Chapter 29
The first candidate has been drawn; his ID is 【Thirty Minutes of a Real Man】.
The person filming glanced at the stream and realized that this was a viewer who had just entered the live stream and had been watching for less than half an hour, which made the person filming a little suspicious.
At this moment, on the live stream screen, the user 【Thirty Minutes of a Real Man】typed: 【Can the streamer connect with me? It would make communication easier, right?】
That's true...
The photographer asked Xu Gui for his opinion, but since Xu Gui was unaware of the matter, he had no objection.
The person filming thought for a moment and said, "How about we do a live stream together? That would definitely make communication easier."
He did a quick operation, selected to connect with this netizen, and soon after, the netizen's avatar, "[Thirty Minutes of a Real Man]", appeared in the lower right corner of the live stream.
Below the other person's profile picture, accompanied by a flashing megaphone icon, a man's voice rang out in Xu Gui's live stream:
"Hey, can you hear me, host?"
Xu Gui nodded: "I can hear you."
The man laughed heartily and said, "Hahaha, I can't believe my luck! I got it on the first try! From your introduction, you seem to be a celebrity? No wonder you're so beautiful. With your looks, do lots of men like you?"
Upon hearing this, the photographer couldn't help but frown, feeling a subtle unease arising from the other person's tone.
He looked at Xu Gui, who remained calm. As the man asked, "Why aren't you saying anything, anchor?" Xu Gui pulled a QR code from her pocket and held it up to the camera.
"Scan the code to pay first, it's 500 yuan, no credit allowed," she said. "Scan and we'll talk later."
Man: "?" What? Online chat is so expensive?
Xu Gui smiled and said, "This is a fortune-telling live stream. It costs five hundred yuan per fortune-telling session."
The man blurted out, "Are you robbing me?"
Before Xu Gui could even respond to his words, the viewers in the live stream objected, saying things like, "If you're unwilling to spend money and don't want to do the calculations, then give us your spot! We have plenty of people here who want to do the calculations!"
Millions of people, so many fans, and not a single one was selected, but someone who had just entered the live stream was selected. Where can they complain?
One netizen commented: "[Sorry, dear, this has always been our price. If you think it's too expensive, perhaps you should reflect on whether you've worked hard enough all these years.]"
That being said, if someone doesn't want to have their fortune told, why would they participate? The mini-program only tracks people who posted the words "fortune telling" within three minutes. If they don't want to participate, they can simply not post those two words.
The man wanted to say something, but seeing the dissatisfaction in the comments, he swallowed his words. The cameraman then chimed in, "If you don't want this spot, we can draw someone else."
The man, however, suddenly became angry and demanded, "Do you think I'm broke? Let me tell you, don't look down on me. You know, when I treat people to drinks and meals, the cost of drinks alone can easily reach tens of thousands... Just watching live streams, I can easily spend tens of thousands of yuan on people!"
"Five hundred yuan? That's nothing!"
The person following behind twitched slightly at the corner of their mouth: ...Actually, I think you really care about these five hundred yuan.
The man eventually scanned the code to pay, but although he didn't say anything while paying, everyone seemed to be able to feel his heartache, even through the internet.
[They probably don't have the money...]
I bet they don't have the money!
At this moment, the sentiments of the vast majority of netizens in the live stream were directly synchronized.
After the man paid, his attitude towards Xu Gui became less polite, and he asked directly, "Who do you think you are?" His tone was filled with undisguised contempt.
Xu Gui said confidently, "I can calculate anything you want to know, whether it's the past or the future!"
"Oh?" The man's tone suddenly became subtly excited. He asked excitedly, "Then can you figure out how old I am?"
As soon as the man said this, the cameraman, who was also a man, immediately understood what he meant, and his expression turned rather ugly. As for Xu Gui's fans in the live broadcast room, they really went wild.
[You perverted bastard, I'll fuck your dad! What are you barking at me for, you slut?]
【Your dad's dead, and you're dead too, you idiot, Sword Tomb, you f***ing*#*#@@, making lewd jokes in public, have you no shame?】
From the very first moment this person spoke, I felt a subtle unease, a very strong sense of masculinity. And sure enough, my intuition was absolutely right; this man is definitely not a good person.
[Hey, cameraman, kick this guy out! He's insulting our Xiao Gui!]
...
The netizens were all hot-tempered, especially Xu Gui's "mommy fans." Their heads were buzzing, and when they came to their senses, their fierce insults were so intense that they would be blocked by the system screen.
But even so, everyone's anger did not diminish in the slightest, because then they heard the man continue, "What, can't you figure it out? Didn't you say you could figure out everything?"
His excitement was almost overflowing as he said, "Do you want me to tell you how old I am?"
At first, Xu Gui didn't realize what this person meant. After all, for the previous twenty-three years, "Xu Gui" had been in a state of confusion and bewilderment. To put it bluntly, he was "stupid." A fool would naturally not be sensitive to such things.
However, although Xu Gui did not immediately understand the meaning of the other party's words, she immediately sensed the sticky and malicious intent in the other party's words, and it took her about five seconds to understand what the person was talking about.
However, Xu Gui did not show any anger on her face. She simply asked, "Do you really want to calculate this?"
The man was somewhat surprised and dissatisfied with Xu Gui's reaction. He didn't want to see Xu Gui's calm and indifferent demeanor, but rather her humiliated and indignant appearance, her face flushed red.
“I’m sure, I want to calculate this!” he insisted.
"Okay." Xu Gui respected other people's choices. She put away her phone and said, "In that case, I'll help you calculate it..."
She leaned back slightly and said in a declarative tone, "I just checked, and according to research, the length of an Asian man's penis is about seven centimeters. As for you, it's probably a little shorter than three centimeters."
"However, you should know this better than anyone else, after all, you even went to see a doctor about this. I must say, your proactive attitude in seeking medical help is commendable, but unfortunately, the doctor also said that there was nothing they could do about it."
Xu Gui spoke as if he were talking about something trivial, very calmly and indifferently, which made the netizens who were originally feeling ashamed and angry also calm down.
She continued, "Oh, then one day, you find that you even have problems with your penis. To put it simply, you've become impotent and turned into a natural eunuch."
"From that point on, you started to become a pervert."
At this point, Xu Gui's tone finally changed. She clicked her tongue and said, "You've developed a voyeuristic fetish. You've put cameras in women's restrooms and rented out your house, which also has cameras installed, to young girls..."
"You are despicable, you are vile, you are like a dark rat, secretly watching the vibrant youth of girls from the shadows..."
"Shut up!"
"Shut up!"
As early as when Xu Gui mentioned the number "three centimeters", the breathing on the other end of the call became a little heavy. When Xu Gui mentioned his impotence, the other party completely broke down and started shouting for Xu Gui to shut up.
Xu Gui took a sip of water and said, "Don't rush me, I haven't finished yet. Mr. Hong, isn't this what you wanted to know?"
Man: "...Did I tell you my surname is Hong?"
Xu Gui shrugged and said in a relaxed tone, "Didn't I say before that I'm a fortune teller? Of course I can predict anything. I not only know that your surname is Hong, but I also know that you live on Chunhe Road, Sifang Street, B City."
"Am I right, Mr. Hung Hing-wen!"
Xu Gui smiled, his expression seemingly harmless.
"Smack!"
The other end of the live stream went busy, and the next second, a notification popped up in the chat room that "[Thirty Minutes of a Real Man]" had left the live stream.
The person filming snapped out of it and quickly ended the call, saying, "They hung up."
He looked at Xu Gui with a very strange gaze, as if he were looking at a warrior, with a hint of trepidation in his eyes. Looking at the other people in the car, the young policeman was silent, and Hu Tu was as quiet as a chicken. None of the four men in the car dared to speak, and they looked at Xu Gui with a lot of fear in their eyes.
Xu Gui pouted and said, "I already said I wasn't finished, and he just hung up like that..."
She looked up and met the cameraman's somewhat evasive gaze, asking with some confusion, "What's wrong, cameraman?"
The paparazzi chuckled awkwardly, unconsciously squeezing his legs together. He cautiously looked at Xu Gui and asked the question that most men were most concerned about: "...So, how do you know so much about other people's private matters?"
He put it tactfully, and it took Xu Gui a few seconds to understand what he meant.
Xu Gui thought for a moment and said, "To me, fortune telling is as simple as eating and drinking for you. But just as you only think about eating and drinking when you are hungry or thirsty, so too is my fortune telling."
"I only do fortune telling when I need to tell someone's fortune, and that's when I learn some information about that person."
Xu Gui smiled and said, "Let me make it clear first that if it weren't for Mr. Hong's insistence that I do such a private thing for him, I wouldn't like to do such private things."
“You heard it yourselves; he insisted that I do the divination.”
As she spoke, she shook her head and sighed, "It's just that this person's ability to accept things doesn't seem very good. I was just calculating according to what he asked, but he ran away after hearing only half of it."
Xu Gui pursed his lips.
The photographers could only manage a dry laugh upon hearing this, their eyes filled with fear as they looked at Xu Gui. The photographers secretly resolved never to offend Teacher Xu again—offending others might only result in some minor humiliation, but offending Teacher Xu could mean certain death, even if it meant social death.
*
Meanwhile, Xu Gui's live stream was filled with joy.
When Xu Gui first agreed, they felt like the sky was about to fall. However, as Xu Gui uttered each word, the more their defenses crumbled, the more excited they became.
[Haha, this is so satisfying! That pervert finally got away! Let him spout those lewd jokes, let him talk nonsense. Who knew Xu Gui could actually tell fortunes? We almost stripped him naked!]
[Short and emasculated, tsk tsk tsk, no wonder this guy is called "Thirty-Minute Real Man," he really does want what he lacks most!]
Being sick is no excuse for his perverted behavior. Ladies, please be careful when using public restrooms in the future, and check for hidden cameras. Also, girls who rent apartments should be careful, as your landlords may have installed cameras in the rental units.
So, which girl is renting Hong Xingwen's house near Chunhe Road on Sifang Street in City B? Run!
Excuse me, but you really kicked our daughter. You've really messed with her!
Of course, some netizens were excited and praised him, while others felt that Xu Gui's actions were too much. They felt that Hong Xingwen was already so pitiful, but Xu Gui's words just happened to hit his sore spot. They wondered how sad he must have been after hearing those words.
Normal netizens who see this kind of comment: 【Are you okay?】
Some netizens, however, believe that Xu Gui is shameless because she talks about these vulgar things without batting an eye, and her language is particularly harsh, thoroughly criticizing Xu Gui from beginning to end, as if she had done something utterly immoral.
The person following Xu Gui's live stream was paying attention to the comments and saw these people making such strong remarks, so he couldn't help but frown.
After hesitating for a moment, he looked up and asked Xu Gui, "Teacher Xu, don't you feel embarrassed to talk about this kind of topic?" He thought that Xu Gui would give an unexpected answer.
Then he heard Xu Gui say, "The people who brought up this topic didn't feel embarrassed, so why should I feel embarrassed?"
Xu Gui genuinely didn't think it was anything special. Creatures in nature don't understand what shyness is. For them, sex is a common occurrence. Xu Gui had enjoyed living in the sea for a while, and she had seen even more explicit things there.
Moreover, although the black tortoise, as an auspicious beast, is also aware of shame, it is still much more open and frank than humans in many matters.
Xu Gui thought nonchalantly: Anyway, it's just that kind of thing!
Besides, she didn't bring this up first, so why should she be embarrassed?
*
Xu Gui's frank attitude disgusted some people, who called her shameless, but others suddenly came to like her because of it. However, she herself seemed completely unconcerned about what others thought of her.
After taking another sip of water, she asked the cameraman to pick the next person—she's now finding the fun in live-streaming fortune telling.
Because of the first person's actions, the person filming was terrified. Fortunately, the second person he drew was a normal person and didn't cause any more trouble, which relieved him.
By the time the second person finished calculating, Xu Gui and the others had almost arrived at Hu Tu's hometown, a place called Meng County.
When they arrived, it was sunny. Hu Tu led the way, and the group arrived at Hu Tu's village without incident. He then took Xu Gui and the others to his house.
Surprisingly, Hu Tu's mother wasn't home; the house was empty, not even a dog was there.
"Did my mom really go and find someone to perform a ritual for my dad?" Hu Tu felt a bit overwhelmed.
The police officers said, "Let's go to your father's grave first. The officers here should have arrived by now... But why haven't they called yet?"
Based on this timeline, the comrades here should have already dug up Hu Tu's father's grave and seen the person (corpse?) inside. But if things had developed that way, they should have already called to explain the situation.
However, they still haven't received a call from their comrades here.
Police officer: ...Has something gone wrong?
"Hey, Hu Tu! What are you still doing here?" Suddenly, a cry of surprise came from outside the Hu family's door. It was someone from Hu Tu's village. The person saw Hu Tu and called out to him, then said, "Why don't you hurry up and go check on your father's grave on the mountain? A few people came today, pretending to be from the fire department, saying they're here to dig up your father's grave!"
After saying that, the man dropped another bombshell: "Now the whole village is at your dad's grave. We can't let anyone dig it up."
"..." Hu Tu took a breath and asked weakly, "They didn't fight, did they?"
Villager: "It'll be soon, I need to get there quickly too, we can't let our village lose! You hurry up too, don't let your dad's grave really get dug up, otherwise your dad won't rest in peace in the afterlife."
He was carrying a hoe on his shoulder, looking quite energetic, and it was obvious where he was headed.
Hu Tu closed his eyes: he dared not open them, hoping it was just his imagination.
He felt that he was about to become the one who couldn't find peace.
...
Xu Gui and his group hurried up the mountain. When they reached the halfway point where Hu Tu's father's grave was located, they saw two groups of people facing each other. One group was dressed in red firefighter uniforms, while the other group was clearly the villagers from Hu Tu's village, each holding a hoe and rake. The atmosphere on both sides looked very tense.
As Xu Gui and the others ran up, they heard someone in the village shout, "...You still want to fool us? What firefighter would dig up someone's grave? I think you're the grave robbers!"
"I'm telling you, we've already called the police. You'd better get out of here quickly, or you'll end up in jail!"
Upon hearing this, Hu Tu stumbled and fell flat on his back, the loud thud instantly drawing the attention of the two opposing sides.
"Hu Tu!" A surprised voice rang out from the crowd, and then an elderly woman, dressed simply and looking somewhat frail, ran over. She looked at Hu Tu with delight and said, "Why are you back?"
Then, glancing at Hu Tu's posture, she said, "You've only just returned and you're already giving your dad such a big bow. Waaah, if your dad knew this from beyond the grave, he would be so happy."
Hu Tu's face showed a slightly embarrassed expression.
"Confused Brother!"
"Nonsense!"
Most of the villagers who were confronting the firefighters ran over. One of the village elders even glared at them and said, "Hutu, you've come at the right time! There are thieves trying to dig up your father's grave! They're trying to make sure your father doesn't even have peace in his death!"
Hu Tu's mother said, "...I also received a scam call before. The caller pretended to be you and lied to me, saying that he received a call from your dad in the middle of the night and told me that he felt your dad was still alive!"
"Not long after, a group of people came over, saying they received your call to the police and that they were here to dig up your father's grave! The person who made the call was clearly in cahoots with them!"
Mrs. Hu said proudly, "Luckily, although I'm old, I still have sharp ears and eyes, and I'm not so easily fooled. Humph, I watch anti-fraud videos every day, so I won't be so easily fooled!"
Hu Tu forced a smile that looked more like a grimace, and said in despair, "But I really made that phone call, and these firefighters are real firefighters. I specifically invited them to help dig up the grave!"
Hu's mother was stunned, and so were the rest of the villagers.
"Why, why?" someone asked. "Why did you dig up your father's grave?"
Hu Tu: "...Because my dad might not be dead yet! I actually received a call from him in the middle of last night!"
He turned to look at the newly erected grave beside him and murmured, "At this point, my father must be completely dead, right?"
The villagers: "..."
The sky has fallen! Good intentions have led to bad outcomes, and what's more, it was all done by people from the same village.
Hu Tu's Mom: "..."
Good news: My dead husband seems to have come back to life.
Bad news: My husband, who seems to be alive, seems to be dying again soon.
"Husband!" Hu's mother suddenly cried out, and she lay down on the grave and began digging. "Husband, hang in there! I'm digging you out now!"
Hu's mother's loud shout brought the others, who had been stunned, back to their senses.
"Dig! Dig!" the villagers shouted hurriedly, feeling cold sweat dripping down their faces—they hadn't meant well but had done something wrong and really killed Hu Tu's father.
The more they thought about it, the more panicked they became, and the more panicked they became, the more anxious they got: "This deadly hand, dig it out quickly!"
This time, no one stopped the firefighters, and the villagers rushed over to help. With everyone's concerted efforts, the grave, which had only been built yesterday, was quickly dug open, and a black coffin appeared before everyone's eyes.
Upon seeing the coffin, everyone present became somewhat tense.
"Should we open this?"
"Should we open it?"
Firefighters used tools to pry open the coffin, and as the lid was lifted, the person lying inside was immediately revealed to everyone.
The other person was dressed in clean clothes, with a cell phone on their person, their face was pale, but their expression was extremely peaceful.
Hu Tu leaned closer and whispered, "Dad?"
At that moment, the atmosphere was so tense you could hear a pin drop; everyone stared nervously at the person inside the coffin.
One second, two seconds...
The person in the coffin still had their eyes tightly closed.
Hu Tu's tears instantly streamed down his face as he cried, "Dad, why did you die again! Waaah, it's all my fault for being too late, Dad!"
He cried and cried more and more, and he lay down on the coffin. Then, as he cried, his eyes met a pair of open eyes inside the coffin.
Hu Tu: "..."
Hutu: !!
The next second, everyone saw that Hu Tu, who was crying so hard he was about to collapse, actually collapsed, his body went limp, and he fell to the ground.
Everyone was shocked and was about to help him up when a voice came from inside the coffin:
"Huh? It's dawn already?"
Then a figure sat up from the coffin, yawning, and said, "What a good sleep!"
Strangely enough, the rooster next door, which is usually so noisy, didn't crow today, allowing him to get a good night's sleep.
As Hu's father was thinking this, he turned his head and met the subtle, yet somewhat frightened, expressions of the group of people around him.
"?" Mr. Hu looked bewildered. "You guys, are you watching me sleep?"
What's wrong with this?
Others: No, we're just watching a zombie come back to life...
This corpse—no, this person—is actually alive?!
A few seconds later, Mr. Hu, inside the coffin, suddenly cried out, "Waaaaah, where am I?!"
"Damn it, how did I end up in a coffin?"
"Aaaaaah! Am I seeing a ghost? Are you all ghosts? No, no, no, I must be dreaming, it's all a dream, an illusion!!"
Everyone watched as Hu's father jumped around the grave mound in a short period of time, his face turning pale with fright. Then, as he muttered to himself, "I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming," he lay back down in the coffin.
Everyone: "..."
Netizens commented: 【This family really is a family!】
They all possess an abstract beauty.
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