Chapter 248: Previous Life (End)

"How have you been feeling lately?"

“No feeling.”

"Did you take your medicine on time?"

"No, it hurts. I don't want to eat anymore. Doctor... do you know how good it feels to not feel any pain?"

"It's just an illusion. It's not that there's no pain."

"But it's very comfortable."

"What about Zhou Chong?"

Shan Qingshan's lightless eyes moved slightly and tears welled up in his eye sockets, but when the tears fell on the back of his hands, Shan Qingshan realized that he was sad.

“I tried my best.”

"Can you contact him? Tell him about your situation." The doctor looked at Shan Qingshan's tired and sad eyes and gently persuaded him, "Contacting him doesn't mean you can't make it. If I were Zhou Chong, I would be very worried about you. Because I love you."

Shan Qingshan's eyes moved slightly.

Tears welled up in my eyes again.

The doctor felt he saw hope.

"You know it, right? Zhou Chong loves you."

"I tried very hard, but why do people have so many things to worry about in life?"

The doctor choked.

Shan Qingshan shed tears.

"sorry."

All the torture Zhou Chong suffered was because of Shan Qingshan.

Shan Qingshan knew.

sorry.

Zhou Chong wanted to be with Shan Qingshan, and Shan Qingshan felt the same way.

But Shan Qingshan's efforts seemed to be of no use.

sorry……

sorry……

sorry.

-

Shan Qingshan could feel the existence of another self, floating above his body with him, controlling this strange body with silk threads.

His unskilled movements made every one of his movements look as if his limbs had just been installed.

Sometimes, he would talk to another self.

"Have you transferred money to Shan Jian?"

"Yes."

"Did he go gambling again?"

"I went there and was deeply in debt."

"Moving again? Have you disclosed your address?"

"It was revealed that Shan Jian was kicked blind, Shan Huai's arm was broken, and Sun Miaolian slipped and fell into the river and drowned."

"That's all? It's too cheap for them."

"Yes, it's too cheap."

"Are you sure you want to proceed as planned?"

"Sure."

"Then you will be a murderer, and you will be a stain that Zhou Chong can't get rid of."

"I know. I'll leave."

"We can't let our mothers die in vain. They shouldn't be alive."

"We can't let our mothers die in vain. They shouldn't be alive."

“Everything went very well.”

“Everything went very well.”

…

In July, a fire broke out in an old residential area in a certain town.

Two men and one woman were burned to death, and the bodies were Shan Fang and Shan Jian. Shan Huai was severely burned, with no intact skin or flesh on his body, one ear was burned off, his lungs were damaged, many internal organs were damaged, his spine was crushed by broken beams, and he had multiple comminuted fractures. When he was taken to the hospital, he was only breathing.

When the fire broke out, Shan Qingshan was thousands of miles away and had a perfect alibi.

He went to see Shan Huai.

Lying in the ICU, with tubes inserted all over his body, he was barely alive and begging him to let him die.

This look is somewhat pleasing to the eye.

Shan Qingshan wanted him to die, but he also didn't want him to be happy.

The doctor told Shan Qingshan that Shan Huai would not survive if he left the ICU.

Two emergency rescues had been performed in six hours.

Even if you stay in the ICU, there is no guarantee that you can be rescued every time.

Maybe next time, maybe the next time, he will die.

Shan Huai himself does not have a strong will to survive.

It is better to give up treatment and reduce the pain.

In other words, give it a go.

pain?

Shan Qingshan's eyes moved slightly.

"I have money."

The nurse was stunned.

Shan Qingshan repeated, "I have money."

Make him suffer and make him unable to die.

Shan Qingshan handed over a card and said, "As long as the money in the card has not been spent, we will do our best to save it."

As for the will to survive, he has a way.

Shan Qingshan entered the ICU and told Shan Huai that Shan Jian was still alive and would come to see him next month when he went to reunite with them.

Shan Huai opened his eyes with difficulty, his eyelids trembling.

Shan Qingshan wanted to laugh when he saw this.

Sure enough, the most terrifying thing is hope.

Give him a little, and he will be able to hold on and be willing to suffer torture forever.

"He can only live until the money in his card runs out."

"Yes, and if Shan Jian doesn't show up next month, he will go crazy."

Give him hope, then break it.

Plus physical torture.

Life is worse than death, that's all.

"Is it good?"

"Deserved, no feelings."

"But you are tainted."

"I am tainted."

"You shouldn't be with Zhou Chong anymore."

"I shouldn't be with Zhou Chong anymore."

The phone vibrates.

"That doctor sent you another message, saying you should go get your medicine. Are you still taking it?"

"No, I flushed it down the toilet."

"Go get some medicine?"

"No."

"You should go and stay with your mother. She has been lonely for a long time."

Shan Qingshan did not answer his other self.

He asked again, “Is there anything else to do?”

"No."

Shan Qingshan was silent for a long time, and saw the flower shop outside the window. There was a pot of green plants at the door, the same as the one at home.

These days, a knife, a wall, and a pool of deep water have all attracted Shan Qingshan's other self.

This was the only thing that attracted him besides these things.

He told his alter ego, "I'm going home to water the plants."

"Brother Qingshan."

The car drove downstairs, Lingling leaned her head out of the car window and handed out a small bottle with two beautiful guppies in it.

"I noticed that you haven't been very happy lately and haven't been going to the supermarket to look at fish, so I bought you two as a gift."

Shan Qingshan looked at the two little fish swimming around.

No feeling.

There is no ripple in my heart.

"You can keep it for yourself. I have a potted plant at home."

Lingling withdrew her hand angrily.

Shan Qingshan returned home.

I ran into the nanny who was cleaning the house.

They didn't see each other often, and the nanny was surprised to see him, then asked him what he wanted to eat for lunch while she went to buy groceries.

Shan Qingshan said it was all right, and then went to the balcony to take care of the green plant.

When the nanny came back, Shan Qingshan looked at the potted plant like a sculpture. She couldn't help but ask if there was anything wrong with the plant.

"Mr. Zhou really treasures this pot of green plants."

Shan Qingshan told her the precautions regarding growing green plants and also told her that he had changed the soil underneath.

"Okay, Mr. Shan, I'll pay attention."

"Um."

Shan Qingshan touched the green plants and withdrew his hand after a moment.

Without having lunch at home, he went directly to the company and transferred Lingling to a good-tempered artist in the same company.

Lingling didn't understand, "Brother, why did you give me to someone else?"

"Zhou Chong wants to arrange someone for me."

"Is it really Mr. Zhou?!!! How can he be so petty!!! Damn! I'm so pissed off!"

"Give you a red envelope, don't be angry."

Lingling happily took it and said, "Thank you, brother."

Shan Qingshan watched her leave, returned home and sat at his desk.

After a long time, he spread out a piece of paper, picked up a pen, and wrote the two words "suicide note".

The memories of the past four years flashed through like a slide show in just two lines of text. He also recalled his first meeting with Zhou Chong.

In that hot summer, there came a boy who was like a god sent from heaven.

When he first entered the film and television city, Brother Sha asked him what kind of person he would like.

He replied: "I would like someone who is already very good."

Shago asked, “Is there?”

Shan Qingshan was startled, and Zhou Chong's face flashed through his mind.

Only then did I realize that I fell in love so early.

Later, Zhou Chong confessed to him once, but was rejected by him. Zhou Chong was unhappy and had a sullen face.

"I can wait."

Shan Qingshan remembered that his answer at that time was, "You want to wait? Your heart can wait, but your steps cannot stop. Otherwise, don't show up in front of me again."

In fact, he didn't want Zhou Chong to wait at all.

He always seemed to be keeping Zhou Chong waiting.

When Zhou Chong asked him, "Don't you like me?"

That idiot didn't even know how much he loved him.

The pen tip paused.

Shan Qingshan looked at the two short lines he had written.

He held the pen tightly and drew a clean line.

It’s best that Zhou Chong doesn’t know.

After he leaves, Zhou Chong will move on from this unrequited, unrequited relationship and be able to embrace a lover again who has a clean household, is gentle and knows how to love.

The suicide note was torn into pieces and thrown into the trash can.

The morning of August 16th was no different from any other morning.

The only difference was probably that he was waiting for Zhou Chong's kiss, but Zhou Chong didn't give it to him.

At that moment, his heart skipped a beat.

The change is subtle and fleeting.

After leaving home, Shan Qingshan went to see the school where he and Zhou Chong met during his work break, and went to the film and television city, intending to take a walk.

But my heart is calm.

The car didn't stop.

On August 23, someone in the city used a drone to perform a light show to propose.

Shan Qingshan suddenly remembered the light strip that Zhou Chong gave him.

He looked toward the bridge.

It was pitch black.

His light is not working.

Closing his eyes, he could hear his mother's moans in the depths of the night, like some kind of guidance, leading him to the abandoned high-rise building.

There was no hesitation, no madness, and no one noticed anything was wrong.

He walked over calmly.

I walked to the top of the building and looked up to see the incomplete moon.

The wind blew the clothes, as if trying to push people back.

Shan Qingshan did not stop and walked into the wind.

The wind blew through the clothes on the balcony and into the living room.

Zhou Chong looked up as if he sensed something, only to see the lonely green plant on the balcony basking in the moonlight.

Now it stands tall and majestic like a canopy.