Chapter 69 Brother: Is he my brother or my husband? 16 I don’t know…
I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t sleep well, but there is a faint blue color under Chen Yan’s eyes, and there seems to be stubble on his white chin. He looks very tired with his eyes closed.
Chi Wan hesitated for a moment, but still didn't struggle, and just let him hold her.
The atmosphere between the two seemed to have become much calmer because of this brief silence.
In the afternoon, Chen Yan suddenly received a call. It seemed that something happened in the company and he had to go out. Before leaving, he changed out of the wrinkled sweatshirt that Chi Wan had caught him, put on a suit, and forced Chi Wan to tie his tie for him.
"Do you remember the first time you tied my tie? You weren't very skilled back then, and it was crooked, but I loved it. I wore it to work all day, and when people asked me about it, I told them my girlfriend did it for me."
Chi Wan didn't know why he said this, nor did he know how to react, so he simply stared at his hands silently and quickly tied his tie.
Chen Yan didn't seem to care about her indifference, as if it was just a casual remark. After she helped him tie his tie, he leaned forward to kiss her, but Chi Wan dodged him. He didn't force her, but just told her:
"I'm going out for a bit this afternoon. There's everything in the fridge. If you're hungry, eat something. If you want to watch TV, you can. Wait for me to come back, okay?"
Chi Wan still didn't say anything. Shen Yan looked at her deeply and went out. Chi Wan heard the door lock "tick-tick". It should be Shen Yan who locked the door with a password from the outside.
Chi Wan waited for 10 minutes, making sure that Chen Yan would not come back for the time being, before walking into Chen Yan's room and searching around for any communication tools that might allow him to contact the outside world.
She rummaged through the drawers of her desk, but found only some contracts and documents. She then looked through other possible desks, but still couldn't find anything useful. Finally, she opened the small drawer under the bedside table, and a yellowed photo suddenly caught her eye.
Chi Wan was stunned. She slowly picked up the photo. In the photo, a sunny and cheerful boy had a round-headed little girl sitting on his neck, and both of them were smiling sweetly.
This is a photo taken on her 5th birthday when her mother suddenly wanted to take a photo of them.
Chi Wan rubbed the worn edges of the photo with his fingertips. Such wear and tear must have been caused by being rubbed many times.
Chi Wan felt some uncontrollable emotions surge in her heart again. She didn't want to think too much about it, so she put the photo back on the top of the drawer and gently closed the drawer.
Putting aside the chaotic thoughts in her mind, she went to look for other places. After searching everywhere, she found nothing. The only thing left to look in was Chen Yan's wardrobe.
She opened the wardrobe door, but found something that frightened her even more than the yellowed photo, and her eyes widened suddenly.
Chen Yan's wardrobe is very large, almost three times the size of an ordinary wardrobe. From left to right, there are sets of girls' clothes, from small to large, hung neatly. There is only a small area on the far right where a few men's clothes are hung.
People who don’t know the situation might think Shen Yan is a pervert, but Chi Wan doesn’t think so. She knows that these clothes are all prepared for her.
The smallest one on the far left is the red cherry overalls she wore when she first came to the Shen family. Next is the skirt she wore on her fifth birthday, and then the clothes she wore when she was 6 to 8 years old. The larger clothes at the back should all be new, without even the tags removed. Even though he was not with her, Shen Yan prepared new clothes for her every year.
The one on the far right is the windbreaker she wore on the day she and Shen Yan reunited. It is not a brand name, but something she just bought casually in the mall. She could find the same style as Shen Yan... Chi Wan didn't know what to say and stared at the scene blankly.
She suddenly felt an inexplicable bitterness in her heart, and she felt suffocated and couldn't breathe.
With moist eyes, she looked at each set of clothes neatly hung with plastic wrap, each with a note on it: Wanwan is 4 years old, Wanwan is 5 years old, Wanwan is 6 years old... Wanwan is 19 years old.
He prepared new clothes for her every year, as if this could help him participate in every year of her life.
In an instant, many images flashed through her mind, from their small home when she was a child, rushing like a tram to the white jasmine on the table and the yellowed old photos, and then the sunny and unrestrained young boy in her memory slowly overlapped with the paranoid and gloomy man now.
She suddenly understood Chen Yan's obsession with her.
......
Chi Wan thought that she would have a good talk with Chen Yan after he came back, but she didn't expect that Chen Yan would not come back until after 11 o'clock in the evening. She was already asleep in bed. When she realized that someone was lying next to her, she woke up in a daze.
"……elder brother?"
Maybe he was half asleep, Chi Wan called out that name out of habit.
Chen Yan paused, hummed, and hugged her from behind.
Chi Wan regained consciousness a little and moved slightly, but she felt Chen Yan holding her even tighter.
"Wanwan, don't move, go to sleep."
There was a strong sense of fatigue in his voice. After saying this, he seemed to lose his voice and fell into a deep sleep.
Chi Wan listened to his heavy breathing, said nothing more, and slowly closed his eyes.
The next day, when Chi Wan woke up, she felt that the person against her back was burning hot all over, and the breath behind her ear was hotter than ever. Chi Wan felt that something was wrong with him, so she sat up and touched Chen Yan's face, which was also burning hot.
Realizing that Chen Yan had a fever, Chi Wan prepared to get out of bed to look for some fever-reducing medicine at home. Before she could take a step, Chen Yan grabbed her wrist, opened her eyes slightly, and said in a hoarse voice, "Wan Wan, where are you going?"
"I'll go find some medicine to reduce the fever."
But Chen Yan seemed not to hear, still holding her hand tightly, as if he wanted to stand up to stop her but he had no strength, and there were bloodshot eyes:
"If you dare to leave...I will die..."
His eyes were filled with deep suppressed love and desperate pleading, shocking Chi Wan so much that his heart trembled.
Perhaps it was due to illness, Chen Yan's face was abnormally flushed, his lips were slightly pale, his sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, and his eyes were fixed on Chi Wan, stubborn and fragile.
Chi Wan closed her eyes, feeling that she was about to cross the line she had drawn between her and her brother.
She sighed and touched Chen Yan's forehead. It was incredibly hot. Chen Yan was already delirious with fever. He probably wouldn't get better with just the antipyretics. He had to go to the hospital.
She reached into his trouser pocket to feel for his cell phone. Shen Yan squinted his eyes and looked at her. Seeing her by his side, his eyes were a little confused, but also a little relieved.
"Chen Yan, where is your phone? You have a fever and you have to go to the hospital. Give me your phone quickly."
"In my coat pocket." Chen Yan said hoarsely.
Chi Wan went to look in his coat pocket, quickly picked up the phone, and asked, "Where's the password?"
"Your birthday."
Chi Wan paused for a second, opened his phone, and saw Chen Yan using his photo as wallpaper.
“…”
"Hello, is this 120? I have a patient here who has been running a high fever and doesn't seem to be very conscious..."
Not long after, the ambulance arrived and Chi Wan followed them to the hospital. Chen Yan had already fallen asleep, and Chi Wan stayed beside him to listen to the doctor.
The director who was administering the IV to Chen Yan was in his 40s. He took Chen Yan's test results and looked at his dark circles under his eyes, his pale skin, and his suit and tie. He understood immediately and said to Chi Wan:
"He hasn't slept in at least three days. Young people should take care of their rest even if they're busy with work. Your boyfriend must be under a lot of pressure and suffer from insomnia, right?"
Chi Wan was stumped by the question. Has Chen Yan always suffered from insomnia? But he hasn't had any insomnia in the past two days?
The doctor gave some more precautions before leaving. Then another person came in, also wearing a white coat, probably in his thirties. The name tag on his chest read: Zhou Moli, Clinical Psychology Department.
The other person seemed to know Chen Yan and walked straight towards them. When he saw Chi Wan, a hint of surprise and understanding flashed in his eyes.
"Hello, are you Shen Yan's sister?"
"Hello, may I ask who you are?"
"I'm Shen Yan's psychiatrist, and I'm also his friend. We've known each other for seven years. I just saw his name on the medical record, so I came to see what happened to Shen Yan."
Chi Wan repeated what the doctor had just said before asking:
"You just said you were my brother's psychiatrist. Is he... ill?"
Because Doctor Zhou's eyes turned between her and Shen Yan who was lying on the bed, he smiled kindly and said, "Don't be nervous. Would you mind coming to my office to talk? It might help Shen Yan's condition."
Chi Wan didn't hesitate and followed Zhou Mo to his office.
She wanted to know what kind of life her brother had been living all these years.
......
There were two pots of Clivia on Zhou Moli's workbench. Chi Wan stared at them and asked, "Doctor Zhou, what disease does my brother have?"
Zhou Moli rummaged through the drawer, found Shen Yan's medical record, handed it to her, and said, "You'll know after you take a look."
Chi Wan bit her lip and opened the thin notebook, which said that Chen Yan suffered from separation anxiety and depression.
Dr. Zhou observed her expression calmly and could see that Shen Yan's sister also had deep feelings for him.
That makes it easy.
"Shen Yan and I are friends. The first time I met him, I could tell he wasn't feeling well. He was later diagnosed with moderate depression. He wasn't willing to talk to me when we first started treatment, so I don't understand why such a talented, handsome, and successful young man would be so depressed."
"In the following years, his depression became increasingly severe. He would occasionally tell me about his childhood. I know he had a half-sister, you, and that you two had a very good relationship. So your leaving caused him pain, and for the next decade or so, his heart remained closed. In front of others, he appeared no different from an ordinary person, but in reality, he was sensitive and paranoid."
"I was always worried about his condition until he came for a checkup on the 18th of last month. Guess how many points he scored?"
Chi Wan's fingers were twisting the corner of his clothes, and his fingertips turned white from the force.
The 18th of last month was the day she moved into Shen Yan's house.
Zhou Moli glanced at her and continued, "His depression has improved a lot, and he no longer needs medication. However, his separation anxiety test gave him a score of 92, which is considered severe."
"I think you are the reason for his changes."
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