41 Farewell
Just a year ago, we embraced on the icy cliff where we pledged our love. I enjoyed your embrace, and you enjoyed my support. You were willing to gamble your life for a smile from me. And I, in turn, trusted you implicitly, even though our positions were never aligned. Now, things have changed. Watching you with the Thirteenth Princess, I see the pain flickering in your eyes and hear the rapid beating of your heart.
"Feiwu, it's been a long time. How have you been?" Yelü Hong said softly.
"Very good." I sat on the edge of the Imperial Garden, not turning my head to look at him, not wanting to see the affection in his eyes.
"Is your injury healed?" he choked up, not taking another step forward.
“Very good. Thank you for healing my wounds with your orchid.” I replied calmly.
"I... am getting married."
"I know." You don't know that I orchestrated this whole thing.
"Feiwu, I..." He stopped, because the thirteenth princess looked over. She smiled sweetly at us, a carefree girl, truly happy.
“I understand,” I continued. “You are a Khitan prince, and you must prioritize the Khitan. I don’t blame you.”
silence.
At this moment, a thin layer of snow covered the palace, obscuring everything except white. Bird footprints could be faintly seen on the snow.
"Feiwu, have you ever felt feelings for me?" Yelü Hong suddenly asked, and the Thirteenth Princess moved closer.
"…"No.
“Not fog?” His voice was urgent.
“Once upon a time.” I stood up and bowed to the Thirteenth Princess. “Congratulations to the two of you. I wish Your Highness and Princess a long and happy life together. I may not be able to attend the wedding, but I will definitely send you a generous gift.”
"Thank you, Feiwu. If you come to Khitan, remember to visit us." The Thirteenth Princess was overjoyed. All she knew was that she had married a handsome and outstanding husband and received a large number of precious congratulatory gifts.
"If it's not foggy, then definitely."
I glanced at Yelü Hong one last time. He understood, and I understood. Our lives would never intersect again. Our fate was sealed; let it all be like a dream ending.
Yelü Hong, if you weren't a Khitan, or a Khitan prince, would we have continued on this path? I can't imagine. I walked out of the palace, taking one last look at the towering gate. I will never set foot here again. Fei Wu loves to wander the wilderness; the palace is a place I will never set foot in. The struggle for power is something Fei Wu cannot be attached to. Therefore, Yelü Hong, Prince Juexin, Fei Wu bids farewell.
"Feiwu, you actually asked my father to grant me a marriage?" In a secluded place in Kaifeng, a man who looked like he wanted to kill me gritted his teeth and said this to me.
I'll drink tea. I won't look at him. Bingzi is sitting opposite me; he doesn't know who this person is, nor does he know our connection.
"Why?" Juexin rushed in front of me. If Bingzi hadn't been blocking him, he probably would have already attacked.
"What are you yelling about?" I looked at him with displeasure. "This marriage is more beneficial than harmful to you. You should thank me." I looked at him without batting an eye.
"But, Feiwu, do you really not understand my feelings for you?" Juexin said with a bitter smile.
"..." I didn't answer. Bingzi turned around and looked at me blankly. I knew he was upset.
"Two years ago, I caught a glimpse of you. Your purple face and the sound of your purple flute shook the heavens, and your dance was graceful and unrestrained. When I heard you playing, I wondered, for whom would someone like you stay? I was in the court, and although I knew that we were destined to be apart, and that I shouldn't have any hope, I still tried my best to keep you. Even if it angered my father, I wanted to be with you, and I only wanted you for the rest of my life. But no matter what I did, you never even glanced at me."
I fell silent and listened quietly. Juexin looked very sad.
"Even if Yelü Hong could make you smile so beautifully, why can't I ever win your favor?" Juexin staggered, waving his hand. "Forget it, we're destined to be apart anyway. I should have given up all hope long ago. I knew you were no ordinary person, so why am I still so hung up on you?" Juexin turned his head, his back to me, waving again. "Forget it, forget it. I'll just be my Nineteenth Prince, and treat this as nothing more than a daydream..."
“He is very devoted to you,” Bingzi said calmly.
"I can't tell," I replied calmly. "You haven't been involved in the martial arts world for long, so you don't understand that he's a shrewd and calculating man, a schemer."
“But it hurts him to drive.” Bingzi sighed deeply.
"..." I don't understand what he meant by that.
"I can see it, because I can feel his feelings," Bingzi said, standing up. Leaving me alone, struggling to understand his meaning. Do you mean your sincerity towards me, or that my refusal to give you a clear answer has hurt you? I'm sorry. Bingzi, I still don't understand my own feelings. You've been sincere, devoted, and willing to die for me. If I could, I would give you a definite promise right now. But deep inside, there's a strange pain that prevents me from sorting out my thoughts. I can't make a promise to you now, because once I make a promise, it will never change. Why can't I make a promise?
Beiming, if you can, please don't be so good to me. Don't sacrifice for me anymore. Give me an excuse so I can completely forget you.
As I frowned, I saw a person staring intently at me not far away. He was still dressed in black, looking desolate and forlorn in the winter wind. I lowered my head, unwilling to meet his affectionate gaze, nor willing to expose the jealousy in his heart.
How much longer can I deceive myself? How much longer can I maintain this attitude? They're both unwilling to force me to speak because they're afraid of my decision. But how long can I keep up this pretense? How much longer can I endure this ambiguous relationship? I'm tired. I miss the carefree life I had when I first entered the world, free from worries about relationships and the anxieties of vows. Although I didn't want to hurt either of them, I've hurt both of them. My willfulness and my indecisiveness have hurt them both.
(End of Part 3.)
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