Enjoying the lotus
Gu Sidu wasn't entirely lying; he did dislike others touching his body. But Jiang Yufan was different. If Jiang Yufan wanted his life, he would give it to her. However, his actions had angered Jiang Yufan again, and Gu Sidu needed to think of another way to apologize.
This wasn't the first time Gu Sidu had apologized, but Jiang Yufan was still shocked; she hadn't expected Gu Sidu to apologize in this way.
The next day, Gu Sidu did not go to roll call. Instead, he waited at the entrance of her courtyard. After Jiang Yufan finished reciting the sutra, he leisurely walked over and invited Jiang Yufan to admire the lotus flowers.
Although the Gu family mansion wasn't large, it still possessed a certain elegance. Jiang Yufan had been there for several days but hadn't yet explored the Gu family mansion thoroughly. However, Jiang Yufan remembered that the Gu family mansion had an extremely elegant lotus pond. The lotus flowers of other people were all planted in pots, with only a few plants, not forming a proper cluster, and there was no sight of a group of upright lotus flowers.
Several days have passed, and it is now the season when lotus flowers are in full bloom.
However, Jiang Yufan frowned and asked Gu Sidu, "Aren't you going to report for duty? Will the person in charge of the Hanlin Academy blame you for not going?"
If you have stolen a moment of leisure, why waste it on such a trivial matter as apologizing?
Gu Sidu didn't take it to heart. He smiled and said, "I've already asked the manager for leave. Anyone would break down if he treated me like that. I plan to rest at home for a few days before going, so I can take care of my health."
That's true. If it's so tiring and you still have to watch your stepmother's expression, it's really too frustrating. Enjoying the lotus flowers is a nice thing, and Jiang Yufan likes it. She went to the lotus pond with Gu Sidu.
In just a few days, the lotus pond that Jiang Yufan saw was no longer the same as when she first entered the Gu family. Now, the lotus leaves were growing extremely vigorously, lush and green, comparable to jade, which made people feel happy just by looking at them, not to mention the pink and white lotus flowers.
The petals were as white as jade, with a faint pink tinge. They looked like a masterpiece of nature, but they were also a marvel of nature. It was amazing that there were such pure and spotless petals in the world. Just a few glances at them could wash away all the dirt.
Jiang Yufan sat in the pavilion and glanced at Gu Sidu, who seemed to be deep in thought. Although Gu Sidu had come to apologize and ask Jiang Yufan to forgive his offense, Jiang Yufan knew that Gu Sidu was actually not feeling well.
Perhaps Gu Sidu secretly shed tears in the nights when no one could see him, and suffered from resentment and pain over his life, but when the east turned white and the sky brightened, he would still smile at everyone as if nothing had happened.
The offenses Gu Sidu mentioned were harmless, but the world seemed to treat Gu Sidu somewhat badly.
Jiang Yufan could sense that Gu Sidu wanted to escape, which was why she came to the lotus pond and found a place to daydream, but Gu Sidu invited her.
“Gu Sidu,” Jiang Yufan called out to him, “If you are feeling sad or tormented, just being in a daze is not enough. You need to find someone to talk to and express it.”
The smile reached Jiang Yufan's ears first. Gu Sidu looked at Jiang Yufan and said, "Nothing can be hidden from the Bodhisattva. I'm fine. The Bodhisattva doesn't need to worry."
"Has the Bodhisattva ever seen such beautiful lotus flowers?"
“I have seen it,” Jiang Yufan nodded. “There are lotus flowers growing in the vat in front of the main hall of Chenxiang Temple. They bloom beautifully in the summer, but no one cares about them. People are busy offering incense and are busy with their own lives. No one will stop and look at one or two lotus flowers.”
“But you stopped,” Gu Sidu said.
"Yes, one day it rained heavily, and I was trapped outside the main hall without an umbrella. I saw the clean lotus flowers washed by the rain, and that was the first time I understood the meaning of that poem."
“Look at the lotus's purity, and you will know that your heart is unblemished,” Gu Sidu said.
"Yes, I wanted to run away so many times. I felt that Chenxiang Temple was not the place I should be. I had a lot of resentment and misunderstanding towards my parents. I didn't know where I should go. The world is so big, but there is no place for me. I didn't know whether I should give up or firmly believe in myself, but at that moment I felt an unparalleled peace in my heart."
The sound of the rain drowned out all other sounds in the world. At that moment, nothing else mattered, and everything could start anew. It was at that moment that Jiang Yufan decided to start a new life.
"There is nothing in this world that needs dust to settle. Only the lotus is pure and stands tall, yet it must stand upright in the mud." Gu Sidu was talking about the lotus, but he was also talking about himself.
"But it still exudes purity. Whether or not someone knows about it or stops to admire it, it retains its true nature. This is the most precious thing in the world." Jiang Yufan looked at Gu Sidu and said these words calmly.
After a long while, Gu Sidu finally spoke: "I understand. If I go against my conscience and do something I don't like, I will suffer for the rest of my life. Life is only a few decades long, and I still want to live the life I want."
Even the ancients said that those who walk different paths cannot make plans together. If a gentleman does not have those principles, he is not a gentleman.
Having figured this out, Gu Sidu's smile returned to his face. He looked at Jiang Yufan and said, "Today, I am very grateful to the Bodhisattva for disregarding past grievances and guiding me. Although this is my apology, I still feel sorry for you, Bodhisattva."
"It's alright. There's too much suffering in life. If we can alleviate even a little bit of it, then we're lucky."
"But how will you face your superiors afterwards? What do you plan to do?"
The problem remains unresolved and must still be addressed.
"It's alright. Apart from resorting to some underhanded tactics, they won't really do anything to me. If I die in the Hanlin Academy, the Emperor will hold me accountable. Since I've already decided what to do, I'm not afraid to break ties with them."
"If they harm me, I will naturally have many scholarly methods to retaliate."
"For example?" Jiang Yufan was slightly worried.
"For example, when writing a memorial to the emperor, I would make a special trip to thank the official in charge for his care. Or, in the writings that the official in charge asked me to organize, I would specifically praise the merits that the official in charge had done for me."
Gu Sidu raised his head; he was giving the man a taste of his own medicine.
Jiang Yufan didn't speak. She didn't approve of Gu Sidu's actions, but Gu Sidu's mind was made up, and she wasn't the type to try to change someone's mind. If Gu Sidu wanted to ask her for her opinion, he would ask her directly. Since Gu Sidu hadn't asked her for this, she wouldn't interfere too much with Gu Sidu's decision.
Gu Sidu reassured Jiang Yufan that he would handle things well.
Jiang Yufan could only agree. After admiring the lotus flowers, she didn't let Gu Sidu see her off; she and Daoyun returned to the courtyard on their own. On the way back, Jiang Yufan remained silent, her brows furrowed. Daoyun, on the other hand, seemed to have many things to say, yet hesitated to speak.
"What do you want to ask?" Jiang Yufan could see Daoyun's inner struggle.
“Buddha, you clearly know that Gu Sidu’s way of dealing with the person in charge is not the best approach. Why don’t you advise him and think of a better way for him?”
“I don’t have a better way to help him. That’s his life. If I were in his position, I might not do better than him,” Jiang Yufan shook her head. “Life has many troubles. Not all troubles need to be asked of Buddha. Gu Sidu doesn’t ask, so naturally I won’t try to control his thoughts or make him do things he doesn’t want to do.”
"He won't listen."
It's better to avoid trouble.
Daoyun nodded as if he understood, and didn't say anything more on the way back, remaining silent the entire way.
Despite saying that, Jiang Yufan tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep. The summer heat seeped into her body, and she tossed and turned until she finally lit a lamp and got up. She went to the window, listening to the cicadas chirping outside. She looked up at the bright moon, and she had never felt that summer was so hot. That kind of heat, full of youthful vigor, seemed capable of scorching the world and tearing a hole in the black night sky.
Jiang Yufan sighed softly. She remembered her own experience. She too had once felt such fervor on a summer day, questioning the abbess about why she had stayed at Chenxiang Temple.
“I was tricked into coming here. I have no wisdom at all. Why won’t you let me leave here and go back to my parents?”
The abbot replied, "The Buddha has a compassionate heart; he guides you so that you can settle down and make a living here."
After those desperate attempts to escape failed, when her burning heart was about to turn cold with despair, when Jiang Yufan learned that her parents, fearing it would affect her official career, refused to acknowledge her, and when she was utterly despondent, she still asked the abbot: "I am filled with hatred, I cannot empty my mind of all worldly desires, how can I stay here?"
The abbot replied, “The Buddha has compassion and will accept anyone who is homeless. The so-called emptiness of the four elements is all about looking at one’s true nature. If one cultivates diligently and pursues one’s true nature, one can also achieve emptiness of the four elements.”
At that time, Jiang Yufan only wanted to set things on fire, but that fire was extinguished by the abbot's words. She couldn't refute them, nor did she know how. Even now, she hasn't truly grasped the meaning behind the abbot's words, but she saw Gu Sidu, who was remarkably similar to her former self. Looking at Gu Sidu with the eyes of an outsider, she suddenly understood something.
A fire that is too intense, or words and actions that are too direct and unrestrained, sometimes cannot solve problems.
However, those who are in the midst of it cannot always see it clearly. Even Jiang Yufan, who sees it a little, will still repeat the same mistakes when she recalls her past pain.
Life is like a quagmire; who can remain as pure as a lotus flower? Who can truly understand the storms that the lotus, with its far-reaching fragrance, has weathered?
Tonight is destined to be a sleepless night, for Jiang Yufan, and even more so for Gu Sidu.
Gu Sidu was also awake. This long night would continue to be tossed and turned many times. Worries and anxieties made him forget the time, wondering when the dawn would break.
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