Chapter 541 The Healing Power of a Small Bowl
Xiao Wan pointed out the conflict between my thoughts, and I didn't know how to explain it to her for a while, but in my heart, there was actually no contradiction.
First of all, I believe I have a responsibility towards Asahi.
Calling it "responsibility" might not quite capture what I truly mean, and it even sounds aloof, but I can't find a more fitting word right now. "Protecting Asahaya from Mikoto's hands" isn't a pressure-driven task for me. In short, I believe it's my duty to protect Asahaya, and I'm willing to do so.
Therefore, even though pursuing my dream is more important to me than Asaha, I can hardly bear to pursue my dream while abandoning Asaha.
If, after returning to the modern world, I were to confront Asahi directly, telling her that we would become enemies and part ways, that wouldn't be "escaping," but "facing" the situation. Although it would be extremely painful, I could still accept the consequences.
However, if I were to abandon my "responsibilities" and merely bury myself in adventure in a post-apocalyptic world, it would feel like escapism. That's terrible, pathetic, and doesn't align with my own principles. Even if I could quickly rationalize it after actually doing such a thing, I still feel resistant to it right now.
However, I think I'll likely make the same choice in the end. Just like a long time ago, when I first met Mazao, after realizing that the jinx might spread from me to Chang'an, I made the decision to sever ties with Chang'an. Between friendship and adventure, I ultimately chose the latter. And this time it's just the same thing. I value my feelings very much, but I value my convictions even more.
"...The real reason I stopped was not because making this choice was difficult, but because I could easily make such a choice..." I tried to organize my thoughts.
“But you didn’t make a choice; you stopped,” Xiaowan said. “If it were a very difficult choice, you might have focused on the choice itself. But because you had some spare energy, you started thinking about more things.”
"You begin to wonder if what you desire lies ahead on this readily available path. You're not clinging to your feelings... but rather doubting whether you can exchange them for a true adventure."
Because I had decided to open my heart to Xiaowan, I once again frankly admitted, "...Yes."
The adventure in my heart is a magnificent stage, a world of infinite possibilities, constant crises, and dazzling wonders.
The current approach, which forces me to abandon my emotions while moving forward, seems like a narrow path, like a single-plank bridge. Doing so will only make my path narrower.
I'm not afraid of the log bridge, but it's not the kind of adventure I crave.
Why do I feel this way?
I think that at some point, my understanding of the word "adventure" became distorted. That's why I'm encountering this contradiction. What exactly does "adventure" mean to me? Why, even now, do I still not see any possibility of fulfillment?
Or perhaps... this deviation didn't just appear halfway through, but from the very beginning... my understanding of "adventure" was flawed?
My desire seems to have some fundamental flaw.
Before I entered the supernatural world, I certainly wouldn't have noticed this problem. Back then, I was already exhausted just trying to get into it, but now that I've finally established myself in this world, I have extra energy left, which allows me to re-evaluate my position.
Xiao Wan patted the bed next to her. This gesture probably meant for me to sit down, so I sat down.
“Brother Zhuangcheng, although it was my own idea to wish that you and Sister Mazao could be together and to have you save Sister Mazao, I think it’s unfair that it’s only up to you to fulfill Sister Mazao’s wish,” Xiaowan said. “I also hope that Sister Mazao can save you, and of course, I will join in and try my best to help you.”
"What... save me?" I couldn't help but be surprised.
Throughout my life, I have directly and indirectly saved and helped quite a few people, but I never imagined that I myself could be the one to be saved. Neither physically nor spiritually do I consider myself weak, nor do I need anyone's help or rescue. If there is an enemy that even I cannot resist, then others will find it even more difficult to resist.
Although I did seek help from others along the way, no one ever treated me as someone "in need of help," and I never put myself in that position. I even felt a little uncomfortable about it.
“I don’t feel unhappy at all,” I said.
Even during that long period of time when I was desperately searching for the strange and unsuccessful, I never felt this way.
"The word 'salvation' might not be quite right, but, Brother Zhuangcheng, perhaps you've also fallen into some kind of vicious cycle and vortex without realizing it. If you can't see your true self, it wouldn't be surprising if you ended up in self-destruction," Xiaowan said. "I believe you understand that yourself, right? The path you've chosen is a path of complete self-destruction. From this perspective, you're no different from Sister Mazao in the past."
I said noncommittally, "...This topic should probably be over by now."
“Yes, then let’s get down to business…” Xiao Wan casually uttered a remarkable statement.
"The main topic?" I was surprised. "Weren't those things the main topic?"
“What we just talked about was the main point, but what we’re talking about now is also very important,” Xiao Wan said. “Although I can’t quite put my finger on it, I feel like Brother Zhuang Cheng has some kind of injury along the way.”
“I have tried my best to examine you, but I still cannot find the slightest trace on your body or soul. It was only when you opened your heart and let me deeply perceive your soul just now that I truly confirmed the existence of this injury... What kind of injury is this?”
I suddenly realized and said, "You mean damage on the level of the true spirit, right?"
These are the injuries sustained in the battle against the Great Demon Xuanwu.
Moreover, the damage to the true spirit left over from the battle with Huang Quan before entering the apocalypse was never healed and has remained there ever since.
I can instantly heal my physical and spiritual wounds, but I am helpless against damage to my true spirit.
Originally, when the true spirit is excessively damaged, one would feel drowsy and confused. Fortunately, thanks to the blessing of the little bowl, I am full of energy, which has offset that negative state.
"Is that really how it is..." Xiao Wan nodded. "Then let me take charge of healing you."
"You can repair damage to the true spirit?" I was surprised again.
It's not surprising that the Son of God can heal the wounded through the power of the celestial bodies and the earth. In the Bible, Jesus healed others' injuries and illnesses with simple touch, even dispelling disabilities and curses. This is one of the fundamental abilities of the Son of God.
However, this kind of treatment should be limited to physical and spiritual injuries, and does not cover the level of the true spirit.
Even after searching all over Luoshan, I couldn't find the technology or knowledge to repair the damage to my true spirit. Therefore, after the last battle with Mingzhuo, I could only stay in the sanatorium at the Luoshan headquarters, relying on the ridiculous method of "eating well and sleeping well" to slowly recuperate and provide the best conditions for the natural repair of my true spirit.
“It should be treatable. At least that’s what my gut feeling tells me,” Xiao Wan said with a smile. “Come on. This is also a reward for Brother Zhuang Cheng’s honesty all along.”
Could it be because her power is enhanced by the power of the Divine Seal Fragment? The power of the Divine Seal Fragment really can do everything!
Since she's said so, there's no harm in letting her give it a try.
I selectively ignored the second half of her sentence.
"So, what should we do next?" I asked curiously.
"Well... first of all, I need physical contact with him, preferably in a comfortable position..."
After thinking it over seriously, Xiao Wan gently patted her thigh and said, "Let's ask Brother Zhuang Cheng to put his head here first."
Looking down at her slender, thin thighs, I asked, "Does it have to be like this?"
"This way I can best feel the care for injuries and it will also make it easier for me to grasp the feel of treatment," Xiaowan said.
That reason is acceptable. I tried to lie down and rest my head on her lap.
If the object were a woman of similar age to Zhu Shi, that would be a different story. But at this moment, savoring the feeling of his cheek touching the thigh of a ten-year-old girl, he felt somewhat embarrassed.
Xiaowan placed her hands on my hair, then slowly leaned down and gently embraced my head. The child's body temperature, slightly higher than an adult's, was transmitted to my face, and I could faintly smell her scent as she breathed, reminiscent of damp grass after rain.
As she stroked my hair, she murmured to herself, "...As the saying goes, it's hardest to see things clearly only when they're your own. Now I understand a little why I care so much about Zhuang Cheng. I just can't ignore your situation, and I really want to take care of you..."
"Take care of me..." Hearing her childish voice coming from above, I had a disorienting feeling of roles being reversed. It was as if I were playing house with a little girl, unwittingly being assigned the role of her child and receiving her innocent yet meticulous care.
The wondrous fluctuations of the divine seal fragment's power slowly emanated from her hand, seeping into my body and mind like comforting hot water.
"Get some rest, Brother Zhuangcheng. If you feel tired, you can just fall asleep right now." Her gentle voice echoed in my ears.
I slowly closed my eyes.
This period lasted for about half a day.
Then, there was a knock on the door of the room.
(End of this chapter)
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