27. Self-healing
New Year's Day fell on a Monday, which was a three-day weekend, so Tang Sizhu invited Wang Yue to dinner on Friday evening as a reward for his assistant's hard work over the past six months.
Tang Sizhuo had originally booked a table at a newly opened Italian restaurant, with a per-person price tag of around 500 yuan, among the highest in Jiangming City and a testament to his sincerity. However, Wang Yue clearly preferred developing a personal relationship with her mentor rather than being valued as a subordinate. The high-end restaurant seemed too formal and distant, so she made excuses, saying she didn't like foreign food. She ultimately dragged Tang Sizhuo to a Dongbei barbecue restaurant on the first floor of the adjacent shopping mall.
Tang Sizhuo had previously learned a great deal about interpersonal skills and reading people's expressions from Sun Changming, and after starting work, Qiao Shu had personally taught her. Naturally, she could see Wang Yue's plan, but she didn't expose it. It was just a harmless bit of shrewdness, worthy of her career as a lawyer.
On the last day of the working week, almost all the young people made appointments to go out for dinner, and the barbecue restaurant was extremely popular. The two of them left work early to get a number and queue up, but they still had to wait for half an hour before they got a seat.
Tang Sizhuo rarely came to places like this, not because of the noise or the strong smells, but because she was usually alone and found it difficult to sit in such a lively atmosphere. However, if she had someone she knew to be with and didn't have to face the awkwardness of sitting alone at a table, she would agree to come. Especially before Zeng Xiasheng was released from prison, every time Lin Feng called her, Tang Sizhuo would come, even if it meant just sitting across from him and not eating anything.
The word "stranger" is a strange word. Just one or two of them would spark vigilance, but when a large group of strangers gather, without direct contact, they blur into the background noise of the human world. Tang Sizhuo enjoys being alone, yet fears absolute silence. He used to be alone with Zeng Xiasheng, but later, without him, he had to sit among the crowd for a moment of peace.
The barbecue restaurant's clientele was primarily young, and Wang Yue was clearly a regular, recommending the signature dishes with familiarity. Tang Sizhuo glanced at the menu, not finding anything particularly appealing. She'd been taking medication three times a day lately, barely managing to stay awake, and her appetite had worsened, so she simply ordered a corn soup for herself.
This year's Spring Festival came early, and most judges were eager to finish their cases before New Year's Day, resulting in a dense year-end court schedule. The entire litigation team was kept busy throughout December. Tang Sizhuo returned to Jiangming for Zeng Xiasheng's sake, with no serious intentions of making money or pursuing long-term development. He couldn't bring himself to tell his partners, and he didn't want anyone else to know, so he just bit the bullet and accepted the labor. Fortunately, none of the cases were major, and the workload wasn't long. After a period of intense work, things should be a bit easier after the New Year.
Wang Yue had long wanted to get closer to her, to learn more about practical experience that wasn't readily available on paper. Now that she finally had the chance, she peppered her conversation with questions over the meal. Tang Sizhuo wasn't one to hold back; she answered whatever her assistant asked. She didn't talk much, but her words were concise and to the point. How much she could grasp depended on her individual comprehension.
After reviewing nearly every case she'd handled since joining the company, the conversation turned to Zhang Qiuran. Wang Yue was perplexed. While it was true that civil cases involving criminal cases needed to wait until the criminal case was concluded, the case of Liu Dong blackmailing Zhang Qiuran was simple, the evidence was solid, and the suspect had been apprehended. Logically, it should have moved forward quickly. However, with the 37-day detention period approaching, the police still hadn't given any confirmation.
Tang Sizhuo knew the truth. Blackmail was just a pretext Lin Feng and his team used to avoid alerting the suspects. The police were actually investigating the underground forum, and it was unclear when the case would be closed. However, this was no longer relevant to Zhang Qiuran's divorce case. Lin Feng repeatedly reminded her not to leak the news, so she said vaguely, "I don't know Jiang Ming's situation either. I don't know what the police are doing."
When Lin Feng went to the police station to give a statement, he explained that he had intended to arrest all those involved, and therefore, even after arresting Liu Dong, he hadn't directly shut down the forum. However, the group was extremely vigilant, and none of them knew each other's true identities. They communicated through anonymous email addresses registered on the Internet, which has prevented the police from finding a breakthrough. They had initially assumed that the man who vandalized the car was a participant, and fearing retaliation, they specifically asked Tang Sizhuo to stay at home for a while to ensure his safety. However, after using dashcam footage and surrounding surveillance to track him down, they interrogated him and discovered that Liu Dong was not lying: he was just a hired thug who didn't even know the forum existed.
Wang Yue wanted to continue discussing the reasons, but Tang Sizhuo didn't want to talk anymore, so he pretended to be relaxed and changed the subject before she could open her mouth.
"You've been working overtime lately. Do you regret it? Why did you decide to become a lawyer?"
Wang Yue was eager to discuss some personal matters with her supervisor, especially when it came to career choices. She immediately ended the case discussion and explained, "I've come to terms with it. I didn't want to come here at first! I've already decided to work as a receptionist for my dad's company. I only spend so much every month anyway, so if he doesn't pay me a salary, he can give me pocket money."
She seemed angry, taking a swig of Coke like she was drinking, and complained exaggeratedly, "Then my uncle suddenly showed up and gave my parents a lecture, saying that girls shouldn't be raised like that, that they need to have their own careers, otherwise... my social circle will become increasingly narrow, and my mind will become frivolous. Anyway, he said a lot of things, and then he got me a job at a law firm."
Tang Sizhuo found this amusing. While her words might sound like complaints, she was actually telling her supervisor that she not only had connections but also a way out. Her hard work was driven by her ambitions, and she deserved recognition and praise more than anyone else. The children of typical merchant families already possessed the rudiments of human shrewdness, though their youth alone still made them seem awkward.
As expected, Wang Yue expressed her loyalty in her summary, "But I've changed my mind now. I've worked on a few cases with me and found it really fun. I've decided to become a lawyer."
"It's fine. I've been doing well recently."
Tang Sizhuo couldn't say she liked Wang Yue's personality, but she didn't dislike it either. Survival wisdom born from circumstances didn't need to discriminate between good and bad. She picked up her tea, gently clinked it with Wang Yue's Coke, and continued, "You have a bright future. Your uncle knows how to plan for you. Just lay a solid foundation."
But Wang Yue shook her head, expressing her doubts about her expectations.
"My uncle isn't a lawyer. Everyone politely calls him a partner, but he's really just a shareholder. He used to help with cases, but now he's practically retired, just walking and fishing all day. He can't help at all. He's just had it so easy in his life. He can do anything and act like a father figure everywhere. He can't stand me just sitting around at home after graduation."
Tang Sizhuo lowered her eyes, stroking her teacup, and nodded gently, thinking that now was the time to move on to the second step—removing the support and taking the credit for the results. Too lazy to point it out, she casually said, "It doesn't matter if you're not a lawyer. Just do legal work. You'll have connections who can definitely help you in the future."
"He'd better—" Wang Yue stretched out her voice, chuckling, and turned to ask Tang Sizhuo, "How did you come here? Since you don't want to work in Beijing anymore, wouldn't it be better to find a job as a legal officer in a company?"
Tang Sizhuo initially had no intention of working at Jiang Ming, but after Qiao Shu's persuasion and a conversation with her doctor, she realized their concerns were justified. Without regular interpersonal interaction and work, and completely focused on the old case, she might burn herself out before the truth came to light. So, it didn't matter what she did, as long as she found a position with familiar content.
"Actually, they're all pretty much the same. I asked an acquaintance who works in the judicial sector to help me find out, and within a week, this place was the first to contact me. It seemed okay, and I was too lazy to go around interviewing, so I just came here directly."
Wang Yue stared at her with envy and admiration, "You still have to have strong business skills. The current environment is so bad, and I'm still being snatched up like a treasure when I'm looking for a job."
The meal took nearly two hours, barely making it to eight o'clock, and Tang Sizhuo's energy was exhausted. Wang Yue drove his car out of the underground garage and offered to take her home, but she declined.
After arguing with Zeng Xiasheng that day while ill, the combined physical and mental toll on Tang Sizhuo's body was beyond her ability to cope. She had no choice but to contact a doctor and resume her long-term medication. However, the medication merely numbed her nerves, forcing her mind to clear. The tangled mess itself didn't resolve at all, instead being hidden in a gray haze, leaving only dark clouds looming without rain. The depression and anxiety melted into a stagnant calm, leaving her heart even emptier. It was like reaching into a bottomless pit, desperate and impatient, wishing she could just give up and fall in.
Tang Sizhuo poured out a handful of pills several times during a sleepless night, but finally held back because he remembered that the matter of "Brother Hai" had not been fully investigated and he needed to keep his head clear. Now that Lin Feng's work had stalled and the law firm's work had come to a temporary halt, and she still had three days of vacation without contact with anyone, Tang Sizhuo was exhausted but didn't dare go back, worried that once the door was closed, she would lose her composure and kill herself at home.
The streets were filled with a strong festive atmosphere. She didn't know where to go, so she wandered aimlessly with the crowd, from the business district to the pedestrian street, and finally stopped by the river.
The temperature approached single digits, and it was even colder by the river at night. Although there was a festive light show, most people could not stand the cold and would just take a few photos before leaving in a hurry.
Tang Sizhuo wore very little: a shirt and skirt suitable for an air-conditioned room, and a coat. She didn't even wear a scarf. The night breeze blew, and the chill swept away the remaining warmth in her body. She felt the cold first in her fingers and toes, then at the tips of her ears and neck, her skin freezing and spreading towards her center.
After being cold, you will feel stiff, and after being stiff, you will feel pain.
It was very similar to exercise, but it happened much faster and she didn't need the strength to run or jump.
Her throbbing nerves reminded her that her limbs were losing heat, but Tang Sizhuo felt that was not enough. He fumbled to unbutton the collar of his shirt, raised his chin, and exposed his throat and collarbone to the cold wind.
Zeng Xiasheng stood in the distance, frowning, hesitating whether to go forward.
After Lin Feng's visit, he went to Tang Sizhuo's apartment that evening. He saw her return by taxi around 7 or 8 a.m., even picking up some food at the convenience store next door. She seemed normal. For the next few days, Zeng Xiasheng followed her, morning and night. Tang Sizhuo's hours of arrival and departure were similar, either working or returning home. If there was anything unusual, besides the taxi rides, it was the fact that she kept the lights on all night. However, Tang Sizhuo often slept with the lights on, so it wasn't unusual.
Zeng Xiasheng initially knew very little about psychiatric medications and was quite nervous after hearing Lin Feng's talk. However, recent research has changed his mind. He remembers watching expert lectures on television as a child, where they explained that minor illnesses resolve on their own, and medication merely alleviates symptoms, helping people eat and sleep normally and enhancing their ability to heal. He pondered this question night after night, wondering if the same could be said for mental illness.
If taking medicine is Tang Sizhu's self-regulation to relieve labor pains, he should strictly follow Lin Feng's reminder. All he can do is to ensure that Tang Sizhu does not cross the line before she really gets back on track, instead of taking this as an opportunity to re-intervene in her life and turn the path that has already shown signs of connection back into a mess.
However, as time passed, Zeng Xiasheng felt a headache from the wind, but Tang Sizhuo still stood there.
There was no choice but to leave the shadow of the corner, cross the road, walk to Tang Sizhuo, take off his coat and gently put it on her.
Tang Sizhuo didn't react at all, not surprised by who the visitor was.
She had been aware of his presence for a long time, but because her spirit, barely maintained by drugs, could no longer withstand any stimulation, she brainwashed herself and pretended not to see it, and ignored him all the time.
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