"After marriage, what is the most difficult relationship?"

For this question, at least nine out of ten people answered it was the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

It has to be said that the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really one of the most difficult conflicts in my country's 5,000-year history. A young daughter-in-law meets a powerful mother-in-law, or a weak mother-in-law is bullied by a wicked daughter-in-law. Various versions of this story are played out in many families every day.

Happy Dating Agency.

After Hu Jinhua and Liu Lian left, Jiang Feng said to Kang Buping who was sitting opposite him: "Mr. Kang, first tell me from your perspective what the main conflict between your mother and your wife is?"

Kang Buping said with a sad face: "Master Jiang, in my eyes, their conflicts are just some trivial matters in daily life.

For example, in terms of diet, my ancestors were from Guangdong Province. Although my grandfather's generation moved to Jiangxi Province, the eating habits passed down from generation to generation are not easy to change. Cantonese cuisine is mainly light and basically does not use chili peppers.

My wife is from Jiangxi Province and she loves spicy food.

So, since my wife married into my family, she has ordered takeout every now and then.

So a conflict arose. My mother felt that the food she had worked so hard to prepare was just there, but my wife not only refused to eat it, but also spent extra money to order takeout. She really didn't know how to manage the household.

My wife, on the other hand, thinks that my mother cooks bland meals all day long, and that she can’t even get full after eating them. She also gets scolded if she spends money to order takeout, and that she has no freedom at all.”

Jiang Feng asked: "Have you ever tried to persuade them?"

Kang Buping sighed, "Of course I tried to persuade her, and even asked my mother to learn to cook some local dishes. Unfortunately, my mother's cooking skills were mediocre to begin with, and the taste of the new dishes she learned was really not good. After my wife tried them two or three times, she no longer ate them. Then my mother stopped cooking, and things inevitably returned to the starting point."

Jiang Feng nodded and asked, "Besides the difference in diet, are there any other reasons?"

Kang Buping said: "Also, during the process from my wife's pregnancy to childbirth, my mother followed the ideas of the older generation, saying that she couldn't eat this, couldn't eat that, couldn't do this, couldn't do that. In short, she was quite controlling.

Pregnant women have a bad temper, so naturally there were many arguments.

After the child is born, there are more conflicts.

Anyway, they quarrel every now and then, and every time they quarrel, they expose each other's shortcomings and bring up all the old things. It really annoys me!"

Jiang Feng said with understanding: "It is not easy for a man to be caught between his mother and his wife. He is always under the dilemma and double pressure of 'marrying a wife and forgetting his mother' and 'living with me or with your mother'. It is like walking on a tightrope. If he is not careful, he will lose his balance."

Kang Buping said with deep helplessness: "Who said it wasn't true? Once they started arguing, it would be wrong for me to help anyone. At first I tried to persuade this and that, but later I found that it didn't work, so I just played the ostrich.

Whenever they have an argument, I stay as far away from them as possible.

I know it’s not a good idea to do this, but I don’t have the ability to resolve their disputes, so I can only choose to escape.”

Jiang Feng nodded and said, "I understand. You go to the hall and wait first, and call your wife in."

Kang Buping said "OK" and then pushed the door open to go out.

Soon, his wife Liu Lian pushed the door open.

Jiang Feng asked her to sit down, and then went straight to the point: "Ms. Liu, your husband has just told me about the problems between you and your mother-in-law. Now I want to understand from your perspective how the conflict between you and your mother-in-law came about? Where is the point of your conflict? Can you give some examples?"

Liu Lian thought for a moment and said, "I feel like my mother-in-law just likes to find fault with me. I'm not used to the dishes she cooks, and most of the time I don't even have an appetite at all, but I force myself to eat. Others enjoy eating, but I feel like I'm suffering when I eat.

Sometimes when I’m not full and can’t stand the hunger anymore, I just order my favorite takeout.

Every time my mother-in-law sees it, she makes a sour face, which makes me feel full even without eating!

Also, my mother-in-law is too controlling.

For example, she asks us to go to bed early and get up early like her. I know she is doing this for our own good, but how many young people nowadays can actually do that?

Also, when I was pregnant, my mother-in-law strictly forbade me to eat chili peppers, saying that eating chili peppers would have certain effects on the fetus. But I have always loved spicy food since I was a child, and people in our place don't say that you can't eat chili peppers during pregnancy.

In addition to peppers, there were other foods that I was not allowed to eat. My pregnancy was more painful than being in prison. I don’t know how I managed to get through that time.

Another thing is that after the child was born, I had to take care of the child while I was in confinement. Although my mother-in-law also helped, she was busy with this and that all day long, and left the child to me most of the time.

When her child was sick, she did not rush to take him to see a doctor, but instead used her folk remedies to treat him.

When the child started eating rice porridge, I told her not to blow it or taste it with her mouth, but she just didn't take it seriously.

When the child was crying, she was told not to rush to hold him, but she didn't listen. When she was told not to hold him and shake him when she was coaxing him, she also didn't listen...

In short, while the child is growing up, it’s okay for me and her to quarrel every day.

The worst thing is that my mother-in-law is a gossipy woman. She gets together with the other grandmas and aunties in the community and complains about me in front of outsiders. Every time I hear her words, I get so angry that I die.

There is also express delivery. Although I receive quite a lot of express deliveries, they are all cheap items purchased online, and each one is something I can use.

Then my mother-in-law said I was a spendthrift...

Anyway, she and I are really incompatible, and it's a miracle that we can stay together for three days without quarreling."

Jiang Feng listened to Ms. Liu constantly complaining about her mother-in-law's faults. Her tone was sometimes aggrieved and sometimes indignant. Jiang Feng basically understood that it was indeed just as Mr. Kang said, these were all trivial matters.

But as the saying goes, 'If small grievances are not forgiven, big grievances will surely arise', and 'The ice three feet thick does not form overnight'. If these trivial matters are not resolved in your heart, the problem will naturally become more and more serious.

After Liu Lian finished speaking, Jiang Feng nodded and said, "Ms. Liu, I basically understand what you said. Next, please go out to the hall and wait, and call your mother-in-law in."

Liu Lian responded, then pushed the door and went out.

Soon, mother-in-law Hu Jinhua pushed the door open.

Jiang Feng waited for her to sit down, then went straight to the point and asked her to talk about the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law from her perspective.

From Hu Jinhua's perspective, the story is different. She said: "My daughter-in-law doesn't know how to manage the household. She doesn't like anything I cook, and she doesn't want to cook. She always orders takeout, which is a complete waste of money.

Another thing is that she shops online every day and receives endless express deliveries every day. She has no ability to earn money, but spends it lavishly. She won’t be happy if you say a few words to her.

Also, during her pregnancy, I told her not to eat this or that, which was for the good of her and the baby, but she didn't appreciate it and thought I was meddling in her affairs.

After the child was born, I had to buy groceries, cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the child, and serve her as a midwife. I was so busy that I didn't have a moment to spare. But she still blamed me for not helping her. I was such an ungrateful person.

The main conflict is still with my grandson. She always picks on me, as if I, as a grandmother, don't love my own grandson. She keeps talking about what this expert says and that expert says, saying that I am wrong in this and that.

I, Hu Jinhua, gave birth to three children and raised them up, and I have the experience passed down from generation to generation. How can she compare? As for experts, I don’t know anything. I only know that the three children I brought up grew up healthy and without any problems. "

Hu Jinhua was quite resentful when she talked about her daughter-in-law. It was obvious that the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had become very strained due to long-term quarrels.

As the saying goes, 'accumulated love brings happiness, accumulated resentment brings disaster.'

If this mother-in-law and daughter-in-law continue to quarrel like they are now, perhaps one day the quarrel will get so serious that a momentary impulse will lead to a tragedy. Such extreme examples are not uncommon.

While the three of them were narrating the conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law from their own perspectives, Jiang Feng was also checking their information to verify whether they were lying or not. How could he find out what the crux of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law was?

After listening to Hu Jinhua's story, Jiang Feng smiled and said to her, "Thank you for your story, Ms. Hu. Please leave the hall and wait for me for ten minutes. I will first comprehensively evaluate the difficulty of your mediation, and then discuss the fee issue with you."

"Well, okay!" Hu Jinhua responded, then pushed the door and walked out of the mediation room.

Jiang Feng quickly read the information of the three people and confirmed that the disputes between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were all trivial matters and there was no irreconcilable conflict.

The main reason why they have come to this point today is because of their "incompatibility".

The reason why some mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law don't get along well is not necessarily due to personality issues, but rather the natural opposition between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If the two are not mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, perhaps their personalities can make them friends regardless of age.

But Hu Jinhua and Liu Lian really have incompatible personalities. Even if they are not mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, they definitely cannot get along with each other.

This can be seen from the marriage compatibility of Kang Buping and Liu Lian:

[Current marriage matching value] 56 (marital relationship 62 + family matching 68 + family relationship 38)

[Ultimate Marriage Matching Value] 60 (Marriage Relationship 69 + Matching 71 + Family Relationship 40)

The extreme matching value of this family relationship is only 40 points, which shows that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are really born incompatible. It is basically useless to use other mediation methods. After all, the limit is there.

The only way is to use the wall-breaking ability to break through this bottleneck!