Loss of control
It's a mess, terrible.
After Fang Huai forced himself to finish explaining the work to his colleagues, he could no longer bear it and collapsed on the ground, his head buzzing and his eyes blank.
"It's so cold."
The sun is so bright today, why is it so cold?
Fang Huai finally couldn't hold on any longer. He curled up and lay on the ground, his eyes dull but tears sliding down from the corners of his eyes, dripping onto the floor and forming a pool of tears.
He felt a tearing pain in his back and groaned. He reached out and touched the ugly uneven scar on his back. He smiled and said, "It's really cold and painful."
He couldn't tell if it was the pain from the long-healed scar or the heartache; he simply felt as if he were being torn apart, the pain so intense he wished he'd passed out. He could barely breathe, lying on the ground gasping for air as if his insides were being twisted into a ball, tangled, and minced into a scarlet, mottled pulp.
A feeling of nausea came over Fang Huai, and his body trembled violently. He barely sat up, his thin back hunched, and he quickly ran to the trash can to retch.
Unable to vomit anything, Fang Huai held onto the trash can. The things in front of him were blurry and shaking, which made him feel even more nauseous.
My mind uncontrollably flashed with my mother's disappointed expression and the words, "If I had known earlier, I would have let you continue to be Maimai instead of Fang Huai."
Then came the look Fang Huai gave him many years ago, Li Xuan's face, the faces of Li Xuan's parents... faces kept overlapping, their mouths opening and closing, "Fang Huai, you really disappoint us."
Their faces gradually distorted, their eyes and noses completely invisible, but their lips kept opening and closing, and the sound passed through the eardrums, saying over and over again: "Fang Huai, you really disappoint me."
"We are very disappointed in you."
"Shut up!"
"Stop talking, stop talking!"
Fang Huai covered his head and roared, "Stop talking."
"I was wrong. This is all my fault. I'm sorry."
His thin body was like a bow stretched to its limit, as if it would break in the next second. Fang Huai stood up suddenly, his eyes full of bloodshot.
He stumbled and stepped barefoot on the broken pieces of the vase, causing his soles to bleed. However, as if without any intuition, he slowly picked up the locust flowers on the ground. His fingertips were scratched by the debris again, and bright red blood dripped onto the white and pure locust flowers. They looked enchanting and holy, and seemed out of place no matter how you looked at them.
Fang Huai wiped the blood off with his sleeve, looked at Huaihua, who had regained her whiteness, and suddenly laughed out loud: "Elf? Well-behaved and sensible?"
"It's all fake! Stop it, it's all fake!"
"I'm not Fang Huai, I'm not!"
He ignored the bleeding wound and walked straight to the unfinished stairs, slowly walking towards the room, still tightly holding the bunch of locust flowers that no longer had any fragrance.
Bang, the door of the room was closed.
The world is quiet.
His trembling fingers tapped on the keyboard, and blood from his fingertips stained the keyboard. The computer showed that the email was sent successfully, and Fang Huai sat in front of the computer in a daze.
The cell phone on the ground kept vibrating.
"director."
"Fang Huai." Director Liang's voice came over the phone, a mixture of helplessness and fatigue. He said, "Fang Huai, why did you submit your resignation? I told you this matter isn't serious, why did you take the initiative to resign! Doctor Fang, the hospital hasn't even made a final decision yet, are you going to give up your job?"
"No." Fang Huai explained weakly.
"I just..." Blood seeped out of his cracked lips. Fang Huai stared at the resignation application on the computer with lifeless eyes. The blue light shone on his thin face. His cheekbones were slightly protruding. He looked in very bad condition.
Director Liang stood by the window, his brow furrowed. He turned his head to look at the resignation letter sent by Fang Huai and said without hesitation: "You should have a good rest. I'll take care of the hospital. Also, your documents are not in compliance with the regulations. Don't mention this matter again for a while."
"Xiao Fang, don't do anything that you'll regret." He advised Fang Huai earnestly, "Don't assume the worst. There's still room for maneuver. Why force yourself into a dead end?"
The director made a phone call. Fang Huai sat in front of the computer, his fingertips moving on the keyboard, his thin face full of helplessness.
"dead end?"
The long blue light shone on the haggard face. The bright red lips and pale skin made people feel that he would faint in the next second. Fang Huai turned off the computer. His ankle was swollen as big as a fist, and the slap mark on the side of his face was particularly obvious.
He curled up in the corner, smiling bitterly.
"I hope so."
"My world is terrible right now."
......
"Hello, the number you dialed is currently unavailable. Please try again later."
A tall man stood in front of Fang Huai's house. The simple black coat made the man look tall and long-legged, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. The man was holding a bouquet of flowers in his arms and looked worried.
The flowers on the steps in front of me had already withered and lay in the corner, completely losing their former vitality.
Kong Lingyu took two steps forward, bent down, picked up the bouquet of flowers on the ground, walked to the balcony and looked up. When he didn't see the person he was thinking about, Kong Lingyu's heart suddenly jumped.
"Maimai."
"Fang Huai."
"Uncle and aunt, are you home?" Kong Lingyu shouted towards the balcony, but got no response and his eyelids twitched.
No one answered the phone, and no one responded. Could it be that he went out? Kong Lingyu comforted himself in his heart and quickly called Fang Henian to ask, but Fang Henian hesitated on the phone and just said: "My brother had a quarrel with my parents, so he probably went out to relax."
Fang Henian said uncertainly: "My brother is so strong and has come through all these years. It's impossible..."
Before he could finish his words, Kong Lingyu hung up the phone with a gloomy face.
It’s impossible for him to go out. He would definitely know if Fang Huai went out, unless - Fang Huai deliberately didn’t answer the phone.
What was Fang Huai doing when he didn't answer the phone?
Kong Lingyu's heart was beating fast. He walked quickly to the door and rang the doorbell, then leaned close to the door to listen to the movement inside, but there was no sound.
Just as he was about to ring the doorbell again, the sound of breaking porcelain suddenly came from upstairs.
"Bang!"
Kong Lingyu's head seemed to be exploding. He was sure that the sound came from the second floor. His heart skipped a beat and he was so anxious that he coughed.
"Maimai?"
Kong Lingyu put down the bouquet in her hand and listened to the noise inside again at the door.
The well-dressed man approached the door with a complicated expression. His black hair covered his pale skin, his thin lips were tightly pursed, and his eyes, which were usually careless, were full of coldness. After hearing the tiny sounds coming from inside, Kong Lingyu suddenly looked up and picked up the fresh bouquet of flowers on the ground.
He untied the notch that restricted his movements, bit the handle of the bouquet with his white teeth, roughly estimated the height from the first floor to the balcony in his mind, took a few steps back to cushion his movements, and then jumped.
His arms were tightly grasping the edge, his long and powerful hands were knotted with veins, the phone was stretched straight due to the force, the veins bulged under the pale skin, the smooth muscles contained huge explosive power, the thick joints protruded, and the broad palms were clenched in mid-air.
Kong Lingyu raised his narrow eyebrows slightly, used the force to flip over and jump onto the balcony, his numb mouth loosened the bouquet, and a shallow cut was made on his rough palm due to negligence. He frowned and took out a handkerchief from his arms and grabbed the bouquet through the handkerchief.
I walked into the house with trepidation.
The curtains were all drawn, and the room was dead silent, without a trace of life.
When Kong Lingyu heard the noise, he suddenly looked up at the dark shadow at the door. His pupils suddenly shrank and the bouquet in his hand fell to the ground.
The scattered petals were scattered, and Fang Huai, who was leaning against the door, slowly raised his head and looked at him with squinted eyes, his eyes confused.
His overly long hair hung languidly in front of his forehead. His face was pale but his lips were seductively red. There was moisture in his eyes as he stared straight at the person who came.
The collar of the warm-colored sweater was slightly bulging, revealing his thin collarbone as he raised his head. After seeing who was coming, Fang Huai turned his head and continued to look at the closed door. At his feet were broken vase pieces and a withered locust flower.
"Maimai."
It was as if a pair of big hands tightened Kong Lingyu's heart. He rushed over and hugged Fang Huai from behind.
The person in his arms did not struggle, but just let him hold him quietly. Kong Lingyu was shocked. He was too thin. His Mai Mai had lost a lot of weight.
Kong Lingyu held Fang Huai carefully, as if the person in his arms was the rarest treasure in the world, fragile and rare, which he could never get.
He carefully examined Fang Huai's injuries, his movements very gentle, his eyes full of heartache. He gently stroked Fang Huai's cheek and said in a hoarse voice: "Maimai."
Fang Huai tilted his head slightly, and looked at Kong Lingyu with his light brown eyes without any emotion. He blinked, and his eyes were full of pain and grievance.
A tear slid down from the corner of his eye and fell on the back of Kong Lingyu's hand, and also on Kong Lingyu's heart, making his heart tremble.
Kong Lingyu lovingly raised his index finger to catch Fang Huai's falling tears, and whispered softly, "I'm here to find you."
"Maimai."
Kong Lingyu turned on the light and finally saw Fang Huai's face clearly.
In just a few days, Fang Huai had lost a lot of weight, and there was no light in his eyes. Looking closely, Fang Huai's hands were still shaking uncontrollably, and the whole person was like a lifeless puppet. His lower lip was bitten many times by himself. Kong Lingyu was astonished. He held Fang Huai's chin and coaxed him softly, "Maimai, open your mouth, please?"
Fang Huai opened his eyes and looked at Kong Lingyu in front of him. Tears fell like beads from a broken string and all fell on Kong Lingyu's hands. He slowly opened his mouth, his Adam's apple rolled up and down, and his dry throat vibrated, like a child who had suffered a lot of grievances and saw someone who could protect him.
"Kong Lingyu, I'm in so much pain."
"Kong Lingyu."
"I am here."
Kong Lingyu hugged Fang Huai and only breathed a sigh of relief after making sure that Fang Huai had not bitten his tongue.
He gently coaxed Fang Huai, who was clearly in a bad state, "I'll take you to the hospital, okay?"
Fang Huai did not respond, but leaned on his shoulder, his shoulder wet with hot tears. Kong Lingyu's heart also ached. He picked up Fang Huai and slowly walked towards the door.
But Fang Huai in his arms began to struggle violently after hearing the word "hospital". He shook his head, "Kong Lingyu, I won't go."
Fang Huai covered his head and grabbed Kong Lingyu's collar in pain. He opened his watery eyes and looked at Kong Lingyu as if asking for help, "Kong Lingyu."
"I'm not going to the hospital."
Kong Lingyu didn't expect Fang Huai to have such a big reaction when he heard "go to the hospital". He put him down and held him in his arms to comfort him.
His large palm gently stroked his ridges through the thin fabric, soothing him softly, "No, we won't go."
Fang Huai nestled in Kong Lingyu's arms, his body trembling uncontrollably. He clutched Kong Lingyu's hand like a lifeline, saying painfully, "No..."
His empty stomach felt churning, and he wanted to vomit but nothing came out. Like a wronged child, he grabbed Kong Lingyu's hand with one hand and scratched the ugly scar on his back with the other.
"Kong Lingyu, it hurts."
"I don't want to... regret it. It's all my... my fault."
His mind was in a mess, his speech system was disordered, he cried helplessly, unable to utter a complete sentence, his vision could not focus, and his ears and eyes seemed to be covered by a layer of white film.
I could only faintly hear a familiar voice, gently echoing in my ears.
"Okay, we won't go. We won't go."
"Fang Huai, I'm here, I'm here."
The gentle and soft voice was like the wind, lifting the film covering his ears and eyes. Fang Huai stared at the man's face in a daze.
Kong Lingyu patiently coaxed him over and over again, waiting for Fang Huai to calm down completely.
"Kong Lingyu." Fang Huai murmured Kong Lingyu's name.
Kong Lingyu reached out and covered Fang Huai's cold palm. The two of them clasped their fingers together and said in a low and gentle voice, "Yes, I'm here."
"Maimai, I'm here."
"I've been here."
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