Imperial Edict
Gu Sidu didn't know how he got back to his room. He opened his eyes and was in bed. He propped himself up and called out twice for someone to come. When the servants saw that Gu Sidu was awake, they immediately brought him tea to help him wake up, rinse his mouth, and take a bath.
How did I fall asleep?
"Don't you remember, Master? It was Madam who brought you here. You don't like others touching your body, so of course we dare not touch you. Only Madam can touch you."
Gu Sidu blinked. He thought that if he wasn't mistaken, the "madam" they were talking about was Jiang Yufan, his Bodhisattva. So, according to what they said, the Bodhisattva herself helped him, who was drunk, back into the house, laid him down, removed his outer garments, and probably endured his tantrums until he fell asleep before leaving.
"Oh no! How could I let the Bodhisattva do such things?" Gu Sidu hurriedly tried to get up to apologize, but as soon as he got out of bed, he felt dizzy and lightheaded, so he sat back down. He covered his head, trying to clear his head.
"Master, don't move. You haven't eaten anything. Madam instructed that once you get up, the kitchen should bring you some food. You must stay alive before you can see Madam."
That makes sense. Gu Sidu nodded and had the food brought up. He was quite hungry; he hadn't eaten much for the past few days. Strangely enough, the Bodhisattva came to his side and stayed with him, which made him feel much better.
The Bodhisattva seems to truly possess divine power, and can truly calm people's hearts.
Gods and Buddhas cannot save people, but Jiang Yufan can.
But Jiang Yufan said that she herself could not save others.
The prayer beads returned to their original position, and Jiang Yufan felt a sense of peace. She put the beads down, and her heart seemed to settle as well. She turned around, looked at Daoyun, and smiled slightly.
"Buddha, what's wrong?" Daoyun held the new sword in her hand. Its heavy weight gave her a sense of security. A red gemstone was inlaid on the hilt of the sword, which was bright and beautiful. Daoyun liked this sword very much.
“The new sword really suits you,” Jiang Yufan said with a smile. “Daoyun, after all these years, I’ve finally figured something out.”
Having figured things out, I felt everything had settled down, and I felt content. It seemed like I no longer had so much pain and obsession.
"What is it?" Daoyun asked. As long as the Buddhist nun was happy, she was happy.
“Many things I was obsessed with, and things that caused me pain, seem to have come to an end,” Jiang Yufan said. “I used to feel that I was in great pain, that God was unfair, why all the painful things had to befall me, why lies and betrayals filled my life. Why did I have to bear all this? Why did no one save me from the mire?”
"Now, Buddhist nun, do you understand? And why is that?"
"The suffering we experience is something that no one can guide us or help us through; the only one who can help us is ourselves. All beings suffer, and all suffering can only be relieved by ourselves."
Jiang Yufan has heard too many people's requests and wishes. Humans have seven emotions and six desires, which is why they have those worries and pains. If they didn't have these obsessions, they wouldn't have these desires, and those hardships would pass.
The so-called charity and compassion of gods and Buddhas, capable of relieving people's suffering, ultimately aim to inspire genuine spiritual practice, allowing people to let go of worldly desires and wholeheartedly turn to Buddhism. Gods and Buddhas merely offer a sliver of faith, making people believe they will eventually see the light. But what about the process? Buddha speaks of saving people, but doesn't explain how. Isn't the cultivation of one's own heart still up to oneself?
No one can save others, nor can anyone help others. All kinds of suffering can only be overcome by oneself.
Jiang Yufan's resentment stems from being tricked into going to Chenxiang Temple, from her parents' betrayal and disdain. Everything has its cause and effect; the person who tricked her is long dead, and if she wanted revenge, there would be no one to take it out on. This person is not important; it's that her parents had the same intentions to begin with, abandoning her for fame and fortune. Her resentment should come from her parents.
She should resent her father for being too focused on fame, fortune, and the continuation of the family line. She should resent her mother for showing her some pity but still siding with her father. She seized the opportunity to take revenge, and she got what she wanted. But her father still harbored a thirst for fame and fortune. She could take revenge a thousand times, but her father could still climb to a high position.
She received more retribution, more obstinate demands, and more monstrous behavior taken for granted.
What cannot be changed is that if Jiang Yufan still clings to the memory of being abandoned and unable to return to the Jiang family, then as the blood flows out, she slowly realizes that as long as the Jiang family harbors a desire for fame and fortune, that place will never be her home. It would be foolish to place her obsession on the Jiang family.
After leaving the Jiang family, the world suddenly seemed so vast, so joyful and awe-inspiring. What was that small little world compared to that?
Taking a deep breath, Jiang Yufan said to Daoyun, "From now on, I will never think that anyone in this world owes me anything, and I don't want to think about the pain that the Jiang family caused me anymore. Eight years have passed, and that pain should have faded away by now."
These pains were the clarity that Jiang Yufan gained through eight years of struggle and self-redemption. Why keep struggling in the mire? Why doesn't the mire embrace her? She should be the one to jump out of the mire; she should be looking at the world, at the mountains and rivers, at a broader life.
“But Buddha Maiden,” Dao Yun still had some doubts, “it would be best if you could let go of the past, but you yourself have severed ties with the Jiang family and will not have any involvement with them in the future. Our lives will be fine, but is it really just like that?”
"The scars on your wrists, the evil deeds of Jiang Yaoguang that should have led to your wedding, don't you care about any of that?" Daoyun was unwilling. She was unwilling to let them be used and defeated by Jiang Yaoguang. Even if she wanted to let go, she should wait until some people were punished before she could let go.
Jiang Yufan felt that Daoyun's resentment was the same as Gu Sidu's resentment when he was drunk.
Jiang Yufan said, "If you're not willing to accept it, what should you do? Continue to seek revenge, continue to get entangled with them, and continue to suffer?"
There's a saying that makes a lot of sense: "The sea of suffering is boundless, but turning back is the shore." Being unable to let go of one's resentment is an obsession born of the seven emotions and six desires. Obsession breeds more obsession, making it impossible to truly sever ties. Even if one withdraws and looks at the rushing rivers and seas from afar, only then can one's heart remain free from sorrow.
But things won't just end there. Cause and effect are cyclical; as long as you have a clear conscience, that's enough. Those who have a guilty conscience will face their retribution. Jiang Yufan believes that she and Gu Sidu are currently in a difficult situation, but they can rise higher. And one day, Jiang Yaoguang, who has climbed to the top, will fall hard, and that will be his doom.
She will live well and wait for that day to watch Jiang Yaoguang dig his own grave and fall into the abyss. She hopes that by then Jiang Yaoguang will realize how many bad things he has done.
After listening, Daoyun remained silent for a long time before saying to Jiang Yufan, "Buddha, is that really what you think? You no longer harbor any desire for revenge and are living only for yourself?"
"Yes, that way we can both be more comfortable."
"Very well, whatever the Buddha says goes. But does the Buddha truly believe in Buddhism and the gods now?"
□□ person, did Jiang Yufan become that destined person?
It's hard to say, and Jiang Yufan didn't know either. She remembered what the abbot had once told her: "Gods and Buddhas reside in your heart. If you believe, then they exist, and you can generate boundless divine power to protect you throughout your life." Jiang Yufan didn't feel that she had truly entered the Buddhist order; she simply regarded it as a matter of faith. Self-salvation is too difficult; there's always a wavering heart. If, in this process of self-salvation, someone believes in even a ray of light, that's good, isn't it?
It's a good thing to encourage people to follow their own path without hesitation and believe in what they truly believe in their hearts. Whether they truly believe or truly want to enter Buddhism becomes less important. Originally, gods and Buddhas only wanted to alleviate the suffering of ordinary people, but Jiang Yufan felt that this divine power, besides gods and Buddhas, also resided within himself.
She trusted herself more, trusted her own heart more, and believed that seeking guidance from Buddha and the Way was not as good as seeking guidance from one's own heart.
At this moment, the emperor's verdict came from the city, banishing Gu Sidu to a remote and desolate place thousands of miles away from the capital to serve as a minor county magistrate, guarding the people of his area. He seemed to have power, but it was only in appearance.
Far from the capital, with no hope for the future, this foreign land will become my hometown, and there is no hope of ever returning to Beijing.
Gu Sidu had no choice but to accept the imperial decree, to set off soon, and to obey the emperor's orders to travel far away.
When the imperial edict arrived, Jiang Yufan was not far away, watching Gu Sidu kneel down to receive it, the sound of his kowtow echoing. After the royal procession departed, Gu Sidu took a long time to rise and carefully read every word of the edict.
Jiang Yufan then stepped forward and came to Gu Sidu's side.
Springtime was in full bloom, a time of vibrant life and beauty, yet Gu Sidu's future was tragically cut short by this very spring. Flowers may bloom again, but Gu Sidu's future was over; this was the second time Jiang Yufan had seen Gu Sidu after he had sobered up.
The sharp edges of that handsome young man had been dulled, and his features were even more striking, allowing Jiang Yufan to see Gu Sidu's true appearance more clearly. When she first met Gu Sidu, he was the man everyone in the city wanted to marry, but things had changed, his future was ruined, and all that admiration had vanished, like a phantom, nothing more.
But Gu Sidu is still Gu Sidu, unchanged.
At this moment, Gu Sidu was still doing the same thing he had done before when he asked Jiang Yufan to come down the mountain. He held the imperial edict in his hand, bowed to Jiang Yufan, and said, "Bodhisattva, I have a request."
Just like before, the two stood a distance apart. Behind Jiang Yufan stood Daoyun. Gu Sidu had something to ask of Jiang Yufan, but when Gu Sidu spoke, it was not the same.
Gu Sidu said, “I am going to that remote place, and I am afraid I will suffer. Bodhisattva, you don’t need to suffer with me. I will settle my family property and money to support you after you are freed from suffering and can make a living on your own.”
"Then yours, Gu Sidu?" Jiang Yufan frowned.
"Because I do not want the Bodhisattva to suffer with me."
"So, are you going to abandon me?" Jiang Yufan tightened her grip on her clothes. She looked down and saw that Gu Sidu was still wearing the bracelet she had given him.
Yet there was still affection between them, but their words were icy cold, colder than winter snow.
Jiang Yufan chuckled to himself.
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