Chapter 16
◎"Could you... turn off the light...?"◎
The moment Li Yuzhong emerged from the bathroom, I was immediately struck by his rich mint and jasmine scent—a fragrance I find utterly irresistible. I stopped what I was doing and put down my script. He looked down, his gaze unsure of where to settle, and asked if I had been waiting too long.
"No, I was just bored and looked at my notebook." I smiled and met his gaze. "But you did take half an hour to wash."
He pursed his lips, a strand of damp hair falling across his forehead, casting a shadow. "I washed it two or three times, sorry." He sat down on the edge of the bed. I raised an eyebrow and asked him why he had washed it two or three times. He remained silent about what was about to happen, his long eyelashes trembling.
"come over."
I reached out my hand to him.
He handed me his hand with complete trust, and I took his wrist, pulling him gently into my arms. How could he still have that innocent, naive charm of a newcomer? He embraced me tentatively, his arm brushing against my hair. I tilted my head and pulled away, only to find a kiss on my neck. That kiss felt like a stolen kiss, and Li Yuzhong was like a cat stealing fish, giving me a kiss and then glancing at me.
“…Continue.” I nodded.
I had to give him the expected response to motivate his next action. He was like a rigid, obedient student; he wouldn't move on to the next step until he finished the current problem. We'd been going around in circles with this for ages, and I was practically burning up, but he was still dawdling.
"Li Yuzhong," I urged, frowning, "it'll be dawn soon if this keeps up. You've been kissing me for so long, and there's still no reaction?"
"Ah." He was a little dizzy too. I reached for his bathrobe, but he still timidly clutched the collar, lost in thought. I wondered if I was going to have to act out a scene where he forced himself on me, when I heard him weakly plead, "Could you... turn off the light..."
"What?" I thought I had misheard.
When it was time to turn off the lights, Li Yuzhong tugged at the waistband of his bathrobe with his slender fingers and said sullenly, "I really don't want to do it with the lights on."
Sigh. A virgin.
I really didn't want to. After all, Li Yuzhong wasn't just any man; he was someone I'd secretly loved for so long. Now that I'd finally won him over, I was going to eat him up so quickly. It wouldn't taste the same with the lights off, I thought, but seeing his terrified expression, I decided against it.
first,
It's inevitable to feel nervous.
So I asked, "Are you nervous?"
In the darkness, his innocent eyes blinked slowly, a mixture of melancholy and excitement swirling within them. The process of undressing must have been agonizing for him; he was almost completely turned away from me. He really didn't need to. He was no longer the frail Li Yuzhong of the past. Even though I preferred the slightly muscular, almost bony version of him, the current Li Yuzhong was muscular, broad-shouldered, and tall—a truly mature and well-rounded man.
Years ago, the grapes were unripe, slightly sour and astringent, with pale green skins covering less sweet flesh; years later, they are fully ripe, and when you peel back their deep purple skins, the juice inside is so plentiful it almost overflows. For so many years, no one has tasted them for me.
I'll do it myself.
He was so shy. After turning off the lights, he wanted to bury us both under the covers again, saying he hadn't practiced for the past two days and was worried about his condition. I immediately laughed and said, "You weren't like this before. How come your body image anxiety is worse than mine, an actress? I didn't complain when you were as thin as a bamboo pole." He whispered, "That's different." There was a rustling sound of friction, skin against cotton, and the warm, dry comfort of the blankets.
He explored that place cautiously.
I'm telling you, I don't understand why my spouse speaks in such a low voice, as if we're having an affair. Let's be open about it. This isn't like we're students who need to hide things anymore. Let him know that this is normal, legal, and reasonable.
"Aren't you going to take this off?" I asked.
"...Then nothing will be left."
"Nonsense," I sneered. "I want to have nothing left! You've been single for so many years, what else do you want to have left?" He was being annoying, acting all coy at this crucial moment. I put my ear to his mouth and heard him let out a short "ah," he really loves to make random noises.
“Shut up,” I commanded, “focus on feeling.”
I heard his breathing gradually slow down, then become deep and rhythmic. In the boundless darkness, I gradually became able to see him clearly—his face, his hands, his collarbone, his chest, his abdomen—everything, like someone walking in a cave, adapting to the faint light, then to the narrow confines, and finally to the graceful, unsteady gait. Li Yuzhong, being with you makes me so happy.
I don't care about anything else.
I haven't told you, and I won't tell you, it doesn't matter if it's you from ten years ago or you from ten years later, as long as it's you, I'm satisfied no matter what. You make me too satisfied, and I'll unconsciously nuzzle your cheek, kiss your sweaty fingers, and give you gifts.
When I love myself
I haven't forgotten to love you.
Long nights bring many dreams.
I want to have you as soon as possible.
So I didn't ask Li Yuzhong how he felt. Although it was his first time and he was at a loss, I mainly focused on my own enjoyment. He's so smart, I'm sure he'll learn quickly, mastering a few positions, experiencing a few sensations, shedding some sweat, and even shedding some tears.
She always cries.
ah.
So cute!
I love Li Yuzhong like this. Before he even understands everything, in his most innocent and naive stage, I want to possess him fiercely. Whether he retaliates afterward is not my concern. Besides, he's so kind and always understanding. Such a person must bear the price of kindness. He's loved me for ten years without wavering; his loyalty deserves the most ruthless punishment I can give him.
"Give me a kiss," he said, tears streaming from the corners of his eyes, red enough to drip blood, down his high, delicate nose, across the half of his cheek pressed against the pillow, leaving a small, damp shadow on the white cotton fabric, like a gloomy cloud or a soft flash of lightning.
He's so clingy in bed.
He depends on me so much, yet he's so independent; he hasn't come to see me all these years. I often feel lonely, and I've had other relationships, but Li Yuzhong has nothing, yet he doesn't seem lonely at all. How does he do it? I'm really curious about his secret to suppressing his loneliness.
"If you love me so much, why haven't you come looking for me?"
As I asked him that, he was probably close to arriving, raising his hand to cover his tearful eyes. Rapid breaths rolled from his throat, muffled groans, like raindrops wetting leaves. During a thunderstorm, everyone is on edge; I want to destroy him, and he can only helplessly endure it.
"Tell me, why?"
I pressed him hard, but he didn't say anything in the end. When it was over, he still held me tightly, nuzzling my hair, and said to wait a little longer. His voice had become a little hoarse, a weariness after having had his fill. I thought to myself, strangely sexy, strangely alluring.
"Don't breathe like that in front of others," I said.
He said, "How could that be?" He paused, then asked doubtfully, "Was he really panting?" "Why are you pretending? Don't you know how wanton you are?" I whispered in his ear, and he, embarrassed, pressed my head down to stop me from panting further. After a moment of silence, he asked softly.
"...Don't you like it?"
How could that be?
"I don't mind," I simply said. What a joke! I can't admit I've been seduced by him. What would that mean? He won my heart with just a few tricks, making me want to do it ten more times. How could I possibly withstand that test? Besides, he dares to grab my wrist now; what will he do later? This little brat, so arrogant, won't he be out of control?
Lying against his chest, I felt sticky and uncomfortable from the sweat all over me. I thought about getting up to take a shower, but he stopped me, saying to wait a little longer. When he said "a little longer," it always sounded like a sigh. I looked up and stared intently at his neck, where the veins were bulging. I reached out and gently scratched his Adam's apple. He pressed his hand against it, saying it really tickled. I asked him when he started working out.
Are you completely cured?
"Yes, it was ready a long time ago."
I became interested: "Do you remember that life list you made before? How many of those one hundred things have you done over the years?"
He said, "I've done a lot. Many things I've never tried before, like climbing mountains, rock climbing, bungee jumping... Before, because I envied those who could speak clearly, I even set a goal for myself to participate in debate competitions." Ah, I know that one, I saw you in the news.
"You...you saw me?"
"Yeah, I remember it was during my sophomore year." Thinking about that period makes me a little depressed. I don't want to acknowledge his courage or his excellence back then, when I was so eager to succeed. I just say, "Oh, some people become so successful after leaving me."
"I'm not leaving you...I..."
He can now keenly sense my emotions, and he quickly hugs me, burying his head in my shoulder like a little animal that has done something wrong. But even after I let him be affectionate for a long time, he still can't say anything, just stammers, and he ends up poking me in other places.
"I have nothing to say, so I'm going to take a shower."
"Don't go yet..."
I didn't ask why; I just wanted to know what he would do. He kissed my ears, my neck, and my shoulders. He pulled back the covers, and the cold air, along with his damp breath, hit my sweat-soaked back. I thought he was just trying to please me.
“Ah,” I exclaimed, “Li Yuzhong.”
well.
What's going on?
I pulled him out of bed. His eyes were still bright and clear, like starlight. The tip of his gently shaped nose was unnaturally wet, and there was a sticky residue around his lips. I felt both annoyed and amused. What was he doing? How did he even think of that? I wouldn't let him do that kind of thing, and besides, he wouldn't, and he wouldn't feel comfortable with it. I wiped the residue from his chin with my fingertip and asked.
"What exactly are you trying to say?"
He kept his head down and remained silent.
I said, "There's no need to try to please me like this. This kind of thing isn't suitable for you. Just lie there quietly." He nodded, looking confused, and then asked if he hadn't done it well. I could only say gently, "You should practice more. At least, you can't just lick randomly." He gave a soft "hmm," but still wouldn't let go. I calmly asked him, "What exactly do you want to do?"
He didn't speak, but rubbed his fingers together twice.
Then I realized: "One more time?"
His eyes immediately lit up.
Okay, I got it. He just said it directly, and I wouldn't refuse anyway, really. I was too lazy to guess what he meant. Doing all that reading comprehension was like coaxing a child. Besides, he's a completely different person in bed and out of bed, totally different.
Once again, I really couldn't take it anymore, and I said I wanted to take a shower and go to bed. He probably had his fill too, or maybe not, but it was better than the first time. I could tell he was really enjoying himself; after pulling up his pants, he was still clinging to me, doing this and that for a while.
I refused his suggestion to shower together, mainly because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to resist my own primal instincts. After we finished showering, it was his turn to shower. This time he showered very quickly, and then, carrying that sweet, rich, fresh-bath fragrance, he slipped into the bed and, without me saying anything, naturally wrapped his arms around my waist.
I patted his cheek. "Go to sleep."
"Um."
A long silence followed.
By the time I realized Li Yuzhong was kissing me incessantly, it was already bright daylight. The golden sunlight covered my eyelids, and a few strands of warm red blood vessels looked like spider webs. I hadn't slept for long; I was very tired and intended to continue sleeping, but he kept kissing me, his soft lips landing on my ear, chin, shoulder, and arm, as if it would never end.
I frowned. "Li Yuzhong, aren't you sleepy?"
His kiss paused, and his clear, magnetic voice enveloped me. He said he wasn't very sleepy and asked if I had woken him. Thankfully, I just didn't understand why he wasn't asleep yet. He said he was probably too excited, and after lying down with his eyes closed for a while, he couldn't fall asleep no matter what.
"Are you still happy?" I asked.
"Hmm..." He was afraid of disturbing me, but he was also very happy. He propped himself up on his arm and let me rest my head in the crook of his arm. I am the kind of person who, no matter what happens today, will still go to bed and sleep soundly. I have a very strong mental fortitude. This is the case for artists. Rest and maintaining one's condition are the top priorities. If I don't sleep well and have water retention, I have to go to the gym first thing the next morning.
Feeling lazy and sleepy, I listlessly coaxed him, "I'll tell you a secret. After I tell it, you go to sleep right away, okay?"
"good."
I squinted, trying to organize my thoughts, when a ray of sunlight fell right on my fingertips, drawing my attention. I raised my hand to grab it, but Li Yuzhong's hand covered mine, taking the sunlight in my grasp, and then our fingers intertwined tenderly. He asked...
"What secret?"
“In our senior year of high school,” I felt his hands grow gentler, softly rubbing my knuckles. “In the second semester of our senior year, there was a time when no one was in the classroom, and you were sleeping, do you remember? I kissed you, right there in our seats, and that’s when I started to like you.”
I finished speaking and savored his silence.
He'll be shocked. I smiled and closed my eyes tightly. "You probably don't know that I've liked you for so long."
But Li Yuzhong remained silent for too long; this blockhead... I fell asleep again. The sunlight was too bright at first, but then, I don't know when, Li Yuzhong's hand covered my eyes, his rough palm pressed against my eyelashes. And I was able to sleep soundly again.
I vaguely heard him say something, but I couldn't make it out. He leaned close to my ear, but it was all very muffled, like a fog I could never grasp.
He said.
“Li Juntong, actually when you kissed me back then…”
He paused again.
"I am awake."
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