle De was puzzled.
"It's just a formality."
Lu Guanque bandaged his hand and immediately frowned: "What's wrong?"
Uncle De thought of the tragic scene he had just witnessed and hesitated: "My Lord, I'm afraid you'll regret this."
Lu Guanque snorted: "Regret?"
"Since I have chosen this path, I will go all the way. Even if she hates and blames me in the future, or even..." He didn't finish his words, still a little hesitant.
"Let's go."
*
The wind from the Pan family's house made Meng Xuanli breathless. She walked in quickly, tightly grasped the wrist of a maid, and whispered, "Where are the two children now?"
The maid saw it was Meng Xuanli and sobbed, her mouth full of snow, "When the soldiers arrived, the mistress went mad and forcibly took the young master away. He then crashed into the stone lions at the gate and died. Blood splattered on the spot, and the fourth lady fainted from fright..."
Hearing this, Meng Xuanli relaxed his strength, his expression dazed, and asked blankly, "Where's Jiahe? Where is Jiahe?"
The little maid sniffed and continued, "After the Fourth Madam fainted, the young lady was carried away by the maid..."
"Who took it away?" Meng Xuanli's lips were trembling.
"I don't know."
Seeing her face covered in dust, Meng Xuanli turned around, took out some silver, and stuffed it into her hand: "What's your name?"
"My servant Lu Yun."
"Luoyun, there's a house outside the capital. It's my dowry. The village head's surname is Yu. Take this silver and your belongings and go there to rest for a while. I'll come find you after I finish taking care of my eldest sister's affairs."
"However, you need to pay attention to where the Pan family's servants go. That way, you can find Jiahe sooner."
Lu Yun's face was covered with tears as she sobbed, "Thank you, Princess. I will definitely keep an eye on it."
"Go ahead."
Meng Xuanli patted her hands and watched her walk away.
"Young Madam, can we trust her?" Chen Bi helped her into the carriage.
"Don't employ those you doubt, and don't doubt those you employ. She is a maid in the Pan family, so she naturally knows more about the people who left the mansion than we do."
The carriage stopped in front of the prison and was surrounded by many people. Meng Xuanli felt something was wrong and, ignoring Chen Bi's shouts, hurriedly got off the carriage and ran in.
"Who are you? How dare you break in?" The guard at the gate stopped Meng Xuanli with his sword.
Just as Meng Xuanli was about to retort, Chen Bi stepped forward and said coldly, "Look carefully, you bastard! This is the Crown Prince's Consort."
Upon hearing this, the two men hurriedly knelt and saluted. Meng Xuanli didn't care about these things at all, and asked anxiously, "Where are the Pan family members being held? Take me there quickly."
"Yes... yes... but the fourth wife of the Pan family just passed away. It would not be a good idea for the Crown Prince's Consort to go in now."
"What?" Meng Xuanli exclaimed in surprise.
She pushed them away with all her strength and went to search one by one. When she found Meng Xiuyu, she fell directly to the ground.
Chen Bi hurried to help her up, but Meng Xuanli pushed her away, shook her head, and murmured, "This is impossible. How could she commit suicide?"
"Given her personality, she won't commit suicide..."
Meng Xuanli suddenly stood up, pointed at the lock, and ordered sternly: "Open it!"
The two guards looked at each other and finally opened the door.
Meng Xuanli held her breath, approached Meng Xiuyu, and squatted carefully. She felt Meng Xiuyu's pulse and staggered back in shock.
Her eldest sister was really dead.
The prison was utterly dark, masking many smells and crimes. There were several bloodstains splattered on the walls, flowing down from different heights, forming different stripes of blood.
The wind blew, and the firewood and grass swayed.
Meng Xuanli stood up and slowly approached the wall. He stretched out his hand and gestured, only to find that the height there was actually Meng Xiuyu's. There was even no sign of fighting or struggling around...
She bumped into it herself.
Meng Xuanli still didn't believe it, so he turned around to find a coroner to perform an autopsy. But before he even walked out the door, a piece of paper fluttered in the wind on the table.
She hurriedly caught it and looked carefully at the little light seeping in through the window -
Dear sister:
When I read these words, my soul has already passed away, my body and spirit have disintegrated. This is the end of my life, and it is also a choice I have no other choice. I write this letter with tears in my eyes, entrusting you with the last important thing in my heart.
My life is but a fleeting dream, yet Heaven has blessed me with my beloved children, Jiayan and Jiahe. Jiayan is gone, but Jiahe is my only cherished love. Now, with the Pan family in turmoil, I find myself trapped, powerless to protect her. Only death can offer her a glimmer of hope.
Thinking about how she lost her father at a young age and will now be left alone, I think about it and realize that in this vast world, the only person I can trust is my sister. You have always been kind and compassionate, intelligent and strong, a hundred times better than me.
My sister begged with tears and blood. [3]
Meng Xuanli lowered his eyes, his body collapsed again, and he fell straight to the ground.
She did this for Jiahe.
Meng Xuanli reached out to grab the paper, intending to erase the words and make herself think Meng Xiuyu was still alive. But for some reason, her hand stopped and tears fell on it.
Meng Xuanli hurried to wipe it, but no matter how he wiped it, the handwriting mixed with tears became blurred.
Like her death, it is blurred here.[2]
When Meng Xuanli returned to Chengju, she dismissed everyone, closed the door, and stared blankly at the mirror. After a long while, she felt cold, so she took off her robe, covered her head with a thick blanket, and curled up in the cold on the bed.
She closed her eyes and remained motionless. In her drowsiness, the tragic death of Meng Xiuyu came to mind.
If Meng Xiuyu hadn't gone to the Changsheng Temple and met Pan Silang, she wouldn't have married into the Pan family like a moth to a flame, and she wouldn't have been so heartbroken and died...
Marrying the one she loved for love still ended up like this. What about her? Was her fate a hundred times more tragic than her elder sister's?
Meng Xuanli didn't dare to dwell on it. She sniffed and wrapped herself tighter, trying to ward off these terrifying thoughts. But her heart skipped a beat, and the chill snaked up along the soles of her feet.
After an unknown amount of time, she gradually fell asleep.
In the dream, there was a silver bridge, and beneath it, a starry sky hung upside down. A faint celestial sound drifted from the other side of the river. Intrigued, Meng Xuanli quietly walked over with a few fairies.
Suddenly, an old man emerged from under the osmanthus tree, carrying a staff and a book. His hair, graying and reaching to his waist, was tied with thousands of red strings, making him look like an immortal.
"You, Mingzhu, are so forgetful. This red rope has been waiting for you for a long time, but you never come." The old immortal stroked his beard and smiled foolishly.
The little fairy circled around him and said with a smile, "Don't be angry, Mr. Yue. I'm just stuck. Besides, I came to you today not only to get the red string, but also to ask for your marriage."
"You can't just show this to anyone."
The little fairy smiled and pleaded, "Emperor Yue, please be kind. Every man in the mortal world is like muddy mud, burdened with romantic debts. I have come down to earth to experience the trials and tribulations of life, and I don't want to get entangled with them."
The matchmaker shook his head, flipped open the marriage book, and after a long pause, he concentrated and said, "Hold this red string firmly. Don't lose it when you return. When you descend to the mortal world, you must not save the man named Lu. If you save him, you will be doomed to eternal damnation. You might even lose your life..."
"Is it so scary?"
Yue Lao stroked his white beard and said mysteriously, "More than that..."
"Heaven...if it weren't for this calamity, I really wouldn't want to go."
The little fairy frowned and then relaxed, as if she had thought of something: "After I came down to earth, I couldn't remember what the Moon God said. What should I do?"
The matchmaker smiled and leaned over to whisper a few words in her ear.
Meng Xuanli couldn't hear clearly from a distance, and just as he was about to move closer, the little fairy noticed him: "Who are you? Why are you eavesdropping here? Look up--"
Meng Xuanli looked up in horror, and saw Lu Guanque's face in a daze.
"You...why are you here?"
When Lu Guanque came in, he saw Meng Xuanli wrapped herself up tightly and knew she was deliberately trying to antagonize him. He slowly approached her and was about to peel her out of the quilt when he heard her mutter something about a man named Lu...
He thought she was thinking of him, but as soon as he picked her up, she looked at him in confusion, with eyes as unfamiliar as if she had never known him before.
"Your Majesty, please be merciful and pardon your elder sister, but she has already..." When Lu Guanque said this, his eyes hurt and he didn't dare to look at Meng Xuanli.
Meng Xuanli was drenched in sweat. After hearing what he said, he murmured, "My father is far away in Xuzhou. Don't let him know for now... I'm afraid he'll be upset if he finds out."
"I know."
Lu Guanque wiped the sweat from her forehead, but she turned her face away and whispered, "I asked Chenbi to find Jiahe..."
"Maybe there will be news in a few days." Lu Guanque ran his fingers through her hair and supported the back of her neck, making her as comfortable as possible.
Meng Xuanli recalled the words of Yue Lao in his dream—he couldn't save the man surnamed Lu, or he would be doomed to death...
The little fairy's experience of descending to the mortal world was very similar to hers. But before she could see who the little fairy was, she woke up...
She had this dream for no apparent reason. Could it be that the heavens wanted her to be wary of Lu Guanque? But Lu Guanque didn't look like one of those evil people who did evil things...
Could it be that dreams are the opposite? Is Lu Guanque someone I can trust with my life?
Is this what you mean?
"What are you daydreaming about?" Lu Guanque looked at her rosy face, and wherever his eyes looked, he felt a flush of heat.
"Nothing... nothing." Meng Xuanli pursed his lips, "Put me down, I feel a little uncomfortable."
"Where do you feel uncomfortable?"
His tone was full of concern, but her voice was distant.
She shook her head and whispered, "I'm feeling a bit anxious. My Lord, please go out first. I'll be alone for a while."
"Are you blaming me?" Lu Guanque put her on the bed with trembling hands, his eyes looking vaguely into the distance.
"……No."
Lu Guanque groaned, turned her body over, pressed her legs, and supported her arms on both sides. Meng Xuanli panicked and tried to push him away. Lu Guanque narrowed his eyes and said coldly, "Are you pushing me away again?"
"He ran out without hesitation. He fainted in the prison and locked himself up in his room after returning. After waking up, he said he was fine. Do you know how worried I was about you?"
"...worried?" Meng Xuanli choked, turning her head away and refusing to look at him. "What have I got to worry you about?"
Lu Guanque's breathing slowed, and he grasped her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Because I wouldn't let you leave and refused to go to the palace to plead for mercy, you blame me like this? Huh?"
Meng Xuanli had no intention of blaming him, but his attitude chilled her heart. She gritted her teeth and said deliberately, "Yes, I do blame you."
"Are you satisfied?"
Lu Guanque laughed. He had never thought she would speak like this: "Is this how you talk to me?"
"Is this the way you talk to me?" Meng Xuanli imitated him.
Lu Guanque's eyes grew darker, and he leaned over and kissed her on the lips.
Meng Xuanli never expected that he would be so strong. Lu Guanque put her struggling hands behind his waist, held her face, and almost wanted to swallow her all.
Meng Xuanli seemed to have fallen into an abyss, with unknown darkness all around him.
She had just woken up, her body was weak and limp, and when Lu Guanque pinched her like this, she couldn't help but shed tears. Lu Guanque felt the wetness and coldness, his expression slightly stiff, and he suddenly stood up.
Meng Xuanli was able to catch his breath, turned his back, and said angrily, "Little Fairy is right. All men in the mortal world are like muddy mud, full of romantic debts... I thought you were different from them, but now it seems that you are no different from them."
Hearing her sniffle, Lu Guanque paused on the edge of the bed, his heart lightening and then weighing down. He finally lowered his head: "Don't be angry, it's my fault. I'll apologize to Ali."
Meng Xuanli carried him on his back, refusing to turn around. "Apologize? What crime have you committed?"
"I am guilty of everything and shouldn't treat you like this." Lu Guanque's thoughts were confused and his voice was very low.
"Get out. I don't want to see you."
-----------------------
The author has something to say: [References]
[1] Quoting Hegel: “Without determination, there can be no knowledge. Pure light is pure darkness.”
[2] See Yuan Mei’s “Sacrifice to My Sister”
[3] Quoting Borges: “When a man dies, he disappears like water into water.”
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