Chapter 81 Is there anyone or anything you particularly want now?

【I have been living a happy life.】

After thinking for a moment, he said this.

[Most of the time I don’t think about the past.]

Doctor An: [You are the one with the strongest self-healing ability among my patients. Be happy every day, Chushuang.]

【Thank you.】

The twenty-ninth day of the lunar month.

Hatsushimo said she was going out to buy something and left early in the morning.

She went to the most expensive restaurant and bought three sumptuous dishes, went to the flower shop and bought chrysanthemums, and then drove to the Mid-Levels Cemetery.

Winter in my hometown is not that cold. There was some sunshine today, but it was covered by clouds from time to time.

The cemetery before the New Year is not as deserted as usual, and occasionally people come to pay their respects.

But she arrived early and there were few people in the cemetery at that moment.

When she arrived at the grave, Chu Shuang was stunned by the bouquet of flowers in front of her parents' tombstone.

The flowers are still fresh. They must have been bloomed today or yesterday.

After walking a few steps, I went to my brother's grave, where there were also pure white chrysanthemums.

I looked around, but there was no one.

It's not the first time.

I saw chrysanthemums like this in front of the tomb years ago.

This person used to come almost every year, but there was a break for two or three years, and Chu Shuang almost forgot about it. This year, the chrysanthemums appeared again.

I don’t know which friend of my parents he is.

Chrysanthemums and lunch boxes were placed in front of the grave, and Hatsushuang burned paper for them.

"It's Chinese New Year again, I brought you some delicious food."

"It's still the food from that restaurant that you liked the most when you were alive. Their business is so good that I had to make a reservation three days in advance before I was able to get one."

She lowered her eyes and flipped through the paper money while burning it seriously. Her eyelids were calm and she just let time pass by.

After the paper money was burned, a breeze blew in the garden, ruffling the hair slightly.

Pushing her hair behind her ears, Chu Shuang took out four bright red oranges from her bag and placed them one by one in front of the tomb. She sat beside it and peeled and ate the remaining orange.

"Ten years, that's all."

The light tone of the words will be blown away by the wind.

She looked at the trees halfway up the mountain with empty eyes. They were growing tall but looking a little withered.

These trees were not this big before.

"Ten years have passed in a flash. It feels like a dream. Sometimes I dream of playing on a swing in the yard, with my brother pushing it from behind and my parents watching with smiles. Everything in my dream has a bright background, as if that is the real world."

"It's been much better in the past few years. I no longer numb myself and can clearly distinguish between dreams and reality."

"But when I was young," the orange in my mouth tasted salty. Chushuang reached out and wiped away the tears on her face, her voice choking slightly, "When I missed you so much, I always felt that the world was fake, everything was fake, and I couldn't wake up from the dream. I couldn't find you no matter what I did."

"How boring, I thought at that time."

"On the day I decided to commit suicide, I dreamed of my brother. He had spoiled me and loved me so much since I was a child, but that night he scolded me and said he would never recognize me as his sister again..." Chu Shuang looked at the words on the tombstone, tears dripping onto the stone surface, blurring out the wet circles, "How could such a gentle brother scold me? He must have been too angry."

"Alas," she sighed, "I still made you unhappy even though you were already down there. I really failed. I don't know if you told your parents about this later."

"Not anymore. Doctor An said I have a strong ability to heal myself. In fact, I can make myself happy most of the time. I am not a sentimental person by nature, and I don't like to get stuck in emotions. You don't have to worry about me."

"By the way, Sheng Ting is very nice to me. I kind of like him."

In front of parents, some things can be said without any pressure.

"We all want to live a good life. He is a reliable person and grandma has good vision."

After chatting with her parents for a while, Chu Shuang stood up and smiled brightly: "Happy New Year. I have to go see my grandma and will come to see you later."

After packing everything up, she walked down the mountain along the bluestone steps.

We had agreed to go to the clinic to see Dr. An today, so the car turned around and drove away.

In a car in the parking lot, a man lit a cigarette and stared quietly in the direction she left, his emotions unclear.

——

When he arrived at the clinic, An Jingyu was having lunch. When he saw Chu Shuang, he put down his chopsticks and passed a food box next to him to her.

"The dumplings across the street are pretty good. I bought them especially for you. You didn't have lunch, did you?"

Hatsushimo sat down and asked, "What's the filling?"

"Cabbage and tofu. I know you've been eating vegetarian these past two days."

She unpacked the disposable chopsticks, took a bite, and nodded, "It's really good."

"I heard you were married."

"Yes, more than three months."

After looking her over, An Jingyu smiled and said, "It seems that there is no need to ask. He should be very good to you."

Chu Shuang raised her eyes: "You can see this too?"

"Well, you look happy."

Hatsushimo smiled.

After dinner, An Jingyu took her to the psychological therapy room.

The room was simply and quietly decorated. Sitting on the soft sofa, he lit a cup of incense and placed it on the table.

The dim yellow desk lamp and pleasant aroma make people feel soothed. Chushuang closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling a little drowsy.

"Do you still have the thought of doing something stupid now?" The man's voice was slow and gradual.

She squinted her eyes, somewhat amused.

"You always ask me this question, but I've stopped doing that a long time ago. I'm not lying to you."

An Jingyu: "I can only feel at ease if I ask every time."

"Is there anyone or anything you particularly want now?"

She once admitted that after healing the wounds of her loved ones’ departure, she seemed to have lost her worldly desires. She still had the ability to be happy and was still optimistic, but she was no longer obsessed with things. Everything was dispensable to her.

Live a very Buddhist life.

At that time, An Jingyu suggested that she find someone she liked, perhaps a good relationship would be beneficial to her.

It also took her a long time to find such a person.

But she didn't want to understand most people, and this process took about two years.

Later, he heard that she finally fell in love. At first, An Jingyu was happy for her, but the relationship ended not long after.

On the day of the breakup, An Jingyu asked her if she was sad, and she said three words.

"It's boring."

Those words were spoken to myself.

She said some things about that man, but more importantly, she faced her own heart.

[His mistakes may not have caused the breakup. I was too afraid of trouble. It seemed that love was just like that. It did bring a little different happiness, but that was all. I found that I was not obsessed with this person, and he didn't like me either. It was better to end it as soon as possible.]

[Sorry, I still haven't regained the ability you mentioned.]

She had lost everything she thought was the most important thing in life. What else was there to cling to? Just living optimistically was enough.

She is content with getting by in everything from study to work to material satisfaction. As a result, she has become stingy with herself and does not like to get entangled in too many disputes with others.

Her parents left her a huge inheritance. When she was 18, she had the right to donate half of it to a charity foundation. When her grandmother found out about it, she hugged her and talked to her all night.

She said that she was a girl with a pitiful family background, and that the money was the protection and confidence left by her parents. It would protect her from any major disaster in the future, so she must not be donated all of it.

Even if she didn't donate it, she usually doesn't touch the money.

Can you feel at ease spending your parents' inheritance?