Chapter 3 / Section 1: The Price of Liking
Although they were of the same kind, they were destined not to walk hand in hand. He knew he could never stand shoulder to shoulder with her, because what protected her was the powerful family force, while he was all alone, without anyone to rely on.
Jing Mo Ran covered his mouth tightly in the alley, not daring to make a sound, lest Xiong Ying Guang discover him. He had already promised Mu Xing He that he would leave Nanning with her to study abroad, and would no longer bother Xiong Ying Guang.
When Jing Mozhan heard Xiong Yingguang mention him in every word, only to realize that he held no place in her heart, his heart was filled with bitterness. He longed to be close to her, but he always lacked the courage to overcome the numerous obstacles.
Finally, unable to endure the torment any longer, he rose to escape, only to be stopped by Mu Xinghe. Mu Xinghe refused to allow him to leave alone, ordering her bodyguards to seize him. Overwhelmed with emotion, Jing Moran even considered jumping into the Yong River to sober up. He felt he was no longer worthy of liking Xiong Yingguang; his repeated escapes and abandonments made him deeply aware of his unworthiness of her love. Tears welled in his eyes, a river of sorrow flowing over him.
Mu Xinghe said to him, "As long as you leave her, you won't be in pain, and that girl can go back to her original life. It was your appearance that made her life so uneasy."
Jing Mo Ran responded angrily: "Mu Xing He, how long are you going to keep bothering me? Don't you just want to possess me all to yourself? You are a very scheming person. I really underestimated you."
Mu Xinghe retorted, "Tell me, in what way is Mu Xinghe inferior to that monster who has no sense of pain? Tell me."
Jing Mo Ran retorted, "A monster? Do you think someone who can't feel pain is a monster?"
Mu Xinghe answered firmly, "Yes! This is a monster!"
When Mu Xinghe saw Jing Moran pull out the small knife he always carried, she began to feel terrified. She watched helplessly as he drew his sword, unable to stop him.
"Jing Moran, what are you doing? Talk it out, don't be impulsive," Mu Xinghe shouted anxiously.
Jing Mo Ran coldly replied, "Don't you think that someone who can't feel pain is a monster? Fine, I'll grant your wish."
He repeatedly slashed his arm with a knife, blood flowing continuously, staining the ground bright red, and the red water slowly trickled down into the sewer.
"Jing Moran, have you gone mad? Why are you treating yourself like this?" Mu Xinghe shouted in horror.
Jing Mo Ran said resolutely, "Mu Xing He, let me tell you, if you think that being unable to feel pain makes you a monster, then I am a monster too. You can distance yourself from me and don't need to get close to me anymore."
The knife was stained with blood, and Jing Mo Ran's arm was dripping with blood, yet he neither supported his wound nor bandaged it, and simply turned and left. Mu Xing He watched him leave, unable to stop him.
Mu Xinghe stood at the alley entrance, her eyes brimming with tears, which finally spilled over.
"You big idiot, is it worth it for her? You'll get nothing from being together, you'll only hurt her. You like her, but she and you can never be together."
That day, Jing Mozhan perhaps finally understood what distance meant to them. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't win Xiong Yingguang's affection.
Mu Xinghe gritted his teeth and said, "Jing Moran, you just wait. No one in this world can have you except me. I will make you know that you can only belong to me, Mu Xinghe."
The bodyguard respectfully reminded her, "Miss, it's time to go."
"Okay," Mu Xinghe replied.
That day, sorrow flowed like a river, instantly transforming into painful images that slowly faded away.
On the other side, Yan Xinhe was chatting and laughing with Xiong Yingguang, and they seemed to be able to talk about anything very congenially.
“Xiong Yingguang, if we can’t be sisters as friends, then you should talk to your parents and form a family relationship with our Yan family, and become sisters as relatives, okay?” Yan Xinhe suggested.
Xiong Yingguang couldn't see through Yan Xinhe's true thoughts, but she knew that if she did this, someone would be able to protect her and prevent her from being bullied.
“Okay, I promise you.” Xiong Yingguang nodded in agreement.
Lu Xiyao handed the freshly obtained milk tea to Xiong Yingguang and told her about the places they often went. In Xiong Yingguang's eyes, those were places she had always dreamed of visiting but had never been to.
"As long as you like it, as long as it's what you want, I will give it to you with all my heart, because from now on you are the most important person to me, someone I will never despise," Lu Xiyao said affectionately.
Xiong Yingguang's eyes were filled with tears of gratitude, because finally someone was willing to approach her.
A star chasing clouds for eight hundred miles ultimately vanishes into thin air; the wind chasing light for a thousand miles results in the agonizing prospect of something unattainable. Jing Mozhan loves Xiong Yingguang, yet he can only reject all her kindness for her sake, even though it's a hard-won affection and love. In his eyes, it can only ever be someone else's affection and love.
Xiong Yingguang recalled the words he had once spoken, words that had long since vanished without a trace in the passage of time. She had loved the Jing Moran of the past, but the one who had returned this time was no longer the same person she once knew.
At the corner, Xiong Yingguang saw Jing Moran, whose arm was covered in blood. However, he did not run away, but simply hugged Xiong Yingguang.
"Jing Moran, what's wrong with you today?" Xiong Yingguang asked, her eyes wide.
"It's nothing, I just wanted to hug you, let me hug you for a moment," Jing Moran said softly.
“Jing Moran, your arm…” Xiong Yingguang said worriedly.
"It doesn't hurt, it really doesn't hurt," Jing Mo Ran replied calmly.
Xiong Yingguang felt the air around her grow heavy, as if they were isolated from the world. She didn't know why Jing Moran was acting so strangely today, but whether it was a dream or not, she wanted to feel more of this tenderness, because it made her feel content.
Perhaps this is the price of love. Jing Mo Ran loves Xiong Ying Guang because he wants to prove to others that they are both monsters. Monsters cannot be with people from other worlds, yet he happens to love someone else whom the world calls a monster.
No one could separate them; their hearts belonged to each other. They were siblings without blood ties, yet monsters in the eyes of others. Whether together or not, they both felt a sense of guilt. Fire and water can never mix, just as Jing Mozhan and Xiong Yingguang, though both monsters in the eyes of others, could never break the taboo of siblinghood, even though they were not related by blood.
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