068 | (Sixty-seven) Happiness
This time.
Xie Qingyan had no way to escape anymore; she had no choice but to face it.
Humans are the strangest creatures created by nature, with a hundred kinds of emotions and a hundred kinds of personalities. Some people are flamboyant while others are introverted, some are frank while others are awkward. Xie Qingyan is an awkward person.
Her parents divorced when she was young, and both of them wanted her.
Xie Jinyu and Zhang Fulan had several arguments that went to court, but they eventually reached a settlement after being persuaded by their elders.
Considering that Xie Qingyan had already lived in Jincheng for five years, Zhang Fulan compromised and allowed Xie Qingyan to grow up in China. As for where she wanted to go after she came of age, the choice was left to her in the future.
Zhang Fulan returned to visit his daughter after several months. His relationship with Xie Jinyu remained strained. When they met, they maintained a cold and peaceful demeanor in front of their daughter, but could not exchange a single word in private. Zhang Fulan then secretly inquired about Xie Jinyu's recent situation from his daughter.
Xie Qingyan was in elementary school at the time. She was clever and quick-witted, and already had the ability to express herself. Even though she was still a little naive, she could see the hope in her father's eyes, so she lied and said that her mother missed her very much.
The innocent children only wished that their little family could return to what it used to be.
Back and forth, she lied for her father in front of Xie Jinyu and spoke well of her mother in front of Zhang Fulan, which actually eased the tension between the two. When they met again, they could chat and laugh amicably and sit at the same table to eat.
Xie Qingyan always thought that this was his own achievement.
As Xie Qingyan grew older, she finally understood that a broken mirror is hard to mend. Her parents would not be fooled by a child's few words. They were simply being considerate of her innocent heart and did not want to disappoint her silly good intentions, so they went along with it and gave her plenty of face.
After Xie Qingyan found out, she was listless for a while and stopped wasting her time. Her parents had their own lives. Her father returned to China less and less often, and her mother was immersed in her work and busy all day long.
Xie Qingyan remained carefree and happy, laughing and joking all day long, as if nothing had changed.
She remained silent for a long time and did not answer when her parents asked her during holidays if she missed them.
Later, she refused to say anything completely, always speaking in riddles and making people guess what she was thinking.
Xie Qingyan knew this was strange, but it seemed that only in those moments, when others racked their brains trying to figure out what she was thinking, could she feel that she was being cared for wholeheartedly.
During that extremely brief period, it was a stage that belonged only to her. She smiled happily in the audience, while those on stage had to carefully observe her expressions and thoughts. If she slightly pursed her lips, those opposite her would be filled with trepidation, wondering if they had guessed correctly...
At least at that moment, she completely captured the other person's attention.
Instead of being a lonely child who longs for his parents to come home.
Her parents felt indebted, and everyone around her was happy to pamper her. This spoiled girl will probably never learn to express her needs honestly and openly.
But she said it was all Su Xingmao's fault, and that wasn't wrong. After all these years, who else but him had spoiled her the most?
He seemed cold and aloof, but she would feign tears and ask him to do things for her. He failed to do many of them, and he took the blame for her countless times.
After so long, Xie Qingyan had long taken it for granted.
She couldn't understand it.
How could one not know the constellation Mao?
His parents were even worse than Xie Jinyu and Zhang Fulan.
Before Xie Qingyan arrived, his deepest childhood memories, besides the mountain of test papers, were of the sky over Jincheng, which was gray and gloomy. Jincheng was surrounded by mountains, shrouded in clouds and mist, and cloudy days made up most of the year.
The clouds are clusters of fluff, like cotton wool, the blanket of the sky, covering the green hills and clear waters, always able to completely block out the sunlight.
At the age of kindergarten, he was already practicing elementary school math olympiad problems under his father's arrangement. He could never finish the test papers. One paper was stacked on top of another, piled up over his head. When he got tired of writing, he would look up at the sky. The room was dark, and dust was flying up and swirling.
The gray sky reflected in his eyes.
He can watch for a long time if no one disturbs him.
After Xie Qingyan arrived, a noisy figure appeared beside him.
At first, he wasn't used to it and would avoid her, but she was like a little tail stuck to his butt, impossible to shake off. Ignoring her only made her more determined, calling him "little mute" repeatedly until he finally spoke.
Later... later, most of the time, it was still two small figures, one sitting near and one far, noisily jumping and hopping in the yard, sitting on the swing without stopping, their hair flying in the wind.
I quietly read books, occasionally glancing at the drifting white clouds, and picking up a pretty leaf to use as a bookmark.
From dawn to dusk, the wind rustles through the leaves, the sun slips from your eyes to the back of your head, the pages of the book are almost finished, the light filtering through the leaves stops at the last page, sparse and scattered, the shadow grows wings, flying from behind to in front, stretching out very long.
When the sky is painted a deep, dark blue, and the moon rises.
Only then will I receive a belated phone call.
I forget which side of the family said they couldn't come home tonight.
Xie Qingyan would sometimes be happy and say, "Great! I can watch Doraemon for a long, long time tonight!" and then threaten him not to tell anyone. Other times, he would let out a disappointed "oh," turn around, and crawl into bed to sleep.
In the days when they lacked the company of their family, these two small figures grew up leaning on each other.
These subtle, invisible dependencies, when applied to the constellation Mao, are more like a form of emotional compensation.
Unlike Xie Qingyan, who still longed for his parents' praise, he gradually realized one day that he would no longer expect praise from his father or mother on the day he won first place.
He didn't care anymore.
He seems to have other things he cares about more.
Is it her?
When his pupils reflected the shadow of someone swinging on a swing under the sycamore tree, he asked himself a question.
His heartbeat had already answered for him.
Every frown and smile tugs at my heartstrings.
His dwindling, almost nonexistent emotions all coalesced into a single point.
Psychologist Erich Fromm once said that love that can only be experienced from one person is not true love; it is merely a form of sadomasochistic attachment.
Maybe he's right.
The constellation of Mao is merely an instinct, a desire to grasp what remains, which can perhaps be called happiness.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
