Anju
Offering sacrifices to gods and Buddhas at home is not a simple matter. It may seem easy, requiring only finding a place to place them. However, Gu Sidu did not intend to arrange things so hastily. He first found a secluded courtyard in his home, with lush trees that could provide some coolness. But that wasn't enough. He also planned to build a meditation hall in this courtyard so that the Buddhist nuns could chant scriptures and fast every day. The rear hall could also be used for bathing and burning incense, and all daily activities could be completed in this place.
These were prepared before going to Chenxiang Temple. Everything needed for the meditation hall was ready, so we could move in at any time. In addition, a complete set of various incense sticks was provided, and various prayer beads were readily available.
Elegant and refreshing, it's clear that it was decorated with sincerity.
Dao Yun had already marveled at the carved beams and painted rafters, the paradise on earth, as she followed Jiang Yu Fan into the courtyard. But upon arriving at their residence, she felt as if she had entered another world.
It's not just the piles of gold and silver jewelry that reveal a family's wealth; it's the rare and precious items they casually use that truly make them stand out. Dao Yun was very excited. She had never left the temple before, and when she wanted to share these things with Jiang Yu Fan, she saw that Jiang Yu Fan was observing them with an ordinary expression, showing no surprise.
Daoyun remembered that Jiang Yufan had once been a daughter of an official, so these things must have been commonplace for her. She put away her naive demeanor, coughed lightly a few times, and clasped her hands together, bowing repeatedly to the Buddha statue in the hall.
I calmed down.
At this moment, Gu Sidu strode in: "Bodhisattva, are these arrangements alright? If anything is missing or incomplete, I will have it replaced and sent over immediately. Please don't stand on ceremony with me; it is my honor to be able to enshrine and invite you here."
Before Jiang Yufan could speak, several more boxes of books were brought in.
"What is this?" Jiang Yufan's gaze was drawn to it.
"These are the scriptures I prepared for you. I didn't know what you liked to read, so I prepared some of everything." Gu Sidu opened one of the boxes and showed it to Jiang Yufan.
Okay, great! Jiang Yufan hates reading scriptures the most, and Gu Sidu always manages to run into her trap.
Dao Yun covered his mouth and chuckled behind Jiang Yu Fan's back. He only calmed down a bit when Gu Si Du looked at him with a puzzled expression. He then said to the people who were moving the scriptures, "Just put them anywhere in the room. Don't take up too much space, so it will be easier to pack them up and move them later."
"If we move, we can just pack up again. We see these things every day anyway, so it's not necessary to move them all to one place." Gu Sidu was about to speak, but then he thought that Jiang Yufan's actions must have a reason, and he couldn't ask.
Asking would be revealing a secret.
"The vegetarian meal has been prepared. Shall we serve it?"
“That’s enough,” Jiang Yufan interrupted Gu Sidu, who was about to speak. “You’ve prepared everything perfectly, that’s enough. You don’t need to prepare anything else.”
These are more numerous than those in Chenxiang Temple.
"That's good. Please settle in for today, and I won't disturb you any longer," Gu Sidu said to Jiang Yufan. He understood that she needed to rest after her long journey, so he withdrew.
With only her own people left, the room felt much more comfortable and less restrictive. After bathing and changing her clothes, Jiang Yufan lit some calming incense. She had grown accustomed to this kind of life, devoid of joy or sorrow, which indeed brought her peace of mind.
At this moment, she heard Daoyun flipping through those scriptures: "Buddha, these are all good scriptures. The rare and easy-to-understand ones are all here. It's just a pity that Gu Sidu didn't know you didn't like reading scriptures. Putting them here is a waste. It's pitiful that they will spend their lives in this dark box."
"But it's good, Gu Sidu seems like a fool. He believes everything you say, so life here should be more comfortable than at Chenxiang Temple."
"Daoyun, there's nothing else to do today, and I don't need your help. You can go back now; I want to be alone for a while." Jiang Yufan still felt like she was in a dream, even though she was in a new place. Daoyun, being sensible, went back to his room and told his servants not to disturb him.
In this world, people come and go, always busy with many things to do. Only two kinds of people can have a moment of leisure: the wealthy and the monks who live in seclusion in temples.
When life slows down, the wildflowers, birds, and every blade of grass and tree become lovely; all things have a spirit, and one can glimpse the secrets of heaven everywhere. Having returned to the cage, Jiang Yufan had achieved what she wanted, leaving Chenxiang Temple, but she wasn't as happy as she had imagined.
No matter where she wandered, she was just a traveler in this world; nowhere was her home. Her home ceased to exist the moment she was thrown into Chenxiang Temple. In her dazed state, she couldn't distinguish between heaven and earth. It was the abbot of Chenxiang Temple who took her in, and the abbot always looked at Jiang Yufan with a pitying gaze.
Jiang Yufan still remembers the debate she had with the abbot when she tried to escape from Chenxiang Temple back home. She asked the abbot, "Everyone says that Buddha will save those who are destined to be saved. If someone is not destined to be saved, will Buddha save them or not?"
She wanted to leave, and she wanted to ask the abbot why she couldn't. She said, "Though the rain is heavy, it cannot nourish a rootless plant; the Buddha's teachings are boundless, yet they cannot save those without affinity. I must leave; you cannot stop me!"
The abbot replied to her, “The Buddha’s teachings save all sentient beings. It is not that the Buddha chose you, but that you chose the Buddha. This connection is not something you can simply say exists or doesn’t exist, but something you create yourself.”
"A fate I created myself?" Jiang Yufan sneered. She couldn't even understand the scriptures, and every time she tried to escape, she was caught and locked in a room chanting scriptures. All for a signboard, all for incense offerings—what kind of fate was this, a karmic entanglement?
The memories of being captured and locked up are still vivid in Jiang Yufan's mind. Sometimes they appear in her dreams. Those terrifying sounds pound on every bone in her body. In a flashback, those whispers also linger in her ears, making it difficult for her to calm down.
“You can see that your name already has an affinity with Buddhism; this is your destiny.”
"Your parents don't want you anymore, they abandoned you, don't you understand?"
"No, don't go, don't leave me." Jiang Yufan murmured to herself. She always dreamed of the first time she ran away. She was excited, thinking that she could be a rich young lady again. She didn't want to be a vegetarian and chant Buddhist scriptures, and she didn't want to live a life of asceticism. But when she returned home, she couldn't get into that wealthy family. She had been abandoned by her parents and had never seen them.
"Just because of that one lie, because of that threat to your family?"
“Yu Fan, you must understand your parents’ good intentions. Your father is on the verge of being promoted, and it would be bad if he saw you and it ruined his career. Don’t worry, after we get through these difficulties, your mother will personally come to take you home, okay?”
No, that's a lie, they're just making things up. Jiang Yufan tried to speak, but no matter how hard she opened her mouth, she couldn't make a sound. She saw her parents getting promoted and becoming rich, she saw her parents holding their newborn child. They were a family that everyone envied. In this lively scene, Jiang Yufan was nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly, a voice came from mid-air: "Jiang Yufan, that's no longer your home. What are you still so stubborn about? You should let them go."
"No, I have a home, that's my home."
All the helplessness vanished in that instant, and strength returned to Jiang Yufan's body. She sat up abruptly, the noise faded away, and everything returned to calm. Jiang Yufan calmed her breathing, looked around, and realized that this was not Chenxiang Temple. She would not be confined or abandoned.
It turns out she had a nightmare, and it turns out she had already left Chenxiang Temple.
The bright moon shines outside the window; tomorrow will surely be a fine day. The wind rattles the windowpanes, and those with something on their mind cannot sleep. Jiang Yufan put on her clothes and went to the window. The heat outside was gradually subsiding, and the cicadas were chirping. Going out to cool off at this time would be a truly delightful thing.
Unable to sleep no matter what she did, Jiang Yufan opened the window and walked into the pavilion in the courtyard.
Jiang Yufan wasn't alone in the courtyard; on such a beautiful night, there were others who, too, were unable to sleep and came to admire the moon. Jiang Yufan's footsteps drew their attention, and one of them turned around. Seeing Jiang Yufan, the person excitedly exclaimed, "Bodhisattva, it's you! Can't sleep either?"
“Don’t call me Bodhisattva,” Jiang Yufan said, somewhat annoyed by Gu Sidu’s fervent sincerity. “I’ve already told you I’m a fake Bodhisattva. You can call me Jiang Yufan, or Buddhist nun, either is fine.”
“Jiang Yufan,” Gu Sidu pondered for a moment, “you still say you’re a fake Bodhisattva, but your name is connected to Buddhism, so you must be a real Bodhisattva. Even if you’re not a real Bodhisattva, or the Bodhisattva’s reincarnation didn’t manifest in you, you’ve saved many people, so naturally you can save me too.”
"You have a connection with Buddha."
Jiang Yufan had heard these words before, and she really didn't like hearing them. Her face turned cold: "You can't talk too much when you're admiring the moon, or you'll disturb the moon and it won't come out."
Gu Sidu shut his mouth.
The bright moon and gentle breeze—if one simply gazes at them in silence, it would be rather dull; perhaps even the moon is lonely in its own way. Gu Sidu quickly turned to look at Jiang Yufan: "Why can't the Bodhisattva sleep?"
I told you not to call her Bodhisattva!
Gu Sidu wasn't the type to listen to reason, so Jiang Yufan gave up on asking him: "I had a nightmare, and I couldn't fall back asleep after waking up. I don't want to dream about those things again."
"Is that so? What kind of nightmares does a Bodhisattva have?" Gu Sidu always had endless curiosity about Jiang Yufan.
“Abandoned by my family as a child, I was thrown into a temple and couldn’t escape. A single sentence ruined my life as a daughter of an official. My parents gave birth to a son, but I was imprisoned, forced to study Buddhism, and forced to pretend to be a Bodhisattva to save sentient beings. Are these nightmares enough?”
In just a few words, he recounted the painful sixteen years of Jiang Yufan's life.
Gu Sidu's question had touched on Jiang Yufan's painful past, and he became quiet and shut his mouth.
With a bright moon and a gentle breeze, the moon has heard so many people's troubles; it shouldn't be lonely.
Noticing that something was wrong with Gu Sidu, Jiang Yufan looked at Gu Sidu, whose face was full of guilt. She didn't care about these things anymore; Gu Sidu was indeed observant. She spoke to Gu Sidu, "And you, why can't you sleep?"
It was the Bodhisattva himself who brought this up, and Gu Sidu got all excited. He stood up, sighed at the moon, and pointed at it with the air of a literary giant. He had passed the imperial examination at the age of twenty, and should have been arrogant and looked down on everyone. But instead, he encountered the cutthroat world of officialdom, full of scheming and intrigue. How could he sleep soundly and persevere?
He hadn't slept well for a very long time. Every word he spoke and every action he took in the court was targeted. He didn't know how to go on living. He laughed wildly and said to Jiang Yufan, "Isn't this world absurd? The other day, I was punished for copying an entire volume of history just because I stepped into the Hanlin Academy with my left foot. What wrong did I do? Just because I'm well-read and talented, do I have to be treated so coldly?"
When it came to his temperament, Gu Sidu simply shook his head and waved his hand. He smiled and said, "In this mundane world, I cannot disturb you, Bodhisattva. Let's not talk about it anymore. It would be a waste to just sit here under this clear breeze and bright moon. Let's drink to our hearts' content and forget everything tomorrow to ease our worries."
"By the way, Lady Bodhisattva, will you keep me company?"
"Can you bodhisattvas drink alcohol?"
At this moment, Jiang Yufan felt offended once again.
Gu Sidu is someone who is always offending Bodhisattvas, Jiang Yufan gritted her teeth.
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