＞The gap in the "Teething Contract" was still shining on the jade slip, but the Four Countries Nursery School sent the "Global White Paper on Standardization of Infant and Child Behavior".
>The daily crying limit is 87 seconds, the amplitude of emotional fluctuations must not exceed 0.3 Pa, and even the fecal flora must comply with the joint certification of four countries.
>Chenbao is calculating the "emotional GDP" in the nursery, Erbao's pacifier is upgraded to an "anti-standardization" mode, and Sanbao's Yunzhou is scattering "free crying tickets" all over the city.
> Lingbao lets out a series of colorful farts at the acceptance inspection site. The venomous system announces: "Anyone who sets a crying quota again will be punished by being a fart collector for a hundred years!"
Xiao Jue looked at the rainbow mist under his daughter's butt and sighed softly, "This quantification of all things is ultimately no match for the chaotic energy in her belly."
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The terrifying prospect of "eternal hardness" was like the strongest teething glue, instantly shattering the four nations' wishful thinking of using teething sticks to bind hegemony. The jade slip in the General's Mansion's treasury, with a notch in the center and visible teeth marks, became a permanent pillar of shame and a warning to the four negotiating delegations. After Lingbao chewed through the "peace terms," the mainland fell into a subtle, yet aching, calm. Troops were withdrawn from the four nations' borders, trade routes reopened, and the royal city's posthouses were largely empty. The envoys, carrying their "tooth-marked jade deeds," hurried back home, fearing that if they were slow, they would be judged as "criminals who forced the terms" by the venomous system and suffer the punishment of eternal gnawing.
Inside the General's Mansion, Lingbao seemed oblivious to her "feat" of shredding the jade slip. She'd recently become obsessed with a new skill—exploring the various sounds and smells she produced. The ebb and flow of her wails, the rhythmic rhythm of her hiccups, and especially... the sound and shifting breath of her gas. Changing her diaper each day was like opening a blind box: sometimes a muffled thunderclap, sometimes a gentle, melodious sound, and occasionally a suspicious rainbow mist (the emanation of chaotic aura).
"Little ancestor, the noises you make...are even more varied than the war drums at the border." Su Li pinched her nose, feeling both amused and helpless as she wiped Lingbao's butt, who had just finished a "high-pitched exhaust." Lingbao lay sprawled on the cushion, his little butt sticking out, his face a look of satisfaction and curiosity, seemingly intrigued by his own "work," even sniffing back.
This tranquility of exploring the mysteries of the butt is like a brief hibernation of a volcano.
**Section 1: Standardized White Paper and Crying Quotas**
The chess players from these four countries clearly understand the brainwashing power of "scientific packaging." When forced control failed, they resorted to a more "advanced" and "universal" weapon: quantitative standards and scientific management. Their reasoning was righteous: grateful for His Highness Ling's chaotic nature, and even more concerned about the disordered growth of children worldwide! The four countries' leading childcare centers, physiological research institutes, and behavioral analysis centers have joined forces, invested heavily, and produced the "Global White Paper on Standardized Physiological, Psychological, and Behavioral Development of Infants and Children"! This paper aims to provide parents with a scientific guide to raising children and lay the quantitative foundation for the continuation of civilization. They also implore His Highness Ling, Su Ling, to serve as the "first standardized model child," setting an example and leading the way!
Thus, a tome thicker and harder than The Enlightenment of Ten Thousand Infants appeared on the General's desk. It exuded an air of ink and "science." It had a gold-stamped cover, copperplate color printing, and contained numerous charts, graphs, formulas, and standard photos of "experts" in white coats.
Su Li casually flipped it open and was immediately stunned by the "science" inside:
**Crying Management:** The maximum daily crying duration for healthy infants is 87 seconds (±3 seconds)! A single crying episode should not exceed 15.8 seconds! Peak decibels must be controlled between 70-85 decibels (too low indicates weakness, too high disturbs others). We recommend using a custom "cry timer" (patented by Xiling Rune).
* **Emotional Fluctuations:** Quantify the physiological ranges of heart rate, brain waves, skin conduction, hormone secretion, and other indicators corresponding to emotional states such as "joy," "curiosity," "mild discomfort," "moderate irritation," and "severe anger"! Emotional amplitude must not exceed 0.3 Pa (a newly defined unit of emotional stress). It is recommended to wear an "emotional stability collar" (a combination of Southern Xinjiang Gu Shu and Donghuang Lingyu).
**Excretion Regulations:** Detailed regulations include the number of daily excretions, time periods (within a 5-minute error range), and the volume of each excretion (based on body weight)! Even more outrageous, they require that the types and proportions of fecal flora comply with the "Four-Nation Joint Infant and Child Intestinal Flora Certification Standard (Gold Standard)"! They also recommend the use of "real-time flora monitoring diapers" (using Beidi Hanyu sensor technology).
* **Chaos Special Case Appendix:** In view of His Highness Zero's chaotic constitution, his various indicators are allowed to fluctuate by ±500% based on the standard value, but they must be recorded in detail and uploaded to the "Global Infant and Child Big Data Cloud Platform" (jointly maintained by the four countries) as a model for "controllable chaos" research!
Every clause, cloaked in the guise of "scientific," "precise," and "optimal," is filled with extreme repression and cold control of life's instincts! Their ultimate goal is to integrate all infants, including Lingbao, into a giant, data-driven "standard human" training pipeline!
"What a 'scientific upbringing'! What a 'quantified foundation'!" Su Li was so angry that she threw the brick-thick "white paper" on the table. "They even control how many times a child cries, how much he poops, and what kind of bacteria are in his stomach? They even want to study Ling'er as 'controlled chaos'? Why don't they establish a 'standardized fart process' for themselves?!"
Xiao Jue's fingertips brushed across the cold charts and formulas on the pages, and the Guihong ruler emitted a low hum in its sheath. He could clearly sense the vast chain of interests and the ambition for domination behind this "white paper." Once implemented, parents everywhere would become slaves to data, and children would become subjects of surveillance experiments!
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