Chapter 603 I Want Them All
Seeing that I didn't give an answer, Mazao looked puzzled.
I thought for a moment and changed the subject: "If you're scared, it's okay to wait a little longer."
"How long...how long do we have to wait?"
Asaha seemed oblivious to what was wrong. She slowly said, "Although I'm scared... no, it's precisely because I'm scared that I want to see my parents as soon as possible. Otherwise, my resolve might be eroded by time. If I run away with an excuse this time, I might find another excuse to run away next time. I'll become more and more procrastinating, and eventually, without realizing it, I'll pretend to have forgotten. I don't want to become like that."
Her words resonated with me. Yes, they reflected some of my own thoughts. That's why I sought her out now.
She continued, "It's not just about meeting my parents; I also want to confront my past. For me, this will definitely require a much greater determination. If I don't even dare to meet my parents, I might end up running away from my past. This is the first step I need to take."
"You mean...the past?" I asked.
“Memories lost due to madness can be recovered. Xiaowan has already proven this. So, I will also try to recover my own memories,” Mazao said. “I have forgotten the names and faces of those people I killed in the past.”
"Not only that, although neither you nor Xiaowan have said it directly, I am not without the ability to think. Since the Gospel Institute is a dark organization that plans to slaughter humans, and I was a member of it in the past, then I must have done a lot of bad things. I don't want to run away from those things and use 'I don't remember' as an excuse to clean myself of blood and sin."
Her voice was very strong. Although I could vaguely sense her unease about her dark past, her emotions were generally stable. The decisions she made were filled with strong willpower. She was completely unlike Asahi when I first met her.
"...Your speculation is correct. During your time at the Evangelical Fellowship, you were known as the 'Witch of the Gospel,' and you committed numerous crimes, staining your skin with the blood of countless survivors. If you want to know more specific details, I can tell you in detail later," I said. "The problem now is that it's impossible for you to regain your memories."
"To use the Three Lives Stone Powder, you must become an Apostle of the Void Realm—this part can perhaps be discussed further. More importantly, the last dose of the Three Lives Stone Powder has been completely used up with the small bowl, and the method to restore memories has vanished. What other method can you possibly find?"
"—It's very simple, it's just myself."
Mazao seemed to have really thought about it and even found the answer. She looked at her palm and continued, "The power of return... According to Xiaowan, the reason I have the jinx constitution is because I have mastered the power of return. The power of return is a magical power that the natural will of the planet has high hopes for and believes is possible to restore the world itself to its original state. So there is no reason why it cannot restore the memories of a mere human like me."
"The reason I can't do it now is because I'm not strong enough. All rules are considered ironclad rules only because the parties involved are not strong enough. The same goes for 'memories lost due to madness cannot be repaired.' If I became the Great Impermanence, things would definitely be different. It's possible that it would still be a drop in the ocean when it comes to repairing the world, but other things would be a different story."
To become the Great Impermanence—that's quite a fantasy indeed.
But since the person who said those words was Asaho, it wasn't just a fantasy, but a feasible hypothesis. Based on the information I gathered in the afterlife, Asaho indeed possessed the potential and destiny to become a Great Impermanence.
"It's the same with Xiaowan," Mazao continued. "If I become strong enough, maybe I can even save Xiaowan. Even if this path doesn't work, I won't give up; I'll keep searching for a way until the very last moment. Zhuang Cheng, you think so too, right?"
I said in surprise, "The reason you support Xiaowan in completing her mission... is because you made the same decision as me?"
Mazao didn't want Xiaowan to disappear, but her approach wasn't to stop Xiaowan; instead, she wanted to find a solution ahead.
It's not about standing still out of fear, but about forging ahead with determination.
She must have gone through intense struggles and hesitations, but she overcame them all.
What exactly made her so strong?
She looked at me with a determined gaze.
“Xiao Wan identifies with her mission; she is the embodiment of a dream, whose primary purpose is to fulfill her obsession. To stop her would be tantamount to denying her existence. That would be the greatest harm to her, and it would cause her immense pain. I don’t want to do something that would be tantamount to betraying her because of my own selfish feelings,” Ma Zao said.
“...You value others more than your own feelings,” I said. “Indeed, we are completely different people.”
"Zhuang Cheng?" Ma Zao was taken aback.
"Ma Zao, I'm actually here to tell you the final truth." I finally hardened my heart. "In the past, I confessed all my feelings to you, and I also confessed what I truly pursued. But there's something else I haven't confessed to you because I was afraid. Because it was a painful choice for me. Once I said it, we would definitely go our separate ways and become each other's enemies."
"Zhuang Cheng... what are you saying?" Ma Zao was stunned.
“Listen to me, Ma Zao,” I said slowly, “—I hope the end of the world comes.”
Starting with that sentence, I told Asaha about my most secret wish.
I don't anticipate the end of the world, but rather the bizarre and fantastical scenes that will unfold during it. To experience these things until the very last moment, I'm likely to stop everyone who tries to halt the apocalypse and, in fact, embrace its inevitable end. From this perspective, part of my opposition to the human genocide plan stems from my desire to prevent Gospelin from saving the world.
If it were a brilliant plan, that would be one thing, but how could the apocalypse be stopped by such a boring plan?
Admittedly, if the world were destroyed, my adventure would also come to an end. It's certainly a short-sighted approach. But conversely, the apocalypse has such immense value. Compared to the end of the world, any adventure would inevitably pale in comparison.
Asahi will surely despise me, thinking how incredibly foolish I am to do something so suicidal. If it were just self-destruction, that would be one thing, but my actions will inevitably drag everything around me into destruction, including the people and things I care about.
Of course, I couldn't remain indifferent, but turning back here would be tantamount to admitting regret. In my heart, what truly allows me to judge the right and wrong of my actions isn't universal morality or values, nor anyone else's evaluation, but whether I'll regret it at the last moment. In the end, what matters most to me is still my own dreams and convictions.
At the same time, I've also figured out how to deal with Ma Zao later.
Even if I were to become his enemy, I wouldn't actually kill Asaha; it would simply be a return to my original strategy. I still need Asaha's jinx power, so I will imprison her.
The teleportation skill of the Returning Power is indeed very troublesome. Long ago, it was precisely because of this that I was unable to effectively imprison Asa, and could only establish an equal relationship. But now it's different. As the Great Impermanence, I'm not just someone who can burn things. I can intervene in time, space, and even the realm of fate to a certain extent. I can try to forcibly keep Asa.
However, there are still unsolvable problems, such as Asa's "fortune"... Although she often laughs at herself for being an unlucky person, the planet's natural will has also given her a unique kind of strong luck, like a protagonist, to survive countless misfortunes on her own. I don't know if I can completely and permanently suppress it.
After I finished speaking, I didn't immediately attack Asa. Because I really cared about Asa's reaction after hearing my words. Although I could easily predict that she would be very sad and angry, feel betrayed like never before, and look at me with utter disappointment, I knew I had to bear it, and I didn't want to run away from it.
However, to my surprise, Asahi did not show any of the above reactions.
She was simply shocked and bewildered... but after these emotions, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and fell into a long period of thought, as if she were swallowing and digesting something enormous.
After a while, she slowly opened her eyes. In her gaze, which was fixed on me, there was no sadness, anger, or disappointment. Instead, it seemed to hold emotions I couldn't comprehend, like a quietly burning flame.
Then she said something that I never expected.
"Zhuang Cheng, I will not become your enemy."
"—What?" This time it was my turn to be stunned.
What did she just say?
"Are you serious? Or did you not hear what I just said? Did you receive such shocking news that your mind hasn't processed it yet? I was hoping for the end of the world," I said. "Didn't you want to stop the apocalypse? To save the world to atone for the sacrifices and tragedies you caused in the past... That has always been your wish, the driving force that has sustained you since you came to the modern world, hasn't it?"
“Yes,” Asahi replied.
"Then what about what you just said? You don't want to be my enemy because... because you like me?" I asked.
"I like you," Asaha admitted.
I asked incredulously, "So, you're going to give up your wish?"
"No, I want to save the world, and that will never change," Asaho said earnestly.
“If you’re going to save the world, you can’t be with me, because I’ll destroy it. You can’t not understand such simple logic, can you?” I said.
Mazao slowly shook her head, then looked into my eyes and said in a firm tone, "I want the world and you!"
(End of this chapter)
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