Chapter 602 Unanswerable Questions
The little bowl seemed stumped by the question.
Recalling her sudden and enthusiastic act of being Zhu Shi's "wingman," even describing herself as a "gift for winning over Zhu Shi," this willingness to place herself in a supporting role now seems quite contradictory. I don't believe she was lying or acting; she was genuinely sincere. However, just as facts can distort people's perceptions, sincere actions can also be used to mask other true thoughts.
A few seconds later, Xiao Wan stammered, "Brother Zhuang Cheng, although honesty has always been one of your strengths... but isn't it a bit too much for you to suddenly ask me this question and attack me like this?"
“If we’re talking about crime, wasn’t your previous statement even more criminal?” I said.
"...Also, your reasoning must be based on a premise, right?" Xiao Wan pointed out. "Let's not even talk about how incongruous it would seem to outsiders for a ten-year-old girl like me to be with Brother Zhuang Cheng. Even if we really had to complete the mission by having Brother Zhuang Cheng and me fall in love, it would add a different condition than what Zhu Shi had."
"It's not enough for Brother Zhuang Cheng to fall in love with me. I have romantic feelings for him, so I must fall in love with Brother Zhuang Cheng in return. I will not compromise on this. And what Brother Zhuang Cheng said before was like an admission that I would fall in love with you. Isn't that a bit too confident?"
Although what I'm about to say will make me seem incredibly shameless, and even I feel embarrassed and ashamed to say it, I still said it: "You've said it before, haven't you? I'm the embodiment of your dreams, someone you can unconditionally trust. So even if you haven't fallen in love with me yet, as long as I work hard to move in that direction, there's a high probability that you will fall in love with me."
Xiao Wan was speechless for a moment, but did not refute it. It was unclear whether she was speechless or acquiescing. Then she said, "...What about Zhuang Cheng himself? Didn't he say before that he had a hard time truly falling in love with anyone other than Ma Zao-neechan? But now he thinks he can fall in love with me?"
"You asked me to go and love Zhu Shi afterward, and now you're telling me this?" I retorted. "Besides... there was a flaw in your previous actions."
“…What’s the flaw?” Xiao Wan asked.
"First, I want to confirm one thing: after you complete your mission and disappear, will Zhu Shi's romantic relationship really return?" I asked.
Xiao Wan hesitated for a moment, then said, "Normally, we won't go back."
"Because it's different from Lu Chan's situation. The reason why Lu Chan gave up his dream and became Lu Youxun was not because of careful thinking and strong courage, but because of the enormous psychological pressure and hatred caused by being tortured by the Humanitarian Department."
"That was an extreme psychological state created by a specific environment. Theoretically, one can gradually adjust their mindset once they return to a normal environment. In fact, after the girl Lu Chan returned his dream to him, he did not abandon it again. If it was truly a dream abandoned by one's own willpower, even if it were returned, it would only be abandoned again for the same reason."
"Zhu Shi truly abandoned her childhood dreams with her own willpower, even severing her romantic feelings. Now, she doesn't actually have a broken heart; her heart, having lost romantic feelings, has achieved completeness in another form. It's like discarding a puzzle piece, yet the remaining pieces can still form a complete picture; the discarded piece can no longer find a gap to add to it."
"But you weren't deceiving Zhu Shi before, were you?" I said. "So, there's something else going on?"
“Yes. That’s why I encouraged Zhuang Cheng to fall in love with Zhu Shi,” Xiao Wan said. “As long as Zhu Shi realizes that she is being loved, she will feel that she needs to reciprocate. She will feel that she needs romantic love. In this way, even if her childhood dream cannot return to her, at least romantic love can find a chance to return.”
"Isn't this a landmine?" I pointed out. "The reason Zhu Shi can accept the unfair treatment of 'the three of us being together' is because she has no expectations or feelings about romance to begin with. Once she can fall in love with me, can she really accept Ma Zao, who is right next to her?"
"Mazao was willing to accept that kind of thing, and was willing to give me love without any possessiveness, but I wasn't foolish enough to think that this was a common type of romantic psychology. I couldn't possibly demand that Zhu Shi meet Mazao's standards, and I certainly didn't think that Zhu Shi would automatically become like Mazao after regaining her romantic feelings."
"You might say that I am the Great Impermanence, and it's normal for me to have three wives and four concubines, but isn't Zhu Shi also going to master the power of the Great Impermanence in the future?"
Xiao Wan corrected, "Even if Zhu Shi fully masters the forging of the Yama Sword, she cannot become the Great Impermanence. She can only use the weapon that stores the power of the Great Impermanence."
Then, she paused for a moment, and continued, "I understand Zhuang Cheng's thoughts, and I know very well that it is a challenge that cannot be ignored. So... although it sounds like I'm asking Zhuang Cheng, I hope that Zhuang Cheng will act even more greedily and show his strength. So that Zhu Shi, who has regained her love, will be convinced and willingly stay by your side along with Ma Zao."
"It's not forced, but rather a natural progression. It may sound unromantic, but it's an undeniably righteous path."
After going around in circles, I've come back to the last question: "So... why didn't you do it yourself?"
Xiao Wan finally had no choice but to sigh and tell her true feelings.
“Because… I am merely a temporary existence, destined to depart,” she said. “I am a dream incarnation created to be loved. Once I receive love, I will immediately disappear. Isn’t that incredibly unfair to those who love me?”
The more you desire something, the less likely you are to get it—I've encountered this contradiction again.
This time, however, the conflict fell on Xiaowan.
If you truly love someone, you wouldn't want to see them suffer because of you. With Xiaowan's wisdom, she probably grasped this contradiction instantly. Therefore, she immediately ruled out the path of fulfilling her mission by receiving love herself.
“…I think that’s the only reason,” I said.
Xiao Wan said helplessly, "Did Brother Zhuang Cheng think of this from the very beginning?"
“Because I wanted to get the answer from you,” I said, “and now I’m going to give you my own answer too—”
"Little Bowl, I will absolutely not let you disappear."
"I'm the kind of person who's very persistent. Now that I've already considered you important to me, I'm determined to keep you here no matter what. I will absolutely not allow anyone to leave my side without my consent."
“…I see.” Xiao Wan gave a fake smile.
She probably doesn't think I can do it. I can't think of a way right now to keep the little bowl from leaving while it fulfills its purpose. But I will do everything in my power to achieve this.
Xiaowan then asked, "So, is it the same for Mazao-neechan?"
“Of course,” I said without hesitation.
Little Bowl showed a very happy expression.
“That puts my mind at ease,” she said.
-
I moved in the direction Ma Zao had left.
Although I was previously speculating about the future based on the premise that Zhu Shi would be with me and Ma Zao, that premise is about to crumble tonight. Soon, Ma Zao will realize my evil nature from my confession and become my enemy. Doing so will actually hinder Xiao Wan from completing all her missions, so I can only think of other ways to make up for it later.
And just as I told Xiaowan, even if we become enemies, I will not really let go of Mazao.
When I found Ma Zao, she was sitting on the roof of the distant courtyard, hugging her knees, gazing at the scenery of the picnic in the distance, with a smile on her face.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
Asa turned around in surprise, then composed herself and said, "I wanted to see everyone here... and also, I wanted to sort out my thoughts."
"Thoughts?" I asked.
"Um……"
As if preparing her words, Ma Zao asked after a moment, "Xiao Wan said during the day that the 'Apocalypse Era' is actually the afterlife, and that the souls of those with the Soul Disorder really travel there... In other words, I must be one of those Soul Disorder patients, right?"
“Since you woke up in the hospital as a patient with amnesia after returning to the real world, then that must be it,” I said.
"This body of mine... or rather, myself, has a father and a mother." Asa looked at her palm. "Now that I think back, during the apocalypse... when I was surviving in the afterlife, I have no recollection of ever eating desserts, but I don't know why I can make soufflés. Even in the afterlife, we shouldn't have been able to collect all those ingredients."
"You and Zhu Shi told me before that my father was a mid-level manager at the Xianshui City Construction Company, and my mother ran a bakery. The reason I know how to make soufflés is probably because my mother taught me a long time ago, and I still have some memories of that."
"Regarding whether to meet them, I planned to decide after confirming whether I was their daughter or an evil spirit who had usurped their place. Now that I have the answer, I think I can no longer run away."
"Are you going to see them?" I asked.
Ma Zao nodded slowly, then said, "But... I'm scared. There's nothing to be afraid of, and I don't know how to explain my feelings... So, Zhuang Cheng, could you... come with me to meet my parents?"
This is a question I cannot answer.
(End of this chapter)
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