Chapter 7 He is Lin Yan!
That night, I tossed and turned in bed like a pancake, and the bed boards were almost protesting.
In the darkness, my senses were infinitely magnified. The touch that remained on my lips - warm, soft, with Lin Yan's unique fresh scent and a hint of unfamiliar strength - was like a red-hot iron, burning my heart and making it tremble.
I don't hate Lin Yan.
I have a very clear distinction on this point.
With that face, that figure, that brain… being kissed by him, it seems… not so bad? (What a bullshit idea!) I hate myself!
I hate how I feel like a cat being grabbed by the scruff of the neck. From being dragged up to being blocked against the toilet wall, and then being kissed until I feel dizzy, I didn't put up any decent resistance the whole time!
Where are the claws? Where are the teeth? Where is the Goblin's dignity?!
How could he be so obedient, even...even now, lying here, his mind still uncontrollably reminiscing about it?!
"Fuck!" I suddenly covered my head with the quilt, trying to squeeze out the damn feeling.
Reminiscing, what the hell! Chen Rui, wake up! That's Lin Yan! He's a man! The same Lin Yan who used to hug someone and kiss them in the fire escape, with eyes as terrifying as a male ghost!
But another small voice was bubbling in the corner:
So... this is what kissing feels like? It seems... not bad at all? It's not the sticky, sticky feeling I imagined. A little... intoxicating?
As soon as this thought came to my mind, I almost choked to death.
It's over, it's over. I, Chen Rui, a straight man (I think), a happy fat otaku, am actually savoring a man's kiss? And I even feel a little... high?!
I grabbed my hair in horror, feeling that the worldview I had built up over the past twenty years was collapsing.
This isn't right! This is so wrong! Have I become stupid because of Lin Yan? Or have I been cursed by him?
How come she didn't have any psychological burden at all and just...accepted it? She accepted the fact that Lin Yan was a man and even kissed me?
Like a philosopher, I was engaged in a fierce ideological struggle in bed, thinking about everything from "Who am I and where am I" to "Can sexual orientation be changed later in life?"
The more I think about it, the more confused I become, and the more sleepy I become.
Finally, at the last moment of my consciousness sinking into darkness, a simple, crude, yet extremely clear thought struck my chaotic brain like a comet:
Male or female...it really doesn't seem to matter.
The key is... he is Lin Yan.
This thought was like a reassurance and a powerful sleeping pill, instantly calming all the irritated nerves and confused thoughts.
Who cares! Lin Yan is Lin Yan, the one who picked me up from the garbage dump, took good care of me, played games with me, and occasionally showed a little temper to me.
As for the rest...whoever you want can do it!
With this strange calmness of "a broken jar" and inexplicably open-mindedness, I actually... fell asleep.
When I woke up the next day, the sunlight was glaring.
I sat up dazed with a messy hair, and the first thing I saw was Lin Yan, already dressed, tidying up the desk with his back to me.
The morning light outlined his tall silhouette. Everything was normal, as if the thrilling "forced kiss incident" in the bathroom last night was just an absurd dream of mine.
…Except he became even more clingy.
Specifically:
1. Physical distance has been significantly shortened.
In the past, when he handed me water, he would put it on the table. Now, he would just put it in my hand, his fingertips lightly brushing the back of my hand.
2. Eye tracking.
In the past, he looked at me with that focused, slightly researched look of a "keeper observing a pet."
Now, there's something... sticky in those eyes? Like melted syrup, warm, it lingers on me, making the back of my neck tingle and, for some inexplicable reason, feel...itchy.
3. The scope of “conveniently” is expanded.
He "conveniently" wiped the rice grains from the corners of my mouth, "conveniently" smoothed down my raised collar, "conveniently" took away the potato chips I had just opened but hadn't eaten (and then stuffed them back into my hand despite my protesting eyes)...
These little gestures existed before, but their frequency and naturalness have increased exponentially, revealing a sense of righteous intimacy.
I was a little confused by his silent "clingy offensive".
What's going on? They're already in "old married couple" mode right after kissing?
He adapted pretty quickly! Me? My brain, fresh off the kiss, was still a bit slow to catch up.
A few more days of confusion passed until that ordinary evening.
Lin Yan closed his computer and suddenly turned to me, who was slumped in a chair watching funny videos. His tone was as calm as if he was discussing the dinner menu:
"Chen Rui, I don't have classes tomorrow afternoon. When are we going on a date?"
"Puff—cough cough cough!" I almost choked to death on my own saliva, and my phone almost flew out.
"Date...date?!" My eyes widened, as if I had heard some alien word. "Date for what?!"
"Yeah." Lin Yan pushed his glasses up, his gaze behind the lenses frank and direct, "A date between lovers. Watching a movie? Or do you want to go somewhere else?"
"Lovers?!" I was tongue-tied. "Wait! That's not right! Isn't that... isn't that what couples are supposed to do?!"
I tried to sort out the logic.
Although we kissed and he was clingy, I was still a little caught off guard by the formal terms like "date" and "couple".
Lin Yan raised his eyebrows slightly, as if he was a little confused by my reaction: "You agreed."
"When did I agree to this?!" I almost jumped up. I don't want to take the blame! When did I even nod and sign?
"You didn't resist." Lin Yan stated the facts, his tone calm but with an unquestionable force.
"And, someone confessed his love to me that day," He paused, his eyes locked on me.
"And I said no. Because I like you."
The three simple and straightforward words "I like you" exploded in my mind like a bomb, making my ears turn red instantly.
Although I had a vague premonition in my heart, the impact was still too strong when I heard him say it himself!
"So what?!" I forced myself to remain calm, trying to cover up my pounding heartbeat with my voice. "This... how is this logical?!"
Lin Yan looked at my irritated expression, and the corners of his mouth seemed to curl up slightly. He didn't explain any more, but just repeated: "So, let's go on a date tomorrow. To see a movie?"
"...Oh." I deflated instantly like a popped balloon.
Looking at his matter-of-fact look, the words of rejection rolled around in my throat for a few times before finally turning into a vague agreement.
Okay... just watch it, anyway... it's not impossible anyway.
So, two years passed in my college life. Apart from class dinners and playing games in the dormitory, my social activities were as scarce as a senior otaku in the Sahara Desert. I was "forced" out by Lin Yan.
Location: A luxury cinema in the city center.
Movie: Lin Yan "tentatively" chose a science fiction blockbuster that I might like - the mecha spaceship exploding with flames shooting into the sky on the poster is very much in line with my aesthetic.
The greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment.
Ten minutes into the show, I felt something was wrong.
The plot is fragmented, the logic is touching, the special effects are cheap, and the actors' acting is so exaggerated that it makes people dig their toes into the ground.
I tried to hold it in again and again, but finally when the protagonist shouted out that extremely childish line, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Then I realized something was wrong, quickly covered my mouth, and awkwardly glanced at Lin Yan next to me.
Lin Yan sat upright, his profile clearly outlined in the dim light of the cinema.
He seemed to be reading it very seriously, but his lips were slightly pursed, revealing a kind of forbearance that said, "What the hell is this, but I have to finish reading it."
Noticing my gaze, he turned his head and asked in a low voice, "Isn't it good-looking?"
"It's more than just bad," I leaned over and muttered under my breath, "it's an epic disaster! Does this director have a grudge against the audience?"
Lin Yan didn't say anything, but in the changing light of the screen, I saw a smile quickly flash across his eyes, and then... his hand moved away from the popcorn bucket and very naturally covered the back of my hand on the armrest.
The warm touch made my body stiffen, and the rest of my complaint got stuck in my throat.
My heart skipped a beat, and my attention instantly shifted from the crappy movie to the warm skin on the back of my hand.
Is he... is he trying to comfort me? Or... is he just trying to hold my hand?
The plot of the second half of the movie was completely confused in my mind.
The senses were infinitely magnified, leaving only the clear sense of presence on the back of the hand and the inexplicably reassuring aura coming from him.
At night, walking along the tree-lined path back to school, the dim light from the street lamps lengthened and shortened our shadows.
The cool night breeze blew away the stuffiness in the cinema.
The vague ambiguity and awkwardness that had just occurred in the cinema seemed to slowly settle down with the footsteps.
Lin Yan suddenly stopped and turned to face me.
The light from the street lamp fell on his face, softening his cold outline, and his eyes looked particularly deep behind the lenses.
"Chen Rui," he said, his voice particularly clear in the silent night, "Are you happy with me?"
"Huh?" I was stunned for a moment, not understanding why he suddenly asked this. I almost blurted out, "Aren't we together every day? Playing games in the dorm, eating in the cafeteria, attending classes in the classroom...and didn't we just go out to watch a bad movie today?"
I scratched my head, trying to find the difference between today and the previous ones. "It seems... there's nothing different?"
Besides being held by the hand? I was too embarrassed to say that.
Lin Yan looked at me and said nothing.
The light from the street lamp danced in his eyes, and a smile slowly appeared on the corner of his mouth.
It wasn't the usual gentle, distant smile, nor was it the excitement of winning a game, nor was it the dangerous "male ghost" smile in the bathroom. This smile was very faint, but like a stone dropped into the center of a lake, it spread out layers of indescribable tenderness and... satisfaction?
He took a step forward, and the distance between them was shortened instantly.
His refreshing scent mixed with the coolness of the night enveloped me. He lowered his head slightly, his eyes fixed on my lips, his intentions clear.
My heart beat suddenly accelerated and the blood seemed to rush to my cheeks.
Looking at his approaching face, looking at the small, panicked shadow of me reflected in his eyes, an extremely inappropriate thought that had been forgotten in the corner, like a flash of inspiration struck by thunder, instantly illuminated my chaotic brain!
"Wait!" I suddenly raised my hand and pressed it against his chest, my voice rising with urgency, "That's not right!"
Lin Yan paused, a hint of displeasure and confusion at being interrupted flashed in his eyes.
My eyes widened, as if I had discovered a new world. I pointed at him and started to bring up the past: "Before! The guy you kissed in the stairwell! The guy in the fire escape! The guy you hugged and kissed!"
I spoke more and more fluently, my logic instantly flowing. "Who is that?! Didn't you say you didn't want to be in a relationship anymore?! Then what about this?! And that confession! Your romantic life is blooming too much, isn't it?! You..."
Before I could finish my barrage of questions, I saw Lin Yan's face... completely dark.
The light from the street lamps seemed to dim a little.
The look behind his glasses instantly darkened. The gentleness and smile from earlier vanished without a trace, replaced by a deep sense of helplessness and... the urge to strangle me? The vein in his forehead seemed to twitch.
"Chen Rui," he interrupted, his voice gnashing through his teeth, a kind of "Why the hell did you think of this at this moment?" "It's over."
He took a deep breath, as if trying hard to suppress some emotion, staring at my stupid "thirsty for knowledge" look for a few seconds, and finally, like a deflated ball, as if he had completely given up on reasoning with me, he suddenly reached out his hand, not to kiss me, but to forcefully and with a bit of punishment, ruffle my already messy hair.
"Let's go! Back to the dormitory!" He said this, turned around and left. His back revealed a sense of depression that "I can't communicate with this heartless goblin."
With my hair messed up like a bird's nest, I stood there, looking at his angry (?) back under the street light, and blinked.
Well... okay.
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