Chapter 247: Previous Life (39)
"How have you been feeling lately?"
"It hurts. Am I not treating an illness? Why does it hurt so much?"
"Pain is also an emotional perception. Feeling pain means you are getting better."
Shan Qingshan fell silent.
"You've lost a lot of weight."
"If you eat it, you will vomit. If you don't eat it, you will vomit too."
"Isn't Zhou Chong with you?"
Shan Qingshan's eyelashes trembled slightly, "I haven't told him yet. I want to wait until I'm in better condition before telling him..."
"Tell him I'm getting better."
-
In November, paparazzi took photos of Zhou Chong and Shan Qingshan, with captions saying they had a deep brotherly love, which made Zhou Chong so angry that he questioned Sanlian over the phone.
Don’t paparazzi nowadays have eyes?
Aren't we a good match?
Do they need me to personally reveal that my brother’s name is Zhou Shuo?
As if to piss off Zhou Chong, at the end of the year, several rumors suspected to be about Shan Qingshan's love affairs broke out on the Internet.
Although he was under control every time, Shan Qingshan was worried that three people would make a tiger, so he would explain to Zhou Chong every time.
His explanation seemed feeble and powerless.
Zhou Chong was angry.
"Is that how you explain it to me? If you guys come out of the hotel together one day, will you tell me the same thing?"
Shan Qingshan was speechless.
In an interview a few days later, when the reporter asked about his emotional aspect, he directly replied with two words: "Love to freeload".
It can be said that this is very disrespectful to female stars and is likely to attract attacks from fans of other stars.
The company made the decision on this part, contacted the media and edited it.
Lingling felt that Shan Qingshan took this matter very seriously. She held the phone in her hand and couldn't bear to tell him the news.
But truth cannot be hidden.
Shan Qingshan still found out.
Lingling was afraid that something might happen to him, so she followed him all the time.
But Shan Qingshan just remained silent for a moment, then put on a mask and went to the supermarket, stood in front of the huge fish tank and looked at the fish.
Only then did Lingling realize that Shan Qingshan had been coming here often recently.
Even the aunt who kills fish knows him.
"Brother, do you want to eat fish?"
"No, just take a look."
“……”What’s so good about this?
"When Zhou Chong took me snorkeling before, I saw a lot of beautiful fish."
He was so shocked when the fish swam in his palm.
Shocked by the softness and splendor of life.
"Brother, if you like, I can buy you two nice and easy-to-raise ones."
"If you have that much time, you might as well spend more time with Zhou Chong."
Lingling smiled and said, "Brother, I have bought the Christmas present you asked me to buy. I have also asked for the evening off for you. Have you told Mr. Zhou?"
"He knows."
Specifically, it was Zhou Chong who invited him.
"He booked the sky restaurant, and I told him I would be a little late."
"Do you think President Zhou will dress up as Santa Claus, dragging a big bag of presents... Wow! It's so romantic just thinking about it! Damn! Such a romantic move that a poor person like me can't refuse! Just marry President Zhou if you meet him!"
A slight smile appeared in Shan Qingshan's eyes.
"You don't have the chance."
Lingling faked crying twice.
On the day after work on Christmas Day, Lingling gave Shan Qingshan the ticket back to the village that he had asked her to buy.
"Brother, do you really not want me to accompany you?" The deep mountains and old forests did not feel very safe.
"It's cold, no need."
"Okay, brother, remember to have a happy Christmas!"
Shan Qingshan said "hmm" and returned to the hotel.
Zhou Chong sent a message to tell him that he had arrived.
Shan Qingshan replied with a "good"
He was afraid that he would get sick, so he took the medicine.
As soon as I swallowed the medicine, the feeling of ups and downs came over me.
Shan Qingshan rushed into the bathroom and vomited out all the medicine he had just taken, vomiting several mouthfuls of acid water.
This time it came with such ferocious force that it seemed as if it was going to vomit out even its internal organs.
The physical discomfort forced out tears from his eyes, which slid down his pale face.
"Why did it have to be at this time..."
Shan Qingshan struggled to stand up, rinsed his mouth, walked to the bed with the help of the wall, wiped the water off his face, and began to change his clothes to prepare for the appointment.
As soon as he put on his shirt, he felt nauseous again.
This time he didn't even have time to go to the toilet and vomited a pool of acid on the ground.
When there was nothing left to vomit, he slowly collapsed to the ground as if all his strength had been drained away, and clumsily used the clothes he had just changed to wipe the floor.
As I wiped my tears, they began to fall.
He forced himself to reach out for the pants that were prepared on the side, muttering Zhou Chong's name.
Zhou Chong.
Zhou Chong.
Zhou Chong.
One sound after another, in the empty room, it sounded like cheering itself up.
Half an hour later, Zhou Chong, who was sitting in the sky restaurant, received a message.
[Sorry, I have a temporary job]
The rose fell suddenly to the ground.
The petals were scattered all over the floor, just like Shan Qingshan's medicine was scattered all over the floor in the hotel room.
-
Before New Year's Day, Shan Qingshan returned to the village.
When the production crew came here to record the widened road, it had already been dug up, and many vegetables were planted in two rows.
The road leading to the village is still a narrow path that cars cannot pass through.
Shan Qingshan had no choice but to park his car on the side of the road and walk into the village.
The closer I got to the old house, the more obvious the heart-wrenching pain became.
By the time he found out the truth, he was already very ill and didn't feel anything.
Now it seemed as if all the pain he had blocked out was being repaid, and it hurt so much that he couldn't stay in this place for long.
Even for a second.
Shan Qingshan went up the mountain with a hoe.
With every step I take, the memories of living here for more than a decade automatically pop up in my mind.
The loving grandmother who held him in her hands.
The grandmother who concealed the truth is now dead and it is difficult to ask her the reason.
He stood in front of his grandmother's grave for a long time.
"I won't come to see you again."
"Mom and Dad, I'll take it away."
The silent mountains, no one answered.
Shan Qingshan put down his things, dug the grave with a hoe, took out Shan Mingli's ashes, and then went to dig Susan's grave.
The hoe could not touch the coffin.
Shan Qingshan suddenly realized something, his heart sank, and panic forced him to swing the hoe like crazy.
When a flash of white passed by, he dropped his hoe, jumped into the pit, and scooped out a piece of bone with his hands.
The world lost its sound and color at this moment.
-
Shan Qingshan burned down the old house and left the village with Shan Mingli's ashes and Susan's remains.
He sat in the hotel room, wiping his mother's remains one by one with a wet, soft towel.
The phone vibrated beside him, reminding him that it was time to take his medicine.
The sound seemed to not reach his ears, and it took him a long time to react before he heard it.
Staring at the alarm clock.
After a long time, he reached out to close it and continued to wipe the remains.
Treat each one with care.
Talk to it.
"I found a very good cemetery with beautiful scenery. You and dad can live there together. I also met Aunt Zheng. She is married and has a daughter. I haven't met her yet, but I think once I tell her your address, she will definitely bring her daughter to see you."
After he had wiped the remains, he sat by the window and watched the dawn outside.
The rising light seemed to sting his eyes. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he saw the remains in his arms.
There was confusion in his eyes.
How could a mother be just a pile of bones?
Shouldn't it be a box?
There must be something wrong.
Shan Qingshan stood up.
The remains in his arms rolled to the ground.
He looked around.
So strange.
He lowered his head and looked at his hands.
It feels so strange.
It didn't look like his hand.
Is he still dreaming?
Shan Qingshan frowned and scratched the back of his hand with his fingernails. The skin was cut and red blood seeped out, but he didn't feel any pain.
He became more and more certain that he was in a dream, until he saw the fruit knife on the coffee table, shining brightly like a diamond in the morning light.
He picked it up uncontrollably and cut the back of his hand.
Bloody.
pain.
The blade fell to the ground.
Shan Qingshan vaguely realized that
It's not a dream, I'm still alive.