Chapter 76
◎Love you.◎
In May, Chang'an was already starting to get hot.
Ci Ying stood in front of the window, staring for a long time at the tree that often appeared in Xie Huaijin's letters.
I don't know when the flowers on the tree bloomed again. When the wind blew, they fell all over the ground. The light white and pink petals mixed together, which was so different from the human world.
What a pity, what a pity Xie Huaijin can’t see it.
Lingyue has returned from Xiaowan. Ciying asked her with a smile why she didn't stay a little longer. Lingyue said it was too much of a bother, and then told Ciying that she needed to see Xiaowan and her husband being affectionate every day. They were very happy, and it made her jealous, so she came back.
Ci Ying smiled and said softly, "The last time I saw Xiao Wan and her husband, they were very affectionate."
Lingyue shook her head. "They seem even more affectionate than last time. Their daughter is also very cute. She looks a lot like Xiaowan, especially her eyes. They look quite clever."
Ci Ying then remembered what Xiaowan had told her before. She was also very happy that Xiaowan was so happy now.
Lingyue was flipping through the letters from Mobei. Seeing that Ciying had finished sorting them, she said, "Master, do you need me to go back first?"
Seeing Ciying and the young master getting along, Lingyue naturally understood that the two had reconciled.
Lingyue sighed a little, not because of the breakups and reunions between Ciying and Xie Huaijin, but because time was cruel.
Ci Ying said, "Not yet."
"Lingshuang wrote to me two days ago saying everything is fine." Ciying added.
Lingyue stopped asking and focused on staying by Ciying's side. Seeing Ciying pricking the little man with a needle, she asked, "Master, what are you doing?"
Ciying said, "Practice acupuncture with a puppet."
Lingyue understood that it was for the young master again, and she felt a little sad for some reason. However, seeing Ciying's happy look, she felt satisfied. Lingyue approached Ciying, and they identified the acupoints together. When the needle was inserted, Lingyue screamed "Ah", and Ciying laughed out loud.
A long time ago, Ci Ying had never thought that the people who would stay with her for a long time would be Lingyue and Lingshuang.
The two of them made puppets until the sun set and the stuffiness outside dissipated a little. Facing the evening light, Ci Ying went to the yard where Xie Huaijin was.
As usual, it's acupuncture time.
After two weeks, Xie Huaijin had become able to tolerate the pain of the needles, only making noises at a few acupuncture points. Ci Ying initially thought that the pain would subside with time, but after asking Xu Yun, she learned that the pain only increased with further treatment.
Ci Ying was silent for a long time. Seeing her expression, Xu Yun said softly, "For the eldest young master's illness, being able to feel pain is a good thing."
Ci Ying didn't deny it, she just felt distressed.
My heart aches and my eyes well up with tears.
She actually wanted to tell Xie Huaijin that he could just scream out and didn't have to endure such a thing for her, but she didn't say it. She just watched quietly as Xie Huaijin tried his best to swallow his embarrassment, just like he didn't want her to help him dress and wash up in the past and now.
Ci Ying helped Xie Huaijin maintain the dignity of a seriously ill and disabled person.
She would just hug the young man tightly every time he came back to his senses after being given acupuncture.
She hid her warm tears and the worry between her brows, and talked to Xie Huaijin about the flowers outside the window, the trees in front of the window, and the birds she met on the road.
Xie Huaijin always listened with a gentle expression, and after Ciying finished speaking, the two of them hugged each other for a long time.
Ciying didn't cry, and she never cried afterwards.
Xie Huaijin couldn't see, but his tears were warm and accompanied by sobs.
She didn't like Xie Huaijin because of her helpless look. One day, she accidentally discovered that she seemed to have suddenly confirmed on a certain day in the past that the person in front of her loved her and would love her for a long time. She couldn't even remember which opportunity it was, or which exact thing was the reason.
Just suddenly, this thought came to my mind calmly.
They are in love.
They are finally in love.
Those setbacks and tribulations turned into starlight and fell into the memories of the past. Some became black stones, some became brilliant galaxies, and just like that, they merged into part of the memories.
A few days later, during dinner, Xie Huaijin put down his chopsticks and whispered, "Zhu Guang's birthday is in a few days."
Ci Ying didn't realize anything was wrong at the time. After she finished a mouthful of soup, she picked up some dishes for Xie Huaijin and said, "Zhu Guang hasn't been at the mansion these past few days. I asked Zhu Yi and Zhu Er, and they said Zhu Guang left the mansion after bringing back the dying Xu Yun. Have you assigned her any tasks recently?"
Xie Huaijin said "no".
Ci Ying hummed, "Let me think about the birthday gift. Oh, by the way, I haven't asked you how old Zhu Guang is."
The blind young man lowered his eyes, his long, bony fingers gently gripping the teacup. He clearly couldn't see, but he looked in Ci Ying's direction and said in a faint voice, "I'm almost as old as Mo Yu."
Ci Ying didn't think anything of it, but when Xie Huaijin suddenly mentioned Mo Yu, she couldn't help but remain silent.
She whispered, "Did you go to see Mo Yu later?"
Xie Huaijin said “yes”.
The room fell silent. Ci Ying hugged Xie Huaijin. She listened to the young man's heartbeat and somehow smelled the scent of sadness, bitter and shivering, very similar to the smell of the medicine the young man drank every day.
"Is it a cenotaph or a cliff?" Ci Ying continued to ask.
Xie Huaijin said, “Both.”
Ci Ying whispered, "Then Zhu Guang must have been there in the past two years."
Ci Ying stopped talking about Mo Yu and turned back to Zhu Guang: "How many days until Zhu Guang's birthday?"
The blossoming trees outside the window were covered in petals. Ci Ying could smell some of the fragrance. When she looked outside, a young man's voice came from behind her: "Three days."
Ci Ying thought about it and embroidered a bird for Zhu Guang.
Three days was a bit short, so she asked Lingyue to do it with her in her free time.
Lingyue picked up the embroidery thread and watched Ciying stuff the bird's belly with dried herbs and then sew it up. Lingyue said, "Is it for Miss Zhu Guang? This bird looks a lot like the one next to her."
Ci Ying nodded: "Tomorrow is Zhu Guang's birthday, but I don't know if she will come back tomorrow."
Ling Yue's eyes curved. "Miss Zhu Guang will be very happy to see this. Birds like this usually only live for a few years. The one that followed Miss Zhu Guang before must have died."
When Ci Ying heard the word "death", she accidentally lost her mind and the needle pierced her fingertip. The bright red blood dripped down and stained the bird's eyes.
Ci Ying cried out "Ouch" and felt a little regretful, but it was too late to do anything more.
She carefully wiped it with a handkerchief, removing the blood, but a bright red spot was still left on the bird's eye. Ci Ying used needle and thread to repair it, but after tracing it around, she still felt discouraged. How could she use such a thing as a birthday gift? She could only leave it with her for the time being.
After glancing at the bloodshot eyes, Ci Ying sighed, patched up the bird's belly, and placed it on the tray. After sending someone to tell Xie Huaijin about it, Ci Ying took Ling Yue shopping.
Finally, Ciying spent the entire afternoon picking out a set of jewelry to give to Zhu Guang as a birthday gift for tomorrow.
They were all very delicate yet unobtrusive styles, mostly made of gold. Ciying thought that if Zhu Guang encountered any problems during his mission, it would be useful to exchange them for money, so Lingyue also asked her to wear a gold bracelet. There were two of them, and Ciying asked the store owner to pack up the other one and let Lingyue keep it first, and give it to Lingshuang when she returned to Mobei in the future.
Lingyue shook her gold bracelet and bought a thinner one for Xiaowan.
Ciying didn't add anything. She always refused the small bowl of food she sent. Ultimately, it was related to what happened that year.
Ci Ying didn't force them, she just asked Lingyue and Lingshuang to help more, and she would secretly supply them.
Lingyue and Lingshuang also understood this, so they always sent something to Xiaowan every once in a while, mostly children's enlightenment books and toys, occasionally some new clothes, mostly things that Xiaowan needed but were not easy to buy living in the mountains.
The next day.
Ciying waited in the mansion for a whole day, but Zhu Guang did not come back.
She thought it was nothing special and simply put the gift away, planning to give it to Zhu Guang when he returned. With nothing else to do, Ci Ying picked up the bird from yesterday and finished embroidering the unfinished part.
Zhu Guang did not return home until dinner time.
Ci Ying whispered, "Did Zhu Guang forget his birthday?"
People are different. Some people don’t really care much about their birthdays.
Xie Huaijin was unusually silent today, and it was not until Ci Ying asked in a worried voice, "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" that the young man came back to his senses.
He didn't use much of the bowl of porridge, nor did he use much of the vegetables.
Ci Ying put down her chopsticks, frowned and looked at Xie Huaijin, then turned around and prepared to ask Xu Yun to come and take a look.
When Ci Ying walked to the door, the young man spoke. He only said one sentence and Ci Ying was stunned.
Xie Huaijin lowered his eyes and said softly, "Zhu Guang is dead."
For a moment, Ci Ying thought she had misheard. She walked back and asked, "What did you say?"
The young man stood up and hugged Ciying.
This hug made Ci Ying's body tremble. She asked Xie Huaijin in disbelief: "What do you mean by dead..."
These were two simple words, but Ciying didn’t understand.
Xie Huaijin repeated what he had just said and gently stroked Ciying's head.
Ci Ying's eyes turned red in an instant. She wanted to run to Zhu Guang but didn't know where he was. She could only hold Xie Huaijin's hand and walk out: "Where is she? Take me there. You are lying to me, aren't you? You and Zhu Guang are lying to me together."
Ci Ying broke down and burst into tears, choking and saying, "If you tell me now that you are lying, I won't bother with you..."
The only response she got was the young man's silent hug and a long silence.
Xie Huaijin did not lie.
Zhu Guang died.
As the carriage drove out of the city, Ci Ying's eyelids began to twitch more and more. When the carriage stopped, the young man, who had been silent all the way, said softly, "We're here."
Ci Ying didn't dare to lift the curtain, but the coachman outside had already hung it up. When Ci Ying raised her eyes, she saw a familiar place. Ling Yue silently helped her down. Ci Ying stood in front of the cliff, the wind blew her long hair. She squatted down as if she understood something, sobbing silently.
It was the valley where Mo Yu died.
Ci Ying looked at Xie Huaijin, trying to think that Xie Huaijin was lying, but Xie Huaijin took out a suicide note from his arms and gave it to her.
Ci Ying opened it with trembling hands.
On the envelope was written by Zhu Guang - "A letter from Ciying to you personally".
"Ciying, I'm leaving!"
"Ever since I knew you were coming to Chang'an, I've been hesitant about whether to meet you. But I'm afraid you'll see it as soon as we meet. Ciying, you're so smart. Of course, being smart is a good thing. I just don't want you to be sad because of it, even though you might be sad after reading this letter."
"But I want to say, Ciying, thank you for giving me a name. Zhu Yi and Zhu Er must be envious of me. Although it seems that they also have other names, only mine can be used. I have gone off topic, so let's get back to this letter."
"It's a suicide note."
"Goodbye, Ciying. I've done everything I could over the past few years, and you no longer need me. The doctor that Doctor Xu mentioned looks so young, and I don't know how skilled he is. I hope you can recover. If you can't, there's nothing I can do. I've tried my best."
"Finally, I went down to see Mo Yu. He has no reason to scold me."
"I've lived to the same age as him. It's so tiring. Ciying, I can finally be free."
At the end of the letter, Zhu Guang wrote:
"Ciying, don't be sad. Death is the freedom I chose for myself. Don't take it out on the young master. My death has nothing to do with him. He tried his best to stop me. But who am I? Zhu Guangye. Not even Mo Yu can stop me. I'm going to see him. He must be waiting for me at Naihe Bridge. Maybe he'll knock me on the forehead when we meet. But finally, finally, Ciying, I can go see him..."
"Ciying, be happy."
Ci Ying clutched the letter tightly and sobbed silently.
At night, the wind from the cliffs was a little cold, and Ci Ying's voice became as light as a dispersing cloud: "Will we also not be able to find Zhu Guang's body?"
The young man only said, "She said that it would be enough to build a cenotaph for her."
"Next to Mo Yu?"
"Um."
Ci Ying was stunned for a long time: "Did she tell me how to write the inscription?"
"......have."
A few days later, another cenotaph was erected next to Mo Yu's cenotaph.
The stone tablet is densely packed with words.
The first row reads: "Mo Yu's wife."
The second row is: Mo Yu’s followers.”
The third row reads: "Mo Yuzhi thousands and thousands."
The last row is: "Zhu Guang."
When setting up the cenotaph, Ci Ying did not bring the set of jewelry she had chosen for Zhu Guang, but only brought the bird and put it in Zhu Guang's coffin. She only found out two days ago that Zhu Guang's bird had died a few months ago.
The coffin was pushed up, Ci Ying looked at the tombstone blankly, and wanted to cry as she looked at it.
As she cried, she began to wipe her tears.
She knew better than anyone how sad Zhu Guang was after Mo Yu's death.
The bright and lively girl became silent. Mo Yu had tried every possible way to keep Zhu Guang in the world. Zhu Guang silently fulfilled Mo Yu's wish and stayed for several years. During this period, Ci Ying had forgotten how many things Zhu Guang had done.
She choked up and thought about what Zhu Guang was thinking when she was sad and upset and he was comforting her.
Ci Ying squatted down with sobs and began to burn paper money for Zhu Guang.
She had a fever from morning to night, until Xie Huaijin held her hand. She looked at Xie Huaijin with tears in her eyes, and was hugged by the young man. Ci Ying cried in the young man's arms with her body trembling.
It wasn't until she remembered Xie Huaijin's health that she looked up and saw that the young man was already a little exhausted, but he still managed to hold her in his arms. Acupuncture couldn't be interrupted. The young man had just come over because he was doing acupuncture, and he had just finished. Ci Ying didn't know what kind of perseverance the young man had used to insist on standing up and holding her.
She wiped away her tears and supported the man.
The young man was pale, with cold sweat on his forehead, and a strong smell of medicine all over his body.
Ci Ying took one last look at Zhu Guang's grave, then helped Xie Huaijin walk towards the wheelchair, saying with a sob, "Let's go back."
The young man said "hmm" and wiped Ciying's tears when Ciying bowed, but he couldn't wipe them all away. Xie Huaijin only felt that his fingers were soaked by the warm tears, and there was still darkness in front of his eyes. He whispered "I'm sorry".
He couldn't comfort her or even hug her like a normal lover.
Ci Ying heard it, and she understood what Xie Huaijin meant without even asking. She cried and said, "No."
She cried and said, "Xie Huaijin, you are obviously very sad too. You should cry instead of saying sorry."
Xie Huaijin didn't cry, but just held Ci Ying's hand.
It started raining in Chang'an and it rained for several days. Ci Ying was in a bad mood for a long time and kept worrying about Xie Huaijin's health during each acupuncture treatment. She couldn't bear to see anyone leave again.
In the past, Ci Ying only stayed in Xie Huaijin's room when she was getting acupuncture, but now she is with Xie Huaijin almost all the time.
In the silence of Ci Ying, he also silently agreed to what Xie Huaijin had refused before.
Ciying was comforted little by little in this way.
By the time she realized it, she had completely invaded Xie Huaijin's life, thoroughly.
The youth's previous principles were broken one by one, infinitely embracing the sadness and loss that Ciying had not yet gotten over.
One day, Ci Ying whispered "I'm sorry" to Xie Huaijin.
After all, she did not lose her mind, so she apologized after she came to her senses. She explained the reason, but heard the young man's gentle laughter.
"It's okay." The young man said as Ci Ying had said not long ago.
The rain in Chang'an stopped after a few days. When Ci Ying went to see "Zhu Guang" again, she found some mushrooms growing on her grave. She poked it carefully with her hand and looked at the tombstone, her eyes fell on the two words "Zhu Guang" in the fourth row.
Next to it was Mo Yu's grave. In order to prevent Zhu Guang from discovering it, according to Mo Yu's will, there wasn't even a name on the tombstone.
Ciying picked up a branch and carved a mark on the ground.
First row: "Husband of Zhu Guang."
Second row: "Master Zhu Guang."
Third row: "Zhu Guangzhi is numerous and numerous."
Fourth row: "Mo Yu."
After spending another day with Zhu Guang, Ci Ying gently touched the top of the tombstone when she left.
She hopes Zhu Guang gets what he wants.
In the next life, everything you wish for must come true.
......
Xie Huaijin sent the bird named "Happy" back to Ciying's yard. After being trained by Lingyue for a few days, the bird began to call "Happy, Happy" again. Ciying would occasionally glance at the bird when she was reading.
The scenery is similar, but the mood of people is completely different.
Ci Ying got up in the morning, started reading after breakfast, and went to have lunch with Xie Huaijin at noon. In the afternoon, she saw Xie Huaijin for acupuncture. In the evening, after having lunch with Xie Huaijin, she came back to deal with the government affairs in Mobei.
Time passed like this. Occasionally, Ci Ying thought of Zhu Guang, and always felt that the girl who held her waist and carried her to the highest point of the snow-capped mountain was still there. She tried to call Zhu Guang's name, but she no longer saw the person in her memory.
Regret?
Regrettable.
Ci Ying didn't know how long it would take her to let go, or whether she would remain silent about Zhu Guang's death until her death. She had thought about whether she could have stopped Zhu Guang if she had known in advance, but she didn't know for a moment whether that would really be good for Zhu Guang. Should she live in pain or die happily?
Everyone seemed to have a different answer, and Ciying couldn't make a choice because the dust had settled.
But she brought such thoughts to Xie Huaijin. She had no other choice. She wanted him to live, to live for a long time. Even though she couldn't bear to look at his pain every day, she hoped he could survive.
In mid-May, Xie Huaijin had a severe fever.
Xu Yun, who had always been casual, couldn't help but become serious. He let Ci Ying go out for the first time, and he applied acupuncture in the room all night. When he came out, he was exhausted. Later, Ci Ying learned that Xu Yun's hand was almost disabled that night.
But at this moment, Ci Ying only had Xie Huaijin in her eyes. He seemed so peaceful that she always forgot he was still sick. She stayed by his bedside and didn't breathe a sigh of relief until the young man woke up. However, her heart was still raw, and she hugged Xie Huaijin while crying.
"Ciying?" Xie Huaijin's voice was uncertain.
Ci Ying choked up, "You finally woke up."
The young man in his arms was quiet for a long time, his eyes looking at Ci Ying, and his eyes gradually became gentle.
This was a look Ci Ying was extremely familiar with. When she realized something was wrong and looked towards the young man, she saw him open his lips and smile beautifully: "I thought it was a dream."
Ci Ying was about to go out to look for Xu Yun, but was stopped by Xie Huaijin.
The young man said in a weak voice: "Ci Ying."
Ciying turned around, and then heard him say, "I want to see you."
Ci Ying's eyes suddenly turned red. She had been crying and now she couldn't hold it back any longer. If someone had told Ci Ying that one day she would be so tearful, she wouldn't have believed it, but the fact was that she cried again.
She looked at Xie Huaijin crying: "Can you see it?"
The young man kept looking at her tenderly, with eyes full of longing, just like before.
He said, “It seems to be possible.”
After an unexpected high fever, Xie Huaijin regained his eyesight. Although it will take some time to fully recover, it is already a pleasant surprise.
Xu Yun wasn't surprised. He explained to the two, "The blindness was originally caused by those medicines. Young Master stopped taking them after he felt better. Acupuncture has neutralized the effects. Without the pressure, he will naturally be able to see again. It should take some time, probably because of last night's high fever."
Ci Ying tried again to speak into Xie Huaijin's right ear and asked Xie Huaijin what she had said.
The young man looked at her and shook his head softly.
Ci Ying was a little disappointed, but she was lucky to have her eyesight restored, so she was not too sad and repeated what she had just said in Xie Huaijin's left ear.
She said, "Xie Huaijin, Xie Huaijin, Xie Huaijin."
The young man was amused, took the hand of the person in front of him, and said softly, "Yeah."
Ci Ying initially thought that the young man was responding to her "Xie Huaijin, Xie Huaijin, Xie Huaijin". She laughed and went out to find Xu Yun to ask about the details, but when she reached the door, she suddenly heard the young man's gentle words.
"I love you."
Then she knew that the young man had "heard" her.
She didn't turn around, but just laughed out loud, and tears appeared in her eyes for some reason.
She said, "Xie Huaijin, I love you."
He said, "Yeah."
He said, "I love you."
——There is no “也”.
“Hmm” I heard it.
"I love you" is...
I love you.
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