Chapter 539 Making an Enemy of Asaho
Xiao Wan had already noticed my hesitation about whether to stay in the post-apocalyptic world or return to the modern world. Instead of glossing over the question with ambiguity, she asked me directly at this moment.
Along the way, I had been prepared for this, pondered the question repeatedly, and arrived at my own answer.
“I did have that thought,” I said.
"Did you?" Xiaowan asked suspiciously. "So, you've changed your mind and want to go back to the era when Mazao-neechan lived, right?"
She paused slightly, then asked, "...Is it because of the existence of the Fate Impurity?"
I hadn't explained to Xiaowan in detail about how Meizuo might pose a renewed threat to Asahi, but it wasn't difficult for Xiaowan to deduce this from the information she had.
“Yes, that’s a very important reason,” I said. “However, it wouldn’t be entirely accurate to say that I’ve completely changed my mind.”
“I know lying to you won’t work, and I don’t want to lie about this. I do have a very strong interest in the apocalypse. This strange and unpredictable time and space is much more attractive to me than the modern world.”
After a series of explorations, my initial enthusiasm for the apocalypse has waned. Admittedly, the apocalypse is fraught with danger, with all sorts of bizarre things happening at once, making it seem like death could strike at any moment. But that applies more to ordinary apocalyptic survivors than to me.
I have now resigned myself to the fact that, whether in the modern world or in the post-apocalyptic era, I am at the pinnacle of existence. Witchers, blessed monks, freaks, karmic demons, modern oddities, post-apocalyptic oddities... these things may seem different, but in essence, they are no different to me, and none of them pose a significant threat to my life.
Even if karmic demons and apocalyptic monsters possess more bizarre and unpredictable abilities, most of them are just for novelty. Apart from great demons and gods, they can hardly pose any real danger to me. If even the most basic risks don't exist, then it's naturally hard to call it an adventure.
However, despite all this, I still believe that the post-apocalyptic world holds a far greater allure than the modern world. The shock I felt when witnessing the wandering spirit reveal its true identity after sending away the sandalwood was an experience I had never had in the modern world; the many mysteries hidden within the post-apocalyptic world are also reasons why I cannot easily relinquish it. To leave all of this behind and turn away without a second thought is absolutely impossible.
This vast and dark land, which has driven the human race into a terrifying dead end, still holds countless possibilities waiting for me to discover.
At the same time, I also need to solve Asahi's crisis in the modern world.
I will absolutely not allow Mingzhuo to make a move against Mazao while I am away.
“Since the Gospel House has a way to send the Underworld to the modern world, it means they may control the path between the two eras. And Number Seven also claims to know a way to bring me back to the modern world, which might also allow me to travel from the modern world back to the apocalypse,” I said. “All I need is to get my hands on it.”
"In other words, Brother Zhuangcheng, you don't intend to make a choice, but rather want to 'have it all,' is that right?" Xiaowan asked.
I sensed the underlying meaning and asked, "In your opinion, is this unacceptable?"
Without hesitation, Xiao Wan declared, "No."
"Why is that? There are clearly two perfect options, yet you insist on making me choose one. Isn't that just creating trouble for myself?" I retorted.
Little Bowl looked at me quietly. Despite her childlike and adorable appearance, her eyes seemed more mature than mine, an adult, and even possessed a kind of intimidating penetrating power that could invade the deepest part of my heart.
“If all you want is to master the means of transportation between the two eras, to spend time with Asaha-neechan while adventuring in the post-apocalyptic world, that might be something you can do temporarily,” she said. “But, Sho-sei-nii, you’re just putting off the real core issue.”
“The real core issue…” I read aloud.
"The Doomsday Era is built on the premise of the apocalypse, and isn't your and Asahi-neechan's ultimate goal to prevent the apocalypse from happening?" Xiaowan said. "Do you choose to stay with Asahi-neechan until the very end and bid farewell to the Doomsday Era completely, or do you choose the Doomsday Era and become enemies with Asahi-neechan..."
"—Brother Zhuang Cheng, you can only choose one side."
Like a parent telling a child in a toy store that they can only choose one item to take home, her voice was so gentle yet so authoritative.
And I belatedly realized that the biggest secret hidden in my heart had actually been unearthed by this little girl in front of me.
I'm hoping for the end of the world...
I've never told this secret to anyone. Not even Zhu Shi, nor Ma Zao. Although I honestly told Ma Zao that the reason I approached her was because I longed to enter a world full of strange things, even Ma Zao probably never imagined that my desires would be so extreme as to yearn for a world after the apocalypse.
Similarly, although Xiaowan knew about my desire for Mazao, she didn't know that I was hoping for the end of the world. Because she was a survivor who actually lived in such an era and knew the suffering of the end times, she couldn't imagine that someone could harbor such a desire—at least that's what I thought before. However, her wisdom and observation once again exceeded my expectations, and presented this contradiction to me once more.
Yes, I've been aware of this contradiction for a long time. Perhaps one day, I, who long for the apocalypse, will become enemies with Asahaya, who wants to stop it. But to me, that's a conflict too far in the future, so I've postponed it again and again, unwilling to think about it.
Xiao Wan paused for a moment, then continued, "Not only that... Brother Zhuang Cheng, you not only have to choose between the apocalypse and Sister Ma Zao, but on this scale... on the other tray opposite Sister Ma Zao, there are even heavier things."
"Although discussing this now would be extremely disadvantageous for Asaho-neechan, I reckon you, Sho-sei-nii, are already somewhat aware of it, so let's just say it here..."
"If the price of staying with Asaha-neechan until the end is to say goodbye to the supernatural world forever, would you still be willing to stay with Asaha-neechan?"
I had to fall silent.
Although Xiaowan's question seemed absurd, like the absurd question, "If your mother and your wife fell into the water, and you could only save one of them, who would you choose to save?", as she said, I had already somewhat realized why she would ask such a question.
Based on Xiaowan's past observations and analyses, the apocalypse occurs because the world has malfunctioned, resulting in a large accumulation of errors. All the strange occurrences are born from these errors, or are manifestations of them.
This means that in order to prevent the apocalypse, it is necessary to somehow fix the world's malfunctions and clean up its mistakes.
After this work is completed, all the anomalies will lose their source. Whether they will all disappear on the spot or cease to be born and gradually come to an end remains unknown, but the extinction of the anomalies will be a foregone conclusion.
Asa is very, very important to me, but is she really so important that I would make such a decision just to be with her?
The core that has carried me so resolutely to this day, the one that sustains my soul, has never been romantic love. That night, the person I emerged from the fifteenth-floor basement was completely different from the person I was before entering it. If it were the latter, I might have made a different judgment.
I wanted to postpone Xiaowan's question, maintaining an ambiguous attitude as before. But facing this girl who had punctured the bubble in her heart, I ultimately didn't want to do something so pathetic and pathetic, so I finally made up my mind and gave the only conclusion I could offer.
"One day, I will become enemies with Asahi," I said.
Xiao Wan looked utterly disappointed, yet seemed unsurprised by the outcome. Then she sighed deeply and asked, "...Is there really no room for change?"
“Imagining myself as an enemy of Asahaya for my own selfish desires is very painful for me,” I said. “But to imagine myself giving up the desire I have held onto until now for the sake of love and romance is not a matter of pain or not, but rather that I could never do it in the first place… I cannot imagine myself doing that.”
"I'm sorry, Xiaowan, I've disappointed you. But that's just who I am, so just give up."
Little Bowl said softly, "That's not the kind of apology I wanted to hear..."
Then, she remained silent for a while before continuing, "Brother Zhuangcheng, since you said 'one day'... does that mean you don't intend to become enemies with Sister Mazao yet?"
"Now that I've faced my true feelings and come to this conclusion with you, I will never again allow myself to toy with Asaho's feelings," I said. "After returning to the modern world, I will tell Asaho everything I said to you here today."
"Then, if Asaho chooses to be my enemy, then we will become enemies at that point in time; and if Asaho chooses to give up saving the world and instead collude with someone like me..."
Xiaowan slowly closed her eyes and said, "...Sister Asahi would never do that; she would definitely stick to her stance of 'stopping the apocalypse'."
For some reason, hearing her words made me feel happy.
Rather than distorting one's beliefs for the sake of romantic love, I would much rather Asahi make this strong choice of "not sacrificing oneself for others."
But Xiaowan doesn't seem to be able to let it go.
Everyone has their own standards of value judgment, and she probably expected me to prioritize feelings over principles. I wouldn't say that's wrong, just as I would never proclaim to others that my own thoughts are correct.
"So... in the end, what exactly is Sister Mazao to Brother Zhuangcheng?" she asked sadly.
(End of this chapter)
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