Chapter 2 "Living Buddha" and Goblins
Later, Lin Yan's golden statue of a "living Bodhisattva" was completely coated with the halo of a "tragic hero" in our dormitory building.
He and Zhou Xiaowei broke up. The official explanation was "incompatibility, peaceful separation," which sounded like a news release.
But the version circulating on the street (mainly the gossip between the girls' dormitory and our boys' dormitory) is much more interesting:
Miss Zhou Xiaowei was fed up with Lin Yan, thinking that he was too controlling, too clingy, and not cool enough. Coincidentally, a rich second-generation man driving a sports car was chasing her, so she kicked this "considerate spare tire" Lin Yan away with a loud kick. It was said that she implied in her circle of friends that "no matter how good some people are, they are not worthy of the excitement I want."
This rumor spread like wildfire, instantly igniting the anger of the two remaining animals in our dormitory.
"Damn it! Brother Yan! Is she blind? Did she get kicked in the head by a donkey? Doesn't she know her own weight?"
The fourth brother slammed the table so hard that the instant noodle soup splashed out and saliva flew everywhere. He was even more excited than if he had been dumped.
"That's right! Brother Yan treats her so well! He doesn't even give her the moon! This woman is so ungrateful! She's so heartless!"
The other brother was also filled with righteous indignation, as if Lin Yan was their long-lost brother.
Where was Lin Yan? He just sat there, his back straight as always, slowly wiping his glasses with an alcohol pad.
The sunlight shone through the window onto his clean fingers, and the light reflected from the lenses flashed by, making it impossible to see the emotion in his eyes.
When his brothers were tired of scolding him, he raised his eyes, a very faint and gentle arc curved at the corner of his mouth, and his voice was as calm as the surface of a newly frozen lake in winter: "Okay, it's all over. As long as she is happy."
As soon as these words were spoken, an atmosphere of tragedy and reverence instantly filled the dormitory.
The way his brothers looked at him was as if he were an innocent martyr enveloped in holy light.
I was the only one hiding in the corner, pretending to be addicted to the game, with a layer of cold sweat on my back.
Just be happy? That's what he told us back then! Now he's using it to fool us? My scalp tingles, my fingers clacking away on the keyboard as the characters on the screen die horribly.
Damn, your circle is so messed up, and I’m the only one who knows it.
I have made up my mind to be a blind, deaf, dumb and iron-hearted cuckold.
The scene in the bar that day where he pinched my chin and whispered in my ear, "Are you here to catch someone cheating?", and that cold look and the word "dirty" in the fire escape, are like a horror movie engraved in my mind, and they keep coming back to me from time to time.
Lin Yan's secret? Zhou Xiaowei's secret? None of my business! I'm Chen Rui, a rough guy who just wants to be a happy canyon pianist (the bad kind) and instant noodle lover in peace. Don't drag me into this, big brother!
Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned.
It was as if Lin Yan had, overnight, seamlessly switched his "central air conditioning all-round no-dead-angle service package" that he'd once used on Zhou Xiaowei to me! The target was precisely located: Chen Rui.
It was a tentative "invasion" at first:
Feeding "at your convenience": My instant noodle bucket that was built like a fortress began to disappear mysteriously, and was replaced by the steaming sweet and sour pork rice bowl from San Canteen, or packaged wonton soup dumplings that appeared on my desk.
"I saw you were eating instant noodles again tonight, so I brought some with me." His tone was so natural as if he had just picked up a leaf.
"Handy" rescue: I spilled Coke on my keyboard and was scrambling to wipe it with a tissue (the more I wiped, the stickier it became), when a bottle of special keyboard cleaning liquid and a small pack of dust-free cloths were handed to me.
"Use this, wipe it clean." He still looked gentle, as if what he was handing over was not cleaning liquid, but an ordinary paper towel.
"Handy" tidying up: My bed that can fight tunnels, one day I came back and found that the quilt was actually folded!
Although it looks like a moldy block of tofu, it is definitely better than my "abstract style".
The snack bags and sunflower seed shells scattered across the desk had vanished. "Your things seemed a bit disorganized, so I tidied up a bit," he explained perfectly.
Me: Terrified.JPG
Big brother! Brother Yan! Living Buddha! Are you so grief-stricken that you've mistaken me for someone else? I'm Chen Rui! Not Zhou Xiaowei! Your "gentle and virtuous" tactics don't apply to me, do they?!
I mustered up my courage countless times, and when he once again "casually" placed washed fruit on my table (and it was my favorite strawberries! How did he know?!), I stiffened my neck and asked him:
"Lin Yan! What on earth do you want to do?!"
His usual reaction is to stop what he is doing (maybe wiping a cup, or arranging books) and turn around to look at me.
Those eyes were dark, without the gentle smile that could melt the Siberian permafrost, but also without the cold sharpness that they had in bars and fire escapes.
Instead, there was a sense of… calm? Focus? Or perhaps… scrutiny? Yes, scrutiny! Like examining an object, assessing its value and how to use it.
He just looked at me like that, and my heart was trembling and cold sweat started to appear on my back.
When I was about to be unable to bear the silent pressure and almost blurted out "I was wrong, I shouldn't have peeked", he slowly raised the corners of his mouth, revealing a faint arc that was almost not a smile.
"What do you want to do? Isn't it normal for roommates to help each other?" His tone was light and as if it was a matter of course.
Me: “…” Damn, roommates helping each other! Why did you only “help” Zhou Xiaowei and not me before?!
The brothers became the biggest "accomplices":
The fourth brother and the others couldn’t stand it anymore (mainly because they thought I didn’t know what was good for me).
Once, Lin Yangang "casually" poured me a cup of warm water and placed it next to me (there were even two wolfberries floating in it!), and I looked constipated.
"Brother Rui, I'm not saying anything bad about you," the fourth brother taught me vaguely while holding the skewers that Lin Yan brought back.
"Brother Yan was just heartbroken by that troublemaker. He needs a period of withdrawal, right? He's used to being nice to people, and suddenly he can't stop. He wants to pour out his heart to everyone he meets. Isn't that normal?"
"Yes, yes!" Another brother echoed, looking at Lin Yan with pity.
"Look at Brother Yan, how pitiful! He's still silently giving in even after being dumped. Brother Rui, why don't you just do him a favor and let him take care of you for a few days? You won't suffer any loss anyway! Look at you now, your face is rounder, your clothes are cleaner, there are no mushrooms on your desk anymore, and you look more energetic. When you go out, people call you 'Brother Rui' with some sincerity. You can even be called handsome! Just think of it as helping Brother Yan heal his wounds, and also improving the average appearance of our dormitory, killing two birds with one stone!"
I:"……"
I looked at my face in the mirror, which had indeed gained weight, but had a rosy and shiny complexion (was it because I was scared or because I was served?), then I looked at my T-shirt, which was clean without any oil spots and even smelled of a faint scent of laundry detergent, and my desk, which was incredibly tidy (although the things were arranged in a completely illogical manner)... I was speechless!
The worst part is, as the days go by, I find myself getting fucking used to it! It's horrible!
In the past: I would rather starve to death than go downstairs, "fate will bring me a bucket of instant noodles."
Now: When it’s time for dinner, my eyes will unconsciously glance towards the door, and I will wonder: What delicious food will Brother Yan bring back today?
Before: Is your keyboard dirty? Oh, out of sight means it's clean.
Now: When I spilled some water, I subconsciously wanted to shout: "Brother Yan! That cleaning cloth..."
In the past: Clothes piled up like mountains and were only washed when there was nothing left to wear.
Now: One day, Lin Yan "casually" put my pile of biological weapons into the washing machine, washed, dried, folded and put them on the bed, and I actually felt... it smelled really good!
Chen Rui, you've fallen! You've been corrupted by the sugar-coated bullets of capitalism (Lin's)! Where's that rough-hewn soul you were so proud of?
What about your self-proclaimed "Goblin" (a monster that is only fit to live in the dark corners of the dungeon, often ridiculed by players as a collection of single dogs, otakus, and losers) attributes?
My inner alarm bells were ringing and I was in great pain.
Countless times, in the dead of night (Lin Yan was already reading quietly with headphones on), he would complain to the netizens: "Brothers, I feel like a dependent now...", or "What should I do if I'm treated like a pet? I'm waiting online and it's urgent!"
Or maybe you want to recreate the classic self-deprecation of the past: "Damn! Goblins have no human rights! Then who can make up for my lack of love?!!" - But your finger is hovering over the send button and you can't press it down no matter what.
A huge, indescribable feeling of guilt wrapped around me like a vine.
This is wrong! Very wrong!
I was the one who discovered his secret! I was the one who secretly wanted to "enforce justice on behalf of heaven" but ended up being caught by him!
He's being so nice to me now, what's going on? Compensation? Silencing me?
Or... is it really like what Lao Si said, it's just the "withdrawal reaction" that makes him treat me as a substitute for emotional support?
But whatever the reason, I enjoyed it.
I enjoy the comfort of having food and clothes provided for me, the sense of being noticed (even though that attention often makes me feel creepy), and the life of a "high-quality man (appearance only)" that even my mother hasn't taken care of so carefully.
The soaring number on the scale is irrefutable proof!
For a straight man who has been single since birth and firmly believes that "love is not as good as instant noodles", the impact of this is no less than Mars hitting the Earth.
This complex emotion is like a tangled mess that is almost strangling me.
However, I have almost gotten used to Lin Yan's other "serving" (painfully and happily). There is only one thing I cannot accept——
He always looks at me.
It wasn't just any gaze. It was a silent, unpredictable, yet prolonged gaze that was terrifying.
For example, I was fighting hard in the canyon, and was pinned to the ground by the opponent. I was so angry that I gritted my teeth and smashed the mouse (I didn't dare to use too much force for fear of damaging the mouse that Lin Yan had wiped clean).
As soon as I looked up, I saw that he had moved a chair and was sitting diagonally behind me. He might be holding a book in his hand, but his eyes were not on the book at all. Instead, they were quietly fixed on me.
There was no expression on his face, his eyes were as deep as two ancient wells, quiet and gloomy, and no one knew what he was thinking.
Even after being discovered, he didn't hide, but just continued to watch. It made my scalp explode, my operation became distorted, and the screen went gray again in an instant.
Or, I got up in the middle of the night to pee, and walked back in a daze, and suddenly found that in the darkness, on his bed, there was a figure sitting against the wall, with a pair of eyes dimly lit in the darkness, staring straight at me.
I was so scared that I almost peed my pants on the spot!
"Brother Yan? You haven't slept yet?" My voice was trembling.
"Yeah." He responded softly without looking away.
"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing." The voice was calm.
Me: “…” “Brother! You’re like a male ghost! So scary!”
I know I did something wrong, but please don't do this to me! I have a bad heart!
Over time, I even learned to find joy in misery (self-paralysis):
It won't hurt to look twice! Let him see!
Just think of it as a breathing statue in the dorm! It's better than him suddenly attacking and silencing me, right?
At least now I have meat to eat, clean clothes to wear, and someone reminds me, "Brother Rui, have you written the outline for the paper due next week? I found some information for you."
The days passed in such a strange and "harmonious" way. Lin Yan's "living Buddha" aura became more dazzling in the eyes of his brothers (see how kind he is to his brothers!), and my "Goblin" attribute seemed to be fading on the surface.
But when it was late at night and everyone was asleep, or when I met his bottomless eyes locked on me, the huge questions in my mind about the fire escape, the bar, the word "dirty" and "Are you here to catch someone cheating too?" would weigh heavily on me.
What the hell is going on?
I looked at the handsome little face in the mirror, which was smooth and slick after being served, and had a confused look on its face, and asked myself questions from the depths of my soul.
Can this "serving" stop? Do you still want to stop?
His mind was a mess, with only a sense of confusion left that was forcibly put into order by Lin Yan.
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