Chapter 540 Dream Incarnation Zhuang Cheng
In the past, Xiao Wan used her own power of the Heaven and Earth in the Direction of the Divine Position to make a prayer, hoping that someone could save Ma Zao from loneliness and pain and bring happiness to that unfortunate girl.
This devout prayer may even have led to my meeting with Asahi and started our story.
After that, I only used Mazao to achieve my own desires.
Judging solely by the outcome, Asahi may have gained a lot of happiness in the process. However, as an observer and a potential catalyst for this story, Kouwan cannot allow this unequal situation to continue.
She hoped I would choose the apocalypse over the modern world.
While I previously made that assessment of the apocalyptic era, I am well aware that the so-called "apocalyptic era" is merely "one stage in the process of the end of the world." The overwhelming terror, destruction, and despair are yet to come; that's where the real drama begins. Even so, if the question is limited to "to prevent the apocalypse or to push it forward," there is still some room for hesitation.
Teaming up with partners to stop the apocalypse is also a viable path to victory—I have seriously considered this before.
However, if “ending the apocalypse” also means “ending all the weirdness,” then my choice is obvious.
Even knowing that such a choice would truly lead to being abandoned by everyone.
"In Zhuang Cheng's heart, is Sister Ma Zao merely a tool to satisfy his desires... just a very convenient object?" Xiao Wan continued to ask.
Of course not.
Even after making this decision, Asahi still holds a very important place in my heart.
But from another person's perspective, things might be quite different. Having already firmly chosen the other side in this ultimate binary choice, any further pronouncements about the other's importance seem insincere. Actions speak louder than words. This is a timeless proverb, and I've always been taught this.
Language is merely a tool for expressing one's inner thoughts. Listeners will digest and understand it from their own subjective perspective, processing it to varying degrees into a result that differs from what the speaker intended to express. Sincere words, once spoken, are often misinterpreted and may elicit misunderstandings.
Therefore, I won't offer much explanation to those who look at me with misunderstanding. It would be best if they understood, but if they don't, so be it; or if they want to misinterpret my thoughts in their own way, that's fine too. As long as they don't block my way or hinder my actions, they are free to see me however they want.
However, I might have a slightly different perspective on Xiaowan. For some reason, I always feel a deeper sincerity towards Xiaowan than towards Mazao and Zhushi, and I reveal far more of my true feelings to her than to anyone else. Perhaps this is because Xiaowan truly seems to sense my heart. Maybe I've unconsciously developed a strange dependence on her… towards this little girl, and an urge to confide in her.
Could it be that Asahi also had similar feelings for Kobo? Although Asahi in the past certainly didn't know that Kobo had the ability to sense other people's emotions, she may have also received some indescribable comfort from this exceptionally understanding child.
"I like masao, and that will never change," I said.
"But Zhuang Cheng's affection for Ma Zao-neechan has a lot of ulterior motives. If Ma Zao-neechan wasn't useful to him, you wouldn't have liked her in the first place, right?" Xiao Wan asked. "If Ma Zao-neechan lost her jinx power now, would you still like her?"
I held out my hand to the small bowl. She looked at me in confusion, then obediently held out her own hand.
Then, I gently took her small hand in mine and gave my answer.
“I will,” I said.
I must admit that my fondness for Asahi is due to a variety of factors. If any one of those factors disappeared, I might not be able to like Asahi as I used to. Occasionally, I feel that this fondness has become mixed with impurities, and can no longer be considered pure fondness. But I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I don't pursue purity in interpersonal relationships and emotions; in fact, I believe that pursuing pure emotions is unhealthy. Human relationships inherently involve many complex and mixed elements.
Some people believe that liking someone because of factors that "may change in the future," such as appearance, wealth, ability, and temperament, cannot be considered true liking of the person as a whole, but only liking those factors. However, if all the factors that "may change in the future," including appearance, wealth, ability, and temperament, are removed from a person, what is left? What exactly does "liking the person as a whole" refer to?
While I find the pure emotions depicted in romance stories beautiful, I don't yearn for them. If my feelings change over time, I'll simply re-evaluate their meaning. If we're destined to part ways, I'll convince myself to accept it.
When I become aware of my own inner errors and contradictions, I often don't choose to correct them, because these errors and contradictions are also part of my soul. Similarly, even if I realize that my feelings for Asahi contain impurities of insensitivity, I won't choose to eliminate them. Because this is simply my genuine feeling for Asahi. This feeling is the true, unadulterated expression of myself.
I will not pursue purely platonic relationships, nor will I suffer from the impurity of my own feelings. I do not intend to immerse myself in romantic fantasies, because I want to be the protagonist of an adventure story, not a romance novel.
What's truly terrible is a heart that's preoccupied with gains and losses, unable to embrace when it should embrace, and unable to let go when it should let go. From this perspective, I can't say I've done everything perfectly, but I won't change my opinion.
I shared all these thoughts with Xiaowan, and through holding her hand, I tried to convey all my feelings to her. I believe that at this moment, she could feel it all, and truly touch my heart.
A look of astonishment appeared on Xiao Wan's face.
She might value relationships more than I do, and perhaps she also highly values the purity of those relationships. Even if she can sense my thoughts, she might not fully accept them. Even if people can understand each other, they may not reach a consensus, because it's not a matter of mutual understanding, but rather a difference in values. However, if we don't speak out, we'll never take the first step.
After a moment, Xiao Wan seemed to have figured something out, and slowly regained her composure, her body becoming relaxed.
“If you can’t accept my pursuit of the apocalypse and the bizarre, or even my enmity with Asahi, then you can leave my side. I won’t stop you,” I said. “But before that, at least let me help you solve the problem of the Great Demon of Calamity.”
“Brother Zhuang Cheng, you actually want to use me to attract the Great Demon of Calamity, don’t you?” Xiao Wan pointed out.
“That’s part of the reason,” I said.
"Actually, Zhuang Cheng, I don't care that much about whether the end of the world will come or how the world and the future will change. I just hope that you and Ma Zao can be happy."
These seemingly unconventional words seemed to be spoken not only to me, but also to herself. She might be using words to organize her thoughts.
Then, she seemed to have made a very crucial decision.
She looked me straight in the eye and said firmly, "...So I've decided that I will not leave you. On the contrary, I will continue to stand by your side and continue to support you."
"Why is that?" I asked, bewildered. "I told you I would be your enemy, Asahi-neechan, yet you still believe I can make Asahi happy?"
"Of course I will trust you, because in my heart you are the conclusion of my prayers—the embodiment of my dreams."
Xiao Wan still held my hand. She slowly changed her gesture, her small and soft hand interlocking with my fingers. She continued, "So, this is not just about believing in Brother Zhuang Cheng, but also about believing in myself."
"I want to believe... no matter what happens in the future, you and Asaha-neechan will definitely have a happy ending."
I never imagined that even after I've gone this far, Xiaowan would still be on my side.
Even though I was mentally prepared to be abandoned by everyone and determined to go down this crazy road to the end of the world alone, there are still people who are willing to stay with me.
Is such a thing... even possible?
Seeing my puzzled expression, Xiao Wan smiled slightly and said, "Of course, I have a further reason for saying this. Brother Zhuang Cheng, you said before that the Gospel Institute might have a way to travel freely between your original era and the apocalyptic era... In fact, this method might not even exist, right?"
“...Yes,” I said. “Time travel is by no means easy, and traveling freely is even more difficult. Huang Quan, who appeared in the modern world, may only have a one-way ticket from the apocalypse to the modern world. He himself may not even be able to return to the apocalypse.”
"Although Number Seven said she could bring me back to the modern world, she never said that this method could bring me back to the apocalypse."
The records in Luoshan only documented people from the past accidentally traveling to the future, or people from the future accidentally traveling to the past, but there was never any record of people being able to "freely travel between the past and the future".
I'm going to force an example, and there's only one such example out of the world.
That is the mountain yin and yang that can be reborn in the past and the future, and in countless worlds.
"In this situation, you still only have to choose between the apocalyptic era and your original era. However, on this issue that should have been decided quickly, just like before, you were unable to make a decision immediately, right?" Xiaowan asked.
It seems she gleaned more from our interaction than I imagined. Perhaps this isn't something that could be done under normal circumstances, because I was so focused on opening myself up to her that I went too far.
Xiao Wan continued, "And before that, before you met Ms. Seven, and before you even considered that the Gospel House might have the means to freely travel between the two eras, you were already hesitating about whether to stay in the apocalyptic era..."
"Since you were able to so firmly choose to be enemies with Asaha-neechan just now, why did you hesitate on this issue before? Is it because Asaha-neechan is being threatened by Meiko?"
"It's okay to be enemies with Asahina-neechan, but it's not okay to abandon Asahina-neechan who is being threatened by Meiko?"
(End of this chapter)
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