42. Can't figure it out
Darkness falls quickly in the twelfth lunar month, and by five o'clock only a faint light remains outside the window. After dinner, the loudspeakers in the commercial street below begin to blare, one after another, announcing grand opening sales or clearance sales at 90% off, and even the closed doors and windows can't block them out.
The hotel's decor was liver-colored wood, a style popular a decade ago. It wasn't ugly, but with the dim ceiling lights and the creaking noises, Tang Sizhuo was terrified of staying anywhere. Although the atmosphere had eased somewhat, she couldn't open her mouth for a while, so she asked Zeng Xiasheng to stand guard at the bathroom door. As a result, she could only reluctantly raise her head and rub her hair while showering, not daring to close her eyes, fearing the splashing water would mask any movement, suggesting a snake, insect, rat, or something even more terrifying might emerge from some corner.
Before Zeng Xiasheng moved out, he sorted her medicine by meal, marking the day and night, and placed it on the shelf next to the kettle in the kitchen, ensuring she would see it at least a few times a day without having it constantly in front of her. Tang Sizhuo ate regularly, but when she packed her luggage for this trip, she couldn't find where Zeng Xiasheng had hidden the medicine box, so she shoved two boxes of painkillers in there and was done with it. Zeng Xiasheng, however, had clearly remembered it and had repacked his suitcase when he went to get it in the early morning. When she came out of the shower, she saw him leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom, holding a half-full cup of hot water and handing her a few pills.
Tang Sizhuo didn't answer. "Let's eat later. I'll feel sleepy after eating."
It was just after seven, not her usual time to take medicine. Tang Sizhuo guessed Zeng Xiasheng thought she'd woken up too early to catch the bus, and after a long day of running around, he wanted her to get some rest. But he seemed so wronged that he had no room for argument. He said nothing when rejected, silently put the medicine back in his pocket, and turned to the living room.
After the afternoon conversation, Zeng Xiasheng was no longer so nervous that his whole body was stiff, but he still couldn't be comforted easily. Sitting on the sofa, he blended in with the old furniture, stiff and dead, as if time had stopped and he could not find a way forward.
"Are you going to keep silent to me?" Tang Sizhu asked.
Seeing Zeng Xiasheng pause, she softened her voice and advised, "I've already said it's not your fault, and I don't blame you. Let's solve the problem together first, okay?"
How could this possibly be okay? Zeng Xiasheng couldn't convince himself. The problem was all his fault, yet the only solution was Tang Sizhuo's. How could this even be considered a partnership?
The rural nighttime noises mingled with the heavy hum of the air conditioner, like the cheesy backdrop of a cheap movie. In such a scene, he turned around, his expression apologetic and hesitant, and said in a hoarse voice, "This has nothing to do with you. There's no need for you to get involved."
"It does matter. You are related to me, so your affairs are naturally related to me as well."
Tang Sizhuo knew that there was no way around this unless she had a thorough discussion with him. She had just showered and was wearing pajamas. She didn't want to sit back on the dirty sofa in the living room, so she walked into the bedroom, put on her coat, leaned against the headboard, and asked him to come over and talk.
There were still some thin traces of water on the bedside table; Zeng Xiasheng must have cleaned the bedroom again while she was showering. He moved a stool from the dressing table and sat beside it, unexpectedly speaking first.
"Actually, I've been thinking these days, even if this can be resolved, what if it happens again, and the next time? I can't always rely on you."
During those nights spent in cheap hotels, Zeng Xiasheng finally understood a truth: stability isn't a natural state of life, but an illusion maintained by walls built around knowledge and wealth. He simply wasn't educated, living at the bottom of society, like an unarmed person sent into battle. Even if Chen Tianhao hadn't deliberately deceived him, the same pattern of being targeted, set up, and ensnared would repeat itself. Tang Sizhuo, with all his years of education, deserved a stable and secure life thanks to his initial efforts. There was no point in repeatedly offering poverty alleviation programs and paying for his ignorance and shortsightedness.
"Just let it happen, what's the big deal?" Tang Sizhuo's voice unconsciously rose. "Isn't that what lawyers are supposed to do to resolve these issues? All my clients rely on me, so why can't you?"
Zeng Xiasheng looked up at her, his expression moved but also mixed with a bit of helplessness at not being able to reason with her.
"But I'm not your client. I can't support your work. You'll only get trouble, but no money."
Tang Sizhuo stared at him for a long time, suppressing his rising anger. After calming down a little, he asked him word by word, "Do clients care whether the place where I sleep is clean? Do they care whether I have three meals a day and whether I am in a good mood when I work? Will they sit here and watch over me all night when I have a nightmare?"
At the end of her speech, her voice dropped, tears streaming down her face. Zeng Xiasheng hurriedly reached out to wipe it away, but Tang Sizhuo turned his head away, and the tears dripped onto the light green patterned disposable quilt, spreading a small patch.
"Why do you have to calculate the money with me? I don't want it if it's not clear. I just want you to be here."
Zeng Xiasheng sighed softly. There was really nothing he could do. He had come back to Tang Sizhuo to make her feel better, but he had ended up causing her more trouble and worry. He stood up to get a napkin and carefully wiped her red eyes.
"Can you please cooperate with me a little? I'm trying to figure out a solution, and you're trying to push me out. Is that okay?" She said, took a few deep breaths, and then, no longer caring about Zeng Xiasheng's reaction, she made her own arrangements. "We'll start looking tomorrow. This place isn't big, and we'll definitely find some clues in a week at most."
"I--"
Zeng Xiasheng wanted to say that he could just go find it, but Tang Sizhuo gave him a look and he had to swallow his words.
After a long silence, Tang Sizhuo reached over and pulled a pen from her commuter bag on the bedside table. "Before that, I need to confirm one thing—how close are you and Chen Tianhao?" She paused, then changed her tone, trying to be gentler but more frank. "What I mean is, if the debt can't be completely wiped out, even if it's reduced to a few hundred thousand, someone will have to pay it. To protect you from liability, I'm bound to say some unkind things."
The pen body is unscrewed from the middle, revealing the micro recorder in the back half.
"I didn't use it often in my previous job, but I would occasionally try to gather evidence this way when written evidence was insufficient. Assuming the signature was truly yours, even though you didn't know about it, your words alone are not enough. If you want to completely clear yourself, you'll need to trick Chen Tianhao into admitting that he hid the contract inside something to trick you into signing it. Even if he's in the wrong, you won't be able to be friends after the lawsuit is over. So I'm asking for your opinion now, your friend. Make your own decision."
Zeng Xiasheng held the paper he'd wiped her tears with in his palm, tightening his grip. When he heard the last sentence, he let out a deep breath, almost unable to hold it back. While searching for Chen Tianhao, he'd suffered sleepless nights, hazily recalling many details of their previous interactions.
Before his imprisonment, Tang Sizhuo was his only friend. Even though the others were addressed as such, they were never close friends. They were more like fellow students, playing ball, and dining companions, simply meeting up by chance due to the shared route. After his arrest, they lost all contact. During his first few years behind bars, Zeng Xiasheng completely lost interest in interacting with others. By the time he met Chen Tianhao, he hadn't spoken in so long that he stuttered even the simplest sentences.
He knew then that Chen Tianhao was only showing concern at the behest of the prison guards, and that he wasn't particularly fond of eccentric, volatile individuals. But as they spent time together day after day, the human instinct for social interaction prevailed. Zeng Xiasheng succumbed to his persistent advances, gradually becoming willing to chat with Chen Tianhao, play cards, and listen to his off-key songs or his recurring tales of love with his sister-in-law.
When he was released, he had no clothes or bedding. Chen Tianhao and his wife rushed him around to buy them. His sister-in-law cooked his portion of dinner every night, even shoving some meat into the bottom of the bowl when she cooked a hearty dish. If he hadn't been struck by this unfortunate incident, Zeng Xiasheng would have planned to give them a big red envelope to celebrate.
But if he didn't break up with Chen Tianhao, it would only add to Tang Sizhuo's burden. Not only would he have to deal with the case itself, but even if he only needed 50,000 or 100,000 yuan in compensation, he wouldn't be able to come up with it, and Tang Sizhu would still have to pay it out.
Zeng Xiasheng had a complicated expression and was speechless for a long time. He looked at her, then lowered his head and stared at his rough and cracked knuckles and his sleeves with messy threads. Suddenly, Tang Sizhuo tapped him lightly on the knee with the back of his hand.
"Don't overthink it." Seeing him so hesitant and embarrassed, Tang Sizhuo understood and threw the recorder back into his bag. "I'll try to resolve it peacefully and find a way to help them."
Zeng Xiasheng shook his head and whispered, "Didn't you say the guarantor might have to pay the full amount? Then it will be you who will bear the responsibility."
"What's wrong with me taking on the responsibility?" Tang Sizhuo sat up and frowned at him. "The verdict won't be that much! The actual loan is probably less than a hundred. Even if my savings are insufficient, I can just go back to Beijing and work for a few years. Don't worry about the money anymore!"
"It's not a question of whether you can afford it, it's a question of whether you should—"
"Then where do you think I should spend my money? On clothes, bags, and jewelry like my mom?!" Tang Sizhuo interrupted him, feeling as if a nerve in his brain had inexplicably snapped, and suddenly became excited. "Do you think I would be better off that way? It's more valuable to spend money on food, clothing, and accessories than on you? Why do you have to dwell on this?!"
"No, I didn't mean that. I wasn't—" Zeng Xiasheng denied frantically, then suddenly remembered that he had been on the train that morning. Tang Sizhuo had been feeling unwell and had taken medicine early in the morning. He was afraid that the effects of the medicine had worn off, leading to his frequent outbursts. However, she was furious, so he didn't dare mention the medication at all. Seeing Tang Sizhuo's chest heaving violently, her face flushed with anger, Zeng Xiasheng subconsciously stood up and hugged her in his arms, saying repeatedly, "I said the wrong thing. I'm sorry. I won't say it again. I promise I won't say it again. Don't be angry."
He hadn't showered yet, and his coat reeked of dust from a long journey. Tang Sizhuo, upon smelling it, felt irritated and aggrieved, like a critically low boiling point, its balance broken and instantly boiling over. The overload of emotion, eager to vent, she found strength from nowhere, slapping Zeng Xiasheng away. However, he knew how to absorb the force, neither dodging nor evading, yet neither letting her deal a real blow.
After a while of commotion, Tang Sizhuo's surging anger dissipated everywhere, unable to gather into anything. She felt dizzy and her limbs were weak. She cursed with tears in her eyes: "You are so annoying! I told you to leave me alone, but you insisted on coming back! I want to take care of you now, but you run away again! Are you sick? If you say that again, I really won't care about you. You will pay for your debt for the rest of your life!"
Zeng Xiasheng knew that he couldn't sit on her bed in his outer pants, so he struggled to support himself on the headboard with one hand and helped her breathe with the other. He leaned over to look at Tang Sizhuo's face, but she turned her head away.
"I won't say it anymore. I really won't mention it anymore. Don't cry."
After a few minutes of being comforted and coaxed, Tang Sizhuo calmed down slightly, unaware of her recent outburst. She'd thought clearly before leaving that morning: Zeng Xiasheng wouldn't turn sour and ruthlessly accuse Chen Tianhao, much less would he have the nerve to bother her. She'd clearly prepared herself to slowly guide and persuade him, foreseeing a protracted, drawn-out battle. Yet, after just two back-and-forths, she gave in, lacking the patience and composure of a professional lawyer.
"I didn't take any medicine." she said suddenly.
Zeng Xiasheng was thinking about how to bring up the matter of taking medicine. When he heard her words, he hurriedly took out the medicine from his pocket, went out to pour some water and brought it in.
Tang Sizhuo's head ached with turbulent emotions, and her joints felt unbearably stiff and stiff, as if they had lost their lubrication. However, she had no other options. After drinking half a cup of hot water, she curled up in bed, quietly waiting for the painkiller and soporific ingredients to take effect. Zeng Xiasheng didn't dare put the glass next to her. As he turned to put the glass away, a hand reached out from under the covers and gently tugged at the hem of his clothes.
"I'll just put something down and be back soon. I'll stay here and watch you sleep—"
He thought Tang Sizhu was feeling uneasy in the unfamiliar environment, so he patted the back of her hand to comfort her, but he only heard her muffled voice, as if she was talking to herself awkwardly.
"I'm sorry. I know you're the one feeling the most miserable, and I shouldn't have argued with you. I'm sorry."
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