Chapter 43
here?
Luo Yan lowered her eyes and followed his gaze. Her face flushed instantly, and she quickly raised her hand to cover his restless eyes: "How could you do this?"
The boy opened his arms and embraced her, his nose nestling between her soft breasts. He nuzzled against her as she gasped in surprise and embarrassment, mumbling, "It really is different."
He concluded, "It's gotten bigger."
She would only look at herself in the bronze mirror when she was doing her hair, but Zhu Yun's gaze would always drift towards her whenever he had a spare moment. He knew her figure and features better than Luo Yan herself.
He noticed a change in her this morning, and as dusk approached, the change became more and more obvious, confirming that it was not just his imagination.
"I know, I know." She helplessly cupped Zhu Yun's face, trying to move him away. "Don't talk to me like that, it's so hot."
The autumn weather was actually the most pleasant, but Zhu Yun's body temperature kept rising, and her breath became hot, as if it were burning a hole in her heart.
His dark, jade-like eyes were filled with regret. Reluctantly, he stepped back, led Luo Yan into the bedroom, and stood before the bronze mirror: "This place has changed too."
With the prince absent today, Jinzhan has come out to slack off.
What was originally a lively scene of Sun Wukong causing havoc in the Heavenly Palace was being performed. Jinzhan watched with shining eyes, cheering repeatedly, and was so excited that he almost dropped the cup.
But after the Great Havoc in Heaven ended, what followed was the story of Lady Hibiscus, which made her yawn incessantly and lose focus repeatedly.
As she drifted off into her own thoughts, she thought to herself, "Who wants to watch this whining, love-or-death drama? It would be much better to just grab a couple of monkeys from the wild and put them on stage."
There are already two princesses in the Prince's mansion who love to be waited on every day, so why would she bother to spend money to come here?
Such plays are performed every day in the Prince's mansion; people must be bored to come and watch them again.
Oh right, they even had a romantic scene together, and it was quite explicit.
Jinzhan yawned. Those two ancestors should probably compensate her for her emotional distress.
She might as well go gamble on crickets.
Since she was already there and had spent the coins, Jinzhan had no choice but to force herself to stay alert and widen her eyes.
But as she opened her eyes wide, she spotted... Miss Luo Yan sitting in the front row...
A handsome young man sat next to her, and the two exchanged glances.
Wow—that's really something new!
This is much better than the plays performed on stage.
Jinzhan stared wide-eyed at the man, carefully examining his profile. Even though she only saw his side profile, she mentally compared him to Zhu Yun.
The man appeared to be a bit thinner than the prince, and was quite refined and handsome, but he looked more effeminate than the prince, almost like a young woman at first glance.
Amitabha Buddha, Amitabha Buddha... It's better to avoid trouble. Let her just pretend she didn't see anything today...
Jinzhan's heart was pounding. If she were to tell anyone what happened today, wouldn't that be the same as admitting that she had been lazy?
She quietly slipped out the back door without disturbing anyone and returned to the Prince's mansion.
After the play ended, Luo Yan and Qin Sizhao went for a walk on the street.
"This play is meaningless."
Luo Yan said sullenly.
She thought that if she were to die by slitting her throat like that Lady Furong, it would at most be a romantic tale for Zhu Yun to talk about over tea, a stupid death like a clichéd play.
Perhaps even after she dies, people will write a few erotic poems about her, finding a touch of romance in them, and then in a year or two, Zhu Yun will forget her completely, leaving her with nothing.
Qin Sizhao might lead his future wife to her grave, and while sweeping the tombstone, he would say with melancholy:
"Her name was Luo Yan. She died a very pitiful death. It's a pity. I used to like her."
Just thinking about that scene made her wish she could crawl out of her grave and drag him down with her.
Luo Yan didn't want to die in vain.
She placed her hand on her chest, trying to comfort herself.
When she reaches eighty years old and loses her teeth, no one will judge her for her chastity anymore... When she reaches that age, she will just smile and say that she was also a womanizer in her youth.
But what should we do now...?
She could never deprive herself of the senses in this moment.
Looking at Qin Sizhao's face, she felt her breath catch in her throat and couldn't utter a single word.
Forcing himself to confess to Qin Sizhao the shameful truth that he had already lost his chastity and was pregnant was simply too cruel.
"Luo Yan, I came to the capital for the imperial examination just to meet you."
She looked into his smiling eyes and habitually retorted.
"You've come to the capital to take the imperial examinations to gain official rank; how could that have anything to do with me?"
"Rong'er..."
He looked a little melancholy.
"Do you still remember your name, Miss Luo Yan?"
Luo Yan suddenly trembled all over, her breathing became rapid, and she could hardly breathe.
She felt as if her soul had retreated to a very, very far place, gazing at her numb and cold body from afar.
Overwhelmed by grief and despair, she couldn't help but question Qin Sizhao about how he knew her real name.
She had only one thought: she was already trying so hard to forget her real name, so why did he bring it up?
What right did he have to call her by her name?
"Stop talking... I'm Luo Yan now... Don't call me that anymore... I don't want to hear it!"
Luo Yan was a well-known figure in the Prince's mansion, Zhu Yun's consensual lover, and a prostitute who swayed her hips in front of a peep show wearing only a necklace.
The name Luo Yan was given by the prince, and so was the name Jinzhan; they were identical. Jinzhan's purpose in life was to serve the prince, and her purpose in life was to amuse him.
Luo Yan was a living toy that Zhu Yun would casually discard once he was tired of playing with her. When she got angry, hitting him was no different from a cat scratching its owner; she was still just a toy.
Luo Yan is her parents' beloved only daughter, a cheerful little girl who learns how to keep accounts every day, hoping to inherit the small restaurant that her parents have run all their lives.
Her parents weren't highly educated, and her name sounded a bit rustic, but it was full of their expectations and love.
How can two Luo Yans be the same!
How could Luo Yan and Luo Yan be the same person!
"Stop talking... I'm not Luo Yan!"
She calmed down quickly, and it was as if she were a completely different person.
"Young Master Qin, thank you for your kindness these past few days, but you've mistaken me for someone else..."
Her teeth chattered slightly, and she turned to leave, but Qin Sizhao stopped her.
He stood directly in front of her, using his body to press her back.
"If I didn't have a photographic memory, how could I have improved my medical skills while also becoming the top scholar in the imperial examination? Rong'er, you're underestimating me too much."
She looked up, glaring at Qin Sizhao with resentment.
"Qin Sizhao, don't force me. I am Luo Yan, not Luo Yan!"
Luo Yan cannot become Luo Yan. She is just an innocent and cheerful girl from a small restaurant. She cannot be tricked into bed by her lover with a few sweet words before she is even fifteen years old. She cannot lose her chastity early, be defiled and get pregnant, and then be casually sent away to sycophants.
She wouldn't allow these terrible things to happen to Luo Yan.
Therefore, she can only be Luo Yan, not Luo Yan.
"Young Master Qin, you've really mistaken me for someone else. Perhaps we just look alike."
Luo Yan hesitated, wondering if it was somewhat believable that she had a twin sister named Luo Yan, but the lie was so ridiculously stupid that she didn't think the top scholar would believe such nonsense.
What's more, she just said something like "Don't call me that anymore."
She gritted her teeth and said,
"I can only be Cheng Luoyan, but I can't be Luoyan anymore... I'm not the Rong'er you remember, I can't go back. I won't come looking for you again, and you should... forget about me..."
She turned around, tears streaming down her face.
Luo Yan was in a daze, both physically and mentally. She barely knew how she got back to the palace.
She washed her face, not wanting anyone to see her helplessness, and huddled under the covers, crying.
Qin Sizhao actually liked Luo Yan... but she could never go back...
She searched her memory for Qin Sizhao's shadow, but it only made her heart ache. She didn't have the slightest courage to recall that she and Qin Sizhao met through He Yun, and that He Yun had feelings for her.
No matter what kind of person he is, if he falls for that little Rong'er, it's already too late. She's already slept with Zhu Yun eight hundred times and can no longer be Luo Yan.
He fell in love with Luo Yan because of his love for Xiao Rong'er...
Everyone knew in their hearts that Luo Yan was Zhu Yun's lover, but they just didn't say it out of respect for the prince.
How could Luo Yan, burdened with sins and tainted by her past, possibly benefit from the influence of that little Rong'er?
Seeing that Luo Yan's expression was somewhat strange, Jinzhan hurriedly went into the house alone and locked the door. Although Jinzhan was a little puzzled, she did not go forward and pretended to be very busy.
Her face didn't look like she was in love; instead, it was very pale, as if she had been beaten up.
The next morning, Jinzhan thought that Luo Yan might hang herself inside, so she quietly punched a hole in the window paper, took a deep breath, prepared herself mentally, and secretly watched her.
"I'm not dead, stop looking..."
Luo Yan lay listlessly in bed, and Jin Zhan was startled, realizing that she had been discovered.
But yesterday she went to see a play with that man, and her happy demeanor was undeniable.
She dared not let this Marquis Yun approach Luo Yan to show concern. If Luo Yan had a sudden lapse in judgment and told her everything, Marquis Yun would be in a dilemma, unsure whether he should report the matter to the Prince.
As Jinzhan tidied the courtyard, she thought to herself, "If the prince is willing to give up his dowry to marry Luo Yan off, then everyone will be happy. If he is not willing... Amitabha, it has nothing to do with me, Jinzhan."
Her eyes darted around, already thinking about how to distance herself from the situation after it happened.
According to Jinzhan, one should feel some remorse after doing something bad, because if one doesn't feel any guilt at all, it's easy to casually reveal the bad things one has done.
So now she is trying to make herself feel guilty towards the prince.
"Waaah, Your Highness, I'm so sorry! I didn't report all of Miss Luo Yan's whereabouts to you in order to reduce my burden. I'm really sorry."
Jinzhan covered her face with a handkerchief and pretended to cry softly.
After faking her tears, Jinzhan rolled her eyes... It didn't seem to have much effect.
She already felt very little guilt towards her "master," and she felt even less guilt towards Zhu Yun, who frequently staged live sex shows.
Besides, it was his idea to marry Luo Yan off first. She was thinking of herself, and it wasn't wrong for her to seduce a man. She wasn't the prince's concubine.
"Oh my... Your Highness... Why are you back so soon..."
Zhu Yun's face was gloomy. The thought of Luo Yan sitting so intimately on the man's horse, wearing his bracelet on her wrist, made him feel agitated, as if a thousand insects were crawling into his heart.
He barely slept last night, and his official duties were almost impossible to carry out.
Having forced himself to finish the most important official duties, he could no longer bear it and hurriedly returned to the Prince's Palace.
How dare Luo Yan treat him like that? What right does she have to make him lose his appetite and sleep?
Because Changsheng was the last graduate of the primary school, she made her own vouchers, saying they could fulfill the wishes of the voucher holders.
While drawing, Zhu Yun bumped her elbow, making her handwriting messy. Enraged, she bit her elbow several times in frustration. The boy, far from feeling pain, had eyes brighter than the evening stars and laughed to himself for a long time.
Changsheng said gratefully, "Brother Yun threw my uncle's and that thief's corpses to the yamen and also left the broken silk from Lanyue Tower. The government saw that it was a matter of the martial arts world and hastily closed the case."
But with blood on his hands, Changsheng's will to live was broken, and he refused to go to his brother's aid. He lived alone in Qingyuan Village, clearing weeds for the Jia family every day and reminiscing about the past.
One night, Zhu Yun appeared at the bedside carrying her third sister, who had lost a lot of weight, and asked from above, "How do you take care of it?"
"So you came here to be a cat slave," Luo Yan concluded.
"Let's not talk about me anymore." Changsheng imitated her in a low voice, "You don't even have the surname Jia, and Yun-ge'er doesn't have the surname Jia either. What exactly is your relationship?"
The sound of pages turning on the small square table behind the door went unnoticed by Luo Yan. She kicked the table leg and said with a hint of pride, "Him? He's the childhood sweetheart that my grandmother found for me."
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