Chapter 700 How agonizing that must have been!
Perhaps the leader himself was aware of this, for after feeding the horses and filling the water tank in the kitchen, he quietly left.
As she lay on the haystack, her hearing, sharper than ever before, reached her ears. She could hear people working in the fields on either side of the mountain talking about her.
She took the blanket back to her room and spent the whole morning tidying up inside and out.
After opening the doors and windows for ventilation, the room was filled with warmth, and the cold, damp feeling dissipated considerably.
She used the flour Li Dazui gave her to make noodles. In the vegetable garden that had been abandoned for many years, there were still two clumps of chives. She poured oil on them and they smelled especially good.
She doesn't care about abstaining from meat or fish; as long as it tastes good, she eats it without any guilt.
To avoid being disturbed, she locked the main gate and climbed over the wall to go in and out.
In the afternoon, she would either meditate in the yard or sit in a place where no one could see her and bask in the sun.
It feels like I've thought about a lot of things, yet it also feels like I haven't thought about anything at all. The burdens in my heart are temporarily put aside, and I feel relaxed and relieved.
As expected, her worries were not unfounded.
In the evening, someone came looking for her. After knocking on the door to no avail, they searched around the yard and even the outhouse.
Song Chunxue didn't care whether they came to borrow money or simply to find out why she had come back alone; she didn't want to deal with them.
At night, she took the chamber pot into the room and meditated in the dark.
But someone still came to knock on the door.
If she hadn't had the foresight, she would have been driven mad by the annoyance.
The next day, she simply put on an invisibility talisman and climbed up the mountain to stay there.
Looking at the land I once toiled on, the paths I walked countless times, clearly etched in every corner of my mind, my heart is overflowing, as if from another world.
And so, after nightfall on the third day, she locked the courtyard gate, led her horse to Li Dazui's house, and returned the basket and oil jug to him.
"Are you leaving?"
"Well, I've seen what I wanted to see. If I don't leave soon, someone will climb over the wall to check if I'm dead inside," Song Chunxue said with a smile. "Although they might genuinely care about me, I don't want to pay attention to them."
Li Dazui nodded repeatedly, "You're so smart. Actually, they all want to borrow money from you, or they want to see if you've had a bad time outside and have come back looking miserable."
"You'd better leave quickly, or they'll start speculating that we're having an affair."
As he spoke, he took out a few fried cakes from the earthenware jar on the table, wrapped them in the oil paper he had saved, and handed them to her.
"This time it's not undercooked, it's fully cooked, haha." He was wearing old, tattered clothes, but they were quite clean, though his movements were a bit clumsy.
Song Chunxue did not refuse, "It looks very nice, your skills are not bad."
She took out two thick pieces of blue cloth from her bundle.
"I can't accept this. Why are you being so formal?" Li Dazui said irritably. "I didn't help you when you were in your most difficult time, and now you..."
“It’s not all for you. We’ve known each other for a long time. I didn’t give you any money, so what are you afraid of?” She patted one of the pieces and put it aside. “This is for Old Man Cheng. Although I scolded him before, it was his own fault. I still feel a little guilty when I think about it. He’s had a hard life.”
It is human nature to bully the weak and fear the strong; a kind person is bullied, and a good horse is ridden.
The reason she thought of giving him a piece of cloth was not to forgive his difficulties, but because she knew he would eventually die of old age, while his three children had all died unexpectedly. As a parent, she shouldn't hold it against him.
In short, she asked someone to give him a small token of her appreciation just to put her mind at ease.
Li Dazui nodded, "I understand, I understand. You've really cultivated yourself, and you can see things in a more detached way. The fact that you thought of giving him a piece of cloth shows that you've let go of the past. I'll pass it on for you."
However, it's uncertain whether the proud old man of the Cheng family would accept it.
His son, Cheng Yuan, was sent to a faraway place six years ago because he made things difficult for Song Chunxue, and he still harbors resentment towards her.
After seeing him off at the intersection, Song Chunxue turned to Li Dazui and said, "You can also try to go out. It's too hard for you to stay here alone."
She spent over sixty years in this narrow mountain valley in her previous life, and she knows best what it's like.
Li Dazui lowered his head and smiled, his mind a jumble of tangled emotions that made him feel uncomfortable.
"We'll see. I can't afford to leave. I still have a pig and a few chickens to raise. I'll wait until next year." He couldn't help but look at the mountain valley to the south, where his deceased wife was buried.
I've been here alone for too long. Although I often feel lonely and it's tough, the thought of leaving completely makes me feel terrible.
It's as if this body has taken root here, and it's extremely difficult to pull it out. Not only would it cause serious injury, but it would also be a bit hard to let go.
I don't know what kind of problem God has given us, making it difficult to move forward or backward.
Song Chunxue didn't say anything more. "Then you see for yourself. You still have to wait for more than 20 years. You can get through it if you just endure it."
More than twenty years?
A hint of pain appeared between Li Dazui's brows and eyes. How much torment must he be going through?
He thought he could only hold on for another five, six, seven, or eight years at most.
"You mean I can live that long?" The thought of living to sixty years old stirred up Li Dazui's excitement.
“As long as you want to live, thirty years is not a problem, it depends on how you want to live.” She led the horse down the slope. “You don’t have to leave either, go out and explore more, and come back when you’ve explored enough.”
"Okay, take care."
After walking down the slope and climbing uphill a bit, Song Chunxue arrived at the gate of her eldest son's house.
Two bundles of sorghum stood outside the courtyard wall. The chestnut horse broke free from her hand and ran over to gulp down the sorghum.
Just as she was about to raise her hand to knock on the door, the eldest brother came out from inside.
"Mother, you're here," the eldest son said with a smile, slightly ingratiating. "I heard someone talking outside Li Dazui's house, and I recognized your voice. Please come in."
"The sorghum outside the door..."
“Mother is fine, let the horse eat. I’ll put him in the donkey pen later.” With that, the eldest son moved the small wooden cart in the yard. “Da Hong is putting the baby to sleep, let’s go upstairs.”
"Has Mom eaten yet? I'll go get you something to eat." As he spoke, the eldest son was flustered and didn't know what to do first.
Song Chunxue could tell that her boss, who had changed his personality, was somewhat reserved in front of her, perhaps because he had realized how badly he had treated her in the past few years.
"Don't bother, I've already eaten and I'm full." She raised her hand to stop him. "Let's go inside and talk for a while. I have to travel to the county tonight."
The eldest son grew anxious. "Why are you going out so late? Won't Mother stay overnight? Let's eat tomorrow before we leave. Let Da Hong cook something nice. I was thinking of killing a chicken for Mother."
He had just stepped across the threshold and was about to leave when he said, "I'll go kill one now, cook it when the rooster crows for the first time, and it'll be ready to eat at dawn."
Song Chunxue smiled. After all, he was her most favored child, and she knew exactly what he was thinking.
She spoiled him. After experiencing more, he divorced Chen Feng and married Xu Dahong, and he seems to have changed a lot.
All that has happened is history, so don't dwell on it. Looking forward will prevent you from feeling heartbroken and regretful.
“Keep the chicken for yourselves. You have several children now, and they are not only growing but also craving food. Don’t be like me and favor the children, or you will harm them in the future.”
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