Hearing her say this, Gu Xiuyuan's heart twisted.
"I didn't." He choked slightly, "It's not that I don't want you..."
"I've liked you since I was young and ignorant." Ji Shuyu sniffed, "I love you more than anything else, but you threw out the divorce agreement without even a single explanation. If this isn't abandonment, what is it?"
"But, Xiaoyu, how should I explain..." Gu Xiuyuan was in pain and helpless. "At that time, should I selfishly pretend that nothing happened and put you and the baby in danger?"
Ji Shuyu laughed after hearing this, her shoulders were shaking with laughter, and her tears were flowing uncontrollably.
"Do you know that hurting in the name of protection is more cruel?" She looked at him, "That's why I can't even find a reason to blame you! Because of that, everyone can now blame me: He did it all for you, why can't you forgive him!"
"In the end, all the mistakes were my fault! I didn't know what was good for me!!"
These words came down word by word.
In an instant, Gu Xiuyuan couldn't utter a word.
"But Gu Xiuyuan, I've waited!" She looked at him, "When I was too sick to get up, I thought you would come back. You wouldn't abandon me and the baby."
"Xiaoyu, I didn't ignore you."
Gu Xiuyuan grabbed her arm, but his explanation was weak and feeble.
He certainly didn't, but... he didn't go in either.
He watched the doctors coming in and out, watched the Huo family rush over with their men, and heard that she had a fever and was unconscious, still calling his name.
"I had a fever so bad I was unconscious, but I kept hearing your voice."
When she mentioned this incident, her heart still ached, as if she was back to that day, floating between hope and disappointment.
She clenched her fists tightly, trying to suppress the slight tremors in her body.
"I always thought you were back. I tried my best to open my eyes and saw many people: my father, mother, doctor, and aunt. But the one I wanted to see the most was you."
The tears kept falling, and finally she simply stopped complaining.
"Gu Xiuyuan, do you know how it feels to be full of expectations, only to be frustrated again and again?"
Gu Xiuyuan's heart was trembling heavily.
He knows!
While he was waiting for the result again and again, hoping for a miracle, reality dealt him the cruelest blow.
No one knew what that felt like better than him.
"But even so, I'm still waiting." She took a deep breath. "When we left Bishui Bay, I thought you were still on a business trip and would come to see me when you came back. On the seventh day, I thought maybe you just couldn't figure it out for the time being. When you figure it out, you'll come back, and our family will be the same as before."
"But what I waited for was a call from you, saying: Let's complete the formalities today!"
Ji Shuyu closed her eyes in pain.
"Later, when you left Cloud City, I still thought you must have run into some trouble, and you would come back once you resolved it."
"One month, three months, six months passed like this. Every day I kept thinking that you would suddenly send me a message saying: Mrs. Gu, I'm back, or: Xiaoyu, we will never break up again."
She said suddenly laughing.
Laugh at yourself for deceiving yourself and laugh at yourself for being stupid.
"I kept myself busy, numbing myself, and waited. Then one year, two years passed..."
"Until one day, Zao Zao suddenly looked at another child's dad and murmured, 'Dad,'" Ji Shuyu's heart ached violently.
boom--
Gu Xiuyuan's body suddenly shook, and his heart seemed to be split open by a huge axe. The pain was so severe that he couldn't even stand.
He recalled the scene in the mall just now, and the envy and longing in the baby's eyes.
They are now at the age where they have to admit that they have the wrong "father", but they also understand that other children have fathers, but they don't.
"It was then that I realized how much time had passed, and that you had never come back. I had to accept... you really wouldn't come back, and you really didn't want us anymore."
"No—" Gu Xiuyuan trembled as he grabbed her hand. "Xiaoyu, it's not that I don't want to go back."
If possible, even if it meant sacrificing decades of his life or exchanging everything for him to be able to return to her, he would not hesitate.
"Yes, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't!" She laughed, self-deprecatingly and bitterly. "You have your own difficulties and helplessness, but do you know how I managed to endure such pain, second by second?"
Gu Xiuyuan's body swayed slightly.
Her low, murmured accusations were like fine, dense needles, piercing his heart and causing him so much pain that he couldn't breathe.
Yes, she knew nothing, and she was also suffering in pain. At least he still had his love for her to support him, but she...
"You said you would, and you didn't even look back. The last words you left for me were, 'Let's go and get the paperwork done!'"
These words have plagued and tormented her for nearly three years.
She kept asking herself whether things turned out like this because she didn't let Xia Mei go, and whether she was the cause of this outcome!
"In this situation, Gu Xiuyuan, tell me, what should I do?"
Gu Xiuyuan was speechless after being asked this question.
It was he who blocked all the roads from the very beginning, and it was he who did not leave himself the slightest possibility.
"When I was slowly coming to terms with it, you suddenly came back and told me your difficulties and frustrations, asking me to pretend nothing had happened and accusing me of not understanding you!"
"Why?!" she asked, "Why do you blame me?"
"Xiao Yu..."
"Or, tell me, what should I do?" She looked into his eyes helplessly, as if she was really waiting for an answer. "What should I do to be like before?"
It seemed like she didn't know what to do either.
It seems that she has really let it go...
No!
Gu Xiuyuan suddenly became very panicked.
"Xiaoyu, it's all my fault." He held her face in his hands in panic and wiped her tears. "Can you give me a chance?"
"I will compensate you and the child, I will make you happy..."
"Is this your reason for bringing them out secretly?!"
When mentioning the bodyguard baby, Ji Shuyu became excited again.
"I didn't." Gu Xiuyuan explained aggrievedly, but at this moment he no longer had the courage to speak loudly. "I just wanted to buy something for you." He said, and hurriedly took out the receipt to show her, "I really just wanted to buy something for you."
Ji Shuyu looked at it and her body suddenly went limp.
Gu Xiuyuan wanted to support her, but was pushed away, but her movements were so weak.
"Don't try to hit them."
Ji Shuyu glared at him coldly.
"Xiaoyu, I really just want a chance to make amends."
The words that had been pent up in her heart burst out in an instant, like a balloon that was fully inflated and suddenly deflated. She didn't even have the strength to stand.
Auntie, who had been waiting on the side, came forward and supported Ji Shuyu.
"Xiao Yu..."
"Mr. Gu," Auntie stopped him. "If you continue to pester me like this, regardless of the young lady's wishes, we will have no choice but to report it to the lady."
Gu Xiuyuan murmured, but no sound came out. Looking at her walking away, his body also felt a little weak.
He was suddenly very scared.
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