Chapter 41
No matter how cold the winter is in the port city, it can't compare to the north. The trees are always full of life, shedding their yellow leaves in the spring and becoming even greener under the scorching summer sun.
"The Turbid" was submitted to this year's Cannes Film Festival on the last day and was selected for the main competition.
Over the past six months, Su Xian gradually gave up drinking, resumed exercising, and, like Lin Zhiyuan, developed a habit of reading before bed. She finally regained her former self, and even became more peaceful and at ease.
Zhang Zhiran said that Su Xian was different from before, but she couldn't say exactly how. She only said that although Su Xian was 30 years old, she was becoming more and more beautiful.
Before heading to Cannes, Zhang Zhiran took Su Xuan to her family's beauty salon for a facial and spa treatment, telling her to look her best for the film festival.
"The key isn't whether I'm good or not, but whether the movie is good or not." Su Xuan lay on the bed, the massage on her back so comfortable that she wanted to sleep.
"Don't you have confidence in the film?"
"That's Cannes, so getting any attention is already a great achievement. That was Director Wen's original intention in making this film."
"Did you contact Director Wen and the others again afterward?" Zhi Ran's voice came from under the massage bed.
"No." Although her low point at that time was mostly due to her own reasons, the isolation imposed on her by Director Wen and the others had indeed almost crushed her, so Su Xian could no longer have any further contact with them.
Zhang Zhiran didn't bring up that period of time again, but instead asked her, "So what happened after you came back? You've rested for so long, when are you planning to take on a role?"
“I have been accepted into a master’s program at LAMDA, so I will be in the UK for at least a year.”
"My God! How are you so amazing?"
Su Xian lay on the bed and smiled silently. Not having received systematic acting training had always been a regret of hers, and she hoped to continue acting. Therefore, she made careful plans for herself, not wanting to limit herself to China; she had plenty of time to learn and explore.
This film festival is a great opportunity, so as Zhang Zhiran said, we need to be at our best.
As they were about to part, the two stood at the elevator entrance, and Zhi Ran looked at Su Xian as if she wanted to say something but hesitated.
Su Xian smiled helplessly, "Just say what you have to say."
"Brother Yuan has been back at headquarters for almost a year now, did you know that?"
Before Su Xian could answer, Zhang Zhiran continued, "I'm so stupid, how did you know? Before he left, he asked me to tell you to go to Banshan when you have time."
No wonder that day, when Lin Zhiyuan heard her say she would go back to get her clothes, he told her it was fine anytime; the hillside must be vacant by now.
Even if Zhi Ran hadn't told her today, she would have gone anyway.
The day before she was to leave for Cannes, Su Xuan drove alone to the hillside mansion. She hesitated for a long time in front of the oak gate before she finally mustered up the courage to press her fingerprint.
Passing through the entryway, the living room layout remained unchanged. There was a walnut bar counter where she would sometimes mix drinks for him after meals; a large white island in the kitchen where they often ate; and the travertine dining table in the living room, which was rarely used. The only time it was used, it wasn't for eating, but for eating her.
All the French windows in the front yard were closed, the lawn was overgrown and neglected, and the pool was empty except for a layer of fallen leaves.
It seems like everything has changed, yet it also seems like nothing has changed.
Su Xian sat on the sofa for a while. She remembered when they first moved in together, she had dinner with him and his friends. She didn't really like these kinds of occasions, and being on her period, she wasn't very enthusiastic. After they got back, Lin Zhiyuan subtly suggested that she try to be more involved.
This was originally a consensus they reached after returning from England, but for some reason Su Xian was very unhappy at the time, and she emphasized unhappily that she had already tried her best, and if he didn't like it, he didn't have to take her out in the future.
After she finished throwing her tantrum, she sat alone on the sofa. Even though she was being unreasonable, Lin Zhiyuan was the one who coaxed her first, telling her to just be herself and not to make special concessions to others.
The huge house was filled with memories, yet her heart still ached.
Su Xian walked into the dressing room. The rack where his suits used to hang neatly was now empty. She took a deep breath and put her clothes into her suitcase one by one.
The wardrobe gradually emptied, revealing the safe hidden deep inside. On a sudden impulse, Su Xian reached out and entered her fingerprint, then pressed "11030122," the password they had set together, their birthdays.
With a "click," the door opened, revealing that it wasn't empty inside.
A familiar yet unfamiliar jewelry box. Su Xian reached out and took it out. It turned out that this gray jewelry box, which looked like a nebula, felt somewhat like gravel.
Even though she knew what was inside, she was once again amazed when the box was opened. The magnificent blue diamond was dazzling. Su Xian took it out and then realized that the ring was not closed. The ring, studded with small diamonds, resembled a bright crescent moon, supporting the dazzling blue star.
Su Xian stared blankly for a moment, then put the ring back in its slot and closed the cover. She took off the star and moon ring from her right index finger and brought it to her lips. Lin Zhiyuan had once jokingly called it their engagement ring, and she truly loved it, rarely taking it off since the day she put it on.
Su Xian opened her eyes, put on the ring, and was about to put the jewelry box back in the safe when she noticed a file folder underneath. She took it out, unwrapped the coiled wire, and reached inside to feel two thin sheets of paper.
Su Xian took them out and glanced at them, her eyes widening in surprise. One was a land deed, the other a house deed, both addressed to a hillside residence. The owner's name was clearly written as Su Xian. She stared at her own name, looking at it again and again, finding it hard to believe.
On the eve of the Golden Deer Awards, Lin Zhiyuan said he wanted to add her name to the Mid-Levels mansion, but he never mentioned it again, and she didn't take it to heart at all.
But now, instead of adding her name, it was given entirely to her. When did he do this without telling me?
Su Xian felt as if he had been hit hard. Even as a breakup fee, these two gifts were too expensive to bear.
On the second day of the Cannes Film Festival, Su Xuan walked the red carpet in a black Holmes silk satin gown. The hand-embroidered beads went from her chest to her shoulders and back, and a necklace composed of obsidian and crystal pendants adorned her exposed collarbone. She looked as elegant as a black swan.
When the red carpet photos were circulated in China, many netizens pointed out that Su Xian, who had not appeared in public for a long time, was different from before. His stubborn and aloof gaze was now filled with gentleness and determination.
As netizens began discussing the film, "Purity and Turbidity" was playing at the Lumiere Theatre. The version edited by director Wen was about 100 minutes long, and this was the first time Su Xian had seen the finished film. When she saw the thin and helpless Amei sitting alone on the beach humming a song, Su Xian's eyes reddened. She couldn't tell who that pain belonged to, or whether it was something she and Amei shared.
As the film ended, applause filled the theater, and Su Xian breathed a sigh of relief. The Cannes Film Festival was highly competitive, and she hadn't expected to win an award, but judging from the audience's reaction, the story had gained recognition from some film critics, so her efforts had been worthwhile for Director Wen.
During the post-screening interview, Su Xuan sat next to Director Wen, and the first reporter asked the director to interpret the scene where Ah Mei sits on the beach humming a song.
"Actually, this scene wasn't in the script. Originally, the filming was supposed to end with Ah Mei and Uncle Deng having fun at the beach. But Su Xuan started humming a song unintentionally, and I felt like she and Ah Mei had a moment of connection, so I didn't ask the camera to be turned off and secretly recorded it and included it in the film. So the actor herself has to answer this."
After Director Wen finished speaking, he slightly turned the microphone on the table toward Su Xian.
Su Xian leaned forward slightly, her fingers gripping the microphone. "Well, actually, regarding A-Mei's past, the film mentioned she was a sex worker and that she sang very well. I think she may have been loved and deceived, but the fact that she kept that child proves she's a brave person; otherwise, she wouldn't have been so persistent in seeking justice. And the song's name is 'For You, My Love,' it's a..." Su Xian paused.
What kind of song is this?
This is a song for lovers; the expectations two people have for each other and their hopes for the future are all expressed in the song.
“It’s a very happy song.” Su Xian continued, “At that moment, A-Mei was both happy and in pain. She was detached and lonely, which also foreshadowed that she would eventually part ways with others.”
Another reporter raised his hand, "So how do you understand the character of Ah Mei? And how is she different from your previous roles?"
"Yes, the Ah Mei I understand is actually contradictory. She is lonely but longs to be understood. She has her own principles, but she is powerless to uphold them, so in the end she can only move towards destruction."
As for how this role differs from his previous ones, Su Xuan pondered for a moment before speaking: "This role was very challenging for me, and during that time... I was also going through a low period, so the pressure was immense. After playing this role, my mindset has also changed a lot, so in a way, Ah Mei has helped me grow."
After answering the questions, Su Xian pushed the microphone back and listened quietly as Director Wen and the others answered other questions. The press conference ended, and after taking a group photo, Su Xian prepared to leave, but was stopped by Wen Yuanfei as she passed him.
Director Wen took out a pack of cigarettes from his suit pocket, put one in his mouth, and then fumbled around but couldn't find a lighter, so he had to reluctantly take out the cigarette.
"Director Wen, is there anything else?" Su Xuan asked.
"Would you...?"
The venue was very noisy, and he spoke softly. Su Xian didn't hear the last few words he said, so she frowned.
"Will you blame me?" Wen Yuanfei asked quickly, not daring to look her in the eye.
Su Xian immediately understood what he meant. She smiled and said, "Director Wen, I don't agree with what you did, but I can understand you, so I won't blame you."
Wen Yuanfei's hand, holding the cigarette, hung at his side as he slightly raised his head to look at her. Su Xian, wearing high heels, was a bit taller than him, and the white hair on his head looked more noticeable than before.
Everyone has wounds in their heart that need healing, but we don't know what kind of torment Director Wen is going through, or whether there is anyone around him who can provide help.
"As I just said, I was going through a low point during that time, but the pressure didn't just come from you."
"Someone once told me that pain is only temporary. Now that I've overcome it, I'd like to share that with you, hoping it can be true for you too."
Su Xian nodded slightly to him, then turned and left.
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