18. Prelude in D-flat major
◎No rush, okay?◎
Liang Chuling stood on one leg, one hand holding onto the door frame and the other holding onto Li Xun, still a little confused.
A dull ache in her ankle served as a reminder of her current predicament.
I looked down at my left foot, then looked up at my reflection in the light—a disheveled figure with red eyes and a blank expression.
The courage I had just mustered to drag others down to hell has been replaced by a shaky, embarrassing state. Emotions come surging, but the beach left behind after the tide recedes is always muddy and unpleasant.
She had no choice but to withdraw the hand that was supporting Li Xun and point at the cat instead, as if to ask what was going on. Cats are wonderful things; they are perfect buffers, saviors in awkward moments, and the best tool for changing the subject.
"This is a birthday present for you," Li Xun said. "I went to that shop again after I got back this morning. The cat is still there, but no one wants to adopt it. The owner is leaving at the end of the month, so the cat will have to go to the streets. I thought about it and decided to bring it back."
He went inside, helped Liang Chuling in and sat her down, then put the kitten on the sofa as well. The kitten curled up into a ball of fur on the sofa, its eyes round and bright, its paws tucked under its belly, and its tail tip swaying gently.
Liang Chuling felt a little nervous sitting with the cat, so she moved from the sofa to the coffee table.
The sunlight streaming in through the window was blinding, so dense and oppressive that it enveloped seventeen-year-old Liang Chuling.
This morning, despite the smog and lack of sunshine, this northern city felt almost like the Jiangnan region described in textbooks. The fog could block out everything in front of you, and the roads could be obscured, so there was no distinction between the right path and the wrong path.
Leaves trembled in the wind, shedding dewdrops. One drop fell, illuminating the blazing sun.
Li Xun squatted down next to the sofa, with Liang Chuling on his left and the cat on the sofa on his right. He teased the cat's chin with his fingertips.
Liang Chuling was genuinely happy, but also genuinely panicked. "Who will take care of it? I can't take care of it."
"I'll take care of it," Li Xun replied. He didn't stop, still playing with the cat.
Liang Chuling was even more puzzled: "The gift you gave me, you're going to take it to America to raise?"
Isn't there something wrong with this logic?
Li Xun looked up at her, his eyes calm: "I'm not going to America."
"Huh?" Liang Chuling was completely stunned. She tried to find a trace of a joke in his eyes; he had clearly said last week that he wanted to attend a piano masterclass in the United States.
“I’m not leaving this time,” Li Xun repeated. “We’ll leave together once we’ve both been accepted into schools.”
Liang Chuling's mind was buzzing.
As emotions returned, after the immense shock, before any joy could even arise, pressure took over first.
She could actively kidnap or exploit others, but she never expected the other party to make such a concrete sacrifice.
What should I do? Should I say to him, "Haha, I was just kidding, don't take it seriously. Go back to your America and continue being your genius teenager"?
She couldn't bring herself to joke, so she had to be serious: "Don't give up better resources and a better environment for me. There are so many masterclasses and concerts back in America..."
The words were left unsaid, but the meaning was clear: Don't act impulsively, don't make me bear such a heavy psychological burden.
Li Xun completely understood her complicated thoughts. He didn't rush to explain or say anything mushy; his hand was still gently scratching the kitten's chin.
"Don't worry," he said, his voice calm and reassuring. "That was my plan all along."
Liang Chuling then asked, "Huh?"
After uttering an "ah," she murmured again, "Does Teacher Li Chi know about this?"
A faint smile appeared in Li Xun's eyes, dispelling the seriousness in the air: "Don't worry. Don't you know my mom's personality? She has enough students in the US, one less won't make a difference. I talked to her about it a while ago, saying I wanted to come back and stay for a while. She said it's the same wherever she is, and even felt that perhaps staying in an environment that touches me more would be better for the music itself."
I won't tell you that you are actually the "environment".
Liang Chuling nodded. Li Chi himself was an unconventional person, and he adopted a free-range approach to his son. As long as he didn't break the law or commit crimes, or interfere with important matters, he could choose his own path in life.
But that doesn't mean she would easily agree to her son giving up the obviously superior music environment and educational resources abroad, just for...
The kitten got tired of the sofa's softness, suddenly jumped down, climbed onto Liang Chuling's lap by stepping on the plaster cast that was sitting on the coffee table, and curled up in a spot.
The cat fur gently brushed against her hand, but Liang Chuling felt a heavy weight in her heart.
The kitten seemed to sense her emotions and nuzzled her hand with its head. Liang Chuling picked up the cat and held it against her face; the cat's body was very warm.
Li Xun looked at Liang Chuling with a frank expression: "So, it really wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision, and it wasn't a decision made solely for you."
Liang Chuling stared at him. In truth, she wasn't convinced. Staying in China would undoubtedly put her at a disadvantage in terms of resources and opportunities compared to staying in the US. But she desperately needed this reason, desperately needed to free herself from her guilt.
She forced herself to believe it, "Okay then."
The atmosphere eased.
Li Xun didn't mention America again, but pointed to the kitten: "It's very well-behaved, doesn't scratch or make noise. It's four months old now, a female kitten, and got its first vaccination today. I'll keep it at my home, you can come see it whenever you miss it." He looked up at Liang Chuling, a faint smile appearing in his eyes, "You can come see me too."
Liang Chuling still didn't dare to think any further, feeling her heart pounding and her cheeks burning. She could only focus all her attention on the cat, bringing the conversation back to a safer place.
She leaned down and whispered into the kitten's ear: "What's its name?"
"You choose," Li Xun said, handing over the naming rights to her.
Looking at the white and brown tabby cat, Liang Chuling recalled the evening she first met it: "Roasted chestnuts."
Li Xun raised an eyebrow, finding it amusing.
“We usually just call it chestnut,” Liang Chuling added.
“Okay, chestnut.” Li Xun had no objection.
——
Li Xun's decision was indeed not a spur-of-the-moment impulse. It was a choice that had been brewing for many quiet nights on the other side of the Pacific Ocean.
During his time in America, the physical distance served as a whetstone, sharpening and clarifying the vague emotions deep within him. He also realized that he didn't want to miss out on any of Liang Chuling's experiences again. He understood this clearly, which is why he said, "I'm a little unaccustomed to it."
He had long noticed the difference between himself and Liang Chuling, but after being separated by thousands of miles, this difference became impossible to ignore.
One day, he opened his phone's photo album to look for sheet music, only to find that almost all the photos in the album were related to Liang Chuling.
Opening my notes, it's all about her.
Even when I open my music diary, she's still there.
I wasn't surprised; instead, I felt a sense of belonging, as if everything had finally settled down.
This sense of belonging had existed for a long time, but he had deliberately ignored it.
Because it's unbelievable, not because it's unbelievable.
The unbelievable thing is whether the sense of belonging is an illusion.
Grieg, Rachmaninoff, Schubert, Beethoven... all can use different melodies and emotions to annotate, answer, and interpret this.
Li Xun had heard this many times and pondered it many times. To him, this feeling was both light and heavy, not belonging to any fixed person or emotion.
It flutters in the wind, sounding so free that it could never be associated with the word "belonging".
Swaying, floating, sweeping past.
Li Xun was stirred up by the waves, yet he remained calm and composed. However, amidst the turmoil, he felt a sense of belonging.
The wind cannot be defined, yet who can refuse it? And who hasn't longed for the wind when trapped?
Then let it remain in the wind; stop trying to find the shape of your soul.
He needed to redefine his relationship with her. Should he remain safely within the boundaries of friendship, a gentle observer? Or should he venture forward, stepping into that realm she dictated—a realm that could be either stormy or sunny?
In fact, he hadn't figured out the answer until he came back.
So, unexpectedly, it was Liang Chuling who took the first risk.
But what came to mind in that instant was something else entirely: the birthday gift Liang Chuling had given him. He had liked it so much that he hadn't said anything. Liang Chuling had told him, "You should say what you like first."
She hasn't changed at all; she always puts her feelings first. That's good.
His keen senses had already detected the impure motives and sensed her reckless ambition. Reason told him he should wait and let her calm down.
But he didn't. He realized he was tired of always being a detached observer.
So he took it on. Let Liang Chuling do whatever she wants.
He wanted to see if, when her chaotic world calmed down and her misfortunes became a thing of the past, a pure flutter of emotion would appear in her eyes as she looked at him.
——
“Let’s go,” Li Xun stood up and extended his hand to Liang Chuling, “Take Chestnut back to its new home to see it and familiarize it with the place. You’re welcome to come anytime you want to see it or anything else.”
Liang Chuling looked at his outstretched hand; its knuckles were distinct, making it a hand perfectly suited for playing the piano.
She hesitated for a moment, then placed her hand on it. Li Xun gently pulled her up from the coffee table.
Chestnut seemed to know they were going to a new place and followed at their feet.
As soon as it entered Li Xun's house, Chestnut explored everywhere, choosing the sunniest spot in the living room where it lay down and began grooming itself.
"She doesn't act like she's an outsider at all," Liang Chuling commented.
"As you wish, Master." Li Xun put down his things, went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water and handed it to Liang Chuling, then looked at her leg, which was in a cast. "After walking this far, does it hurt?"
"It's alright." Liang Chuling took the water.
The canned food, cat food, and cat litter that Li Xun ordered for Chestnut, along with the milk and cantaloupe he ordered for Liang Chuling, were delivered together. After returning to China, he went to the school first, then to the shop to see and pick up the cats. He didn't have time to go home, and there's nothing here now.
Chestnut was very excited, and Liang Chuling took several photos of her.
Li Xun sat down on the sofa next to her. The living room was quiet, and Liang Chuling's eyes began to drift silently toward Li Xun beside her.
He lowered his head, his eyelashes drooping.
"Have you seen enough?" Li Xun suddenly asked.
Like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, Liang Chuling immediately looked away: "Who was looking at you! I was looking at Chestnut!"
Coincidentally, Chestnut did indeed climb onto the sofa.
"Hmm." Li Xun looked directly at her, a teasing tone in his eyes. "Do the chestnuts look good?"
Liang Chuling: "...Li Xun, aren't you annoying?!"
Li Xun laughed and suddenly reached out. Liang Chuling shrank back slightly.
His hand merely brushed past her ear, plucking a stray cat hair from her ear.
“It has fur.” He twirled a cat hair in front of her eyes, his gaze innocent.
Liang Chuling felt she had been tricked and was a little annoyed.
Li Xun moved a little closer: "We've already made an agreement, haven't we?"
The agreement wasn't explicitly stated, but both of them understood it.
Liang Chuling forced herself to remain calm: "So?"
"So, you see, I'm very happy to see you."
Liang Chuling retorted, "I already said who's looking at you!"
"Oh—" Li Xun drawled, nodding as if suddenly realizing something, "Is the cantaloupe sweet?"
The topic changed too quickly. Liang Chuling nodded: "Sweet."
Li Xun couldn't rest on the plane, but once he got home, he felt much better. After settling the cat and playing with Liang Chuling, he finally fell asleep on the sofa.
Liang Chuling was the first to notice that Chestnut was asleep, its belly rising and falling gently with its breathing, and it was purring softly.
Because she was caught spying on Li Xun, she deliberately avoided looking at him and instead stared intently at Li Zi. The cat was so engrossed in staring at her that it was about to get angry. The cat was small and had a small mind, so when it couldn't get angry, it just fell asleep.
Then he subtly glanced to the side, pretending to move his eyes. Then his gaze settled, and it was unclear how long he had been asleep.
Liang Chuling sat cross-legged on the carpet, quietly watching him.
He was probably really tired, from the long flight and jet lag, and then he was on the go as soon as he got back.
At that moment, his eyes were closed, and his face was very pale, which made a stray hair on his face look like a crack.
"It must be my hair," Liang Chuling was certain.
Li Xun is really handsome.
The thought popped into Liang Chuling's head, and she tried to stop it immediately, but her mind just wouldn't stop.
Her upbringing lacked healthy emotional templates, which led her to tend to treat relationships like projects.
A project needs a goal—together.
Planned – Applying to Schools
There is a milestone—a key milestone.
She fears anything that slips out of her control, because it reminds her of helplessness, childlike helplessness.
She only believes in the result, the result that she has prepared for in advance.
Unable to appreciate the beauty of a relationship's natural, gradual progression, she always wants to rush ahead and jump directly to what she perceives as the finish line.
As Liang Chuling looked at Li Xun, a heavy feeling returned to her.
He stayed for her, forgoing obviously better options. It was a gift far too precious for her, leaving her bewildered and even burdened.
All she wanted was a sense of security; she didn't want such a heavy moral burden.
She was used to dealing with the world through advance preparation and absolute control, but Li Xun's sacrifices exceeded the scope of what she could prepare for and control.
This seems to be getting out of control.
Liang Chuling needs proof, she needs to concretize her abstract feelings of liking, she needs a successful rehearsal to confirm that the relationship project is progressing as expected, and she even needs to pay some sweeteners in advance to balance the accounts in her mind, to ensure that the relationship develops as planned and to reduce uncertainty.
Her gaze fell on Li Xun's lips. They looked very soft.
Li Xun gave up so much for her, she has to pay something in return to maintain the balance of the relationship and prevent him from regretting it or leaving.
How about a kiss?
Preview the relationship, anchor the contract, pay the reward, and verify sincerity.
This was the only benefit she could think of.
Giving him this intimacy makes him feel that his efforts are worthwhile.
As her thoughts raced, Li Xun's eyelashes fluttered, and he opened his eyes.
The two stared at each other unexpectedly. It was Li Xun who was startled. Liang Chuling had already been caught peeping before, and she was unlikely to make the same mistake a second time. So even if she was trying to appear calm, her calmness was very convincing.
Li Xun was certainly not expecting to see her staring at him so intently when he woke up, so he leaned back a little.
"What's wrong?" He rubbed his forehead.
Liang Chuling's heart was racing; she had something to do.
Driven by a multitude of impulses, she moved closer—
Just a second before her lips were about to touch his, Li Xun raised his hand to block them.
Liang Chuling froze in mid-air.
She met Li Xun's eyes, which were now fully awake and filled with helplessness.
His palm was pressed against her lips, an insurmountable barrier.
"Liang Chuling." Li Xun called her name, then withdrew his hand, his fingertips tracing a line in front of her eyes. "We agreed that we'd wait until we both applied to schools before—"
That's all I have to say.
Imagination extends infinitely.
Li Xun's voice was soft, but the unfinished meaning struck like a hammer, shattering all her previous plans.
Liang Chuling was speechless.
Li Xun looked at the confusion flickering in her eyes and sighed almost inaudibly.
He reached out again, this time just gently patting the top of her head, comforting a child who was expressing her needs in the wrong way.
"No rush, okay?"
The restless dust lingered easily at this moment, but Liang Chuling suddenly felt that Li Xun's waters could also drown people.
Much later, she realized that it was a premonition of fate, which is why people tremble unconsciously.
It started raining outside the window, and Liang Chuling heard Chopin's "Raindrops" in her ears.
Chopin used monotonous, repetitive musical patterns, and the sound of raindrops never stopped from beginning to end.
No matter how the melody and harmony develop, or how the emotions change from tranquility to rage and back to calm, that original rhythmic pulse always remains.
The sound of raindrops acts as a constant background, around which the music unfolds dramatic changes, but ultimately cannot escape.
No matter how much inner turmoil and upheaval one experiences, the raindrops remain constant.
The music eventually returned to the tranquil melody at the beginning, accompanied by the gradually fading sound of raindrops, starting from the origin and returning to the origin.
It was as if nothing had ever happened, yet everything had.
Amidst all the hustle and bustle of the world, Liang Chuling returned to where she started.
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